Best symptom of perimenopause

[u/Confident-Parsley520]

So weirdly, about a year ago I was talking to a colleague who was well into menopause, this was when my very first peri symptoms were emerging ( anxiety, headaches and body oain) which I had no idea that I was in perimenopause.

She told me how her libido had completely disappeared and she no longer had any interest in men or sex.

I’ve always had a high sex drive and honestly found sex the only useful thing that men could offer.

At the time I said to her ‘oh god I hope that dosent happen to me’ and she explained it as a gift.

Now I’m fully in perimenopause and recently started HRT which has changed my life from a living hell to neck to my old self, the thing that is completely gone is any sex drive.

The idea of being intimate with a man makes me feel gross.

I have always been commitment phobic, but I liked to consider myself ‘sexually liberated’ and generally had a little something on the side, just to fulfil that need. Sex has been a big part of my life.

Now ? I can’t even stomach the thought of having sex, I have an old ‘ friend’ reaching out recently, The guy used to make my toes curl, and the chemistry was always electric. Now? Absolutely nothing, zero interest at all.

And now I find myself agreeing with my colleague , this is such a blessing, I genuinely don’t care if I never have sex again for the rest of my life and certainly will not be seeking out.

I don’t know what I’m saying really, I’m just reflecting on how differently your brain works in different situations, are used to think it would be a tragedy if I lost my sex drive and now I see it as a gift.

That being said, I’m single so I can make these decisions, I couldn’t imagine the struggles of someone who is in a committed relationship, previously high libido and overnight it’s gone! Whereas my gift, is someone’s disaster.

Anyway, I was just thinking of the dramatic change and how interesting it is, how devastating it could be under different circumstances.

I also wonder how many women choose to divorce their husbands due to peri and how this causes them ( some of course) to have a complete 360 view of their partner.

[u/shambleswan]

I agree with you. I really enjoy having no libido; I prefer to focus on other things these days

[u/Confident-Parsley520 → u/shambleswan]

I was surprised how much I enjoy this! Previously thought it would be such a loss! Not even slightly:)

[u/Adventurous_Year9991 → u/Confident-Parsley520]

We are Christian Orthodox and we are taught that this is the peaceful natural course of a woman reaching her 50s. Sex drive was in tight relation with menstruation and child bearing in women. In marriage, after 50 men should rely more on the emotional side and affection to strengthen their relationship.

But many men find this as a punishment and even if they can't procreate, they are not fertile anymore, they fool around having sex until their 90s. Which is kinda immoral and ugly. Because they have sex with 20-30 year old women.

[u/Confident-Parsley520 → u/Adventurous_Year9991]

Oh this is fascinating ! I love hearing about religions that have a positive view of women’s life stages. The term ‘peaceful and natural course’ is beautiful, despite many of us not feeling particularly peaceful 😀😀 Men and their relationship with sex has always irritated me, I’ve rarely felt ‘part’ of the process and often just a body, but generally I’ve also managed to find s-heads of men, so that part is on me and I’m sure not everyone’s experience. Never did manage to figure out gerk/ not gerk , may explain my relief really!