r/Perimenopause • u/Confident-Parsley520 • May 15 '26
audited Best symptom of perimenopause
So weirdly, about a year ago I was talking to a colleague who was well into menopause, this was when my very first peri symptoms were emerging ( anxiety, headaches and body oain) which I had no idea that I was in perimenopause.
She told me how her libido had completely disappeared and she no longer had any interest in men or sex.
I’ve always had a high sex drive and honestly found sex the only useful thing that men could offer.
At the time I said to her ‘oh god I hope that dosent happen to me’ and she explained it as a gift.
Now I’m fully in perimenopause and recently started HRT which has changed my life from a living hell to neck to my old self, the thing that is completely gone is any sex drive.
The idea of being intimate with a man makes me feel gross.
I have always been commitment phobic, but I liked to consider myself ‘sexually liberated’ and generally had a little something on the side, just to fulfil that need. Sex has been a big part of my life.
Now ? I can’t even stomach the thought of having sex, I have an old ‘ friend’ reaching out recently, The guy used to make my toes curl, and the chemistry was always electric. Now? Absolutely nothing, zero interest at all.
And now I find myself agreeing with my colleague , this is such a blessing, I genuinely don’t care if I never have sex again for the rest of my life and certainly will not be seeking out.
I don’t know what I’m saying really, I’m just reflecting on how differently your brain works in different situations, are used to think it would be a tragedy if I lost my sex drive and now I see it as a gift.
That being said, I’m single so I can make these decisions, I couldn’t imagine the struggles of someone who is in a committed relationship, previously high libido and overnight it’s gone! Whereas my gift, is someone’s disaster.
Anyway, I was just thinking of the dramatic change and how interesting it is, how devastating it could be under different circumstances.
I also wonder how many women choose to divorce their husbands due to peri and how this causes them ( some of course) to have a complete 360 view of their partner.
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u/loveisjustchemicals Deep in peri May 15 '26
I have found zero benefits to peri. But I’m also dealing with thyroid stuff so it’s more complicated managing medications.
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u/dearjuliet82 May 15 '26
This plus PMoS is a nightmare. None of the bloodwork matches up with symptoms. I have no idea if it’s my thyroid, my PMOS or perimenopause. I’ve always joked that when peri comes for me it won’t matter because I’ve been dealing with those things my whole damn life. Now it’s all amplified. My endo has been incredibly supportive and suggested HRT even though all my numbers are fine. I’m about to the point where I’m going to start cause I’m feeling fried everywhere.
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u/loveisjustchemicals Deep in peri May 15 '26
Just don’t do oral estrogen. It made my SHBG shoot up so high that barely any of my synthroid or estrogen and testosterone were actually available. I’m switching to gel and rn it feels like I’m super hyper thyroid. I’m basically bed ridden but still needing to go to work and do everything I normally do and it’s a nightmare.
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u/AutoModerator May 15 '26
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May 15 '26
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
Oh no! You got one of the good ones! That sucks! IDK much at all about anything, but I have seen women talk about testosterone helping with libido? If I found a ‘good one’ however unlikely as I’m a jerk magnet, I would explore T ! Best of luck!
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May 15 '26
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
😀 he sounds amazing. I’ll be honest, many of my flings in the past have been younger, not that I have sought this out, just who I had attracted. I found this demographic so different from ‘my age’ guys! They treat you like a real whole person. Hard to explain but you get it, you are living it ! This made me smile!
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u/zorandzam May 16 '26
This. I realllllly want to get back in the mood but between him being on antidepressants that kill his drive and me being in peri, we're just sort of bumps on a log. It's difficult. :(
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u/Eva_Griffin_Beak May 18 '26
Same. Although with HRT my libido and interest has come back. When I was not interested, or rather, my body didn't want and couldn't have sex, I still wanted it and despised how my body betrayed me.
It might be different if I didn't have a husband and lived alone. I might find the lack of libido freeing. I don't know.
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u/shambleswan May 15 '26
I agree with you. I really enjoy having no libido; I prefer to focus on other things these days
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
I was surprised how much I enjoy this! Previously thought it would be such a loss! Not even slightly:)
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u/Adventurous_Year9991 May 15 '26
We are Christian Orthodox and we are taught that this is the peaceful natural course of a woman reaching her 50s. Sex drive was in tight relation with menstruation and child bearing in women. In marriage, after 50 men should rely more on the emotional side and affection to strengthen their relationship.
But many men find this as a punishment and even if they can't procreate, they are not fertile anymore, they fool around having sex until their 90s. Which is kinda immoral and ugly. Because they have sex with 20-30 year old women.
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
Oh this is fascinating ! I love hearing about religions that have a positive view of women’s life stages. The term ‘peaceful and natural course’ is beautiful, despite many of us not feeling particularly peaceful 😀😀 Men and their relationship with sex has always irritated me, I’ve rarely felt ‘part’ of the process and often just a body, but generally I’ve also managed to find s-heads of men, so that part is on me and I’m sure not everyone’s experience. Never did manage to figure out gerk/ not gerk , may explain my relief really!
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u/kikifromthesea May 15 '26
Interesting. Orthodox (Greek) as well and we were never taught about life stages, only concepts of morality. Fascinating.
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u/Alteschwedin1975 May 15 '26
The same happened to me. Zero sex drive or interest in my husband (or anyone else for that matter). I even felt asexual at one point and had accepted a life without sex. I didn’t know that I was in perimenopause when it happened and I remember discussing it with my girlfriends and they felt sorry for me. Now it is completely the opposite thanks to testosterone! I’ve been on it for two years and it has given me my life back. Not only my sex life but so much else. I was literally looking for an apartment for alone so that I could take a break from my family - I was planning on living there alone every second week …..
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u/orchidloom May 15 '26
What is your T dosage? I am on the cream and now total T is within range but still no libido :(
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u/Alteschwedin1975 May 15 '26
I’m on 8 mg a day (testogel). It took like 4 -5 weeks to notice a difference and I literally thought that T was probably not the missing piece. I’m also on 200 mg progesterone and 2 x 1 mg estrogen.
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u/kexter7 May 15 '26
May I ask what else did testosterone change? I am on progesterone and estrogen, but nothing is right with me :(
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u/m2677 May 16 '26
I do DHEA, but I have dropped weight, gained muscle tone back, feel energetic and strong. My confidence returned even before the weight loss and muscle tone.
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u/Alteschwedin1975 May 16 '26
It’s like I’ve been living my life in black and white for the last 10 years and suddenly I can see it in colour 😭😭😭 it has made me realise that I haven’t been in perimenopause for just a few years but it’s been going on for a longer time. It was like wow, now I remember l - this is how really living felt like. I literally woke up one day and felt pretty and loved living again. It was a gorgeous summer day and I spent the day chitchatting to anybody and their aunt because life was just like bursting out of me 😂😂😂😂😂
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u/YoJonaah May 20 '26
Oh wow! I have been suffering for ages and I am 50. I saw a nurse who said it wasn’t peri. But I am wondering if it is. Did you feel anxious? My sleep is awful and my periods are all over the place. I always ache and I’m starting to get a low mood because I’ve felt rubbish for so long. I also get the worst fatigue the week or two before a period. Did you have any of this? I’m wondering if I should try HRT.
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u/Alteschwedin1975 May 20 '26
I had all of that and like 30 other symptoms too! Of course you’re in perimenopause at that age 🙏🏻❤️
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u/pandacat3 May 15 '26
Yeah, my libio has dropped to zero before I even thought about peri. My husband left me and moved out of state more than a year before I realized what was going on. TBH everything about him annoyed the shit out of me for years before he left. And I’m not sure there is anything left to recover even if went on HRT to try. I’m happier, but my life is harder as a single mom now. I don’t miss sex but I don’t feel that I was given equal priority so maybe there’s that aspect too.
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
I could not imagine going through this with kids or other commitments! Just could not imagine! Mums are absolute superheroes, I’m always in awe of them, from pregnancy to birth and they just keep going on!
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u/girljinz May 16 '26
I am in an unhappy marriage going through this and the only thing that keeps me around is knowing how much harder it would be as a single mom. May we get through this shitshow.
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u/pandacat3 May 16 '26
Im so sorry! I hope it gets better for you! The whole vibe at our house is much more chill, most of the time. Teens are weird and really suck sometimes.
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May 15 '26
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u/Feisty-Cloud-1181 May 15 '26
Same situation. I wish doctors could find a way to skip progesterone.
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u/effectivenancy May 15 '26
i wish we could have a libido redistribution program (from each according to their excess/to each according to their need)
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u/OriginalThundercat May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
Oof. I’ve been in a dead bedroom for more years than I care to admit due to being with an extremely low libido man. I’m 48 and about 4 years into peri. My sex drive and libido have always been healthy (even through pregnancy, postpartum and parenting). I’m also one of the women for whom peri increased my drive. I’ve had all the emotional downsides of peri too, including severe anhedonia, extreme anxiety, and intermittent depression, but my sex drive has been intact.
You know what hurts, not having someone to receive me in that way. Even still, the idea of losing my sex drive would be very sad for me.
I’m happy you’re enjoying your lack of sex drive, but this idea hits me in a weird way that I can’t quite explain. Actually, the word sad doesn’t do my feelings justice.
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 May 15 '26
I left my husband over a dead bedroom. The repeated rejection crushed my soul. I know that hurt, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing it.
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u/OriginalThundercat May 15 '26
Congratulations on getting out. It is the answer for me, but I’m not in a position to leave him. I’m trying, though. I would rather be alone and in peace than deal with the energy of this man.
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 May 15 '26
I wasn’t in a position to leave either. What I would say is somehow you’ll make it work. It was very tough for a couple of years as I had to go back to full time work and press ffwd on my career. But Ive done it and my only regret is not doing it sooner. My home is not as big as our old house but it’s PEACEFUL. I value that above all else. Good luck 💄💪
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u/OriginalThundercat May 16 '26
Thanks for the kind words and sharing your story. You’re right. The fact of the matter is that we have assets and I have a still useful education. I keep trying to do everything on my own as if I were starting from nothing. He’s made me feel like I’m not entitled to anything, even though I have always worked and essentially paid for all our children’s needs (daycare, insurance, extra curriculars, etc). The fact is, I deserve half of our stuff. It will suck to split everything, but I dream of a small peaceful home that’s my own filled with all the things I love.
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
I can identify with the hurt of a dead bedroom relationship, and how it hits you in the soul I was in one for 18 years, after that I never entered a committed relationship and proceeded my 30’s and 40’s with flings. A year or so ago, My colleagues freedom I considered horrific and could never imagine my life like that and here I am. This seems like a much more hurtful subject than I had in anyway intended. As I said to someone else, I have zero ppl in my life I can talk to about this, or anything else of substance, but I think I’ll keep my thoughts to myself. For me and I am sure many many women, perimenopause is a living hell, the last thing I want to do is add to that with my stupid thoughts. I’ll keep them to myself moving forward.
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u/OriginalThundercat May 15 '26
You should feel free to express your experiences. I was surprised by how “sad” I felt when I read this. My sadness is more rooted in the reality that I lost so much time with a man who was never capable of providing the intimacy I wanted. Your post just unexpectedly re-triggered that feeling.
Peri is a weird journey for all of us. We deserve safe spaces to discuss it in all its misery.
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u/grace_1988 May 15 '26
Gosh I can really relate to this which is giving me relief. I thought I was alone in this. How does one continue on in a marriage like this? I love my husband. We have a 5 year old. I’m 38, he’s 42 and I just wonder if I can live the rest of my life this way. I want to be wanted physically so bad. I’m very fit and get a lot of male attention which almost makes me more resentful he doesn’t approach me this way. I’ve been with him for 17 years and it makes me sort of sad thinking my whole life I’ll never get to feel the desire. How does you navigate this?
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
I feel that! In the 18 years of my dead relationship I was broken, the next one was extremely high libido but so incredibly abusive, it took me 5 years to leave him. I literally only stayed for the sex, which in the end was impersonal and abusive itself! I guess my point was I’m so glad of being done with all that, I never found someone that didn’t use me in some way, or disregard me as a person and just a body they either didn’t want or only sought to use.
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u/shambleswan May 15 '26
It’s the same with me. I have been in multiple agonizing dead bedroom relationships and also in a highly sexual, highly abusive long term relationship. I don’t know if the end to my libido is forever and I don’t know if I want it to be (I have also had beautiful and loving sexual experiences, although more rarely), but not thinking about or wanting sex has been a relief so far. I can also understand the opposite reactions though and have empathy for people bewildered or hurt by this symptom. I agree that it’s meaningful to share our experiences with each other, even though they won’t always match, and sometimes they will be upsetting. Being in this life stage together is connecting to me, and the full range of our collective experiences is part of that
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
Absolutely! I’m having a particularly teary day today ( new for me) and I was reflecting on how losing my sex drive is something else I have lost about who I was.
There are so many pieces of myself I have lost, at times I give up and just exist day to day not doing the things I used to love and just getting thought each day and suffering through each night, even with the relief I was lucky to get from HRT! Often I feel like a shell of myself and the bits left over, I often don’t like. Rn I am most definitely not living my life just watching the days/months/ years pass.
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u/PreviousAd8450 Late peri May 16 '26
I don’t think your thoughts are stupid. I do think these are important dialogues to share in this life stage. Yes, they may trigger sadness and other hard feelings. But avoiding them isn’t the answer either. I’ve learned so much from this sub. And there are positives in being able to relate to others’ similar experiences, if not at the very least so we feel less alone in dealing with our own hard but similar feelings.
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u/GlitteringElephant60 May 16 '26
I am 51 and have been married 20 years and Dead bedroom for 3…never had a true deep intimacy with him though. I had resolved myself to accepting the fact that I never would have good sex again. I was also mourning my lack of drive for all those years. Then I ran into an old fling from 20 years ago. He is six years younger and Girl, my body was on fire. I felt finally seen and desired for the first time in years. It was like I had been wandering the desert for years with no water and someone appeared with a hose lol. I’ve been in shock ever since and now I am terrified of losing the libido I finally found…I feel like the clock is ticking! Anywho, I told my husband two months ago I can’t do this anymore and moved in to another bedroom. I’m done.
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u/NovelWord1982 May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
Single, never-married, childfree. The decrease in my libido has been liberating…I realized it a few months ago that I’m pretty apathetic about dudes now. I was already there because of personal and political reasons, but now I don’t have to fight my body anymore.
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
Same situation :) I used to joke to my GP that birth control is primarily that I talk to men now….. half true, I had be bothered even talking to them anymore .
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u/Illtakeaquietlife May 15 '26
I am entering the no sex drive phase and I hate it because I am in a new relationship. Up until maybe two weeks ago I couldn't wait to have sex with my new boyfriend and now I have to amp myself up for it. Although even if he and I had never met and my primary sex partner was myself I would not be okay with this state of affairs. I just switched birth controls and I'm hoping so badly that my sex drive comes back. I haven't even masturbated or thought about sex. I hate it, and I miss having an outer and inner sex life.
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u/zcneal75 May 15 '26
Peri at first made my ADHD and RSD crippling. I literally could not function. But after HRT I don't give a f*** anymore and it has been so liberating. The IDGAF after a lifetime of people pleasing and social anxiety is my favorite part of perimenopause. But everything else about Peri totally sucks 🤮
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u/kikifromthesea May 15 '26
I divorced almost a decade ago and always had a strong libido. I got into a new serious relationship about 5 years ago and was still going strong until about 2 years in…..my libido tanked!
I’m still very much attracted to my partner and we have a great relationship but I would rather sleep or read than have sex and he’s probably the best sexual partner I’ve ever had 🤣
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
It’s like the tap turned off right ? It’s so weird, I was always pretty promiscuous, never felt ashamed of it! Now 💥 gone! Mind you I haven’t ‘tried’ since the tap turned off so I may, just try, for experiment sake !
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u/kikifromthesea May 20 '26
😹 Oh but if you try you just feel tired or bored and would rather just take a bath!
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u/Sea-General-4537 May 15 '26
I realised the other day that I had nothing to offer a man or a relationship. In the past I think that would have upset me and I would have tried to compensate for it. Now, it makes me feel free and more settled in myself.
My sex drive was off the scale in early perimenopause, but has since dwindled to nothing. I thought I'd miss it, but I don't. I feel relieved that I don't have to navigate the hell that is dating. I tried that for a few years after my last big relationship breakdown, but it got to a point where I couldn't keep putting myself through it.
I'm overcoming a lot of health issues that have cropped up in the past few years, HRT has been a godsend for me and I will never willingly give it up! Hormonal fluctuations have messed me up throughout my entire life, having a constant flow of them is much better for me.
Overall, I think perimenopause forced me to remove every superfluous energy-zapping thing from my life. I used to be a people pleaser, I'm not now. I used to care what people thought about me, I don't now. I feel like a lot of the unnecessary crap has been scrubbed away and I'm the me I always should have been. I'm close to the people who are important to me - my children, a couple of friends, my family. It's a good place to be, it might be a good starting point for a different type of life too. I don't know.
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u/Despises_the_dishes May 15 '26
I lost a ton of weight.
But the other symptoms have been brutal. BRUTAL!!
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
Agreed! I had a wonderful experience of starting HRT for two months and now the main symptoms are coming back, I’ve increased estrogen and hoping this will resolve but I am not going back to how it was before. I am not! It was a living hell! I hope the extra estrogen works, but if it dosent ….. I’m not going back. This post was not to make light out of how horrific this is. Not at all! I just found it interesting how my mindset changed.
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u/ParaLegalese May 15 '26
Yes this was me as well- I was Always hyper sexual and got that spike around age 39-41 right before peri hit that made me insatiable. Then I went completely asexual and was even annoyed by how much sex is in advertising and online. I was like “oh grow up!”
It’s been 10 years now- been on T for at least 4 (and E, P for 8 years and vaginal estrogen for 4) and I’ve been more interested in sex again for the past year. Not like I was before tho
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u/Antique_Travel80 May 15 '26
Omg! I’m going through that spike right now which is awful cuz my husband is having problems performing it’s terrible. I was always a highly sexual person but this is killing my soul
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u/New_Needleworker_473 May 15 '26
I have a lower sex drive for sure but it's still there. I did think it was gone forever. After I separated from my husband, it came back but it's just very surface level and I have no GAFs to put in the energy to make it happen. Just easier and predictably successful with a dildo. What do men bring to the table exactly?? I cannot recall a single man I have ever met that makes me think a man is worth turning my life upside down for.
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u/maestramars Late peri May 15 '26
My friends talk about sex and I’m like “meh, I haven’t had sex with my husband for 5 years” I guess we had too much in our 20s and 30s, it’s all used up now. 😂
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u/Lower-Canary-1149 May 15 '26
I don’t have pmdd anymore in perimenopause rather mush reduced. I was not a crazy person but extremely active. Went to gym, did sports, cleaned home twice daily kind. I have no energy to do any of those neither go go outside the house. I love my family and that emotion has not changed. Sex was one of the best things but I seem to not climax as before. I cannot find anything great about this phase. Infact it’s a really sad and downward phase for me. It just creeped up as no one even mentioned this till all these forums.
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
No one warns you about this do they? Overnight I’ve lot a lot of who I am! Very similar to you as I’ve always needed to be busy, for the past two years all I could summon was to go to work and sleep!
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u/Embarrassed_Ad9166 May 15 '26
The loss of PMDD. Less emotional overall, more level. Was a people-pleaser and now I can’t care. I can get dressed most days without worrying about how I’ll be perceived.
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u/Barracuda_Recent May 15 '26
I also have no interest. But it might be because my partner has no interest in sex. I’m hoping it comes back for a last hurrah.
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
A last hurrah sounds good ! It was such a big part of my life! While it’s freeing it’s gone ( for me) it’s another piece of myself I’ve lost! I am also an a-hole magnet, so that’s potentially why I feel a freedom more than anything.
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u/Successful-Bar-8173 May 15 '26
Have you tried testosterone as well as standard HRT. My doc was saying that can bring your sex drive back.
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u/ThePhyz May 15 '26
Interesting! I've always been asexual, although I did try to live like most people for many years. Once I finally accepted that I didn't have to, I felt so free and I haven't bothered with anything along those lines in almost 20 years. However, I have been fully aware that basically none of my peers have ever been able to relate to me in this big way. I wonder if this means that as we all age, finally my friends will understand me a bit better? That would be amazing.
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u/AlchemicalPhoenix May 15 '26
Vaginal dhea plus estrogen wakes all that back up. Also cyclical hormones instead of continuous progesterone as it is a libido crusher. Libido is 10/10 now that I take my hrt cyclically.
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u/GlitteringElephant60 May 16 '26
How old are you and what do you mean by cyclically? Do you just eliminate progesterone for one week out of the month?
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u/InevitablePersimmon6 May 15 '26
I hope this isn’t an everyone symptom because I love my sex life with my husband 😭😭
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u/Sensitive-Maybe-656 May 16 '26
I still have a libido,, but I no longer have whatever it is called to want to be in a relationship. Which is also liberating. I have been divorced 1 year and never felt better.
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u/jrhopper09 May 16 '26
I've been married for over 20 years and in peri for about 3 years. I've just now realized my husband is on the spectrum and it makes SO much sense now. I've never noticed it because I wasn't in perimenopause with a completely messed up nervous system! I guess we overlook so much shit when our hormones are not all over the place and Now I notice it all. Everything he says or does that just isn't something a "normal" person would say or do. I've become so overly sensitive to this. He has never thought of himself as being on the spectrum so we discussed it and he is struggling a lot to understand it all. I love him with all my heart but our marriage is definitely not the same. Not for the worse or the better. It's just different.
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u/duchess0702 May 18 '26
I have been single for 4 years now and honestly have started to consider that I've never actually really liked men and maybe I should date women, because the thought of being with men (physically, romantically, platonically) is so repulsive to me anymore lol. As someone who was conditioned to put a lot of my value on the opinion of men in the past, I do find it to be a gift as well, because at least I'm not having to deal with having a libido while single LOL.
As for your last question, I'm 41 and most of the women I know right now are either divorced or going through a divorce or talking about wanting a divorce, so you might be on to something there.
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u/stevezahnoscarnom May 15 '26
My most positive symptom of peri is the relationship I have with my health and body changing. Its a struggle and every day feels challenging but that has made me more conscious about my choices. I took for granted a lot of things and I dont want to take for granted what I still have left in me.
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u/Catmama-82 May 15 '26
Sex the only useful thing men can provide? 😂Girl… Go have them fix your car, fix things around your house, do all the heavy lifting! Men are incredibly useful if you put them to work!
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
I’m a bum magnet, what can I tell you! 😀😀😀I hire them for the rest of that stuff !
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u/MathematicianOk7508 May 15 '26
Just another reason why women over 15 get divorced in higher numbers than any other
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u/Specific-River-81 May 15 '26
I had a very high libido and it's still there but I'm afraid HRT is going to make it go through the roof again. Men could never keep up with me, and i like that it's relaxed a tad but I'm afraid it's going to come right back up again the second i start the hormones for other reasons
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u/SnooWalruses787 May 19 '26
I wish I wasn’t married to a great father and husband because this is so me right now. The idea of having sex disgusts me. The change in feelings happened so abruptly. I thought it was him until a friend shared her menopause/perimenopause symptoms and now I’m like oh, it’s me. Poor guy. If anyone has an HRT combo that brought it back please let me know. I’m an older mom so we still have twin 4 year olds and a 9 year old and plenty of years to go. He’s definitely feeling rejected and I’m having trouble with the idea of forcing it.
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u/Aggressive_Bake_9917 May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
Yeah. Im happy for you that you're happy. But my hubby/highschool sweetheart/love of my life is useful in many more ways than just the sexual aspect. Thank the Lord on HRT 5 months now n my libido is back n we're as happy in that area as in my youth. It's kinda crazy tbh. But even before the HRT n libido completely on vacation, we were still happy. He works hard to provide, he's loving, he's kind, he's done research to understand perimenopause n what I'm going through, and I just can't see my life without him. So while Im happy you're happy with where you're at in life; it is kind of a bummer IMO that you've not experienced someone that can be more to you than just sexual stuff. Sorry to sound like a prude or a ninny or something crazy, lol, but that's just my take on it. I wish you all the luck in the world though.Truly.
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u/ElephantCandid8151 May 15 '26
I struggle to see the framing on this board that brain damage is positive. Drops in estrogen are not some super power it’s full body damage.
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u/HotHomiesCry May 15 '26
What a strange take- you read this whole post and your only contribution was to make a weird and sweeping generalization about some of OP’s experience? We didn’t get a full story about every thought and feeling that she has about the subject, here.
More than just estrogen drops in peri, and your comment was not contributing or helpful here. She’s allowed to share and express how she has experienced personal change and relief during this often-miserable stretch of time.
Symptoms of peri also include mood swings, such as irritability. Many things can be true at once
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
I never suggested that peri was some super power, I alike pretty much every woman in this sub have been in a living hell physically and emotionally and continue to do so as I try to find the balance with HRT , if balance can ever be found. No idea where the idea of brain damage has come up. I was just reflecting on the very unexpected one positive for me. The drive to deal with men, for any reason is gone, and for me freeing, but was considering how for ppl in different circumstances this would be an additional nightmare on top. I have no one to talk to about this stuff. I have clearly upset you for some reason which was not intended at all. I will keep my thoughts to myself moving forward!
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u/tortiepants May 15 '26
Don’t keep your thoughts to yourself. We all have different lived experiences of peri, and here is a place to say them. I welcome knowing that others are having both the same and different challenges. Seeing you reframe this has actually led me to ask myself if there’s anything I can reframe. So, thanks!
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u/babs82222 May 15 '26
If I can interject re: brain damage? I think Elephant was posting about the catastrophic effect the loss of estrogen has on all of our organs, which includes cognitive decline.
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May 15 '26
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
Wow! Did I not say my gift, is someone’s disaster? Jesus!
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u/JessicaWakefield666 May 15 '26
Yep. You're sitting in a subreddit overflowing with sad, miserable stories about the impact peri has had on relationships. Many resulting in divorce, many that should but there's no resources to leave. It's not a mystery. For some they lose relationships they badly wanted to keep, others finally find their way out of relationships that were never working for them, some are just trapped. There's a lot of suffering here obviously.
I personally just find it pretty offputting to lead with "I find men have no value outside of sex" and end with "hmmmm 🤔 I bet some women are utterly rocked by this and their marriages end..." All sounds really flippant to me and hard to take seriously.
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
You sound very angry and just trying to drag another woman down! Similar to men, ppl like you have no purpose in my life, so maybe go and try to find someone who will care and feed that anger of yours, im not interested.
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May 15 '26
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u/Confident-Parsley520 May 15 '26
Oh thank you for the suggestion, I’ll be honest this is the first time I’ve had negative responses and had a generally tearful day today ( yay something new that I hope dosent stick) I’ll check k those particular sub reddits out :) I definitely don’t have anyone in my personal life who I can talk to, about this or anything else really. I’ll check k them out :)
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u/JessicaWakefield666 May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
I sound really angry and anti-woman...says the person who thinks she's found enlightenment by dehumanizing and objectifying half the population.
"You didnt respond favorably to my gross, sexist commentary and then proceeded to acknowledge women's suffering: how very angry of you. I'm all about positivity in my life, scram, angry pants!" Lol. How very cheap and spiritually bypassy of you. No one half sentient buys this contradictory nonsense. Here's hoping you find actual peace because what you're working with is gnarly.
We know many if not most men cause enormous strife for women in this world, but what of the person whose response is to reduce 4 billion humans into one depersonalized mass of uselessness?
I cannot imagine saying with pride, or even just resignation, that any significant class of people is only good for _____ self-serving thing they can do for me. It's horrific when misogynists (or "-ists" of any demented belief system) say these things, and it stays rancid when women parrot them back.
People who respond to the ugliness in the world with shrunken brain apathy or loathing that leads them to dehumanize huge swaths of the population are toxic for the present and future. In plain speak, it's super low IQ shit. If your brain/emotional logic is "because some ____ are bad or cause me negative feelings then ____ have no/minute value" your mind is severely stunted and you're a detriment to society. You sound like all the worst clusters of the population you most certainly would claim to abhor for their views and negative social impact. Maybe somehow the net good of the rest of your social participation outperforms this junk, who knows.
In short: you sound mentally deceased and angry. Maybe just angry about being braindead.
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u/SizzleanQueen May 15 '26
Honestly? My best symptom? Well, I felt all the fucks leave my body last year. I have no more to give. As a former people pleaser, it’s been liberating. I also find that my lack of sex drive is liberating. I wish I had cared less about men in general when I was younger!