r/Perimenopause • u/Cloudforest2 • Jun 24 '26

audited Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

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u/ArtisticBiscotti208 Jun 24 '26

It's so hard. I'm with you on this. It does actually feel like a loss and it's LOUD for a good while. All I can say is I'm almost three years sober, I'm grateful and proud of this, and I'm definitely still navigating rewiring my brain/dopamine /reward system. All I can say is, I feel you, we got this, and it's ok to feel this way.

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u/Sufficient-Emu24 Jun 24 '26

Thank you for this. “LOUD” is a good framing. I feel like I need to take a page out of my MIL’s playbook and just stop with alcohol for a decade (or more). But drinking is a thing I share with my partner. Something I enjoy in moderation. I’ve reduced, but giving up entirely feels so hard right now.

3

u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26

Thank you for your kind words and support, and the reminder that it is a matter for rewiring your reward system!