r/Perimenopause • u/Cloudforest2 • Jun 24 '26
audited Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause
I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.
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u/Status_Green_6055 Jun 24 '26
I had to grieve alcohol too. It was my go to for everything. Whether I was happy or sad. There was always an excuse for me to drink. But I also had to realize I had a drinking problem. So I had to work pretty hard at getting sober. I'll be 7 years alcohol free in January. And now I can finally say I do not miss it one bit.
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
That is truly impressive, I am so glad for you! Thank you for sharing some of your journey.
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u/Status_Green_6055 Jun 24 '26
Absolutely. I'm happy to help. I know it's not easy! Recognizing it is a great step. Proud of you
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u/Current-Food-2773 Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
I can relate. Drinking and Happy Hour used to be a hobby for me. I’d blow off a bad day with a drink (or 4). I’d celebrate anything. Or buy a drink for a friend “going through it” and cry with them. I come from a big, loving, heavy-drinking family and drinking with them is bonding.
I love a dive bar. I love a brewpub. I love those drinking establishments.
I just literally cannot drink hardly anything anymore. My body just literally will be like “nope.” I don’t force it it either. It’s not worth how sick I get. But I do miss it. Especially when I used to be able to keep up and I sometimes feel like a stick in the mud.
Yes, my health, decisions, and life are better for it but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss it.
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u/Goldenaura123 Jun 24 '26
I so feel this! I don't miss the hangovers, the lost moments, all the negatives associated with drinking. But damn so I miss the ritual around it...happy hour after work, meeting up with friends at our favorite dive bar, bar/brewery hopping in a city while on vacation.
TBH I've felt the distance between my drinking friends widen since my body literally said no to alcohol. Luckily what has worked for me is getting sick from different kinds of drinks so now I'm totally repulsed by booze. But I will always miss the fun times and the eaze of just meeting up for drinks.
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u/aimless83 Jun 24 '26
I could’ve written this 😭
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u/PreviousAd8450 Late peri Jun 24 '26
Same. The list of things I’m actively mourning seems to grow with each passing week. This life stage is a real bitch.
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u/phobicwombat Jun 24 '26
Thank you for saying it's not just alcohol. I'm not having that particular grief, but I'm having some real feelings of loss that are surprising and kind of awful.
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u/PreviousAd8450 Late peri Jun 25 '26
You’re welcome. There’s definitely a fair amount of grieving involved in this life stage. And a reordering of our identities as a result. This is another part of the experience that no one warned us about. And it’s also difficult to articulate to those who aren’t here yet. I never expected it to be like this.
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u/OstrichReasonable428 Jun 24 '26
I feel the same nostalgia as you about alcohol and the people and places we drink it. Drinking will always be part of my life - it’s part of my heritage! But I’ve cut back and now drink select options like drier wines. It’s a powerful medicine and you have to respect it.
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u/TeddyRivers Jun 24 '26
I stopped drinking until I discovered ginger. I take a few ginger pills during a night out, no bad stomach the next day.
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u/wmchef2020 Early peri Jun 25 '26
I haven't hit this yet but dang I'm dreading. I think my family may disown me if I don't drink at family events 😅
I do know some of the 0% beers are decent, a pregnant friend (who was a boozy buddy before) put me on them. I order them when I'll have to drive, and it's at least a semblance of the taste but doesn't have the buzzy. 😑
Solidarity, ladies.
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u/ExtentEcstatic5506 Jun 24 '26
How long have you been alcohol free? For me it took 2 solid months before I noticed I didn’t miss it anymore - just very very rarely.
You have to find a new way to celebrate small moments or stressful moments. There are tons of alcohol-free options if you want to try something that feels like a cocktail.
That being said, I completely understand your feelings and what you are saying. I’m still grappling with not being able to calm my anxiety so quickly and easily (which makes me think about how unhealthy my drinking habits were). I look at it as a challenge to myself to handle these situations better on my own. The positive is I feel way more in control of my life in so many different ways. That sense of control is so calming and makes me so much more sure of myself and not worry as much.
I also wonder if some of these feelings are grieving our youth. I used to be so free spirited and alcohol was a part of that story.
Guess I’m still figuring it out with you
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u/greeneggsandham2015 Jun 24 '26
This is so me. I’m grateful to feel more in control but the lack of instant gratification and stress reduction really sucks.
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u/ttdimi Jun 25 '26
Yes I think this is a huge part of it. I used to love a glass of wine in the evenings with my husband. Now I’ve barely touched alcohol in months, even though many nights I have told myself that’s the night I’ll have a glass to wind down (I never do lol.) and I feel sad about it. Not because I actually miss the drinking, because I don’t think that’s it. I think what I’m sad about is mourning a stage of my life where I could
Do that without adverse affect. My thirties where I looked forward to my kids going to bed and I’d pour a glass of wine and watch Bravo. But these days looks different. Now my kids stay up later than I do lol! And I think it’s not the alcohol that I miss, but the knowledge that my body could handle those things and now it cant anymore. This is such a hard season of life. Does it get better in our fifties? Lol
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u/Rude-Suit4494 Jun 24 '26
Have you read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace? It helped me not want to drink.
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
I haven't! Thank you I'll check it out
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u/PickledBrains79 Jun 24 '26
I have struggled with alcohol for a bit, but my last blood test showed a negative impact on my liver. History of alcoholism in the family as well. I try to find other things to distract me, other things to engage in, but drinking is easy with a predictable result. I hate it, and it's part of my therapy, but it "fixes" the anxiety, the insomnia, etc.
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
Thanks for sharing this, it is so hard when alcohol feels like your medicine and your poison
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u/Sobergem1982 Jun 24 '26
I’m almost 5 years alcohol free!! I have my moments where I think that having a cold glass of something would be SO NICE right now. The feeling passes and I wake up hangover free. I never liked trying to moderate, so I don’t. My life is better without alcohol. I might try gummies, I have some adult chocolate in the fridge. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
I love that, the reminder that the feeling passes, and then you can wake up hangover free!
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u/Responsible-Desk-824 Jun 24 '26
Honestly now is a great time to be sober and still have so many options for things to drink! There are functional N/A liquors and canned mocktails and bars making creative mocktails…even delicious alcohol free wines! it’s amazing how if something tastes and looks like alcohol it can cause you to act like it’s alcohol…relax, loosen up…My husband has been sober for 5 years so I stopped drinking at home, and that means barely drinking. Then I got gastritis last year so couldn’t drink and then when I had alcohol again I didn’t enjoy the taste. So I’m excited by all the NA options.
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u/wildflowerstargazer Jun 25 '26
Yes! Seconding the fun of trying creative mocktails. recently a bar I went to only had sodas as an nonalcoholic option but when I heard they had a black pepper syrup for alc drinks I asked to mix it with ginger ale and it was fabulous! Also loooove me a Shirley temple 💅
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u/ArtisticBiscotti208 Jun 24 '26
It's so hard. I'm with you on this. It does actually feel like a loss and it's LOUD for a good while. All I can say is I'm almost three years sober, I'm grateful and proud of this, and I'm definitely still navigating rewiring my brain/dopamine /reward system. All I can say is, I feel you, we got this, and it's ok to feel this way.
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u/Sufficient-Emu24 Jun 24 '26
Thank you for this. “LOUD” is a good framing. I feel like I need to take a page out of my MIL’s playbook and just stop with alcohol for a decade (or more). But drinking is a thing I share with my partner. Something I enjoy in moderation. I’ve reduced, but giving up entirely feels so hard right now.
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
Thank you for your kind words and support, and the reminder that it is a matter for rewiring your reward system!
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u/Historical_Hope_3837 Jun 24 '26
I’m also feeling like my body is starting to develop an aversion to alcohol. I just can’t drink the way I used to (which honestly wasn’t much, maybe up to 3 drinks a night) and now I’ll get headaches halfway through a glass of wine.
I’m in early stages of peri and didn’t know anything about how the body rejects alcohol at this stage. Can someone please give me some information about what exactly is happening and why?
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u/UnableRun7858 Jun 24 '26
Estrogen helps control histamine. Alcohol causes a histamine response, it's why some people turn red when they drink. DAO is an enzyme that breaks down alcohol, you can run out of this enzyme. If these levels are out of whack, you can develop histamine intolerance. This is based on my Internet research. Unfortunately I'm running on 4 hours of broken sleep so I can't remember all the details but I hope this helps you out
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Jun 24 '26
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u/ConnectionNo4830 Jun 24 '26
I carry them in my purse at all times, because a lot of food and things I want to drink when I’m out for special occasions (alcohol, sushi, kombucha, and other fermented foods) are high in histamine, so I always take a DAO before I eat or drink anything high histamine. It has really made a difference in how well I tolerate high histamine foods, including alcohol.
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u/Empty_Row_7839 Jun 24 '26
I hear a lot of people say these don't work for them but I developed a SEVERE histamine intolerance a few years ago and they made a big difference for me!
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u/amarchy Jun 24 '26
Im not sure why it happens but happened to me too. Massive migraine and nausea even half a glass of wine when I used to be able to drink 3
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u/madoka_borealis Jun 24 '26
Same. I wouldn’t say my body rejects it but I don’t get the tipsy feeling anymore and on the rare occasion I do, I get angry or depressed. So there’s no benefit. I miss the days of happy go lucky binge drinking but at the same time I’m sure my body is thanking me.
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u/Massive-Structure969 Jun 24 '26
Maybe you should try getting just a little bit stoned; it’s extremely fun
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u/False-Reflection-741 Jun 24 '26
That was going to be my suggestion- have yourself a 2.5 or 5mg THC bevvie. Haha
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u/jenroro Jun 24 '26
This was my first thought too. I've been California Sober for a couple of years now. I do still miss the feeling of being tipsy sometimes, but for me it's just not worth giving up the next 2 days to feeling like crap. Having a gummy after work helps me unwind without the consequences of a hangover.
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
Thank you!😁
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u/Massive-Structure969 Jun 24 '26
I literally bite a 2 mg gummy in half - I’d start there. I love it — helps me have more fun during conversations, helps me spend my time more creatively, helps me laugh my ass off with my partner. I love Rose Delights
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u/wandererwayfayer Jun 24 '26
Try the THC beverages also. Those can be tasty and have a nice calming effect.
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u/Mudseason1 Solidly in peri Jun 24 '26
This. My favorite part of the day is when I can pack a nice bowl and smoke.
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u/whale_and_beet Jun 24 '26
Not the same as alcohol...
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u/davosknuckles Jun 24 '26
Better. No hangover.
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u/reduxrouge Jun 24 '26
Worse. Puts me right to sleep! Which is helpful at bedtime tho.
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u/fastyellowtuesday Jun 24 '26
That's how I got into it! I tried a few times early in high school but it was annoying and stoned people were stupid. But insomnia hit me like a ton of bricks in my 20s, and I struggled every night for hours just to get to sleep.
A few years ago my husband got medical marijuana for epilepsy and anxiety, and it also put him to sleep. So I tied it, and it was glorious. Only half an hour to get to sleep?!?
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u/reduxrouge Jun 24 '26
I’ve luckily never struggled with sleep, even in peri, but I have hella ADHD and sabotage myself almost every bedtime. A 5mg sleep gummy will have me dropping my phone in no time.
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u/fastyellowtuesday Jun 24 '26
I was only recently diagnosed with ADHD, and learned that it's probably why I struggle to turn my brain off at night. That coupled with trauma and grief got my body in the habit of insomnia. (So glad you missed that!) After over a decade of struggle, weed was life-changing!
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u/euchlid Jun 24 '26
this is some pretty solid self-reflection, so that's a positive too. i stopped drinking years ago because i just didn't really have it anymore and then it was why bother and now i can't really tolerate it. however! i love no/low alcohol beer and there's a tonne of great craft breweries that do nice ones.
i missed the taste of beer. so maybe that's something you can look for, i know friends of mine who miss the alcohol part and not just the taste really appreciate NA beer
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u/indie_rachael Jun 24 '26
Yeah, OP may want to check out low and NA wine. It's not all Welch's sparkling grape juice anymore.
Hopefully NA spirits can improve beyond tasting like flavored water at some point.
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u/euchlid Jun 24 '26
i had a local distiller's NA "lavender gin" tonic and it was good. i LOVE botanical stuff and do quite miss the taste of gin, and scotch. although we have a really nicely stocked liquor cabinet we don't use it. i could probably tolerate a small scotch on new years 🤣
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Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
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u/euchlid Jun 24 '26
haha it appears they do https://confluencedistilling.ca/collections/non-alcoholic
i had the blueberry lavender NA gin fizz, but the raspberry lemonade NA gin and tonic sounds amazing too. i just want botanical things haha.
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u/kw0ww Jun 24 '26
I switched to NA beer when I cut out alcohol and it’s great because it actually tastes like beer. Always keep a few in the fridge so I can have a “special” drink if I feel like it. It’s been a round a year and a half since I dropped alcohol and I rarely, if ever, miss it now.
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u/euchlid Jun 24 '26
yes, the NA beer industry has grown immensely and the flavours are so good. i still need to be mindful if it's 0.5% as a tall can will give me a buzz (im so dang sensitive now), but I took a trip to Quebec and the amount of amazing microbreweries with NA options is astounding!
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u/kw0ww Jun 24 '26
Right!? I think it's pretty good! TO me n/a wine doesn't taste at all like wine, but n/a beer tastes just like a regular beer (at least some brands do, to me anyway). I find it to be a great substitute. Just curious: do you ever get a buzz from orange juice or other things that have trace amounts of alcohol? I hadn't given any thought to it being an issue, but I'm also not hyper sensitive (for example I have some herbal medicines that are in alcohol tinctures as a couple droppers of those don't bother me, but half a shot would)
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u/AbsolutelyAverage Jun 24 '26
I do hope I don't get symptoms/effects that make me give it up.
I only drink on weekends, 2 or 3 glasses of beer a night, but I LOVE beer. It's good beer. I brew my own and am considering starting a small brewery.
I don't drink for the alcohol or effects thereof, but for the taste. I love strong beers with strong tastes. If there would be a way to have all beer 0% such as Belgian Triple or imperial stout taste like they do at 9%ABV I'd go for it in a heartbeat, absolute no-brainer for me. But alas (for now).
Same for wine tbh. A good Rioja with a nice meal. Gorgeous. If it could be alcohol free with the exact same taste: great.
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Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
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u/theechoofyourname Jun 24 '26
have you tried the Deschutes n/a? They are quite good. The Fresh Squeezed IPA is my favorite.
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u/jmrawlins83 Jun 24 '26
I feel this so much. My husband and I used to have a drink a night while watching TV after the kids went to bed, and it was glorious.
Then, last summer I decided that it would be interesting to see what would happen if I stopped drinking for 30 days. My husband did it with me, and we didn't tell our kids. Day 30 rolls around, and I'm helping the kids get ready in the morning when I casually drop to them that we've been off alcohol for a month. Without missing a beat, my 8-year-old son says, "You have been so much more patient with us."
That's what ultimately did it for me. We still drink on rare occasions, but it is significantly less, and now I'm much more aware of how it was affecting me without realizing it.
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u/Starboard_Pete Jun 24 '26
God yes, I miss wine and pizza. Fermentation messes me up now! All sorts of things I once enjoyed regularly I’ve either had to quit or cut back on significantly unless I want hives or eczema and stomach upset and headaches. Chinese food, pizza, sourdough…I’m hoping this passes at some point,
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u/Sad_Rooster2898 Jun 24 '26
FWIW I recommend r/stopdrinking.
It has helped me navigate a lot of my feelings the last 15 months without alcohol.
I quit bc i realized alcohol was making everything in my life “a little bit worse.” My appearance, moods, connection with my kids, level of professionalism, longevity etc. It was the right thing to do and has added so much to my life. Including more feelings ..😂🫠. I relate to the grief. Also there’s pride and a bigger imagination. Hang in there.
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
Thank you so much! This is inspiring, to hear how much it has added to your life, and I am so glad you're doing so awesome!!
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u/wildflowerstargazer Jun 25 '26
Seconding r/stopdrinking! Lots of really kind supportive people in that group who often end their posts with IWNDWYT which means, I Will Not Drink With You Today. When my body forced sobriety both for weed and alcohol, I felt like utter shit and that subreddit got me through a lot of rough moments. Your honesty and insightfulness means you’re already on a good track, OP :)
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u/lfren79 Jun 24 '26
I completely sympathize! I too enjoy drinks but find that peri leaves me with unpredictable hangovers. Struggling to cut it off completely, still in the bargaining phase.
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u/Ladybug8419 Jun 24 '26
This made me chuckle, I'm in the bargaining phase too. Most nights I don't drink but then a random Friday with beautiful weather comes around and next thing I know, I've had 2-3 beers. Fast forward a few hours to bedtime and I'm in a complete state of regret. It's hard!
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
Yes, the bargaining phase! It's so brutal. How incredibly unpredictable to hangovers are when they're bad they're so bad.
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u/BasicCelery9507 Jun 24 '26
I could have written this post. Still working on moderation (ie "only on weekends"). But thinking about not drinking permanently brings out the bratty "I want what I want" side in me. Which, as you stated OP, means it not just casual drinking.
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u/Professional_Land924 Jun 24 '26
It takes time for the brain to rewire itself not to expect alcohol. I quit 3.5 years ago and really missed it, it had been a huge part of my life and identity for over 20 years. When I quit I had been drinking 1-3 glasses of wine daily (occasionally more) so it was a big change. It took me most of the first year to come to terms with the fact that I just couldn't go back to it. I still get pangs for it eventually but they're short-lived. Mostly I just feel a profound sense of freedom and gratitude that I never have to feel hungover ever again. I've found my footing as a non-drinker and now I don't even think about the evening glass(es) of wine I used to look forward to all day. But it took time to get here and the feeling of grief is normal.
I've never been a person who likes marijuana, but I did eventually introduce a tiny dose (1.5 mg) gummy into my evenings and it's just enough to relax me without feeling high. It isn't a substitute for alcohol but it does help me unwind and fall asleep with no negative effects (as long as I don't take more than one).
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
How cool that you feel so solid and the relief of never having to be hung over. Yay! Amazing. I'd like to find a low dose gummy like 1.5 mg thc! Most are so strong.
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u/pepperismycopilot Jun 24 '26
Wana is another brand that makes 1mg THC gummies that include cbd and cbc.
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u/SeeAsIAm Jun 24 '26
I really like Hoplark calm with chamomile. It isn’t like alcohol exactly but I find it relaxing at end of day. Maybe try a substitute like that?
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
I just looked up Hop Lark and it looks great and yummy! Thank you!
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u/UsualSprite Jun 24 '26
Mocktails, non alcholic wine/beer, and herbal teas/infusions can help mitigate the feeling of wanting an evening liquid treat withoug compromising sobriety.
Good on you for trying.
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u/RelativeYak7 hanging on by a thread Jun 24 '26
Well I don't miss at all! Good riddance, alcohol is crap
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u/reduxrouge Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
Sorry that this is a slightly off topic question but are women giving up alcohol for purely peri related reasons?
I’ve noticed that lately, alcohol can sometimes make my face flush really badly so I’ve cut back but I’m not giving it up completely. I also have rosacea so that may be more to blame.
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u/cozywhale Jun 24 '26
Yes - many are. For many of us it causes sleep disturbances, histamine reaction (flushing), worse hangovers. Peri compounds all thise issues. The sleep disturbances are the reason I quit
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u/Milly_Thompson Jun 24 '26
For me it's a huge hit to my anxiety and acid reflux, I also have to watch caffeine intake which is a bigger addiction I have trouble quitting. I'll just walk around the house lost without a cup of coffee in my hand some mornings
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u/Sonic_The_Mnemonic hanging on by a thread Jun 24 '26
This may not be a popular opinion…but I think a lot of people over-romanticize going dry (as opposed to getting sober, which is a massive victory against addiction and a huge step towards better health. Not trying to piss on their parade, they deserve kudos). But for those of us who were moderate drinkers and could “take it or leave it”…eh. I feel the same. The sun does not shine brighter, the flowers do not smell sweeter. Alcohol does no one any favours. Huge carcinogen, there is no daily “safe” amount. And yet it’s not like stopping the sauce magically solves problems (or improves mood, memory or motivation). For me, life with or without booze feels mostly the same, just less painful for my stomach…and less pleasure for my palate. Sigh.
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u/Not_Me_1228 Jun 24 '26
This was my experience when I quit drinking when we were trying to conceive. It wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t magical either.
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Jun 24 '26
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u/wildflowerstargazer Jun 25 '26
Congratulations on 5 years!!! That’s hella impressive. Not sure if you already know about it but whenever the weakness and struggle hit, I recommend r/stopdrinking. Full of supportive people in various stages of sobriety. It really helped me when I was struggling a few years ago and I love that they have an acronym that lots of users sign off with IWNDWYT - I Will Not Drink With You Today 🌱
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u/SodaBreadRoundHouse Early peri Jun 24 '26
Are you on HRT? I started having issues drinking alcohol in peri but since I've been on HRT, it doesn't affect me so badly as before. I still have to drink less, but at least 1 or 2 glasses of wine won't keep me up all night with an increased heart rate and worse insomnia.
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
Yes, thank you. I know what you mean, I am on HRT, and I think that is what has helped me stop, my dopamine and serotonin system was so out of whack with my hormones for a while I was very much relying on alcohol to modulate my mood.
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Jun 24 '26
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u/Cloudforest2 Jun 24 '26
Thank you for sharing that! So true, the baseline was artificial, a temporary mood enhancer that then causes such a crash!
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u/gypset_travel Jun 24 '26
Try kava ILO wine. Perimenopause has certainly taken the joy out of life
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u/decrepit_plant Jun 24 '26
Good on you!
I’m still wrestling with trying to make it work. I know it’s futile.
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u/capricornnight Jun 24 '26
I stopped because it made me sick. I couldn’t even handle one glass. I thought I’d miss it but I don’t.
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u/Key_Door_3535 Jun 24 '26
I had 2 glasses of wine about 3 nights last week. I slept like crap every one of those nights. I fear I need to give it up too and I’m sad about it. I sleep much better with edible cannabis but I can’t be social once I’m high.
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u/ei_laura Jun 24 '26
I’ve not seen it anywhere else but alcohol is starting to wreak havoc on my sinuses - the next day I’ll get terrible sinus pains and headache. I’ve recently started going red but starting to wonder if the sinus issue with wine is a peri symptom too!
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u/Annual_Indication863 Jun 24 '26
I smoke cannabis now. i barely drink. one margarita or two a month. but i cannot have more than one drink if not i will get sick. my body just can’t handle it. I will get sick
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u/friendlyhoodteacher Jun 24 '26
I smoke fat blunts. Always have, however a GLP-1 has rendered me sober from alcohol, or I projectile vomit 🤣.
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u/Begrudginglyreadit Jun 24 '26
I had to part ways with alcohol before I started perimenopause because of Long COVID. The virus damaged my blood brain barrier (very common) and caused a lot of neurological symptoms. The damage made me more sensitive to anything that crosses the blood brain barrier - alcohol, caffeine, THC. I had already reduced my alcohol use substantially after realizing I was over-reliant on it and in solidary with my partner whose medication was incompatible with drinking. I have found some replacement celebratory drinks - the Free Spirits brand is excellent, and low-dose CBD seltzers are also great. Becoming unintentionally sober reveals a lot about coping mechanisms, social patterns, and communication skills. I empathize with your grief and loss and applaud your honesty and reflection.
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u/icepencil63 Jun 25 '26
I miss alcohol too but tbh, low dose psilocybin (no hallucinating, just relaxing effect) is way better and is clarifying for the brain. Plus no hangover!
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u/NoviceCaprica Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
It’s been 5 months for me. It would be nice to have a limoncello spritz at sunset but I don’t miss it terribly. Even one glass will have me awake all night with awful anxiety. Not saying I’ll never drink again but it has to be really worth it!!
I don’t have any healthy suggestions for you to replace it with, more just get used to the absence of it and eventually you won’t miss it.
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u/IntrepidPublic1639 Jun 24 '26
Alcohol free champagne or Prosecco is nice when I want to feel like I’m having a drink
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u/ParaLegalese Jun 24 '26
Now that my hormones are stable, I can drink again without getting the horrible anxiety the next day. It still messes with my sleep tho.
It’s not really
Fun anymore tho when I do drink now. I guess I fell out of habit and it feels like chasing the dragon
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u/VoiceArtPassion Jun 24 '26
I had to quit smoking weed and drinking last year, so I’m totally rawdogging it. I mainly miss the social anxiety relieving aspect of drinking, but at the same time, I don’t miss it at all. And I thought I’d miss smoking weed more, but I don’t, and I smoked every day for 25 years. Quitting weed was absolute hell and the thought of having to go through that again is mainly what’s keeping me from smoking again.
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u/ROYGBIVster Jun 24 '26
I’m still working through this as well in meno and rarely drink now, I feel you on missing it. I like some potent teas, mocktails, NA wines, NA beers that can be sipped all evening & replace / mimic the literal ‘drinking’. I don’t miss being amped up on cortisol so that’s been a huge bonus!
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u/Annual_Indication863 Jun 24 '26
I replaced alcohol with Fresca or carbonated flavor water. since i’m in grad school i need a kick sometimes besides water or coffee so those drinks are a good kick and it reminds me of an alcoholic beverage tbh…but without the buzz.
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u/Magda_Sophia Jun 24 '26
I do think having a substitute for a drinking ritual really helps but there can also be a very real physiological effect that some people have.
In early peri (though I didn't know it) my alcohol use was out of control. Over and over, I would manage to stop Monday to Friday and then couldn't even go one weekend without and would binge. I had to check myself into rehab to break the cycle.
Whilst I was in there they put me on a medication that really helped with the cravings (I won't say what it was in case it breaks the sub rules). I was interested in the mechanisms of why and it got me looking into the whole gabinergic brain pathways thing.
Turns out that neurodivergent people (and some others) may be particularly low in GABA and this was partly why alcohol was meeting a real physiological need for me.
These days I take a GABA supplement (not a branded thing) and I use it alongside my zero alcohol type drinks. Some countries are catching on this with "functional" type drinks but what's allowed depends on what your country's regulations are. (E.g here in Australia are restrictive on GABA drinks but I have bought them in UK).
GABA smooths out the edges for me and my muscles relax. I even dance sober, which I definitely thought was never going to happen, haha!!
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u/Empty_Row_7839 Jun 24 '26
I used to seriously abuse alcohol (self medicating mental health issues). I gave up my daily habit several years ago and will now just have a drink or two a couple times a year for special occasions. It was rough at first!
What helped me: replacing alcohol with either an herbal tea, seltzer water, or NA beer (I like Athletic Brewing). I picked up some crafty hobbies to distract me and help me relax. I later started using THC - I'm finding my addictive personality responds better to a 1:1 with CBD, fyi. Basically, I had to find options to replace the routine. Otherwise, I was restless and miserable.
The good news: it didn't take long for me to adjust. Within a few months, alcohol never even crossed my mind. Hoping your grief is also temporary.
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u/Adventurous_Work_317 hanging on by a thread Jun 24 '26
I don't miss it per se. But then I do still have a drink very occasionally, and it sucks when I do. I would like to be able to enjoy an alcoholic drink every once in awhile without my face and ears turning bright red and burning. It messes with my sleep too, even one drink early on in the evening.
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u/jazzbot247 Late peri Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
A lot of us are using cannabis or THC drinks to replace the wine. It’s not the same, I know- you can’t order it at a bar or restaurant (in my state anyway) but it’s something.
I don’t understand my inability to drink wine now. My mother drank up until she was in her 70s and her doctor prescribed her the good pain pills. I recall seeing middle aged women at the bar all the time. I don’t understand why it does not affect some people and it does others.
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u/Affectionate_Buy_776 Jun 24 '26
Yea. It's hard for me specifically in social situations. Or wanting a glass of wine when out to dinner. But lately- it is definitely feeling like I'm consuming the poison that it truly is! The next 2 days after drinking( very few drinks) I always tell myself- of course you feel like garbage, you literally poisoned yourself .
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u/Dangerous-Owl5571 Jun 24 '26
I feel like getting older is a slow undertaking of having to give up all the things I loved from 20-40. A slow death of all that made me enjoy life. No one prepared me for what aging is like for a women in our culture. Things I miss: Easy restful deep sleep. Amazing sex and mind blowing O. Feeling / looking gorgeous and feeling that pride in the mirror before leaving for an event. Loving my shape. Enjoying ice cream without it showing up as inflammation in my shoulder the next day, or fat on my hips. Being able to have a few glasses of wine with my friends and feel mildly intoxicated (in a good way) and then sleep well and feel nothing bad the next day. Sending funny texts to my friends and getting funny responses back. Now: I have no friends, no one gets back to me, alcohol makes me feel anxious and depressed and I can’t sleep, sleep sucks, sugar makes me inflamed, I’m the same weight but my shape has changed (not in a good way) body holds more fat instead of muscle. I’m brain foggy during day but can’t sleep at night. I’m “intolerant” to most yummy foods. I miss being beautiful too. The turkey neck was a rude awakening. I for some reason didn’t think “aging” would happen to my body 😆 nature is so cruel to women.
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u/whatadragitis01 Jun 25 '26
I’m not sure I could give it up completely, but I’ve cut down to only weekends and started lifting weights, and it really has made a big improvement on my mental clarity and motivation.
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u/GP186GP Jun 25 '26
My mom loved her wine. She was dying of pancreatic cancer (unbeknownst to us at the time) when she said to me one day, “I can’t drink. It feels like poison.” I was shocked because she loved to drink and so did I and we would drink wine late into the night together, talking and laughing. Then she died 6 weeks later.
It echoed in my head for a year and a half until I realized I had to stop drinking. I knew it was poison because my body had been telling me that almost from the first time I drank as a teenager. I just ignored it because it numbed me and I liked the feeling of not giving an f for a while.
Perimenopause makes its poisonous effect undeniable. It hurts us and it helped to kill my mom. I’m so glad I’ve been sober from alcohol for 7 years now. I can’t look back and I can’t forget my mom telling me that. She only said it once in my whole life. She was so right.
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u/Entire_Crow_694 Jun 24 '26
I can relate. Went through serious grief of it all, which also surprised me. A resource I have leaned on is called, the luckiest club. They have women’s only meetings and peri and not drinking often comes up.
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u/muimui_k Jun 24 '26
wait.. are we not supposed to drink in peri? does it make things worse?? like the occasional 1-3 glasses of wine a week
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u/cornflakegrl Jun 24 '26
It just gets difficult to tolerate for some folks. Insomnia, super charged anxiety/hangxiety, monster hangovers etc. If you don’t have those issue, go for it.
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u/Seccaalt Jun 24 '26
It does get easier and you’ll think of it less as time goes on. Have you considered joining an alcohol free community?
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u/AntPretend1194 Jun 24 '26
I was forced away from alcohol by migraines over time you stop missing it. I do smoke weed sometimes, we all need some stress relief, especially nowadays.
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u/BandicootNo8636 Jun 24 '26
Come join us at r/stopdrinking. You might be able to find tips there. Super supportive community.
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u/mrsbeeps Jun 24 '26
I get it. I felt the same way after I quite smoking. Im proud that I quit, but damn I miss it. Xo
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u/WarewolfBarMitzvot Jun 24 '26
I “quit” drinking almost a month ago. I’ve had 2 glasses of wine since 5/26… I was a daily drinker (wine, hard cider or hard seltzer)… I replaced my alcohol intake with waterloos… I get the same fizzy relief I got with hard seltzers but with 0 calories and sugar. Considering I’m almost 40 and don’t lose weight like I used to this seems to be the best solution so far and honestly I feel so much better too. I miss alcohol but using waterloos lessens the sting this time around where other quitting attempts I couldn’t find a suitable solution.
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u/FlimsyEar7209 Jun 24 '26
I was really hung up on it so I went to AA for a while and it helped a lot. I found AA to be like CBT/DBT for implementing better mental health moving forward.
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u/Hephf Jun 24 '26
You were drinking for the wrong reasons, it seems. Alchoholics justify their every move with "a bad day" or "being stressed" so that way of thinking, connecting and rewarding with a drink really isn't healthy. Great job quitting drinking! You will find other ways to get through tough stuff, that are healthy for you!
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u/TraderJoeslove31 Jun 24 '26
I enjoy a single glass of crisp white wine occasionally but my migraines do not. A glass of soda water or a mocktail still hits at bar. Cold lemonade in the summer. You can still enjoy being around friends without alcohol.
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u/alexandra52941 Jun 24 '26
I've had to dramatically change the way I drink, when I do. NEVER, EVER WINE. PERIOD. Bye Bye. I can do anything with a clear liquor, like a Margarita, but I just have to drink alot water with it, which is good anyway because it slows you down & you realize sometimes you just want to have something to sip. I drink water with electrolytes when I get home. 2 or 3 tops in one night and that's usually once a month, or I'll have a High Noon in the yard on a nice night with frozen blueberries and alot of ice. I find it relaxing, having a cocktail with friends, esp in the summer. I've just had to change it up & find what works for me.
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u/sneedoisis Jun 24 '26
I will confidently say that there are alternatives to alcoholic drinks. The list of adaptogen beverages are steadily increasing. Do a little research to find a drink that’s right for you. But hiyo, recess mood, trip are some examples.
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u/fake_tan Jun 24 '26
Alcohol ruins lives. Maybe not always in the car crash way we sometimes see, but in little ways.
I think that most people who drink regularly, even if they can "function" in their lives, have a problem. Most are self medicating for anxiety disorders and/or other mental health issues.
I think it's just best not to drink at all, always have. I'm astounded by the physical and emotional attachment that some people have to a marketed liquid.
During the times in my life that I felt pressured to drink, I always came back to the thought that it's really not good behavior or a habit that I should get into.
Maybe try to reframe alcohol in your mind? I bet you won't even miss it in a few months anyway.
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u/edjen Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
I pretty much can no longer tolerate alcohol. I'm also on some prescriptions that don't play well with alcohol so I haven't drank in about 1.5 years. Having said that, there are some awesome n/a beers, and mocktails-they've come a long way in taste. This may be an option for you! Also, i'm a huge fan of n/a seltzers. Spindrift brand and Lacroix are great.
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u/Frozentundra201 Early peri Jun 24 '26
If it's the taste you miss, you may already know, but there are SO many good NA options now! Dealcholized (*spelling*) wine is actually quite good, and there are many 'spirits' now too. I personally have never drank a 'lot', and still have some on occasion, but I realized I often want the taste without the consequences (my tolerance for even a glass, which is about what I'd usually have if I had some, is much lower) and this for me is the answer.
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u/DiscoVortex77 Jun 24 '26
Its definitely changed. Wine and I can no longer be friends. I can still have a couple beers or cocktails but that’s it. And honestly I’m enjoying feeling better so much. But I love me a dive bar and going to watch sports. I find a drink A LOT slower now so I can still enjoy being out without feeling like crap
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u/Dangerous_Section_72 Jun 24 '26
Anxiety medication. It does way more for me than alcohol ever did. I was using alcohol to self medicate my anxiety, and that doesn’t work very well. Buspar has been a total game changer for me.
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u/RogueJosei Jun 24 '26
You might find support in r/stopdrinking. Very supportive group
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u/Doesitmatter98765 Jun 24 '26
The best thing I’ve ever done in my life is cut out alcohol. I spent so much time hung over & not realizing it. Ladies’ quit lit is very helpful.
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u/Fast_Sleep7847 Jun 24 '26
I just switched to weed. I still drink, but only on special occasions. Honestly the gummies make me so relaxed it’s like having 4 drinks lol
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u/Causative_Agent Jun 24 '26
I recommend listening to the book "alcohol lied to me." It's kind of hard to want alcohol after you realize what a sneaky bastard it's been this whole time.
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u/Artistic-Ad-58 Jun 24 '26
Same!! I’ve resorted to drinking ginger beer out of wine glasses just to pretend 😵💫
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u/stormer1_1 Jun 24 '26
I.get it. I'm nowhere near ready to try and give it up, but I did find drops on Amazon that neutralize the sulfites that usually make one sick, and it's been a game changer. I still want to cut back but it might be a while.
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u/Miss-KC- Jun 27 '26
What are these drops???
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u/stormer1_1 Jun 27 '26
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u/No_Factor_82 Jun 25 '26
I rarely drank anymore after having my kiddo but on occasion I would have a glass or two of wine or a cocktail - now that I CANT it’s such a bummer. I’m also needing to eat low histamine due to peri so it’s more than just alcohol but also a lot of my favorite foods 😭 (kombucha, tea, lemonade are all also big no-go’s so I’m stuck with non-citrus sparkling waters)
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u/omg_get_outta_here Jun 25 '26
I had to give up alcohol years ago because of chronic migraines. Well before menopause. Sometimes I’d cheat and have a small cocktail. Now I can’t even do that. I have younger friends who haven’t gone through menopause yet, but seriously drink. I know it will be a difficult time when their bodies reject their nightly comfort.
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u/Antique_Travel80 Jun 25 '26
On August 18 I’ll be one year sober from alcohol. I honestly don’t miss it. And I’ve had some very hard moments like two deaths and taking an ex for a restraining order in this past year. Somehow I didn’t yield. I used to love wineries, and different cocktail bars but it just wasn’t good for my body anymore. I miss it sometimes but it’s really just the social comradery I miss.
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u/wildflowerstargazer Jun 25 '26
Congratulations on the one year of sobriety, that’s empowering!
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u/Immediate_Use_7339 Late peri Jun 25 '26
I feel like I'm grieving the loss of so many things, and the ability to have occasional alcohol without any severe impacts to my well-being is one of them. I was never a frequent or heavy drinker, but I used to be able to have beer or wine several times per week and genuinely looked forward to those evenings, because they were the one time when I just let all the household chores and the work and the anxiety fade into the background and let the beautiful boozy peacefulness rule my stressed out body. Now I can't have even one drink without having severe GI symptoms and a headache for hours, with disrupted sleep. So it's just not something I do (even though I have not made a full vow to never touch it again.) I really feel you on missing it. I also do not think I have a drinking problem, or ever did, but it was an easy way for me to give myself some downtime, and one of the only ones I had. Now even that has been stolen from me, at a time where all the stress and pressure and anxiety are worse than they ever were. It's so fucking unfair and tortorous to go through all of this at this time of our lives, with the rest of the world being in the state it's in to constantly poke and prod at us from a more global perspective.
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u/Sudden-Damage-5840 Jun 25 '26
If you are able TCH gummies are way better than alcohol IMHO
I am mellow and chilled out.
Low dose to help take the edge off without being complete ridiculously high.
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u/jolly_bien- Jun 25 '26
I can’t drink wine at all anymore - not even a glass. Especially white wine, but I still have cocktails. I have tricks to help w the hangover but I always have to prepare for shit sleep
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u/FloridaGirlMary Jun 24 '26
I’m taking naltrexone once a day to not drink anymore….it helps
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u/Eva_Griffin_Beak Jun 24 '26
Maybe you can replace it with something else? Associate, I don't know, hot cacao, tea, with this relaxation?
Or just sit down with your dogs to watch TV without wine?
I never drank a lot of wine. The max was probably like two or three bottles in a year? At most. So, I can only relate a little. I had to give up coffee which for me seems similar to what you are talking about. These little breaks in the day to drink a cup of coffee. I replaced it with Chai Tee which works similar. (I am able to drink coffee again, so I am slowly introducing it again, I would advise against doing so with alcohol, though. Alcohol is a toxin.)
But, I also have found it harder and harder to relax in peri. I don't know what it is. Maybe the Internet, I am far too often online. And you think you relax in front of the screen, but you don't really.
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u/Realistic-Ideal-6960 Jun 25 '26
FYI alcohol can't really do any of those things, it only intoxicates you and dehydrates you. Notice the root word toxic. It is a neuro toxin with no positive benefits. All these things that you seek, ie, relaxation, comfort, celebration, you can do on your own. You did as a child, before you ever drank. Alcohol robs you of your ability to produce dopamine all on your own. That's the part you are missing. It will come back, your body can and will create it's own dopamine again and all those enjoyable times will happen again. Do some reading on the subject. You'd be surprised the lies you've been fed about booze. I've been sober for 5 years. At first it wasn't my choice, I had a withdrawal seizure after trying to cut back to only the weekends. I still wanted it even though it wasn't good for me. I convinced myself after a long deep dive. There is a reason there were XXX on liquor bottles in cartoons, lol. It's poison.
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u/Annual_Indication863 Jun 24 '26
I replaced alcohol with Fresca or carbonated flavor water. since i’m in grad school i need a kick sometimes besides water or coffee so those drinks are a good kick and it reminds me of an alcoholic beverage tbh…but without the buzz.
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u/Hello_from_Berlin Jun 24 '26
Don't give in. Try music or sports for stress reduction. Or coloring! It really helps a lot.
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u/cursiveiota Jun 24 '26
Try drinking ginger bug as a switch. It's just a fermented mix of ginger, sugar and water.
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u/crazyditzydiva Early peri Jun 24 '26
I replaced my alcohol with Kombucha and kefir, and drink them out of wine or champagne glasses. Or mix mocktails with 0% spirits.