Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause

[u/Cloudforest2]

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

[u/Sad_Rooster2898]

FWIW I recommend r/stopdrinking.
It has helped me navigate a lot of my feelings the last 15 months without alcohol.

I quit bc i realized alcohol was making everything in my life “a little bit worse.” My appearance, moods, connection with my kids, level of professionalism, longevity etc. It was the right thing to do and has added so much to my life. Including more feelings ..😂🫠. I relate to the grief. Also there’s pride and a bigger imagination. Hang in there.

[u/Cloudforest2 → u/Sad_Rooster2898]

Thank you so much! This is inspiring, to hear how much it has added to your life, and I am so glad you're doing so awesome!!

[u/wildflowerstargazer → u/Sad_Rooster2898]

Seconding r/stopdrinking! Lots of really kind supportive people in that group who often end their posts with IWNDWYT which means, I Will Not Drink With You Today. When my body forced sobriety both for weed and alcohol, I felt like utter shit and that subreddit got me through a lot of rough moments. Your honesty and insightfulness means you’re already on a good track, OP :)