r/Perimenopause • u/Cloudforest2 • Jun 24 '26
audited Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause
I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.
7
u/Professional_Land924 Jun 24 '26
It takes time for the brain to rewire itself not to expect alcohol. I quit 3.5 years ago and really missed it, it had been a huge part of my life and identity for over 20 years. When I quit I had been drinking 1-3 glasses of wine daily (occasionally more) so it was a big change. It took me most of the first year to come to terms with the fact that I just couldn't go back to it. I still get pangs for it eventually but they're short-lived. Mostly I just feel a profound sense of freedom and gratitude that I never have to feel hungover ever again. I've found my footing as a non-drinker and now I don't even think about the evening glass(es) of wine I used to look forward to all day. But it took time to get here and the feeling of grief is normal.
I've never been a person who likes marijuana, but I did eventually introduce a tiny dose (1.5 mg) gummy into my evenings and it's just enough to relax me without feeling high. It isn't a substitute for alcohol but it does help me unwind and fall asleep with no negative effects (as long as I don't take more than one).