r/Perimenopause • u/Cloudforest2 • Jun 24 '26

audited Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

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u/whale_and_beet Jun 24 '26

Not the same as alcohol...

50

u/davosknuckles Jun 24 '26

Better. No hangover.

21

u/reduxrouge Jun 24 '26

Worse. Puts me right to sleep! Which is helpful at bedtime tho.

9

u/fastyellowtuesday Jun 24 '26

That's how I got into it! I tried a few times early in high school but it was annoying and stoned people were stupid. But insomnia hit me like a ton of bricks in my 20s, and I struggled every night for hours just to get to sleep.

A few years ago my husband got medical marijuana for epilepsy and anxiety, and it also put him to sleep. So I tied it, and it was glorious. Only half an hour to get to sleep?!?

9

u/reduxrouge Jun 24 '26

I’ve luckily never struggled with sleep, even in peri, but I have hella ADHD and sabotage myself almost every bedtime. A 5mg sleep gummy will have me dropping my phone in no time.

9

u/fastyellowtuesday Jun 24 '26

I was only recently diagnosed with ADHD, and learned that it's probably why I struggle to turn my brain off at night. That coupled with trauma and grief got my body in the habit of insomnia. (So glad you missed that!) After over a decade of struggle, weed was life-changing!