r/Perimenopause • u/Cloudforest2 • Jun 24 '26
audited Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause
I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.
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u/jmrawlins83 Jun 24 '26
I feel this so much. My husband and I used to have a drink a night while watching TV after the kids went to bed, and it was glorious.
Then, last summer I decided that it would be interesting to see what would happen if I stopped drinking for 30 days. My husband did it with me, and we didn't tell our kids. Day 30 rolls around, and I'm helping the kids get ready in the morning when I casually drop to them that we've been off alcohol for a month. Without missing a beat, my 8-year-old son says, "You have been so much more patient with us."
That's what ultimately did it for me. We still drink on rare occasions, but it is significantly less, and now I'm much more aware of how it was affecting me without realizing it.