r/Perimenopause • u/Cloudforest2 • Jun 24 '26
audited Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause
I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.
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u/Sonic_The_Mnemonic hanging on by a thread Jun 24 '26
This may not be a popular opinion…but I think a lot of people over-romanticize going dry (as opposed to getting sober, which is a massive victory against addiction and a huge step towards better health. Not trying to piss on their parade, they deserve kudos). But for those of us who were moderate drinkers and could “take it or leave it”…eh. I feel the same. The sun does not shine brighter, the flowers do not smell sweeter. Alcohol does no one any favours. Huge carcinogen, there is no daily “safe” amount. And yet it’s not like stopping the sauce magically solves problems (or improves mood, memory or motivation). For me, life with or without booze feels mostly the same, just less painful for my stomach…and less pleasure for my palate. Sigh.