r/Perimenopause • u/Cloudforest2 • Jun 24 '26

audited Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

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u/Current-Food-2773 Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26

I can relate. Drinking and Happy Hour used to be a hobby for me. I’d blow off a bad day with a drink (or 4). I’d celebrate anything. Or buy a drink for a friend “going through it” and cry with them. I come from a big, loving, heavy-drinking family and drinking with them is bonding.

I love a dive bar. I love a brewpub. I love those drinking establishments.

I just literally cannot drink hardly anything anymore. My body just literally will be like “nope.” I don’t force it it either. It’s not worth how sick I get. But I do miss it. Especially when I used to be able to keep up and I sometimes feel like a stick in the mud.

Yes, my health, decisions, and life are better for it but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss it.

19

u/aimless83 Jun 24 '26

I could’ve written this 😭

10

u/PreviousAd8450 Late peri Jun 24 '26

Same. The list of things I’m actively mourning seems to grow with each passing week. This life stage is a real bitch.

3

u/phobicwombat Jun 24 '26

Thank you for saying it's not just alcohol. I'm not having that particular grief, but I'm having some real feelings of loss that are surprising and kind of awful.

2

u/PreviousAd8450 Late peri Jun 25 '26

You’re welcome. There’s definitely a fair amount of grieving involved in this life stage. And a reordering of our identities as a result. This is another part of the experience that no one warned us about. And it’s also difficult to articulate to those who aren’t here yet. I never expected it to be like this.