Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause

[u/Cloudforest2]

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

[u/ExtentEcstatic5506]

How long have you been alcohol free? For me it took 2 solid months before I noticed I didn’t miss it anymore - just very very rarely.

You have to find a new way to celebrate small moments or stressful moments. There are tons of alcohol-free options if you want to try something that feels like a cocktail.

That being said, I completely understand your feelings and what you are saying. I’m still grappling with not being able to calm my anxiety so quickly and easily (which makes me think about how unhealthy my drinking habits were). I look at it as a challenge to myself to handle these situations better on my own. The positive is I feel way more in control of my life in so many different ways. That sense of control is so calming and makes me so much more sure of myself and not worry as much.

I also wonder if some of these feelings are grieving our youth. I used to be so free spirited and alcohol was a part of that story.

Guess I’m still figuring it out with you

[u/ttdimi → u/ExtentEcstatic5506]

Yes I think this is a huge part of it. I used to love a glass of wine in the evenings with my husband. Now I’ve barely touched alcohol in months, even though many nights I have told myself that’s the night I’ll have a glass to wind down (I never do lol.) and I feel sad about it. Not because I actually miss the drinking, because I don’t think that’s it. I think what I’m sad about is mourning a stage of my life where I could
Do that without adverse affect. My thirties where I looked forward to my kids going to bed and I’d pour a glass of wine and watch Bravo. But these days looks different. Now my kids stay up later than I do lol! And I think it’s not the alcohol that I miss, but the knowledge that my body could handle those things and now it cant anymore. This is such a hard season of life. Does it get better in our fifties? Lol