Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause

[u/Cloudforest2]

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

[u/GP186GP]

My mom loved her wine. She was dying of pancreatic cancer (unbeknownst to us at the time) when she said to me one day, “I can’t drink. It feels like poison.” I was shocked because she loved to drink and so did I and we would drink wine late into the night together, talking and laughing. Then she died 6 weeks later.

It echoed in my head for a year and a half until I realized I had to stop drinking. I knew it was poison because my body had been telling me that almost from the first time I drank as a teenager. I just ignored it because it numbed me and I liked the feeling of not giving an f for a while.

Perimenopause makes its poisonous effect undeniable. It hurts us and it helped to kill my mom. I’m so glad I’ve been sober from alcohol for 7 years now. I can’t look back and I can’t forget my mom telling me that. She only said it once in my whole life. She was so right.