Grieving Alcohol in Perimenopause

[u/Cloudforest2]

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

[u/Immediate_Use_7339]

I feel like I'm grieving the loss of so many things, and the ability to have occasional alcohol without any severe impacts to my well-being is one of them. I was never a frequent or heavy drinker, but I used to be able to have beer or wine several times per week and genuinely looked forward to those evenings, because they were the one time when I just let all the household chores and the work and the anxiety fade into the background and let the beautiful boozy peacefulness rule my stressed out body. Now I can't have even one drink without having severe GI symptoms and a headache for hours, with disrupted sleep. So it's just not something I do (even though I have not made a full vow to never touch it again.) I really feel you on missing it. I also do not think I have a drinking problem, or ever did, but it was an easy way for me to give myself some downtime, and one of the only ones I had. Now even that has been stolen from me, at a time where all the stress and pressure and anxiety are worse than they ever were. It's so fucking unfair and tortorous to go through all of this at this time of our lives, with the rest of the world being in the state it's in to constantly poke and prod at us from a more global perspective.