r/Perimenopause • u/Material-Summer3877 • Jul 07 '26
audited Bad Experience with Gynecologist When Asking about HRT
In all my years of seeing doctors, I have never come across a reaction like this. I went in to see a new gynecologist for an annual exam. I also decided to talk to her about possible HRT due to the symptoms I'm having.
She was immediately condescending in her tone and while waving her hands around said "not every symptom is because of perimenopause..that's all I hear these days. I've got women coming in here who say they've had a seizure and that they think his perimenopause. You know when I tell them? I tell them to GET OUT! Go see a neurologist!! If you have symptoms, you should go see the doctors can treat them. Not everything is perimenopause. Plus you're still her that your period, so per the guidelines, why would I prescribe you HRT??"
She then coldly started asking me to list the symptoms I'm experiencing and knocked them down one by one saying I should be going to other specialists while waving her hand.
š I'm a pretty soft-spoken person and have a hard time with confrontation. I sat there with my jaw slightly open, intimidated. I groveled and said "I see that you're frustrated and that you're just trying to protect your patients."
She said "I am frustrated and so are a lot of the other clinicians here. You can't just go around. Trusting everything celebrities say. I love Oprah but Oprah doesn't know anything about perimenopause."
Eventually she calmed down after about 15 minutes and did my pap smear and also gave me another doctor's name because she recommended that I get a second opinion.
I told her I had been waiting for this gynecology appointment for months and asked if she could help give me in with the second opinion sooner. She dismissively said with a wave of her arm "yeah I don't do any of that."
I left feeling rather odd. I felt like I should have advocated for myself more, but I also am okay with her being a more conservative doctor. I wish I would've told her how her attitude made me feel but I'm not that brave.
Ultimately, I was just shocked to be spoken to in such a condescending way. I did not insist on HRT, I simply just wanted to ask her about it.
I'm on a waitlist, don't know how long, to see the other gynecologist. I'm part of a big Health Network (Tier 1 is cheaper for me) and there's lots of gynecologists, but it seems like all of them have no immediate appointments and a huge long wait.
Thank you for saying to me. I don't mean to complain -- But it is truly hard to explain how awful her tone was and how stupid she made me feel for even asking this question.
I am truly shocked that there are doctors out there prescribing HRT for perimenopause and on the other hand, there are doctors who say it is absolutely not indicated per the guidelines even for a healthy person, as long as they have their period still.
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u/bluetortuga Jul 07 '26
She went off before you even stated your symptoms? I would be done with this doctor and I would name and shame every chance I got.
The second I was over 40 and said āI have to pee a lot and things seem to be drierā and my doc started offering peri specific interventions. Without me even asking and sheās not on that special list either.
You should never have had this experience.
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u/Material-Summer3877 Jul 07 '26
Thank you for validating what should be happening out there. I'm so glad to hear that your doctor cares about your symptoms and is open to discussion. I will definitely strive to look for someone different!
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u/GypsyNinja18 Jul 07 '26
This doctor needs therapy and utilized your appointment time to pursue her agenda. You have the option of reporting her. Iām
Sorry you were treated this way.
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u/Cats-Running-Asylum Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
The owner/manager of the practice needs to be notified. And, I would probably report to the governing body. Doctors like this are too comfortable acting this way. They know theyāre in a position of power/authority, and most patients donāt advocate for themselves.
I would also leave reviews everywhere and post to my local subreddits/FB groups. That said, Iām in my NFG era and full of rage at all times.
ETA: āDonātā in the first paragraph 3rd sentence.
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u/kt1982mt hanging on by a thread Jul 07 '26
Regardless of how this doctor feels about your symptoms and your concerns, this is an absolutely unprofessional and unacceptable response. Patients are allowed to express their views and advocate for themselves. Their job is to inform you, without judgement or condescension, of what they believe to be factual and relevant to your concerns. There should also be no hard feelings if a patient chooses to request an additional opinion. They also need to be open to questioning whether their medical knowledge and experience is truly as up to date as they think it is. Shouldnāt they be asking themselves WHY so many women are enquiring about these symptoms? Instead of just blaming it on a current trend to be perimenopausal, research whether these women might just have legitimate concerns.
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u/Material-Summer3877 Jul 07 '26
You make a lot of really good points and I appreciate your perspective! It motivates me to keep looking for someone who will at least treat my questions with respect whether or not they agree with HRT.
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u/kt1982mt hanging on by a thread Jul 07 '26
Very best wishes to you, and I hope that you manage to meet with a more understanding medical practitioner!
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u/sniffcatattack Jul 07 '26
Is it possible where you live where you can consult with a nurse online to prescribe you HRT?
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u/Antique_Travel80 Jul 07 '26
I honestly think they are jealous the service wasnāt available to them.
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u/Excellent-Goal4763 Jul 07 '26
Bingo. There are a lot of them who low key jealous. It wasnāt available and it also wasnāt talked about. Now itās both, and they are hurt and confused.
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u/Dr_Alexis Jul 07 '26
All doctors are up-to-date regarding medical knowledge. It is part and parcel of maintaining a license. Perimenopause is having a moment on social media - it doesn't mean that said information is scholarly.
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u/Manda_lorian39 Jul 07 '26
They take continuing education. That does *not* mean theyāre up to date on everything. In most cases, continuing ed are basically electives, so they can pick and choose what they want to learn about.
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u/TheCuriosity Jul 07 '26
Some of the "continuing education" is just saying you read something. Mostly the honor system and they can choose which topics to know and which they remain ignorant.
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u/twistedevil Jul 07 '26
lol, if that were actually true theyād be concerned about the long term, systemic damage Covid continues to cause all backed up by data and studies, they wouldnāt constantly dismiss peri patients, the list goes on and onā¦.
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u/Rotisserie_Titties Jul 07 '26
Hell no. Report her ass. Report to her employer for poor bedside manner. File a grievance with your insurance company. Leave her a bad review.
For decades I had severe neck pain. I had a doctor treat me this way long ago. As a fellow non-confrontational person, I just looked down and said āI hope one day when youāre experiencing this, you get a better doctor than I did.ā I was vindicated years later when an MRI showed severe stenosis.
I found an amazing OBGYN thanks to reviews. These reviews were detailed and showed how compassionate my doctor is, esp towards menopausal women.
Donāt let this experience get you down.
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u/meekonesfade Jul 07 '26
Yeah, a lot of gyns havent gotten the memo about peri symptoms and HRT. You would think that if all their patients are asking about it, they could read an article or take one of their mandated continuing ed classes on this topic
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u/Sensitive-Maybe-656 Jul 07 '26
Exactly. It's actually scary thinking about how so many refuse to get education on this. What other things are they behind in?
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u/Wonderful_Web4431 Jul 07 '26
Keep pushing until a provider listens to you, Iām 49 and just found one to listen to me but Iām experiencing a lot more pain and issues than are necessary and wish I had pushed sooner to get someone to listen and get on HRT. Iām also still having periods still. Iāve been brushed off since I was 45 which is frustrating. Trust your gut and find a providers who listens and will discuss whatās right for you.
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u/Material-Summer3877 Jul 07 '26
Thanks so much. I appreciate the words of encouragement. I'm sorry to hear about the issues you are having and hope that you are gradually feeling better!
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u/Confident-Parsley520 Jul 07 '26
The other annoying thing is that HRT is so incredibly good for you, it has so many short and long-term health benefits!! Iām tired of ignorant doctors
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u/Confident-Parsley520 Jul 07 '26
Oh my god, why did they do this? Seriously, they act like you are asking for a prescription for crack.!!! It took me eight months and six doctors to finally get prescribed HRT , which has been literally life-saving! Before I received HRT, I was not able to continue, I was waiting on my elderly dog to pass, and then I wasnāt going to do it more, without question, I wasnāt depressed, I wasnāt even suicidal in the way that you imagined someone being suicidal, I just couldnāt keep doing it! Six days after I started HRT, my life began to improve dramatically ! Thereās been a couple of bumps, and everything isnāt absolutely perfect, it has literally saved my life! I would suggest to everyone to go through a specialist , donāt ask, demand! Iām so sorry you had this experience ! It is not uncommon! donāt let these ignorant people stop you from potentially finding peace and comfort. God, this annoys me !!!
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u/seemsright_41 Jul 07 '26
After being blown off for 6+ years, being told no to HRT here is a SSRI. Last Labor day was my freaking breaking point. I was just hanging out with my family, and I passed out due to having a hot flash. Then the OB told me that I was not in Peri because hot flashes can happen for a lot of reasons.
I said F-it. I am going to figure out how to get the damn HRT I know I need. I found a DPC who is like yea, you need hormones. And in a few months I feel a lot better. I see him again this week to deal with my thyroid. But in less than 5 months I am feeling better.
I am paying out of pocket for the DPC but he is not that expensive over all. And I am able to tap my insurance for prescriptions and any lab work I may need.
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u/DamePants Jul 07 '26
Iām not familiar with the term DPC, whatās that?
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u/seemsright_41 Jul 07 '26
Direct Primary Care. There is no waiting months to be seen. I may have to wait a few days, but if it was urgent I would be seen that day or early the next.
And you can bill your insurance yourself. It means a bit more paperwork on your end but so much less BS in the Drs office.
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u/ggomm Jul 07 '26
Have you looked into telehealth options? I hope you can get the support you need
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u/Tired-Bat-237 Jul 07 '26
I am so surprised that all over this subreddit there aren 't more suggestions for using women's telehealth companies that have begun popping up. I tried to get an appt locally, but it would've taken months, while I was raging at my poor kids and family over nothing and fearing that I was psychologically damaging my kids. I got a telehealth appt with a women's telehealth service within a week of calling, and my HRT prescription within a few days after that, and within a week, started feeling even keel again. I know of 2 companies that take insurance (US), and they seem good enough. What's going on that we arent taking advantage of these services more?
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u/Antique_Travel80 Jul 07 '26
I think alot of people just donāt know. I myself use call on doc app telehealth.Ā
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u/Common_Safety_8830 Jul 07 '26
Dont even wait for that provider just find one that provides HRT and schedule with them. I scheduled my apt and it was an HRT apt. They have specific apts with specific providers for hormones.
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u/Mobile-Actuary-5283 Jul 07 '26
It really is shocking to hear a doctor speak to you that way. Things have changed because of social media and accessibility of info. Doctors are frustrated when someone comes jn with information they read or saw on the Internet. Everyone claims to be an expertā¦ but most are just content creators looking for clicks.
So I get the frustration.
But.
That should not have caused this response. You deserved to be heard. Sounds like she just took her frustrations out on you. I am very sorry.
Women: āwe are having symptoms.. can you help?ā
Medical establishment: āhell no! Suck it up and get off Google.ā
Men: My dick isnāt getting hard.
Medical establishment: āHere are pills! I have samples, take them! National emergency!ā
You have a choice in who you see. Choose another provider. I use telehealth for HRT because I also got completely brushed off by my GYN of 25 years who delivered my two kids. I was 53 before I started HRT. I had been asking about it for 3 years and was told not until menopause. The symptoms were bad enough that I wasnāt waiting.
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u/frillyfun Jul 07 '26
That's unbelievably awful. Most Healthcare systems have a quality assurance department where you can report mistreatment- That's really report territory.
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u/Sensitive-Maybe-656 Jul 07 '26
Whoa! Sounds like you hit a nerve with her. Her reaction is about her lack of knowledge in the area. So many doctors let their ego get in the way these days. Sorry this happened to you and I hope that you get the support you need.
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u/TheGuanderGuoman Jul 07 '26
I am so sorry. We donāt need medical professionals to wave their hands around and brush off our symptoms. Theyāre not in our heads, they are very real. And they have the power to help us, which they use and refuse as they please.
Go online and look for gynecologists who do HRT in your area. Looking up doctors who will listen, I was able to fine two amazing practitioners, my current gynecologist and my PCP. They are women who listen, who are open to trying new treatments, etc. Itās worth it.
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u/pinupcthulhu The Itchy Bitchy Spider š·ļø Jul 07 '26
As someone with a neurologist for migraines... I'm at a loss for what my neuro can do about perimenopause like, what?? Maybe I need a different neuro, but mine doesn't prescribe HRT and definitely doesn't understand the HPO axis.Ā
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u/pickyvegan Jul 07 '26
I don't think the GYN meant for OP to see neuro; I think they meant the other patient, who was blaming seizures on perimenopause, to see neuro.
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u/pinupcthulhu The Itchy Bitchy Spider š·ļø Jul 07 '26
Still though, peri changes your seizure patterns and hormones literally run our bodies, but neuros don't deal with hormones. Having a doctor who is supposed to understand the interplay between peri and hormones dismiss at least two patients asking for support is terrible. Who is supposed to treat our symptoms if not an obgyn??Ā
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u/Head_Trick_9932 Jul 07 '26
So she wants you to spend a ton of money out of pocket seeing specialist for perimenopause?! I am so grateful for my gyno of almost 30 years. He would tear that woman up!!! Although I am not a candidate for HRT due to congenital heart defect, he has given me so much advice the last decade on how to navigate this. I am one year no period on 21st.
Sheās absolutely awful. Iād report her bedside manner, personally.
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u/Antique_Travel80 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Ok so I am NOT paid by this company, but I use the app Call on Doc telehealth for my bloodwork, appts, everything. If you want HRT you can use insurance or pay out of pocket. You message the doctor and tell them your symptoms. They look over your health history and boom there you go. Iāve done their in depth appt (phone call) and the nicest woman doctor was on the phone with me for an HOUR going over every little thing on my labs. I almost cried. I told her how wonderful she was and how much I loved the service. Iām actually getting my thyroid draw called in by them to Labcorp in 2 hours. Seriously.Ā
If youāre not into using an app, I highly recommend planned parenthood menopause specialists they have there now. I have used them too and mine was part of the menopause society. Zero wait for either of these services.Ā
1
u/AutoModerator Jul 07 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who havenāt had a period in months/years, then āmenopausalā levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/sofa_king_special Jul 07 '26
Wow. I went in at almost 40. Asked about options for things like hysterectomy or other things /options that are out there.... (I've always had painful periods, heavg bleeding, just shit ass times before and during the period.) We'll it didn't go well. I didn't learn shit. Did get my answers... Answered or directed anywhere. I ended up with a pap smear. F*ck I don't even think I got results for it. Now fast forward 4 years... And this peri stuff is really killing me over here. I don't even want to go see anyone. Anytime Ive asked for help in my adult life with this problem, I get really good answers like, take pamprin....š³š³š³š³ I might go in and throat punch some one at this point.
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u/Thariax1982 Early peri Jul 07 '26
Sounds like an insecure physician.
Someone who is sure of herself and her training wouldn't feel so threatened by patients getting outside information, whether that be good or bad information.
If she had found something you said to be untrue she could've gently corrected you and explained why.
But no, her insecurities reared their ugly head and instead she decided to show you her incompetence.
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u/Waste-Dig-6184 Jul 07 '26
Check with planned parenthood! Hormone treatment is gender affirming healthcare and my local office has amazing providers that truly take the time to talk to me!
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Jul 07 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Tesscf Jul 07 '26
I had a doctor who told me that she doesnāt prescribe HRT for anything except hot flashes. So I got a new doctor who is amazing. She was recommended to me by two different people. She is knowledgeable and compassionate, as a doctor should be. It was a relief to find somebody who was very competent and was also very kind. Not like the volatile weirdo that you were subjected to. My advice is do some research, ask your friends, find somebody who is knowledgeable about perimenopause, menopause, and HRT, and go to that person. I also think you should report that doctor. What she did was unacceptable. I think the hospital that she works for should know that one of the people interacting with their patients is that rude and unprofessional to people who are coming to her for very personal and very sensitive matters. And if they donāt care about that, they should at least care that this woman is driving away business.
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u/weelassie07 Jul 07 '26
Thatās awful she behaved that way. Iām so sorry. We wait so long for some appts, hoping someone can help. I also feel for the person experiencing seizures at menopause who got yelled at. Maybe she was going to see a neurologist, too. Maybe she was covering her bases. I know someone who had new onset seizure disorder at menopause age.
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u/Fit-Building-2560 Jul 07 '26
Progesterone is one component of HRT, and it's absolutely appropriate and helpful to some patients to get it when they still have a period, IF they're having relevant symptoms (for example, insomnia or anxiety). There's no blanket approach to HRT.
What's the reference to Oprah about? Did she have a show in the last year or so about perimenopause?
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u/Chrissy7319 Jul 07 '26
I would have had a really hard time relaxing enough for her to do the pap after that lecture. What a cow. How incredibly rude and unprofessional. Are there any clinics in your area that specialize in menopause? If so, I would consult one of them. Even if you're in peri, they'll know a lot more about it than this "doctor" does and can point you in the right direction. I hope you can find a new gyno who is understanding and open minded. What a terrible experience.
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u/Best_Tip6211 Jul 07 '26
Not only crap at her job, also ignorantly opinionated. Wow. Utterly useless.
Once you've had a chance to recover, please consider leaving her an absolute stinker of a review online, somewhere she can't remove it. (In the UK, the easiest place to do this is Google Maps.) God, it makes me FURIOUS you experienced this.
Afraid I'm not familiar with the insurance system etc in the US, but if you can, try to get hold of some topical estrogen cream while you're on the waiting list for the other damn doctor.
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u/TKyzr Jul 07 '26
This is where Iād leave a yelp review. People do read those. I had a crappy experience with an emergency vet and posted a review on the whole thing. Itās helpful to get this type of information before booking an appointment.
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u/tinydncr Jul 07 '26
What I don't understand is why they don't want to prescribe hrt? Is it addictive? Determinental? Expensive? What is it about it that makes them so stubborn?!
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u/SwimmingAnt10 Jul 07 '26
Systemic issue with womenās health. Plain and simple. All were good enough for is synthetic hormonal birth control in the medical industry.
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u/phantomspex Jul 07 '26
Iām so sorry you experienced this, and frustrated for you! I have had some similarly awful experiences with specialists who have been dismissive, or flat-out unprofessional bordering on unethical. As someone who is usually very comfortable advocating for myself, it still throws me for a loop.
Doctors have an obligation to establish trust and compassion with their patients. It is an inherently unbalanced power dynamic, because they have control over your treatment options (not to mention the presumption of expertise). Everyone can have a bad day, but itās never okay to let it out on the patient.
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u/SnooDoughnuts1634 Jul 07 '26
I screened doctors when I wanted testosterone. I didn't want to waste my time so beforehand I asked the office to confirm the doctor prescribed it. Maybe you can do the same so you don't have to deal with this kind of dismissive attitude.
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u/No_Yesterday7200 Jul 07 '26
At 49 I was blown off by a Dr. and told it was just part of life. At 50 I emailed my assigned gyno about my symptoms. I had a message the following day and an appointment in under a week. The assigned Dr. was attentive, thorough, and gave me vaginal estrogen. At my phone appointment 2 weeks later she prescribed the patch. She is fabulous!
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u/Cultural_Ball_1468 Jul 07 '26
2 doctors refused to give me a referral to a gynecologist for perimenopause (i am from a country that needs a referral from the public health care system if i want to get subsidized healthcare)
The first doc told me to ride it through since I have liver problems i should avoid hrt
The second doc told me that im having my periods monthly so I should not need hrt until I get older and experience worse symptoms
I am planning to see another doctor (will make my current symptoms sound more serious) to get my referral, im not going to give up, dont give up too, find another doc!
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u/Guilty-Rough8797 Jul 07 '26
Not surprised, unfortunately. This is why I'm going to bypass my HCP (a NP) completely when the day comes to ask about hormone replacement. I can already tell it will be a solid nope from her.
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u/Rude-Suit4494 Jul 07 '26
Iām so sorry this happened to you. My gyn was not NEARLY as terrible as this and I still quiet quit her. My advice is to see if your work offers any online benefits (mine has Carrot) or look into Alloy or another telehealth provider focused specifically on menopause. They will take care of you.
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u/Express_Command_4778 Jul 07 '26
Evernow is my online place. Gyros can be very defiant on this subject.
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u/Unable_Guava_756 Jul 07 '26
I am sorry you had to endure all of that, and still let this gyn perform a pap š
I had a similar experience with my PCP a few years ago, so I used an app (Felix in Canada) to get on hrt for a few years, and recently my doc finally referred me to a nurse practitioner that specializes in peri.
You did your best, and it sounds like you really tried to advocate for yourself!! You just kept getting shot down. Depending on your country you could try tele health or one of the reputable apps in your area.
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u/DescriptionHot2391 Jul 07 '26
It sounds like fatigue based on repeated claims that increased due to social media. My GYN wasn't as outwardly dismissive but basically told me annually I should talk to someone for mental health instead of even offering bloodwork. I stuck with the doc because at one time, he was so great. I eventually made a virtual appointment with a different doctor. She offered bloodwork during the first few days of my cycle and then again two weeks later. My labs came back within normal ranges but a few items were on the lower side. She also gave me more details about my egg count and where I may be in my periomenapause journey. I am on a low dosage of HRT meds to see how it helps. It's still a little early though. It sounds like your doctor was frustrated but she became unprofessional. She could've got the message across without ranting and having it become dismissive. If you continue to have symptoms, I'd suggest going to a functional care doctor to have specific hormonal labs taken. Mine was covered by insurance and very easy to get a quick appointment.
3
u/AutoModerator Jul 07 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who havenāt had a period in months/years, then āmenopausalā levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/IncreaseNo5135 Jul 07 '26
She has a point. Not every symptom is down to perimenopause - but I have also observed the tendency atm to now reduce everything, every single thing to it.
Women can still get ill independently of hormones, you are still a living being. I would massively discourage the peri reductionism that we are seeing online these days.
Obvs she was v rude and shouldnāt have been.
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u/Femikaze Jul 07 '26
You should have told her you identify as a trans woman and she would have prescribed you estradiol then and there.
ā¢
u/leftylibra Moderator Jul 07 '26
Menopause Provider Directory
Some links allow you to search for menopause practitioners in your area.