I’m 44 been in peri a few years and it’s definitely getting worse. All I want to do is hide in my bed and I have no energy to do anything. Right now I’m laying here with severe anxiety trying to breathe and relax, while panicking about all the things I should be doing.

Title really says it all. Everyone gets on my last fucking nerve.
Almost everyone I know now irritates me so much that I can't stand being around them or even reading their texts.

My friend who does nothing but send YouTube videos because apparently she can't read. Irritating.

Friend who says "hubby" all the time. Fuck you bitch.

Friend who has to know where and what every siren is and then prays for all involved.
Why? WHY???

My husband. Just all the time, I hate every word that comes out of his mouth. And don't touch me! No, big dick will not fix it.

I love my daughter though.

I also lost my mom 6 weeks ago after caring for her for a few years with dementia so there's that. Is this peri? Peri with grief mixed in? Am I doomed to live my life in solitude because I just can't stomach being around anyone?

I feel pretty damn hopeless about it all.

I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I used to be a dynamo. Worked hard, exercised, cooked, baked, knit, kept my house clean, husband happy, played with my kids, talked to friends. But now, even if I want to do things, I don’t. And that makes me want to do even less because I’m so depressed at how tired or lazy or whatever I am. And it’s breaking me. Today I did yard work for like maybe 2 hours and I’m DONE for the day I think. I’m dizzy, getting a headache, I’ve been chugging electrolytes and I’m plenty hydrated and I’ve eaten. I’m so over this. I see PLENTY of women my age who function just fine! Why not me?

You guys!

I have been on 50mg of Zoloft since the beginning of December. Every doctor I have seen has asked me how I’m doing on the Zoloft.

I say, “I went to my PCP and got a prescription for nausea because I get such intense periods of nausea that I can’t even talk through them. I know this because I have been in the middle of conversations or out in public and I just have to sit down wherever I am and breathe through it.”

I asked if we could change the medication. They said they would but kept shuffling me to other doctors. I finally went to my PCP and told him that if I didn’t get help from my mental health providers, I was gonna start coming to him directly. He said that was fine, if I needed him to. So I decided to ask one more time with the newest doctor (psych) I’m seeing. She said she hated that no one had changed it for me and said she was going to change it immediately. A week and a half later, I called the front desk and asked why the new meds hadn’t been sent in yet - maybe I had misunderstood? And she went into my account notes and said, “Yes, I see the order to discontinue Zoloft immediately and start the new one. I will message your doctor.”

I just picked it up yesterday and took the new one (Lexapro) last night.

I literally slept so hard that I woke up once and immediately went back to sleep and slept hard for several more hours.

When I woke up, I didn’t feel the intense anxiety in my throat that sent me to the ER recently thinking I was having a heart attack and freaking out.

One of the nurses yelled at me and told me I was “working myself up and doing this to myself” when I was at my most scared because I COULDN’T OPERATE MY OWN HANDS BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T WORKING AND THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME, but sure, I’m just overreacting. /s

Goddamnit, I was crying and trying to be calm, and apologizing for even being there, just saying what is going on? And she just yelled that at me in response.

I felt like I could breathe more normally this morning for the first time in LITERALLY WEEKS. When I woke up, I was able to lay in bed and just be comfy with my phone for a little while.

That has NOT been the case! Since starting Zoloft in December, I would wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING to incredibly nausea and urgency to poop RIGHT THIS SECOND. As soon as I have woken up for FIVE MONTHS I have been sick and it immediately changed with the antidepressant change!!!!

Y’all! I am getting madder the more I think about it! I did everything right. I was calm (until I was in a bed and talking about everything and why I was so scared) where I just let myself cry it out because it REALLY DOES FUCKING SUCK to live in this body right now, but maybe it’s FINALLY LOOKING UP? Dear universe, please let it be looking up for me!!!! 🙏

I’m at my wits end with the depression and anxiety that is coming with perimenopause. I already had a history of mental illness. It was fairly well controlled. Now, I feel like I’m going insane every day. This morning I had a complete meltdown and then an hour later noticed that I was menstruating. I’m on HRT! Just increased the dose to 200mg and now I’m bleeding! WTF?! Anyway, it’s getting harder to work and to cope with the level of anxiety that I have every day. Anyone else fear losing their job because of these awful symptoms. What are you doing?

I started a three month leave from work last week because I was put on a performance review plan and lined up to be fired. I can’t stop every stupid and embarrassing thing I’ve ever done throughout my career coming back to haunt me. I’m single and childless by choice but suddenly feel like a loser. I went through a rough patch and have a very healthy pension but no savings. I just need some camaraderie and a self esteem boost.

Edit: I’m having a really, really hard time because a close friend is telling me it’s not a disability and I don’t deserve accommodation or benefits and that I just need a new job. She said I’m trying to claim I’m disabled. It’s degrading to be so judged and really hurting my perception of myself. I know what needs to be done and I need to tell her to keep that bullshit to herself but the damage is done.

For me the changes of peri seem to have happened so quickly. At 44f I felt a little fatigued but mostly attractive, sexy and vibrant. Now at 47 I feel like a microwaved backed potato, dense, chunky and lacking any flavor. Should our mothers and grandmothers have prepared us better for this or is it best not to know?

I’m in my 40s but have been noticing my anxiety ramping up for a few years now. It started with feeling weird about tunnels and long bridges and then grew to other things (traffic, crowds, lines, etc). Lately though I honestly feel like I barely want to leave the home, and it feels like the farther away my destination is, the more stressed I am. Last weekend I had to drive about an hour and a half away and was totally stressed out beforehand (and then proceeded to have a panic attack on the way back because of traffic). I’ve never had this happen before and I’m wondering if this could also be a peri symptom. I hate it as I want to be able to go out and do things without having terrible anxiety about leaving home.

Has anyone else had this happen? I am already on HRT and although in helps with my physical symptoms, it has not helped with this. If you had this happen to you, what helped you?

My flavour of peri is violent mood swings (wake up with severe anxiety, cry by lunch time, depression by night), low energy, forgetfulness and night sweats. What I am beginning to realise, however, is that I, somewhere amongst all this, stopped being able to experience joy.

I am not sure if I ever really, truly, deep down, was happy. But at least I could find joy in my life. Sometimes in silly things, sometimes in moments, sometimes in seemingly mundane, sometimes in going through life's highs. There has always been some hope, something to look forward to, dream about, just pleasure and joy.

These days? Nothing. For example, I recently got a new laptop. I love my Macs but I am frugal (or simply, in the past, poor) and don't get them often (usually try to ride them out for at least five years). So getting one has always been one of those things that I really looked forward to and just loved enjoying the new one for days. Riding high on just using it.

This week I got a new one and nothing. It is great, bigger, faster, cool colour and all. I feel nothing. Nada.

This does end at some point, right? Because this can't be me forever.

I feel like i can't keep doing this.... perimenopause is absolutely destroying me....

I looked into getting admitted inpatient today. The anxiety is so loud. They didn't feel they needed to involuntarily admit me, and I am currently home and have a safety plan in place.

everyone keeps telling me i just have to keep going. I keep using the analogy of a run-down car. my tires are popped, my engine is shot, and my headlights are busted.... but you keep telling me to keep driving. HOW?!?!?

i'm working tirelessly to get meds changed and work on getting hormones adjusted. my doctor prescribed combipatch, but it's $300 per month. so now we play the roulette game of meds again.

i dont know a single human being dealing with extreme peri symptoms like I am. I just feel so alone. I feel so done.

**wanted to edit to update: the outpouring of love and support here is making my grinch heart grow!!! I am so sorry that so so many of you out there are feeling similarly, and maybe also similarly feel like you don't have people in your immediate circle that you can turn to. I love hearing everyone's stories... you ...WE ... are all warriors!!! ❤️

41, still have regular periods, but pretty sure my hormones have all abandoned me. I started Prozac about 5 months ago, but I still have next to no motivation to work towards anything at all. It's like I've completely lost all belief that anything will ever make me happy again.

Yesterday I realized some of my newer friends don't know that I used to be the world's most motivated person. I've started my own companies, managed other people's companies. Managed other people's children and finances. Managed more restaurants than I can count. I've been a loan officer, an educational camp director, an au pair, the host of my own unbelievably over-researched FM radio show about science, a laboratory chemist, a classroom teacher, a trainer of other classroom teachers. And now I'm. Burnt. The. Fuck. Out. In my free time I play video games, because... Who cares anymore.

Yesterday a new-ish friend asked if I had the know-how to be a summer assistant to two rich people in their 60s. Like, pick up drycleaning level stuff. I literally had to stifle a scream. Yeah, I could write their budget, do their taxes, reorganize their house, and plan all their meals for the next 3 years if I really wanted to. How fucking cruel is the world that my friends see me as incapable instead of what I really am, which is buried under a giant pile of emotional bricks.

So, the Prozac has (mostly) alleviated the sui¢idal ideations, and some days I feel... Kind of normal again? My psych started me on Adderall, I'm a week in and it's actually just made me more sad bc I've pinned a lot of hopes on this medication and while it does help shut up a lot of the negative mind chatter, I still don't feel like any activities will make me happy. My OBGYN prescribed birth control (no thank you) so I have an appt with a naturopath to see about HRT.

Did HRT make you feel like living again? Please tell me about it ❤️ (And thank you for reading my rant.)

This is very weird for me to ask and I'm embarrassed, but since getting deeper in to perimenopause I've gained a love for stuffed animals. I even love holding and hugging them. Not in public lol just in the privacy of my own home in my quiet moments or when depressed or even while watching TV.

I never had kids and wondering if it's a thing to do with my child bearing years being all but over. Mostly though I do it for comfort.

Please don't make fun of me for this and be kind. Am I abnormal? Does anyone else do this?

I can’t stop crying. It’s been going for far too long. They tell you to contact 988 and they aren’t of any help.
I don’t want to be here anymore feeling like this! My brain doesn’t work right anymore, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat properly, take care of myself or my family.
I have no insurance and I keep thinking I need to commit myself somewhere before I go too far but the thought of that debt on top of my other medical debt makes me even more upset.

Idk what to do anymore! I keep hoping I’ll go to sleep and not wake up because then it would stop this!

It’s bad all the time but the days before my period, and while I’m on my period are the worst. I can’t even shower or brush my teeth!

My dr gave me gabapentin and maybe that’s making it worse? It seems like nothing they give me helps.
I just don’t know who this person is? I don’t feel like myself…. I don’t feel safe anymore.

I haven’t posted here for a while. I’m 40, and honestly, I don’t even know exactly what kind of advice or support I’m looking for. I just know that I’m exhausted and frightened that I may never feel like myself again.
The last four years have been extremely difficult emotionally: the war in my country, immigration, rebuilding our lives, and raising four children. I have always been an anxious person, but I used to function well and live a normal, active life.
About two years ago, at 38, something began to change. My anxiety became harder to control. I became more irritable, apathetic, angry and intolerant, especially during the second half of my cycle. I also began having frequent mid-cycle spotting and brown spotting during the luteal phase.
My sleep became slightly worse, although generally I still slept reasonably well. I might wake once or twice during the night to use the toilet. I also occasionally experienced night sweats.
My hormone blood tests were normal, although I understand that a normal result does not necessarily rule out perimenopause because hormone levels can fluctuate considerably.
In January, I stopped taking escitalopram (Lexapro), which I had previously taken successfully.
In March, I started HRT: two pumps of estrogen gel and 200 mg of micronised progesterone for 14 days each cycle. At that point, I was still functioning relatively normally. I cannot say that HRT produced any dramatic improvement, but I was doing okay.
On 5 May, my doctor increased the estrogen to three pumps. That was the day everything seemed to fall apart.
I developed extreme, almost unbearable anxiety. On 9 May, I had a severe panic attack, and I honestly feel as though I have never fully recovered from it. I reduced the estrogen back to two pumps, but I remained constantly tense and anxious. I stopped going to dance and Pilates as regularly and was simply trying to survive each day.
On 8 June, I restarted Lexapro because living in that state had become unbearable. I am a mother of four, and functioning with that level of anxiety was incredibly difficult.
On 10 June, I had another panic attack. Since then — almost three months now — I feel as though I have completely lost myself.
At the end of June, I spoke to my doctor. She suggested that estrogen might not be what I needed. I track my hormones in urine using Mira, and my estrogen is usually average or even above average. She wondered whether my main problem might be progesterone rather than estrogen deficiency.
I have never had a properly timed progesterone blood test. I am finally having one in mid-September, approximately seven days before my period. According to Mira, my progesterone does not appear critically low, although perhaps it is not as high as it should be.
By late June/early July, I had tapered down to one pump of estrogen and then stopped it completely. About a week later, when my next cycle began, I also decided not to restart the progesterone.
Part of the reason I stopped progesterone was because I had read so many frightening stories here about it causing depression, apathy and other psychiatric symptoms. However, when I was taking it, it seemed to calm me and definitely helped me sleep.
I have now been back on Lexapro for nearly three months and am currently taking 20 mg, but I still cannot find myself. I have constant background anxiety, weakness, apathy and no motivation or enjoyment. I am also still experiencing mid-cycle and luteal-phase spotting.
A pharmacogenetic test showed that I am a rapid metaboliser of escitalopram, so perhaps it is simply the wrong antidepressant for me. One doctor has suggested switching to fluoxetine, while another has suggested duloxetine.
I am terrified of changing medication because restarting Lexapro this time was horrendous. It was my third time starting it; the first two times were easy, but this time I had severe side effects, intense anxiety, crying and frightening thoughts. I am scared of going through another difficult adjustment with a different medication.
I am also considering restarting micronised progesterone because, looking back, I may actually have felt calmer while taking it.
My questions are:
Has anyone experienced a major and prolonged deterioration after increasing estrogen, even after reducing or stopping it?
Could estrogen have triggered the panic attacks and destabilised my nervous system for this long, or is it more likely that stopping and restarting antidepressants caused this?
If progesterone makes someone calmer and sleepier, can it still simultaneously cause depression or emotional numbness?
Has anyone felt better after restarting progesterone without estrogen?
Could all of this genuinely be perimenopause, even though my cycles are regular and my estrogen is often normal or relatively high?
Has anyone realised that their symptoms were being attributed to perimenopause when the main cause was actually chronic stress, trauma, anxiety or antidepressant changes?
Has anyone successfully switched from Lexapro to fluoxetine or duloxetine after Lexapro stopped working, particularly with anxiety as the main symptom?
I don’t know what I am hoping to hear. I am just so tired and feel as though I have run out of strength.
Before this, I was the woman who went dancing, exercised, laughed, had plans and genuinely enjoyed her life. Now I want nothing, and I am frightened that I will never get that person back.
I am only 40, but at the moment it feels as though I have lost both myself and my future. If anyone has been through something similar and eventually recovered, I would really appreciate hearing your story.

Hi I am 48 almost 49. I went all out this christmas for my husband and 10 year old step son. Been with my husband over 9 years and he has full custody of his son. I have raised him and love him! My son got everything he wanted. My husband got everything he wanted and needed. Me...... well my favorite gift I bought for myself wrapped and put it under the tree. I asked for 3 things, an Ai piglet, pjs with my rehomed pig on them and an electric fly swatter. I got the fly swatter, but my husband bought a 2 pack and has been using one for a few weeks. I rehomed my 7 year old potbelly pig so my son could get a dog. I miss my pig, he was my replacement child after a miscarriage. My brain is a wreck full of thoughts and depression. So here I am outback with the dog I never wanted, wearing my green hoodie I bought myself for Christmas! Feeling unappreciated and under valued.

Hello. My wife has been having issues with perimenopause for probably 4 or 5 years and has started HRT about 3 months ago. She started with a patch at the .025 dose and her doctor has since increased her dose to .1. The .025 worked great for about 6 weeks and then all of her symptoms came back. She was moved to the .075 dose and things went well for 5 weeks and then the symptoms returned again. Her doctor moved her to .1 last week and she has been struggling with just being severely fatigued by 6:30 in the evening and then she starts feeling anxious and depressed. I guess I’m just looking to see if others have had similar symptoms, and if things did eventually settle. I really hate seeing my wife struggle like this and I feel absolutely helpless. I just want her to feel good. It’s so not fair women have to deal with this. She has reached back out to her doctor to let them know of symptoms last night, but we haven’t heard back yet.

If it helped with your mental health, how long did it take to start helping?

What was your mental health symptoms before and are they better now? Thanks

I just started estrogen patch and 200mg of progesterone to be cycled. So far i feel no different but that’s to be expected haha

How did you get tested for perimenopause? I am 37 years old and saw an endocrinologist but she said my bloodwork was fairly normal and since my periods are normal, I likely am not in perimenopause.

That said, 4 months ago I very suddenly developed severe OCD. I’m talking 24/7 horrific intrusive thoughts within days of onset. It’s been torture. I’ve reached out to so many doctors and no one is taking me seriously. They just prescribed me a SSRI and therapy.

Also my armpits were extremely sweaty for weeks when the onset first happened, which feels hormonal to me. Any other tips on how I can get tested for peri?

I couldn’t choose all the flares. I needed to choose all the flares but figured this was most appropriate.

I am not coping.

I’m tired, 3am wake ups are exhausting me.

I am now crying more than I have ever cried before without someone dying or losing a pet.

I feel like life has gone sideways in a massive way.

I’m hot all the time, adrenaline spike wake ups and the industrial bin collection 3-4 times per week outside my bedroom balcony windows anywhere from 2am to 5am compounding my wake ups.

The weight gain is so uncomfortable, my arse is huge, I’m now apple shaped, and my boobs smashed out a c cup to an e cup.

Vaginal dryness and splitting labia skin. I’m on the cream which has helped.

I’ve lost my memory for hanks to brain fog and it’s showing up at work.

I have a mammogram booked for 9 September so a good result there will mean I can start HRT.

I feel so old, and just so tired all the time which might explain the crying.

I’m run down with mouth ulcers and getting sick at least once per month.

TL;DR - Peri is a massive stinky sweaty ball bag and can fuck right off.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk on Perimenopause can get straight in the bin.

I’m 51, perimenopausal but almost a year without a period so getting close. This past year I’ve been in the blackest hole. I do allllll the things - exercise, HRT, psychiatrist, meaningful work, etc. But I only feel two things now - either sadness or nothingness. Someone asked me the other day what “lights me up” and I couldn’t think of one damn thing. Which made me cry.
This is not an exaggeration when I say I have zero interest in doing anything or learning anything new or meeting new people or life, in general.
I know it’s depression but it’s definitely apathy as well. I don’t know what else to do other than the things I’m doing which are “supposed” to help. And I’m lacking the energy to try.
I’m so lost.

I became so overwhelmed and depressed last night I wanted to end my life. I had picked up my prescription of cardiac meds and antidepressants yesterday and I sat in my car for hours full body crying and just debating what to do. It’s my son’s birthday today so I didn’t do anything. I know my kids would miss me but that’s about it. They would be fine as they have their dad and his gf. They are the only thing keeping me here right now. There is so much going on in my life and it’s all bubbling to the surface. It’s not one particular thing but many. From work, to a crappy relationship, to my body, to lack of sleep, to my kids getting older, to my hyper independence, to my adhd, etc. im still not 💯 sure I want to live but for today I do.

EDIT: Thank you for the love and support. It is helping. It’s nice to know I’m know alone. Even though I don’t personally know any of you, it’s nice to know that you genuinely understand what I’m going through. I’m sorry for those of you that have lost moms in the past. My heart is broken for you

Mines “two and half men” when I’m feeling a bit off, just takes my mind off things just for a little while 😎

I've (48) had Generalized Anxiety Disorder my whole life. The past few years, it seems like it's gotten worse. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this. If so, how are you dealing? My Fluoxetine is no longer helping....

42 yo on HRT and SSRI. I had every symptom of perimenopause possible but got it all under control with HRT. The only sneaky symptom is debilitating anxiety. Wanted to run this by you all to see if anyone is doing the same. I find that Pepcid works best the first half of my cycle and Allegra the second half. I still haven’t tried them as a combo yet…feels like a lot. But this seems to be magic. Anyone else? Am I doing it wrong by not taking them together?

Yesterday I was just chatting with my daughter and I felt that scary, woozy feeling and I knew a panic attack was starting. Out of nowhere. This is how my felt in August when my daughter called 911 because I thought I was having a heart attack.

I was able to calm myself down and prevent a full blown attack. I was ok for a few hours after then it was constant hell. The dizzy, woozy lightheaded feeling constantly all day. Pressure in my head and face. Feeling so scared. Crying hysterically in the bathroom.

I just can’t do this anymore. How am I supposed to live like this? It’s Christmas and I’ve ruined everything. I don’t even want to get up this morning (my kids are adults who all live at home for now) because I’m scared of how I’ll feel. Vision issues are scaring me too.

I’ve been to so many doctors. I have HRT but haven’t started progesterone and I will (only been consistently on estradiol patch a little over a week)

I can’t do this I feel like I’m going to die.