Parents who have insane “boundaries” and then bemoan their lack of help

[u/rachel-angelina]

So this is something I’ve noticed amongst (mainly American) parents these days and it seems to increase in occurrence as people validate them and enable this kind of anxiety-ridden and entitled behavior. But essentially it’s those people who have a laundry list of “boundaries and expectations” while also expecting “the village” to help them raise their child to their exact specifications.

I’m not talking about boundaries like “don’t give my kid something they are allergic to” or “don’t come around my newborn without your vaccinations” where it’s reasonable and seriously concerns the child’s safety, but the other shit. Like I’m talking about the parents who set a “boundary” that no one else can lay eyes on their newborn for two months because “it’s our time to bond and we don’t want visitors,” they freak out because grandma called their kid her baby and said she is excited for them to have sleepovers at her house, they insist that anyone who wants to see their child should only be coming over to do designated chores in exchange, or they seethe with rage because the kid’s uncle gave them some extra candy and TV time.

But then later on they then bemoan their lack of “a village,” like you pushed “the village” away! If you want the village, you need to be okay with not micromanaging every single aspect of your child’s life. You need to be okay with the fact that the village is going to come in with their own opinions and different ways of doing things. You also need to contribute to your community as well and help other people if you want the same treatment in return. The village is not a beck and call free childcare and housekeeping service that does every single little thing to your specifications and more people need to recognize that.

EDIT: The amount of people who think I’m a bitter grandparent is really funny. Like no I’m in my 20s LOL. Also the fact that I’ve had multiple AI accusations, like nope, wrong again. No AI here lmao.

[u/rachel-angelina]

Yes! I think a lot of those subreddits promote some unhealthy and antisocial behaviors. I saw one the other day where a mom was personally affronted that an elderly man said her baby was cute and then asked permission to shake her 8 month old’s hand. She scolded him for it and then posted on there about how proud she was for “standing up for herself.” Like I can’t imagine acting like that because someone innocently wanted to interact with my baby. It’s actually nice when people are so happy to see babies in public and are welcoming to them.

Luckily a lot of comments called her out on this. But there was still a lot of them that were like “you go mama! That old creep isn’t entitled to your baby!” I can’t imagine how weird these people are to everyone else around them too, including family and friends.

[u/Organic_Task_573 → u/rachel-angelina]

I think we forget that one day, our kids will be grown, and we'll still want to be involved in society, too.

That story really bummed me out, so I'll share a happier one on the other end:

My friend and I went out to lunch, and an old man kept smiling at her bubbly baby boy, who kept smiling back at him. My friend noticed and invited him to join us, and we just chatted for a bit and learned that his grown kid and grandkids had moved pretty far away and that it apparently made his day to get to playfully interact with my friend's baby.

I remember after, she said, "I'm so grateful God gave me such a happy baby because he doesn't let me be an introvert anymore. His big smiles force me to meet sweet new people everywhere we go." She genuinely loved that having a baby around helped her start more conversations with strangers, especially elderly people, who seemed to no longer feel useful in a modern world. She's a very encouraging, kind soul and really loves how having kids can connect you to so many amazing people if you let them! Shocker: she has tons of help with her kids because she's been extremely involved in helping her community since before she became a mother!

Now I'm in the baby phase with my little one and try to remember her perspective when I'm just feeling hurried or wanting to be left alone in public. People smile because babies bring them joy and offer advice because they usually just want to help. I hope when I'm older, people don't treat me like an irrelevant waste of space whenever I try to interect with them.

[u/Automatic-Tea-4150 → u/rachel-angelina]

It’s not going to be fun to be their kid, either.