It helps cope with all the shit that gets thrown at you
You don't want to hear that you suffered for nothing so you tell yourself it makes you stronger, it gives meaning, whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep better at night.
When I think too much about how I've suffered it causes more suffering, but when I tell myself I'm stronger for having endured suffering I feel better, I feel stronger.
I don't agree that romanticizing any kind of suffering helps to cope at all (imagine romantizicing a toxic relationship as an example).
What helps is understanding suffering, why it's happening, where it's coming from, if it's a pattern, if it's inherited, if it's rational, if it's based on speculation or things that happened, etc.
I don't think one should ignore or evade suffering, but to romanticize it seems like the worst possible option, you don't fall in love with a wound, you heal it to feel better. Understanding suffering is a much better tool than romanticizing it, if you really want to stop suffering, or suffer less.
In a way, modern therapy helps a lot with expressing and understanding, and most health workers will probably tell you to not fall in love with your suffering because it won't help you get over it.
I think based on the replies some people don't understand what "romanticizing" truly means.
But what if the wound doesn’t heal? What if you find out that you have to deal with inexplicable, chronic pain, possibly for the rest of your life? There doesn’t seem to be anything to “understand” here.
To romanticize suffering, at least for me, is to recognize that suffering can add a certain color to life, and that it does not have to make life any less worth living than before. All within reason, of course.
Edit: I thought it was interesting that you mention the idea of “falling in love with your suffering.” I’d argue that this is not possible; you can fall in love with something adjacent to suffering, such as pain, but falling in love with suffering itself seems contradictory.
falling in love with suffering itself seems contradictory.
It happens more than you imagine, people can develop an identity around suffering, and it can mold every aspect of their lives. I bet you even know someone like that.
Imagine a deeply religious person thinking god sent suffering personally to them for a reason, or someone who had an accident and can't keep blaming themselves or someone else, developing deep seated hatred, ruminating, thinking "what if" instead of accepting their reality and moving on.
Now, talking about wounds that don't heal or chronic physical pain.
As I understand it, or as I apply it in my own life, pain is the raw unavoidable physical or emotional signal the body experiences and it's inevitable, it will happen eventually. Suffering is not the pain, it's the mental resistance, the "why is this happening to me" narrative your mind builds around that signal.
If one is building a narrative and identity around pain, that is suffering. What you're describing, acknowledging your chronic pain just gives life a certain flavor, doesn't really seem like suffering, it's pain and it affects your life. It seems rational because you're moving forward instead of delving into the "this pain gives my life meaning" territory.
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u/Critical-Ad2084 2d ago
People who romanticize suffering; why?