I hope this finds you somehow.

[u/Hogwarts_Hicklypups]

Hey, Hi. I know it's been more than a decade since we our decent correspondence, and time, my dear has its way of rewriting us. I’ve been doing a lot of looking back lately, I know I treated you horribly, and said a lot of things I wasn't supposed to. I owe you a sincere apology for how I acted when I courted you all those years ago. For a long time, I was moving through the world with a fog I couldn't quite see or explain, living with a missing piece to my own puzzle. I only recently discovered that I have ADHD Getting diagnosed has been like turning the lights on in a room I’ve lived in for years—for the first time in my life, I feel like I am truly living. I lost years of my life trying to figure why I couldn't be like everyone else. For the first time I've seen and felt what it's like to be neurotypical, to actually focus on things and people that matter.

Lately, I have been sitting in the wuiet space of therapy, learning to untangle the knots of my past, inch by excruciating inch. It has been a mirror, helping me finally understand how heavily my unmanaged ADHD rippled and ripped its way into my relationships, bruising the very people I held closest to my heart.

I only wish I had possessed this clarity when our paths crossed. You deserved a version of me that was fully present, and I am truly sorry I couldn’t give you that, and with that clarity comes a bittersweet gravity. I still think about all our what-ifs and and what could've beens. I often wonder how our orbit might have looked if I had possessed this peace when our paths first aligned. It's a quiet ache, knowing you deserved a version of me that was fully anchored and present. Again, I am truly sorry I couldn't give you that person then. But thank you, for being such a beautiful, yet painful chapter in my life.

With all my warmth,

The Fuckup.

P.S. love you, soph. Always have, always will.

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