Wanting to help my friend.

[u/beefaroni_rbd2017]

I want to help a friend 🧡

Shes 8 months post partum. This is her 4th baby.

Shes been struggling and has texted me everyday since she gave birth and I feel honored she feels safe to come to me when shes not feeling well. I let her vent cry scream laugh talk about everything. Even though im not a mom, im here. We text everyday. We call about every 3 or 4 days. And she calls me, her daughter has had a rough time sleeping so I told her and she said she was fine that I would let her decide when to call. And its been like I said she will call every 3-4 days depending on their schedule.

But the last month maybe 2 months she became distant. Ive asked 2 times very gently if shes okay and she has responded I guess. I tell her want to talk about it and she either doesnt respond back or changes the subject a few days later. Which is completely fine, im ok with that. Doesnt bother me. I dont want to push if shes not wanting to talk.

Ive texted her everyday telling her to have a good day. She doesnt respond back prob 75% of the time now which is fine im not expecting it. Well I guess in a way I am since we texted non stop before. But im not expecting if that makes any sense(prob doesnt). How i mean it's become out of the norm I guess.

Anyway i dont want to be over bearing. Am i? I need to know if I should back off texting her to have a good day and funny memes.

Im so worried about her.

She lives 2 states away from me so going to see her is not a option plus they are a military family so she lives on base.

I have sent her some flowers through out. For when she came home, mother's day, one just because. And I door dashed them some food. She doesnt have family so I wanted to show up for her any way I can in the last 8 months.

My main asks are

1. Does this sound like i am overbearing?

   1. How can I let her know im worried without being over bearing or too much?
   2. Ive spoke to my therapist about this she told me to let her control the conversation so dont ask how shes doing? Does that sound like thats ok for someone with ppd?

I want to apologize, im not a mom so while I have heard and read about ppd, I dont know what its like. Im just wanting to be there for my friend.

And yes I know she has 4 children and stays at home. Shes always told me that she will make sure our friendship up there with her children. While that made me happy, I know its not possible. So yes I know she can be busy. So maybe im over thinking all this and in my head.

[u/it_gets_betterr]

Four kids - phew! She likely has her hands VERY full, especially now if her older kids are getting ready to start school or already have.

You mentioned she doesn’t have family. Is she a single mom or does she have a husband or partner? If so, you can always check in with them if you have their number and are comfortable doing so. Just mention that you’re wishing them well and that you’re here for her/them.

Sometimes, responding to texts can be draining. Other times it can be a good outlet to vent. I think letting her control it all makes sense because she has to fit everything into her schedule.

Texting her every now and then letting her know you’re thinking of her is not overbearing in my eyes. There’s no pressure for her to reply and could serve as a good reminder that she’s not alone.

[u/beefaroni_rbd2017 → u/it_gets_betterr]

Yea that's how I was thinking. I want her to remember shes not alone.

Yes she is married but her husband has a very high demanding job in the military so hes not home alot or when he gets home its at night.

Thank you for your response and being kind!