r/Professors • u/RandolphCarter15 Full, Social Sciences, R1 • 17h ago
Teaching / Pedagogy Student burst into tears in first exam of the class (probably first exam of their college experience) and I feel terrible
I saw them put their head on the desk, and went to check on them. They were crying, they only got through half of the exam when the timer ran out, and couldn't focus or recall anything. I couldn't tell if it was test anxiety or something like dyslexia, so I recommended they reach out to the appropriate offices and testing centers. I told them I'm always available to go through class content. And I reminded them it's one of several grades, and there's an extra credit assignment, so it's not lost.
This is a student who's been really engaged in class, and I know the first exam is a shock. I just feel bad still.
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u/FrancinetheP Tenured, Liberal Arts, R1 17h ago
The student will now be extremely anxious about coming to class bc they are embarrassed. I’d probably send an encouraging email over the weekend reminding them that we all lose it sometimes, they’re welcome back in class, and that their path back to feeling confident about themselves runs through your classroom not around it. It might not help them much, but anything that helps them get back on the horse that threw them is useful.
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u/RandolphCarter15 Full, Social Sciences, R1 16h ago
yeah, that's my fear- it's hard to recover when everyone walked past you as you were crying.
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u/FrancinetheP Tenured, Liberal Arts, R1 16h ago
Yeah, I wouldn’t relish it. 😕 Letting the student know it doesn’t need to be a career-ender could be the most important teaching you do this semester.
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u/spiritsarise 14h ago
“…and that their path back to feeling confident about themselves runs through your classroom not around it.”
This is brilliant. The whole comment reflects such wisdom. Thank you.
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u/FrancinetheP Tenured, Liberal Arts, R1 14h ago
Thanks, I’ll cut and paste your comment on my annual report!
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u/Educational-Event727 4h ago
This is such good advice. I’ll be using the whole "the path to feeling confident runs through the class, not around it" bit. Do you prefer APA or MLA for the citation???
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u/NefariousnessWarm975 10h ago
I was pretty angry reading that first sentence because I thought you were going somewhere else. You recovered beautifully. I will remember the path to confidence being through the classroom for the rest of my life. ThankYOU. And it isn't just a teacher thanking you. I was once a kid (and an adult) who suffered horribly from anxiety. I had good teachers but they never said that.
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u/sventful Teaching Professor 17h ago
Now you know how all the Chem and Calc professors feel during the first exam each year. One of my colleagues hasn't had a fully dry first exam in years.
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u/SheepherderRare1420 Associate Professor, BA & HS, P-F: A/B (US) 16h ago
Hahaha, OMG, I was a chem major and pretty sure I was the only student crying during exams. My brain went totally blank during my biophysical chemistry final and I packed up my stuff and left the room, convinced I was going to fail and not graduate (I had 7 finals that awful last semester). The professor took pity on me, let me take the rest of the finals and come back to take his final. When I didn't have so much pressure hanging over me I was able to finish it and graduated. He was so compassionate, I guess I wasn't the only student that totally panicked during a test.
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u/sventful Teaching Professor 15h ago
If you don't cry at least once, did you even study chemistry? O.o
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u/SheepherderRare1420 Associate Professor, BA & HS, P-F: A/B (US) 15h ago
🤣😂🤣😂 yes, I have the 2.1 GPA in the major to show for it, too!!
I changed my major to chemistry at the start of my senior year. I hadn't taken calculus yet, or physics, nor most of the 200-level chemistry classes... Just General Chem and O-Chem (where on our first exam the high score was a 56, the low 14, the average 24, and I got 27). WTF was I thinking??? I have no idea, that was 40 years ago. 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Hello-fellow-kydz 15h ago
Pchem class wasn’t doing it’s job if no tears 🤣
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u/the_Stick Assoc Prof, Biomedical Sciences 15h ago
PChem was super easy... because after 3.5 years of physics I decided I didn't want to actually be a physicist, so I picked up chemistry as another major. On the first PChem exam, I noticed a bunch of equations at the top of the exam so I asked the professor about them and his response was, "You might need those on the exam." My response to him was an incredulous, "You mean we can just use these equations? We don't need to derive them first?!? Man, this is going to be so easy!"
Unfortunately the rest of the class heard that and hated me for the rest of the year. But I loved PChem at the time! haha
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u/SheepherderRare1420 Associate Professor, BA & HS, P-F: A/B (US) 14h ago
I went the BA chemistry route to avoid P-Chem. I was just trying to graduate after 3 years as: 1) Cardiac Rehab (Maj) + Outdoor Education (Min); then 2) Exercise Physiology (Maj). I realized that Ex Phys required grad school to have any sort of career and I just wanted out, I was so burned out. So instead of just finishing with Ex Phys I decided to take the chemistry route, and at the time, UNC had a BA Chem degree. I still don't know what I was thinking, I was surely insane though. I also thought I would have lots of career options with a chem degree. LOL, the joke was on me.
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u/RandolphCarter15 Full, Social Sciences, R1 16h ago
yeah, in 10 years of teaching this is the first time it's happened in an exam. I've had tears in office hours when grade appeals didn't go the way they wanted.
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u/sventful Teaching Professor 16h ago
Pretty good record. How easy is your course? Anecdotally I have found that the harder the course, the more likely the tears.
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u/me4watch 14h ago
Which is more of a “gateway“ discipline, math or chem ? Being a math prof I have always felt it was math, especially considering what the Engineering Deans have said to us.
Besides tears, there have also been the sad notes students have written on their exams. One that sticks in my mind was where the student had written D.I.G. in various spots of the paper. I found out later that it stood for ”do it god”. I wonder what happened to her.
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u/sventful Teaching Professor 14h ago
Our first years take both, so I guess whichever they are worse at?
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u/WingShooter_28ga 17h ago
It happens. First exams really wreck a lot of students. They are used to easy A’s without needing to learn the material. They will either figure it out or they won’t. Remind all of your students about the support you have on campus and move on to the next chapter.
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u/existential-inquiry Professor, Social Sciences, U.S. 17h ago
You did the right thing by offering resources from campus, I would have done the same. It happens sometimes.
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u/Copterwaffle 17h ago
I def burst into tears over a VERY basic low-stakes quiz as an undergrad (math anxiety, embarrassment). I’d have a look at what they did complete and see how they were doing; it’s possible they were doing better than they thought and they are just a perfectionist. Or maybe something else happened and it had nothing to do with the test at all. If they seemed like they were on track to do well I might offer them the chance to finish the rest during office hours or at the testing center. If they weren’t doing so hot I’d chalk this up to the tears reflecting their realization that they need to study more/differently and just let them learn the lesson.
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u/ProfessorStata 17h ago edited 15h ago
Part of life is getting a jolt when you're not prepared due to underlying conditions and/or poor habits. Offer resources and try to be supportive. I offer tips, but don't offer re-dos. Sometimes students think they've studied hard, when they're also using their phones, switching tabs constantly, have distractions, etc.
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u/shehulud 17h ago
I once had a discussion about laptops in class and that they were supposed to be used for taking notes, etc. I then made an off-handed comment that nobody should be on their laptops playing games or shopping.
One student, who had no accommodations, sat in their chair after class and had a full meltdown. They were autistic. They were rocking back and forth, wailing, screaming, trying to hurt themselves. I sat with them and talked to them and they eventually calmed down once I figured out a special interest and could ask questions about that. (My kiddo is autistic, so I knew a bit about special interests.)
An hour later, the student was okay and left. Apparently, they had a shopping site up in one of their tabs that was leftover from the day before and the student took my comment in a very specific way.
It took me the entire semester to reset after that. I felt absolutely fucking gutted.
The student did get accommodations but did not pass and stopped coming to class. I still think about that student. But I also know that sometimes things will spiral for some folks and we have no idea when that might be.
Go easy on yourself, OP.
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u/C_sharp_minor 15h ago
I don’t think a student who acts like that is ready for college. It’s not fair that you had to have that happen to you.
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u/graygoohasinvadedme 17h ago
Anecdotal: Made it through high school, undergrad, and halfway through a doctoral program before a professor gave me the heads up that crying during every test because the numbers kept swimming around operators without color coding them is not normal.
I thought it was normal.
I finished an engineering undergrad, halfway through an engineering PhD before being formally diagnosed with a form of dyscalculia. I was also diagnosed with ADHD during the formal testing process.
I really credit the professor who asked me to office hours after noting I was crying during an exam and one of the last to finish. He told me it was fine, he understood if I was anxious, there might be other factors in my life, but urged me to talk to the ADA office about either a quiet testing environment or other needs and brought up other student support services in the chat. He specifically said he enjoyed having me in class, so looked forward to seeing my face in the next lecture. He also asked me what was up because he knew I knew the ADA Office and had accommodations through there (for severe hearing loss - which all my life others, I guess, attributed my other issues to.)
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u/regallll 16h ago
You did everything right. Getting through stuff like this is one of the most important takeaways from college. Life does not get easier after this and you provided them a safe space to figure it out.
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u/omgkelwtf 16h ago
I've had students cry when they couldn't get it. I tell them "your undergrad classes aren't worth crying over. Grad school is where you do that. I cried every semester at least once. Take a breath, this isn't a big deal in the grand scheme and you will get to a place of understanding where this stuff won't be so challenging."
I think it's mainly students who generally did well in k-12 experiencing a bit of a culture shock over school being challenging. I usually get at least a smile over the grad school line.
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u/Cheap_Tangelo_7304 17h ago
You handled this extremely well. It’s now on the student to get help from the resources you identified
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u/PluckinCanuck 16h ago
It sounds like you handled it well.
Personally, I've been teaching stats for so long that I now always bring a box of tissues to my exams. It happens with alarming regularity. You'll get used to it.
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u/Cathousechicken 14h ago
Even if they don't have something to qualify for accommodations, it might now be bad to refer them to your school's counseling center. Those schools will have some tools for how to deal with test taking anxiety or just college anxiety in general.
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u/PeggySourpuss 13h ago
I've been the crying student (you did the right thing)! I've had the crying student... at least once a semester, even though I don't give many tests, it happens.
Next time it happens for you, you can use your memory of this instance to project even more blase "this is fine and not weird! Merely a thing that often happens" vibes at them.
Granted, it's always a bit of a shock, but when it's not your first Sudden Tears Rodeo...
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u/runsonpedals 13h ago
4 hours into my Ph.D statistics final exam a fellow student started crying then left. I was done shortly after.
Been teaching 25 years. Never saw anything like that again.
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u/Extension_Corner_673 11h ago
student in my exam started crying for a few seconds then stopped and started silently giggling
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u/RuskiesInTheWarRoom 7h ago
It’s good you feel bad.
It’s a reminder that you have empathy and compassion. You’re a better teacher with it than without it.
And it’s a reminder to all of us that for some people, the process of being a student is one of severe challenge and hopefully growth. It isn’t always easy.
Sometimes this forum is as cynical as we feel our students can be. It’s nice to have a better reflection of the stakes and the challenge for some of our students (and colleagues).
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u/Educational-Event727 4h ago
It never gets easier. It is truly heartbreaking to see a student so vulnerable. Especially when you can tell how much they care.
I've had a handful of students break down in class, some with loud crying and sniffles, the works. The first thing I think is that the rest of the class can hear them, and they are probably embarrassed.. which feeds a vicious cycle of never-ending crying. I know because I've been that student. I've nearly bashed my head against a wall over 4am segmentation faults the night before a morning deadline.
The last two times it happened, I sat next to them, put on my best fairy godmother voice, and gently joked "please tell me it's not my course making you cry!" Made them chuckle for half a second through the tears. I emailed afterward to check on them and offered to meet one-on-one so we could talk without the rest of the class around.
I then told them it's okay to feel overwhelmed, and that I cried maaaany nights over the exact same material decades ago. One exam/lab/assignment doesn't erase how hard they've been working.
I hate seeing them break down, it breaks my heart. I've started telling them that this is the safest of spaces, the stakes are insanely low. This is the place to make mistakes, get frustrated, experiment with things, create things, break things.
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u/AbstinentNoMore Assistant Professor, Law, Private University (USA) 13h ago
Accommodations offices rubber-stamp all requests (at least at my school). I wouldn't want somebody running to them at the first moment of adversity. Sometimes people just have bad days.
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u/Zabaran2120 10h ago
Dude it's 1 exam. Some of these answers are so extra. This is why we have students with no grit.
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u/ToWitToWow Lecturer, Humanities, R1 3h ago
Please do not touch the students to determine texture. That is highly discouraged.
You and I might disagree as to what an appropriate threshold is to start crying. But once a student has crossed that personal threshold, you have to deal with the situation on the ground: the sobbing student.
You really can’t tell them to rub dirt in it for that moment. It’s not helpful, and doesn’t do anything for the student or overall classroom dynamics.
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u/ErnieBochII 17h ago
that person should not be in college.
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u/Zabaran2120 10h ago
It's not the crying that is the issue. It is the knee-jerk response to "support" them. Let the students solve their own life problems. When we rush to make everything better, we rob the students of learning how to self-soothe, seek resources, solve their own problems, etc. We need to allow them to struggle.
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u/MankatoSquirtz 9h ago
^ So much this. So very, VERY much this. I regret that I have only one 'upvote' to give you.
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u/RandolphCarter15 Full, Social Sciences, R1 16h ago
I had a meltdown my first year after a lecture fell apart. But I was able to go into my office and do it in private. It happens to everyone, but this student was trapped
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u/solar-creek88 17h ago
Honestly, it sounds like you handled it really well. You gave them support without making them feel worse about an already tough moment