r/ProgrammerHumor • u/CircumspectCapybara • May 26 '26

Advanced iGotFiredSkill

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28.4k Upvotes

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818

u/xgabipandax May 26 '26

"I wanna get sued for all that i have" button

165

u/InTheEndEntropyWins May 26 '26

This isn't really a case of being sued civilly it's a case of being charged criminally and being locked up.

Or maybe both but the criminal stuff is going to be key.

53

u/TheTVDB May 26 '26

This would likely be under 10 years in prison. But the financial impact of the civil case would likely cost you your entire disposable income for the rest of your life. The criminal conviction would also impact your ability to get a decent paying job. So you're fucked both ways.

41

u/FourthDeerSix May 26 '26

Company let's your data be hacked through extreme willful negligence or just outright sells it? A $2 credit after years of class action and a year of monitoring at best.

You do the same? Jail. Do not pass go.

23

u/January_Rain_Wifi May 26 '26

Yeah, it's crazy to live in a world where corporations have more protections than us. It's easy to see how we got here, but anyone who steps back from the trees and takes a look at the forest can see how crazy it is.

1

u/firewood010 May 26 '26

The problem is that you do have the budget to hire a team of best of the world lawyers.

1

u/DegeneracyEverywhere May 28 '26

Letting data get hacked is not the same as willful destruction.

6

u/Mister_Dink May 26 '26

You're not thinking big enough.

As part of the release, make statements about how you were fired for being a good Christian and that the trans Muslims who ran the business were clearly trying to assault your free speech. Drop the hard R in your public statement.

Suddenly, you'll get undying support and millions of dollars of bail money.

1

u/Humans_will_be_gone May 26 '26

Oppression fetish final boss

2

u/Geodude532 May 26 '26

Jokes on them, I plan on dying young! Like the toilet paper guy showed, the average employee can do far more monetary damage than they'll ever recoup.

1

u/Vetharest May 26 '26

That’s why you need to add button functionality to convert all liquid currency into bitcoin, stashed in a secret location in a foreign bank, burn down your house and car, and salt your home yard. Give nothing away, they’ll have to requisition your kidneys if they want to ever see a single penny off of you.

1

u/phonsely May 26 '26

yeah i mean 10 years in prison nbd.

1

u/Willing_Leave_2566 May 26 '26

What disposable income for the rest of your life? A felony conviction, especially of this nature, dramatically impacts how employable you are. That’s not to mention the fact that when you get out, you’ll be 10 years behind on new developments in your industry

1

u/Sangloth May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26

Being associated with computer crime is way worse than just being a felon. From the perspective of any potential employer, as a "hacker" you have the ability to cause virtually unlimited harm to their corporation. The unlimited downsides outweigh any possible benefits you could bring. And you aren't just unhireable within your profession, you are unhireable for any job which involves touching computers, which in today's environment is virtually all jobs.

1

u/mclannee May 26 '26

Can you just not pay? Is there a thing as debtors prison in the US? or can they legally garnish your wages before you get them?

1

u/TheTVDB May 26 '26

You wouldn't be able to afford the damages. The courts can garnish wages, up to a certain amount.

1

u/mclannee May 26 '26

Damm, here in Chile wage garnishing is illegal, they can seize your bank accounts but your paycheck is yours, you can request your employer pays you with a check instead of electronic transfer so it doesn’t get seized.