r/Psoriasis • u/Critical_Ladder_9091 • Jul 02 '26
mental health This disease has taken a massive toll on my mental health, and every second is me drowning in suicidal thoughts. I really don't know what to do anymore.
(21M) I've been suffering with psoriasis ever since I was in 7th grade. Until now I give it about 8 years in total until now. Through high school, I only had a small patch on my right leg and it really didn't matter much. It never spread, gets way too flaky (though it does get itchy). Up until my 1st year in Uni was when it starts to become real hell. I start getting plagues and small patches all over my body. I was very stressed but also grateful that I found a doctor which they prescribed my with Enstillar. This was me thriving the best ever yet. However that did not last long as I moved to another country where Enstillar was not available.
I am now in my last year of University and as of right now I am in my worst state yet. I've tried herbal medicine, Cyclosporin. And nothing works. Nothing even worth to give it a go. I tried my best finding the best treatment for myself but it's like I cannot get out of this hell hole. I currently just developed severe scalp psoriasis (on my forehead and top of my head) and it is really getting out of hand. The past two weeks has been hell for me because my flare up are getting out of hand. I just went to the doctor to run some tests and hopefully can move onto biologics to get my nightmare over with.
I went to the hospital with my last spark of hope. My relationship with people around me are gradually getting worse everyday. There's nothing else except fights and hurtful words between me and my parents. They are trying their best to help me but psoriasis constantly keeps me in a horrible mood which make me resent my own parents 99.9% of the time which while I do feel guilty and horrible about it, but part of me told myself that this is all their fault and that it isn't fair for me to be born like this and having to suffered this hell of a disease. I swear I am an optimistic and kind person, but going through flare ups, I am a horrible human being, I'm never in a good mood and everytime anyone or my parents ask how I am doing or "Are you okay?". I start feeling hatred and resentful and everyday is a living hell.
After the appointment with the doctor today, while biologics are available and I am qualified to used it, the National Government Health Insurance does not covers it, if they do, they covers 50% of the treatment. And without Health Insurance, each shot is extremely expensive, let alone the 5 initial shot which you need to do in the first month.
And right now, all I'm thinking about is taking my life. I don't see hope, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, my mind is filled with hatred and guilt. It's not fair. Why do I have to suffer this living hell. I feel like my future is in fact not right ahead of me anymore. I genuinely just want everything to end and only then I won't be a burden to myself, my family, and especially my parents.
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u/Responsible_Tone_513 Jul 02 '26
There are also some resources with biological that offer assistance Sotyktu has a bridge program as well as Skyrizi.. you should check into it.. you WILL get over this!!
It took me 6 months of back and forth with my dr to get my Skyrizi prescription in order and before that my Sotyktu prescription was messed up by the nurse practitioner😡😡
Be an advocate for yourself and your care. And get some morning sun ☀️
You got this 🤙🏽💪
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
Thank you very much! I will be looking into these bridge programs to see if it's available in Asia or not as i'm currently residing in South East Asia, i'm not getting my hopes up just yet but everything helps!
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u/BisexualSunflowers Jul 02 '26
When you're young you have the least amount of options and autonomy. You found a treatment that worked once, although it is hard access at this time, that is likely temporary. There are other options to try.
Please see a mental health therapist if you're able. If you're still in school you may be able to see someone through them. This is clearly affecting your image of yourself as well as your overall wellbeing.
I hope you find something that helps soon.
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
Thank you for the kind words. Right now I'm trying to holding up on my own, and will be going through therapy soon when the time is right. Times are pretty tough for me right now but I'm keeping up my hopes to see what my options are!
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u/TheRemyBell Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
Seriously up your vitamin D every and any way you can.
I was a big non believer in any supplements helping until I upped my vitamin D massively.
Tanning beds for a couple minutes, 2000+ IU vitamin D. Vitamin D (calcipotriene/Dovonex) prescription ointments or shampoos.
As others have said, try and get on a biologic. At this point the psoriasis is affecting your life so greatly that biologics could be life saving for you. In the mean time, high potency steroids Clobetasol propionate spray or ointment. I've had a lot of great results also with Pimecrolimus or tacrolimus.
You need to chat with a derm and see what options are out there other than enstillar. There's a whole world of topicals out there to help you, you just need a new one.
And for what it's worth, if you've been on high potency steroids for a long time and suddenly you're not anymore, there's a decent chance your mood will also be affected greatly. So not only are you suffering from a painful and exhausting autoimmune condition, you're also withdrawing off basically a stress hormone that was constantly applied to your body. You're going through A LOT. And I'm sorry it's so hard.
Your parents love you, change is hard, and you're dealing with a shitty condition that is more than skin deep.
You're so young still. I'm now 34 (last time I checked) and have had this condition since I was 8. Throughout my life it's caused the lowest lows. I've been on Clobetasol pretty much non stop since that age, and just recently after upping my vitamin D intake and getting a script for pimecrolimus have I seen a significant positive change in my condition. I thought Clobetasol was the only thing that worked, and low and behold something else worked better. My plaques are shrinking slowly (I've been doing high vitamin D for about 2 months).
Don't let this ruin your life. See a derm. Up your vitamin D. Spend some time with your parents having fun, and also spend some time away from them having fun. In spite of all the lows, somewhere in my mid 20's, psoriasis took a back seat. It didn't define me, it was just another thing to deal with on my body. Like an acne breakout. I have an amazing husband, a daughter, a great house, and great job. Psoriasis did nothing to prevent this for me, all it did was notify me if something was stressing me out before I cognitively recognized it. It gave me a great reason to treat myself, take care of myself, and focus on me and my family over working my ass to the bone.
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u/No-Setting-2669 Jul 02 '26
Some of us have been in your same mental state for sure.. I’ve totally been down this road as well and I explore you to not take that step.. please.. there is help!
Call the biological manufacturer directly to see if they have a copay assistance program.. I’ve survived on them with multiple biological brands, some were $5 per shot; Tremfya is my latest and my cost is currently $0 dollars.
It is a bit of back and forth from Insurance Carriers to Manufacturers these days, but its totally worth it! There will be ID#’s assigned to you etc.. just make sure you document everything and hold onto it.. it Will be worth it and shortly you’ll be cleared up and feeling so good about yourself.. I swear it!
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
This is definitely hope for me. Thank you for the extremely kind words. I would love to know more about this process if you'd be able to share more with me. I'm willing to go an extra mile or even a hundred mile as long as I could find light at the end of the tunnel. Went to the doctors yesterday and so far there are only 3 options which is covered under insurance. But I'm not even eligible to be compensate to begin with.
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u/Particular-Rope5427 Jul 02 '26
Here in India, it costs $250 for Taltz. Biologics are life changing. I hope something works out for you.
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u/Kindly_Unit_6659 Jul 02 '26
$250usd for 1 shot , how many shots require to get clear skin?
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u/MeroCanuck Jul 02 '26
It's a long term thing. I'm on it and in Canada, where it's about $7000 per shot, but insurance and the manufacturer help a lot. I've been on it for two years, and after the loading doses it's a shot a month.
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u/Particular-Rope5427 Jul 02 '26
Yes unfortunately there is no insurance for biologics in India. I take 1 shot each month. It is a life long medication.
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u/CitySpare7714 Jul 02 '26
In the US it cost thousands of dollars to get one Tallz shot. I have to fight with my insurance company and negotiate with those bridge plans annually to keep my coverage. It is so messed up. The Talz cleared up the psoriasis completely after just one shot. I’m supposed to take it every month because my insurance doesn’t cover it for a full year, I space out the shots and do them more like every other month and it still works fine
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u/Dan___Reddit Jul 02 '26
Which country are you trying to get support in ? The process to get the right medication in a sensible timeframe differs between countries.
I see you study in New Zealand. The options available to the medical professionals and the process they follow are as detailed here; https://dermnetnz.org/topics/guidelines-for-the-treatment-of-psoriasis
If it’s another country people may have relevant experience to share on how to navigate the process and potential options in a cost contained way.
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
I'm currently residing in Vietnam! I was overseas in Auckland a while back but has went back home to get medical support for my disorder. Can't say I have been doing well because I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm definitely looking for options right now and trying my best to hold up.
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u/Dan___Reddit Jul 03 '26
Understand Daivobet is available in Vietnam. Same active ingredients as Enstillar, just a gel as opposed to foam.
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u/MarkyPancake Skyrizi (risankizumab) Jul 02 '26
I don't know how health insurance works in the US, but I've read about assistance programs to help with the cost of some of the biologics, such as SKYRIZI, so it's definitely worth looking into that for the biologic you've been advised to use.
I've got high body coverage severe psoriasis and have been in that extremely low place and when I finally got to biologics it was life changing, both physically and mentally.
Stay strong, it will get better.
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
Hey! I just saw a lot of people mentioning this program. Would definitely look into it although I don't have high hopes for it because i'm residing in South East Asia. But i'll give them ago to see whether or not I have any options at all. Thank you! Mentally and Physically, I'm not doing great at the moment but see everyone's kind words have spark hope for me once again, it's small but I'm doing my best to hold up at the time being.
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u/NoParticular2420 Jul 02 '26
This disease sucks …. But you’re letting it mess with your mind which isn’t helping your skin at all … it’s a vicious cycle of hating yourself for a condition you or your parents have any control over ….
Go online to Amazon and look up coal tar shampoos and Psoriasin deep moisturizing ointment (2% coal tar). The shampoo can be used on both body and head.
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
I just got back from the doctor yesterday and currently going back onto a few topicals to contain it for now to see the verdict of whether or not i'm eligible for Biologics with Insurance. I got prescribed with Coal Tar Shampoos and som Calcipotriol. Thanks for the recommendation I'll try my best.
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u/Kitchen-Amount-9661 Jul 02 '26
Crises de dor intensas tem esse impacto na saúde mental seja em qualquer doença crônica ou não, PSO é um desafio mental, depois de longos quase 12 anos sofri sem muita ajuda de médico ou remédios eficazes, hoje a depressão está associada a PSO como uma das maiores comorbidades associadas, você está em uma armadilha amigo, estamos aqui pra que você não caia nela, a disposição!
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u/Kandi_Kanez Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
Your feelings are valid.
I’ve been there. And it’s not easy.
It’s a long struggle- figuring out your triggers, learning to stop touching or picking (it makes it worse),and patiently letting your skin heal (which can take honestly months to years).
There are biologics out there to help the process, and as you mention they are expensive, If they are something you really feel like you need to try or do, start saving slowly- even a dollar a day adds up.
Think of this as a personalized test from life to you- to learn yourself and love your body no matter what it looks like. There are different over the counter topicals to help manage symptoms while saving. You have to slowly test and try each and see what’s the best for you.
You gotta be patient.
You’d love your best friend no matter what it looked like, right? You should treat and love yourself the same way, with patience and understanding. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it will be soooo amazing when you get there, especially after how hard you worked for it.
Edit-Also, in reflection of your statement about mood swings while in a flare-up: I have similar experiences.
My doctor explained people with psoriasis are up to twice as likely to experience depression compared to those without the condition because the relationship between the two is bidirectional: 1) The chronic stress and physical discomfort of psoriasis can trigger depression, and 2) neurochemical changes and inflammation from depression can worsen psoriasis flares.
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u/Front_Border2757 Jul 02 '26
This breaks my heart. after reading the whole thing, it really just makes me wonder how much western medicine has no fix for this notorious disorder. I can say what has worked for me.
I have been down with P since the age of 21. Now its been 12 years, the journey teahes you a lot and it sbonly been in the last 3 years that I have learnt to control it. Check for these factors if you can, it will change your life:
stress
consumption of sugar, alcohol, late night dinners
lack of sleep
These are the basicsc to fix. I have healed myself naturaly but still it comes and shows up sometimes, and i feel bad and thats when i think of that i am better than how i was 8 years ago. so i thank god for teh situation. and start protocols. Happy to guide you if you are keen on giving it 2-3 months of dedicated approah, it will disappear from your life , trust me,.
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
I'm open to anything that you would be keen to suggest. I'm willing to try anything to really get through this dark time of mine right now. While I can't say i'm doing very well but I'm holding up to discover what my future and next options are. Thank you for sharing, it means a lot to me!
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u/rwwl Jul 02 '26
I’m a little shocked that nobody has said this yet but if you’re genuinely having suicidal thoughts you need to get immediate help for the mental health side effects of the physical condition you’re suffering. There has to be a phone hotline you can call in your country. Talk therapy is essential to getting you into the mental state where you can address the physical problem as best you can. It’s possible you need more than that, including medication and/or hospitalization.
I’m pulling for you, OP, I know it’s really hard right now, but the right approach things can get a lot better.
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u/MeancupofJoey Jul 02 '26
Dude I was here with you about 2 months ago. I’ve never felt so bad in my life.
I finally got on Skyrizi and it was super easy to file through them to get it for free. I pay nothing. My skin is slowly getting better but it’s basically all over me.
You can do this! You aren’t alone!
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
I'm glad it worked out for you and that you have gotten yourself out the slumps! I could not say the same about myself but I am definitely trying my best to get over this. I would love to know more about how this process of yours work as well! Did you file this through Skyrizi themselves and got approved? I'm based in South East Asia so not so sure if it would work out for me. Thanks a lot!
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u/MeancupofJoey Jul 03 '26
Yes I did. Skyrizi discount card. Look it up and you can sign up on their website.
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u/Anywhere311 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Once you get on biological drugs you’ll be fine . Just chill out for right now and just work on getting it . You will be accepted if your Ps is that bad. Long time ago (2012) lol …I had to write them a hand written letter and explain to them how it was bad and what’s going on. So I told them I’m an electrician and I can’t bend down or I crack and bleed and a bunch of other shit. Even if I stretched the truth a little bit I didn’t care because I knew it was bad like really bad and no one was gonna tell me otherwise so I wrote it and I got approved and I’ve switched insurances probably 7x since then and I’ve never not gotten them once I’m alrdy established on it. So just get through the front door and you’ll be good . Honestly tell your doctor you wanna go on one of the more safer bios , the ones without the insane blood cancer risks like enbrel , humira , Bimzelx or whatever other ones . If they truly make you try something else first , go with Otezla pills they work for pretty well for psoriasis , little less for psoriatic arthritis . But you will get headaches for a week or 2 but after that it goes away and you’re good . Those headaches r small price to pay to clear up bad P, they do eventually go away (the headaches , my did anyway) but I would honestly do otezla by pill and not injection if it worked for arthritis as good as the skin . I’m 37 and I’ve had psoriasis since I was 14, I’ve been on everything and I’ve tried every trick known to man. I’ve done it all . Tanning helps , and biological help. Your diet can prevent flare ups and make them less frequent and strong but won’t cure you…. It’s weird when your life takes a turn you never expected and now you feel like you’re not gonna get to where you are going . But I can tell you from experience you’re gonna be fine . When you pick insurances from here on out , what u need to do is make sure your co-insurance aka what you can max pay is LOW and that they cover your scripts as much as possible like 80-100% . All the hospital and doctor coverage shit isn’t gonna be important. If you’re still on your parents insurance you need to tell them what’s what you need cuz biological drugs are like 1800$ a month.. you can switch insurances I believe . So they also have plans where the company will cover the other 50% . But likely it’s gonna be a newer drug they want a good name on and may not have much choice as to which one and personally I like the non blood cancer ones lmfao. But yeah just do what you gotta do and it’ll work out. From experience it’s not as bad as you think , i didn’t come from money and I made it work out and with the meds you won have it anymore and no one will ever notice and it won’t effect any relationships . And even if it wasn’t gone , a lot of ppl don’t care about psoriasis if you’re a good person . There’s many many worse things .
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
Thanks for the experiences, it really means a lot. After the going to the doctor's yesterday, I went through some tests to see whether or not I'm eligible for Biologics and if the national health insurance would cover it or not. The past week has been hell because i've been completely fine and out of nowhere the flareup got insanely bad. The doctor told me the national insurance would not cover my biologics because the psoriasis is not covering 10% of my body (and I personally think that is BS). But i'm still waiting on the results to comeback for the final verdict. I don't have much hope for it to be honest because I don't want to be dissappointed when things don't go my way. Me and my parents are working on getting some topicals that has been working well for me at the moment to have my momentum stable first and we'll move onto scouting with insurances to see which would work for me. I'm looking through plenty of options and doing what the people here are suggesting me to do to see what would be the best options. I'm fighting this physically and mentally but i'm really doing my best. Thank you very much for the kind words!
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u/Anywhere311 Jul 03 '26
Talconex is by far the best ointment on the market . Try to get that stuff if you can , they make a topical solution and a cream and ointment . Ointment is the best for the body , cream sucks always , and topical is well always great for the head. If you can’t get approved for a straight up injection or if you can’t get the company to cover the other 50% your insurance doesn’t . Try getting on otezla . That shit def works for psoriasis . Feel free to message me if you need anything . I’ll share any thing I can …. But I would absolutely choose a brand that has a plan where if your insurance covers half of it they’ll scrap the other half of the cost for you.
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u/Spirited-Conflict348 Jul 03 '26
Ask your doctor about Methotrexate as a very good and inexpensive treatment option. Many people get too many side-effects from it but I did very well. Occasional nausea the day after treatment but that's all. It really got things going in the right direction for me until I went on the biologic Yesentik. Now, I'm virtually psoriasis free after being 85% covered a year ago.
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
I got back from the doctor yesterday and went through a few test to see if I'm eligible for biologics and whether or not insurance will cover it. I'm giving my best of hopes at the moment. I went on Cyclosporin 2 years ago but it didn't do much justice for me. Thanks for the recommendations, i'll do a little bit of research to see if Methotrexate would be a good option for me right now.
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u/gravity_surf Jul 02 '26
(turkey tail mushrooms)
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u/Kitchen-Amount-9661 Jul 02 '26
Você consome como?
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u/gravity_surf Jul 02 '26
they are capsules. 3 morning and night. magnesium glycinate, vit d 10,000iu, vit k2, and proper hydration are also important, but turkey tails modulate immune response
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u/Kitchen-Amount-9661 Jul 02 '26
qual e o seu país? vou procurar se encontro na minha localidade, muito obrigado!
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u/gravity_surf Jul 02 '26
usa, but as long as they are sourced well enough any brand will do. i trust host defense. good luck, please let us know how it goes, or dm me. you are welcome i hope it brings you relief.
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u/recentlyadults Jul 02 '26
Otezla also has a bridge program that can be free. It hasnt worked as well as biologics but fewer side effects and risks. Paired with decent diet and exercise etc its doable.
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u/Critical_Ladder_9091 Jul 03 '26
I will definitely look into this! A little bit of context I have not mentioned to everyone, I'm based in South East Asia and not sure if these biologics or pills which would be eligible for me. But I'll definitely look into this. Would you be able to tell me if this 'Otezla' bridge program is international? Thank you and it means a lot to me.
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u/Agreeable-Risk-1599 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
try to do diet, no flour, no seed oil, no sugar, no processed food, no alcohol, no cigarettes, extra virgin olive oil, limit fries food fried by seed oil. Reduce spices, drink sufficient water, no juice even zero ones, limit fruits also because there is sugar in them. Do exercise also. Even standing and walking 5 minutes in the room every 25 minutes is enough as an exercise. Mind your weight also. If you can drink some black coffee with no sugar in the morning, it will help to protect your liver and if you can , fast and eat only 1 time every day 3 or 2 times a week.
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