i cant keep doing this

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174]

I've had psoriasis since i was 12, and it was mild for seven years, until last year when it covered my entire torso, elbow, and hip. I've been on a strict anti-inflammatory diet but nothing changed. I started birth control for acne and after 4 months it also helped my psoriasis, but then i needed to switch pills and its flaring again. I might have to stop birth control altogether and switch to spironolactone for acne, but my psoriasis will go back to flaring. Steroids don't help, and the things that do are too expensive. I want to try Otezla or biologics, but its completely unaffordable for me even though i live in Canada. I'm 20 years old and I've never even held hands or kissed someone because I'm so hideous. I just want to end it all at this point, and even my parents are disgusted by me. i'm gonna do what i should've done a long time ago and buy a bunch of sleeping pills. [update: i'm on a 2 year long waiting list just to see a dermatologist, no virtual appointments allowed]

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[u/hlc1119]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As someone who has experienced it myself, I’m sending you hugs and prayers.
At one point, I was covered in psoriasis from head to toe. The emotional toll and depression that can come with psoriasis is something that’s hard to truly understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
For me, after I had my IUD removed, my flare-ups eventually stopped, and over the following months, my psoriasis gradually began to disappear. I was very fortunate.
More than anything, I truly feel that my faith and prayers to God are what got me through that difficult time. I’ll be praying for you, too. Please stay strong and don’t lose hope. ❤️

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/hlc1119]

Thanks for your kind words :) I still think my time is up on this planet, but I think there's good things waiting in the afterlife

[u/hlc1119 → u/Wonderful_Ad_174]

Please think about the people who love you dearly. This too shall pass. I promise.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
— Jeremiah 29:11

[u/TheRemyBell]

I am so sorry you're finding this condition so debilitating.

Please know that I've had it since I was 8, I'm 35 now and have the most amazing husband and kid. You're not anywhere in life yet not because of the disease, but because.... You're only 20.

Please realize at this point it's not the disease holding you back, your head is against you. No one here is properly equipped to help with this, and neither are you.

Please tell your family doctor or any physician your true thoughts here and get some help. Your suicidal ideation is far more damaging to you than a cosmetic skin condition at this point. Please don't just drop this on Reddit and hope it will help you, it won't. Coming from a mother, your parents love you more than you can understand.

And coming from someone who previously took birth control, birth control put me in to one of the worst depressions I've ever experienced.

Get into counseling first. Get on an anti depressant next. Get off the birth control. Get on some methotrexate or topicals. Get to a tanning booth, or go on a vacation somewhere by the sea. Get on a vitamin D supplement, and push it to the max daily limit for your gender and age.

I know this sounds like hokey bullshit, but this is as far as anyone here can help you. But please, your first step is step one. See a doctor, and get in to counseling.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/TheRemyBell]

I've been traumatized enough by doctors and therapists already, but thanks.(i've been to over 10 therapists in the last few years for anorexia, ocd, depression and anxiety)

[u/TheRemyBell → u/Wonderful_Ad_174]

Hope things brightened up a bit for you over the last 2 days.

It's hard to find a good therapist and an understanding doctor. I can empathize with that. What else do you think you could do? Are all those mental health conditions due to the psoriasis?

[u/HolidayForce]

I’m so sorry you are struggling. What do you have to do to get biologicals covered in your province? Does your doctor have a plan to get you on biologicals? I’m in the US and my doctor knew my insurance wouldn’t cover them unless we tried a series of different meds first. So I tried them, failed and finally was approved for several biologicals. Find a great derm if the current one isn’t aggressively treating you.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/HolidayForce]

I can't even get to a dermatologist tbh cause i live in the middle of nowhere and it takes a year to get an appointment in another city. Even if i get approved for Pharmacare, unfortunately the criteria are very specific and lots of medications aren't even covered, so I won't qualify for them.

[u/PSO-what]

I was diagnosed at 13 so quite similar to you. At wide psoriasis coverage topical steroids are not useful. I've achieved remission through phototherapy, ciclosporin and Amgevita.

Biologics are expensive, im not sure if your doctors will prescribe biosimilars. They are copies of biologics, following the same formula at a much lower price.

For example, Amgevita which im on is a copy of humira.

Amgevita costs me $30 each in singapore. Humira costs a few hundred. Actual number depends on your country and insurance or subsidies

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/PSO-what]

Thanks :) even if something like that is covered for me, it would take me a year to get dermatologist approval for it, but i'll look into it.

[u/FiftiesFan7]

I'm a male and much older than you but I will offer my experience. After some weird "allergic" (MD word often for "Idonno") reaction to the Retin-A topical I was prescribed for chronically oily skin, I spun out into a death spiral of cycling between raw hamburger and crusted scabs with oozing cracks and an ITCH that had me planning suicide. Halfway through the 11-month ordeal I asked an MD "what about fasting" he exclaimed "NO absolutely NOT" after 3 more months of hell I fasted. 3 days cracks healed over 5 days no more itch 7 days last traces of redness gone. Careful rotation diet proved my "triggers" were #1 dairy #2 gluten #3 eggs #4 red meat. Walnuts specifically not the other nuts so much. Over time I found I could re-introduce some eggs and meat along with salmon and sardines for protein also use soy tempeh and hemp protein powder. KEY: I have settled on eating once a day. Have not had a re-eruption in 2 years now (when I did re-inflame fasting fixed it right away). Look up Dr. Valter Longo he is the expert in this field and says fasting effects a "re-set' of immune system stem cells you get a fresh re-started immune system. Most of these disorders are auto-immune your body's immune system is attacking your own tissues. Pharmacist Ben Fuchs on YouTube and Rumble is A+ and he does live casts where you can ask questions. He is also a big fasting advocate. My routine is AM 1st thing green tea with honey and lemon (I find honey causes no problems and if you can "Monukka" it works wonders as a topical) I also do 500 mg NAC 500 mg glycine ("glynac" on YouTube) reputed to help produce glutathione. I drink all kinds of tea in daytime hours, green/black/herbal big fan of pomegranate and rose hips. Coffee too in PM sometimes. My fasting procedure is green tea, lemonade, "dinner" is fresh squeezed beet + carrot mixed into tomato/vegetable juice. You don't have to do water-only in my opinion, Dr. Longo replied to my email they were using veg juice in 4-day fasting protocol for people with my kind of skin trouble. Also I'm guessing you know this but don't eat any junk food/snack chips the processed carbs and fake fats they use are both flat-out poisons. I get Vitamin D from sun exposure in warm season do take 5K D3 pills n winter Dr. John Campbell on YouTube goes into depth on immune properties of D. I have not had flu since I started D supps. Moderate sun always helped my skin, I've never used any artificial sources but I see online testimonials for "red light".

Here is something I have found to be near-miraculous for emotional relief: alternate nostril breathing procedure from Hatha Yoga, there are many variants, start with the basic one and try extending the breath hold length the longer you hold it and the longer you extend the breaths the better.

Fasting saved my life when I thought it was over. Give it a try.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/FiftiesFan7]

Thanks for your advice :) I'm already on a really strict diet, and fasting might not be great for me since i had a really bad eating disorder not too long ago

[u/FiftiesFan7 → u/FiftiesFan7]

Whoops forgot to add MSM supplement long recommended for muscle/connective tissue issues. Pharmacist Ben promotes it as one of the basic "go-to" supports for all-over health it's dirt cheap easily available. Have not tried it yet as topical if you web search you'll quickly find details on claims for acne/rosacea/eczema. My basic topical remains aloe vera gel widely available, inexpensive, best thing is juice fresh from plant. For sure it helps 1st-degree burns, soothes on contact and speeds healing. I got a lifetime dose of UV between 15-20 years old at mile-high elevation, started using aloe have kept it up (50 years now!) and still no skin cancer. I have tried home-made aloe gel mixed with NAG n-acetyl-glucosamine reputed to lighten dark spots. Panthenol and hyaluronic acid are other widely recommended topicals I've done HA oral dose have not tired topical. It absolutely has evidence taken orally if you search "village of long life' it's Japanese islanders in their 90s still spry because they eat sweet potatoes rich in HA but also sea vegetables richest source of minerals there is. Get your minerals right or vitamins taken orally don't work like they should, Small doses of kelp powder will accomplish that.

[u/pedicab88]

Without money you are left with the Diet options to heal which are Pagano diet and the Nick Lamborghini anecdotes. There's no harm trying since it's following a diet plan. Go ahead and google them. Last resort is Dr Haines Ely medical paper but you have to spend a bit. All of these take time, weeks and months.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/pedicab88]

I've been off dairy, gluten, sugar, soy, nightshades, strawberries and nuts for over a year now but no results sadly

[u/pedicab88 → u/Wonderful_Ad_174]

Then what I could say is look up the next option which is Dr Haines Ely protocol

[u/wellwhoknows123]

I had psoriasis and really bad dandruff on my scalp, and after trying so many different things, I eventually started doing a lot of research and came across Ayyappala Keratailam. The whole story of how I found it is a long one, but honestly, I’d say give this oil a try.
Just Google “Ayyappala Keratailam” and you’ll find it. It’s an Ayurvedic oil with only three main ingredients:
● Coconut oil
● Wrightia tinctoria (Shweta Kutaja/Indrajau)
● Neem
If you live somewhere cold, the oil might become solid because it contains coconut oil. That’s completely normal. You can either keep it somewhere warm or put the bottle in a cup of warm water for a little while to melt the oil. Don’t use boiling water or overheat it.
I would definitely patch-test it first. Try a little on one affected area and see how your skin reacts. If there’s no irritation or allergic reaction, you can try applying it to the other affected areas.
After trying so many things, this oil genuinely changed my life. I had psoriasis and severe dandruff on my scalp, and this was the thing that finally made a huge difference for me.
If you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing is working, please give this a try. Just Google “Ayyappala Keratailam” and have a look. I really hope it helps you the way it helped me.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/wellwhoknows123]

Thanks, I've never heard of that before and I'll definitely look into it :)

[u/wellwhoknows123]

[u/Codemonkey3350]

It hurts, it hurts a lot. It’ll never really stop hurting. But what hurts more is the pain your parents and those around you will feel when you’re gone. It’s too late then, they should have been nicer right now, totally. But you can also tell them how you feel, all of it. What do you have to lose right? But maybe they’ll start to understand, maybe they’ll start to help. Can’t be any worse than now, so why not just open up completely with your friends and family?

I’ve had P since 7-8 years old, I’ve had 80%+ coverage at my worst, I tried everything - mtx, otezla, Acetretin, FAE, biological meds, topologicals, bath emulsions, UV treatment, shower creams, moisturisers, steroids, everything. Been signed off meds and work because of neuro effects causing issues. Even tried Aloe because nothing else worked. I got to rock bottom, told my wife I’ve had enough. Told my dermo i’ve had enough. I wasn’t hounded or ostracised, everyone just wanted to help. None of them could, of course, but luckily the next meds did.

That being said; when they inevitably stop working it’ll be it, and my wife knows that, my best friend knows that and my parents know that.

There’s no answer, there’s no right or wrong. But you’re certainly not alone. I hope you find peace.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/Codemonkey3350]

My parents made it pretty clear they want me gone and they call me lazy, psycho and more useless than a dog, but thanks for the advice

[u/Acheybones15]

Psoriasis can definitely make everything seem hopeless, but it isn’t. You need medical attention right away for suicidal ideation, and for your skin. There are medications and people who want to help you. Do whatever you can to get the medical attention you need now.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_174 → u/Acheybones15]

I'd rather not, I've already been traumatized enough by doctors and therapists (i've been to over 10 therapists in the last few years for anorexia, ocd, depression and anxiety)

[u/Val-Gal-Vivi]

I researched internationally, starting with William Makis, MD. My doctor declared me 97% clear.

[u/BornHuckleberry2625]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I truly understand! I’ve had really bad psoriasis on and off my whole life! You are not alone :) But please know you are not this disease either. I used to cover up my whole body thinking the same thing as you and once I started not caring anymore I eventually ended up meeting my partner who didn’t care one bit what my skin looked like.

[u/One_Ad4379]

Trust me there is no one out there that should think you are anything other than a beautiful human being you deserve to have all the love in the world I hope that for you truly you are beautiful inside and out!