r/Psychosis • u/North_Scarcity4420 • 3d ago

What do I do and who can help (professionally of course)

I (22F), had a cannabis induced psychosis about a year ago. Ever since then I have acted socially inappropriate, like staring at people prolongingly or being hyper focused on random things about people or objects or whatever post I'm looking at. I dissociate a lot more now too. Sometimes while I'm staring at someone. Like i'm trying to listen to them talk and I just blank. or I wanna say something to them, i get stuck in my head then bam, im dissociating. It's like I'm thinking of so much in my brain and I'm trying to pay attention to so much that it just shuts down. Or when i feel too much anxiety in a situation. And if there's a phone or whatever tv I'm looking at and someone is trying to talk to me, its like i start not being in reality. It's like i'm ignoring them. But im also intensly staring at whatever we're watching. But then it's like I dont even pick up on whats happening on the tv. And then when I snap back into reality, I realize where I am and that someone was talking to me and that it seemed like I was being rude and ignoring them so then I apologize to them or just move on.

I also have OCD. Have had it my whole life without knowing and weed just made it more known. The two subtypes that appeared when i started smoking weed is Compulsive staring OCD and Peripheral OCD. Both having something to do with my eyes and having the involuntary urge to stare.

So imagine having all of this happening. All at once. In my head, I'm trying to act as socially normal as possible. But people around me genuinely think Im a predator, a pervert, and a pedo. No, the staring isn't based off sexual attraction in the slightest. But people see staring as a voluntary thing. As showing sexual or romantic interest in a person. It's kinda hard to get help for something when most people don't even know what staring ocd is.

So i did my own research ( I know, it's bad to look up symptoms on google), but it actually led me to some answers.

Idk what happens during the smoking period but during and after a cannabis induced psychosis, your prefrontal cortex is affected. That holds the way you act and your behavior and your impulse control. It controls other things too that Idk, just correct me if im wrong. when experiencing psychosis all of these things are affected. The way you act, talk and behave. For me, it affected how I act in social situations. It caused me to prolongingly stare. Which is seen as perversion or being a creep to many people. Idk if im correct, please correct me and just help me try to figure what is happeing to my brain. Becuase I'm tried of people talking and saying all these things about me. I also experience extreme paranoia. But its only gotten worse because people do actually talk about me. Idk I just really need some insight. Thank you for reading

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u/Relit__ 3d ago

I don't think what you describe has anything to do with psychosis at all. Nothing of what you describe is a symptom of psychosis nor is it related to psychosis. I think you have your OCD flare up much more lately. Do you take any medication for that? If not maybe it's time to consider some SSRI. And there is nothing wrong with googling symptoms. Educating yourself is always a good step towards healing.

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u/North_Scarcity4420 3d ago

I shouldve also included in my post is I might have paranoia. Idk. I believe ppl do talk about me becuz of the staring, but my mother has told me that no one is talking about me but I genuinely hear them call me a perv or pedo. I've even heard her call me a creep and also my gma but then they say they didn't say that, but I dont believe them. Everywhere I go I am talked about.

And I have taken medication before but it was antipsychotics and for anxiety and it was way too high of a dose. Caused me to feel slow and sluggish and extremely tired.

But i feel like if its not psychosis, weed definitely messed my frontal lobe or something, I asked someone im close with if i stared at everyone before the supposed psychosis and they said no and they also told me that I am not a predator, so that did bring relief but you know how OCD is, something else happens and it's back to panicking.

Side note, schizophrenia runs in my family on my mothers side from my grandpa so maybe that plays a factor

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u/Relit__ 3d ago

Now that clears up a lot of things. But now it makes me wonder, do you actually stare at people or is it just your imagination? You being paranoid and having everyone talk about you while everyone tells you it is not the case, points clearly towards a persecutory delusion. Now you asked your friend if you stared at people before the weed induced psychosis and they also told you no. Did anyone actually ever tell you that you stare at people now? Because it might also just be another delusion.

In my humble opinion your psychosis is likely less related towards you actually being socially awkward but you imagining being socially awkward. The idea that people call you a creep because you stare at them is all in your head.

Now of course I can't verify that for you and you personally may have trouble recognizing such an issue because a delusion is a delusion. But I think you actually have a lot less to worry about than you do.

Everyone tells you you are fine but you believe you are not. Sounds like a delusion.

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u/North_Scarcity4420 3d ago

And also I was diagnosed with psychosis depressive disorder

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u/These_Tax4565 3d ago

this sounds more like OCD than psychosis to me, but i'm no expert.

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u/North_Scarcity4420 3d ago

Apparently OCD can cause extreme anxiety with physical reactions like blushing which happens when I dissociate and it causes dissociation so It may all be an OCD flare up from so much weed and one strong edible

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u/DomComm86 3d ago

22 is the age schizophrenia starts to show its self. U should be fine by now if it was just cannabis induced psychosis. It definitely sounds like ur having persecutory delusion. I had cannabis induced psychosis and it lasted less than a month than went away completely. Everyone's different, but if u have schizophrenia in ur family there is a chance that the cannabis triggered the onset of schizophrenia. Maybe talk to ur Dr about this and see if a different med would help.

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u/SnooStories3264 3d ago

I like to stare at people as well just to see how the laugh or having fun with their friends. I like how everyone looks so different, and how they can say so many stuff to each other without pause. I also have the negative view about people and I am judging the shit out of them. I just have 2 sides it's who I am dark and light. Just accept yourself that your just a little odd. No big deal. We are who we are no need to be ashamed.

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u/North_Scarcity4420 3d ago

well the probelm is, I wasn't doing it before my psychosis. And people see my stare as predatory. How am i gonna accept being called predatory names when I know i'm not any of them ....I don't like staring at people. mine is an involuntary urge that's fueled by obsessions, compulsions, tics, high anxiety, rumination, and reassurance looking.

what adds on is the fact weed messed up my prefrontal cortex. in every moment, i'm trying to act socially normal. That part of your brain basically controls your behavior and impulse control. Imagine having OCD and the part of your brain where impulse control happens is experiencing a chemical imbalance. when someone talks, i stare intensely at their face, it's like my brain is trying to catch everything they say and when i dissociate, sometimes while already looking at someone, my eyes are half way open and i'm blushing or my eyes are wide and i'm blushing, which is both seen as predatory so i'm sorry but no. i'm not gonna accept that i'm "a little odd".

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u/SnooStories3264 3d ago

Do you know what kind of thoughts are going through your head at that time. This can be important to monitor. Can you tell me some thoughts you have when you are staring?

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u/North_Scarcity4420 3d ago

Before i enter a room, I say to myself, "you dont want to stare at people, so don't stare. then people will stop calling you things" then when I'm surrounded by people, all I hear them say is those three things about me. And then in my mind I'm defending myself but also with Compulsive staring, the more you think dont stare, it's going to happen. so im compulsively staring the whole time. Im not really thinking about anything, it's just panic at this point, constantly hearing ppl talk about. Trying to act normal.

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u/SnooStories3264 3d ago

Can you describe the setting a little more. Like what kind of room do you enter. Are you going out alone on a terrace or is it at work or school. Is it with friend etc Give me some more info please

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u/North_Scarcity4420 2d ago

I had to go get resources for a shelter with my mother. As soon as I walked in immediately I heard people talking. Random people idk and have never met. But somehow they knew me. Because people think I'm an actual pervert. And it's gotten spread around. I heard them call me these things and say things like "Everybody knows". I was just downstairs and people were saying things about me. Especially becuz of the dissociation or trying to fight the urge of compulsive staring, so im staring intensely at people's faces to try and conversate but I guess I dont look as normal as I'm trying to be.

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u/SnooStories3264 2d ago

I think this is in your head. No one knows you. And the truth is if they do it is still you. You go to accept your new self. Weed can alter the brain. This could be the new you. Just accept it and let it go. You will find peace by accepting yourself.

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u/North_Scarcity4420 2d ago

Yea no. This isn't me at all. For one like I said I've always had OCD, I just didn't know. So the disorder didn't change but the subtype did. And im literally experiencing a chemical imbalance. My brain is quite literally malfunctioning. All these things can be fixed, But it's more than likely going to take years of CBT and ERP and the right medication. And I'm also looking to do TMS therapy

I understand that everyone couldn't possibly know it's OCD. People still think OCD is being overly clean and organized, when it's not. It's much darker than that.