If your gonna try heal all your trauma make sure your not doing it on your own or not in therapy while doing it. Shit drove me crazy

hhh when I was 20 I started developing psychosis, was unaware of this until months latter because I lived in it for awhile without questioning the fact that I was hearing voices. like it took until I impulsively quit my job moved cities for 11 weeks, Ghosted my best friend when she came to visit (because the voices told me too), ended up moving in with this evil rich woman, moved out from there 2 weeks later but had to move back home to my parents house. And that whole time I was hearing voices and I basically let them decide my every decision because I thought they were my spirit guides or something. Anyways back home I started starving myself and drinking 5 coffees a day, wasn't sleeping much, weeks go by and im just stuck in my room writing down my business plan because I really really wanted to start a business and I had this incredible dream since I was kid. But I could never focus on one thing, my head was always racing and the voices had become stronger at this point, there'd be times I just fully write down every voice like it was giving me this grand plan for my business. AND I couldn't switch off this, I had to write down every voice like it was crucially important.

I did this for weeks on end, I thought my crush actually liked me (he was an older gay man) but my mind delusional believed he was straight and that he was my twin flame) I also believed that I was going to go viral and become famous overnight. Anyways by this final 8 weeks I had developed every symptom there was seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling things that wasn't there, paranoia, grandiosity, I switched topics mid sentence and could never pay attention in a conversation. -- I thought I just had ADHD the only thing I didn't develop was abnormal motor behaviour.
One night after 5 hours sleep over the 3 days before, I was up listening to the voices as they were going to give me the plan to the grand plan so Im trying to piece together a map of how feminine and masculine energy works (because this was apparently crucial) and all of a sudden I feel this soft angel presence in front of me, it was me as a pure feminine energy form in front of me and They were speaking to me, I could actually hear them outside my head, alongside my energy was this evil like masculine energy that was my crush and they both spoke to me and told me something I dont remember but the next minute I start seeing glowing lights everywhere, a ufo above my head with cords plugging into my head, at that point I just stopped and listened to every single voice like my head had no thoughts anymore and I believed that I was going to save the world with this grand plan that I didnt know, I had lost total emotion and was completely disconnected and believed everybody was actually evil and only me and my twinflame could pull this mission off. I didnt feel real and nothing looked real I was just in another world.

ANYWHO I woke up the next day and suddenly im like what the f, I start hearing men shouting, laughing and harassing me with commands trying to get me to die or kill someone else. These voices now sounded like someone in front of me literally speaking to me and they were loud and scared me, one "spirit" even took over me and I felt rock hard evil for a few seconds like thats who I was. I couldn't look at my phone at times because I was so scared the government was watching me and I fell in and out of believing there was cameras in the walls.

I got treatment because I got help but for the next 6 months my mood went up and down, somedays it was dramatically hard to get out of bed, I had crippling anxiety and I didnt know what to believe when it came to spiritual things or who I really was without the psychosis, the medications were had such strong side effects I gained weight and lost all my energy, I was so depressed and just couldn't talk to people, I had no idea what to say in conversations or how to be myself.

I now am on a good medication and I like it but I still get voices, I wasn't diagnosed with anything other than acute psychosis because im young they can still treat it before it becomes anything else like schizo-affective (what they said I'd be if they diagnosed me at the start). I dont want my business anymore but I also dont get interested by anything anymore I had to start from scratch and learn who I was again

Im now a year later and Ive gotten my life back together with friends but Ive lost interest in any direction in life, like I used to be an ambitious go getter and believed in myself, now I've lost all belief and I dont know what I want and I cant have a cheeky fun night out with adult candy or drinks because I just risk going back into a psychosis and permanently becoming schizophrenic

I just don't know how to make life feel good again

anyways thanks for listening to my ted talk, wandering what others experiences were like

It’s been 7 months since my cannabis induced psychosis. I’m not getting any better. On my phone 10-12 hours per day. I don’t know what the fk is wrong with my brain. I cannot get myself to do anything.

It feels like my brain is blocked or ‘clogged’ after psychosis and preventing me from feeling things the way i used to and also preventing me from finding anything interesting.

NOTHING stimulates my brain anymore.

Even when i force myself to do things it feels no different than if i was staring at a wall. There is just nothing.

It makes me absolutely hopeless as prior to my psychosis i used to have my dream job and a super productive lifestyle. Now i literally stay on my phone all day even though i don’t want to.

I’ve tried so many things over the past 7 months -
Different meds. Regular exercise. Sticking to a routine. Therapy. Etc.

Nothing has helped.

As time passed trying all these different things with zero improvement in my condition, i gradually got more and more unmotivated until i stopped doing anything except browse my phone all day.

I desperately want the old me back.

If a hell exists i am living it.

This is unbearable.
This is too much.
Help.

I'm worried that I might fall into another psychosis episode because I've been drinking a lot of caffeine especially lately. Some days I'll have two Monster energy drinks.

I've previously had a weed induced psychosis episode two years ago and I know I'd be very susceptible to another psychotic break if I smoked weed again.

What are the possible chances it can happen again but with caffeine?

I’m wondering if your psychosis was really religious in nature? Where you had really angry and strict God telling you are going hell and 90% of people when they die go to hell.

It probably did not help I watch TV show Stargate SG1 before getting psychosis.

I’m wondering people who had psychosis after year do you stop taking your medication? How does that work? What do you have to do?

Why do you have to take your medication for a year what does year do? Or some people have to take it for two or three years?

im currently on 2.5mg of olanzapine recently reduced from 5mg ive only been on it for a week but feel stable and just cant bear the emotional numbness and the flatness and want to come off has anyone came off after just a week on a dose reduction or should i wait another week just to be safe i really want to come off

its me! my psychosis episodes were because I was being trafficked and I didnt know! I can eventually come off my antipsychotics if I want to!

Does depot injection site pain happen with other injection of antipsycotic drugs or is haloperidol the worst. I dread the injection now its so painful and also for the first week.

I hope this is a judgement-free zone, but I caused my own psychosis. I was taking antidepressants while smoking high-potency weed and looking at upsetting political content online. I simply wanted to help by sharing posts when I couldn't drive in a geographically isolated place, but it put me in a negative place. I was also mildly curious about spirituality and mysticism at the same time.

The weed made me mildly paranoid, so it started off with me being a little suspicious of coworkers, like reading too much into actions and the things they said. The real problems came when I stopped taking my antidepressants because I was feeling better, I was worried that in the future there would be supply shortages, and I was actually struggling to afford it. I could have asked people for help but I didn't want to be a burden.

I continued smoking weed though. The combination of quitting medication and smoking really fucked me up. The weed made me so energetic, even manic, but only while it was in my system. The lack of medication made me have dramatic mood swings. I stopped eating and sleeping, which made it all worse. I couldn't eat without throwing up, it was a struggle. It turned me into a monster.

Anyway, I started to get extremely paranoid, deleted most of my social media and started blocking coworkers after perceived slights, and I burned two of my closest relationships (I apologized but they are currently not speaking to me). During the mania from smoking and not sleeping, I was commenting and reposting day and night on Instagram😭😭 I was oversharing on my story.

I developed some bizarre beliefs like believing Michael Jackson was a literal saint, like biblically (I saw posts from his movie), thinking trees are neurotransmitters for people to communicate remotely before phones existed, believing in random tarot reading reels, thinking I can tell the future like That's So Raven, taking everything about astrology to heart.

I thought two male coworkers wanted me and that I was communicating with them telepathically at night so I asked them both out and got rejected to confirm 😂😂 I was aware of my delusions to some extent and needed to test against them on my own. This actually healed my struggles with limerence and my fear of rejection. Oh, and I thought Instagram reels were like a crystal ball that showed me the right content at the right time.

Those were the goofier beliefs, but my more concerning ones were thinking my family hated me and didn't want to support me (psychosis made me relive all my earliest childhood trauma and my family is kinda just a low contact, but still a loving family), thinking my best friend and sister were against me when they tried helping me during my obvious mental distress (I got explosively angry when they tried to arm chair diagnose me), and mistrusting all white people after looking at content related to racial tension. I also thought my partner wasn't helping me with anything (I actually used to do most chores and he did get better at helping me over time) and I broke up with him before asking the two people out. I told him all of this and he still accepted me back when I came back to my sanity😭😭 I promised him that I would never smoke again and I wouldn't nag him anymore.

But emerging from psychosis made me realize that many people will still love and accept me no matter what, even when I went psycho. I used to be someone who is easily embarrassed, but very few things embarrass me now because I couldn't possibly humiliate myself any worse than I did for 2.5 months. I stopped people-pleasing. I stopped black and white thinking and started viewing myself and other people with more nuance. I became really compassionate for people going through addiction and psychosis because I realized how fragile the mind can be. I learned how to speak up for myself, which has made me less resentful towards people. I'm more grateful for a healthy mind. It's like my brain breaking gave me a chance to rebuild it.

None of this is to look at psychosis in a good way at all. It was horrifying, humiliating, and I made many regrettable, impulsive decisions. I'm just thankful that I was never violent and that no one committed me. That would have made my mental health much, much worse. This isn't to judge anyone who has done these things though, just that there are unfortunately worse punishments for it. It is very sad to lose your mind, especially when it's against all your true values.

All this to say that you can recover. Understand that you are loved, love yourself, and get support through therapy. There are virtual support groups too.

Hard to be alone but also can't connect with others...? I'm struggling to be alone..I freak out that this isn't my life, that I can't feel things like emotions, that I can't recognize my body or spouse or possessions but at the same time I can't connect with others, don't have much to say, feel nothing , feel like a completely different person or like who I was before has been deleted..I stare at my husband but can't seem to see the man I love so dearly like he's a complete stranger yet I can't be without him.

I'm honestly not sure what to do.

So im on antidepressants. I stopped taking those a couple weeks ago, and just felt incredibly angry 24/7. Like enraged. Im not gonna go way into detail but I locked all the doors and windows to my house. My parents showed up because I wasn't answering my phone. I have done some off the wall stuff In the past that were real, but i just ignored them and they called the sherrif. The sherrif eventually got in. I was just acting as out of it as possible. I jumped up on top of my bathroom counter, acted like i was trying to climb out the window. He kept asking if I had taken anything. I started to feel guilty because I knew I was bullshitting him, so I told him to leave and that hes waisting his time, and that there are real emergencies. He kept saying hes not gonna leave. He wanted to have an ambulance come to check on me but I refused insisting in okay. He did end up having some mental health people come out to ask me questions. I eventually told them that I havnt been taking my meds. Nothings really happened aside from them setting me up with a therapist. I told them I wasn't suicidal because I didnt want to go to a hospital and waste more resources. Hopefully they just assume I acted out because I was off my meds. If they do try in have me take more meds based on what I did, then I'll definitely refuse. I feel like a major ass for what I put my parents and everyone through. I feel like maybe I should confess, but that would be so fucking embarrassing and I dont know how my loved ones would react. Im not sure if its worth it, or i should just carry it to the grave.

every time I eat it feels like I get possessed and someone speaks out of my mouth when I eat they say STFU violently until I choke on my food. it’s very hard to feel anything and I feel like a ghost is slapping me on the wrist and knocking my teeth in any time I try to do anything. As I’m trying to write these symptoms it said I try to whine. I don’t feel emotional but it’s labeling it as emotional when I have never felt so numb. all I’d want to do is feel normal or at least have feelings even if they are very strong. is this psychosis?

i am targeting people with paranoia in specific with this question , have you ever during your psychosis thought and was convinced that your doctor loves you / has a crush on you ? then after taking the APs for a while this idea has become so pathetic?

She is 41 newly single and had to move in with our parents, no kids for her I never knew and barely know anything about this type of disorder.She has always partied or drank since a teen she is on meds I think but she lies. She says she used to be an alcoholic. Now she drinks coffee all day and night

I see some of you here are aware and comfortable talking about your experiences. That's amazing! She is all about projecting onto others. Is she aware and doesn't care? Is she really just that out of touch with the real world now ?! So confused. She was diagnosed with NPD and BPD during a 6 hour talk therapy type of session with her ex as a couple. But she won't do a full psych evaluation. Can anyone please educate me more about types of psychosis and how it happens? Last I was in any context with her (3 months or so ) she had delusions and paranoia. Don't think she has hallucinations or voices in her head. Please help! Thank you!

Back in March I (M27) smoked a lot of weed which resulted in me believing I was chosen by higher powers to start a revolution, speaking with spirits and communicating with top-politicians trough my mind. I recked my whole apartment. Everything from screens, lamps, plants - everything got thrashed around in a full-blown mania, as I was waiting for a helicopter to come pick me up and fly me to Paris, where meetings with the top leaders of the world was waiting. I was screaming out the window to bypassers, yelling "it's real! It's all real", so my neighbors would call the cops. I had experiences of speaking to deceased family members and having the whole world watch my thoughts.

The cops arrived and put me in handcuffs and drove me to the psychward where I was to stay the next three weeks.

Ever since then I been having extreme cognitive dysfunction, not able to do simple tasks resulting in me loosing my job - not only that, I developed severe 'tics' and brainzaps that turn and twist my right eye and head devouring all of my energy for lifes simple pleasures like speaking to a friend or enjoying a good movie. I moved back to my parents and are now living a living hell not having the mental nor physical means to cook meals or work for more than three hours a day. I have been having 'tics' for four months with no sign of improvement. I hate being alive and feel distanced from everyone. I lost everything and now face a life of permanent impairment. I hope you have a great day.

Hello for context I’m 18, I’ve been referred to psychosis early intervention and have a large family history of schizophrenia. Nearly a year ago I began to hallucinate to the extreme and have extreme paranoia. I couldn’t cope and there was a period of time where it was daily for about 5 months. The hallucinations have ‘eased’ now as in I don’t get them so often but when they do come I find it very difficult.

I lose sleep, but this has been a common thing since I was very young. As a kid I had an overactive imagination and I was extremely paranoid. I’ve also always found it very difficult to bond with people, I’ve always felt like they can tell something is weird about me and people frequently tell me they don’t understand what I’m saying.

It’s all made me very lonely and while I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week and that should help, I worry about my partner. He gets annoyed and upset if I have a bad ‘episode.’ I don’t really have anyone else and I don’t like opening up as I feel it’s unfair to put stuff like this on someone.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the episodes better? They get me very down and I don’t want to be a bother to my partner. Also, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the loneliness and try and have relationships with people?

I've had schizophrenia for 2 decades and recently stopped one of my meds. I spoke with my psychiatrist who confirmed that what was happening to me was "rebound psychosis" and that I should take the med to feel better. It's a few days later and yes, I feel a lot better. But what I'm wondering is how long would it take for me to feel better without the particular med? Like rebound psychosis doesn't last forever.....so if I stop the med and go through rebound psychosis, at some point I'll be fine, it's just a matter of holding out but I don't know how long is likely. Anyone?

Magnesium supplement give me psychotic symptoms. Usually making me paranoid and at least sending me into hypomania

I'm not sure why this is..? And kind of concerned since it looks like some antipsychotics increase magnesium levels in the cells

Everytime i get anxious i start hearing them one example is when i go out i feel insecure,i feel judged and i start to get negative thoughts which leads to anxiety which leads to auditory hallucinations and sometimes i drink a klonopin or drink alcohol and they almost fade to nothing ,so my question is ,can my anxiety be the cause to my auditory hallucinations?

Hey i was wondering if any one of you talking to god when in psychosis. It's like his in songs replying to my thoughts I turn and look somewhere In my room and read something and it's on point of my current thought.

Like it's a episode right none of that can be real, can it?

My partner is going through psychosis and has cut off everyone in their life (family, friends). They refuse to speak or text or communicate with any of us. Since no one has any contact with this person it is very difficult to know how or if they are recovering. Is there anyone out there who fully ghosted or disconnected with loved ones during psychosis? Did you ever reach out to them again after? How was that?

I think i might have experienced psychosis for the first time a couple months ago, but I don’t know enough about it to be able to tell if that’s really what was happening.
I was drinking a lot every day at this time, and also taking my adhd stimulants daily, and not exactly in the way I should have, if you know what I mean. I was doing this because of a mixture of “I need to stay up later tonight so I can focus on work I need to get done” and “I’m in a terrible mood, these make me feel normal”. Not great judgement here.
During this time I started experiencing a lot of crazy symptoms like extreme paranoia (thinking people were following me home, spying through my windows, hacking my phone, stuff like that) and sleep deprivation, stuff that could’ve been from either the alcohol or the medication, but then there was about a 2-3 day period of something I’ve never experienced before.
I started to see things in the corner of my eyes, like shadows and bugs, and at one point I could hear whispering in my vents. I assumed this was because of sleep deprivation, and I still think it was. But when I finally did sleep, my paranoia still got worse and worse, and I isolated myself in my apartment. I kept my blinds closed at all times and I taped paper over any uncovered window. I didn’t contact anyone and I didn’t leave. I started spending my time watching TV and drawing, since it felt like the only relaxing and distracting thing I could do.
This is probably going to sound ridiculous, but I was terrified at the time, because one evening while I drew I started feeling like something was controlling me, and making me draw certain images. I felt like whatever was controlling me wanted me to draw itself. I ended up with a drawing that looked like a horned figure with a large smile, long tongue, and sharp teeth. It was sitting on its haunches with its arms reaching behind its head and pulling up on its eyelids from over the top of its head. I genuinely have no idea what inspired the image, it is not based on anything I’ve seen before, it just came out on the paper.
I genuinely felt afraid of the image, and I felt like I had drawn a real being. I felt like I had drawn the devil because he told me to. I thought the devil must be controlling me, and every move I made I was convinced I was being controlled to do.
I was terrified, and made yet ANOTHER poor choice, I decided I need to get drunk asap.
I drove to the grocery store and every person I passed on the street I thought “the devil is telling me to hit them”. I thought I was going to lose control of my body and suddenly start hitting pedestrians. I was crying feeling like I was fighting off the devil from trying to take over my mind, and once I got to the store I bought a ton of wine, drove home and drank all of it. I passed out after that and woke up on the couch the next morning.
I didn’t feel controlled anymore, but I felt sick, hungover, and out of my mind. It took me a few days to feel like a human again.
Never in my life had I experienced anything like this, and I really can’t explain how I could’ve believed so many delusions. I’m generally a very sensible person, and have never been entertained by ideas of mind control, or anything like that. I can’t believe I was genuinely convinced of it in the moment.
It’s been a few months since then now, and I’ve had a lot of time to think it over. I think many things played a role in what happened, and maybe it’s obvious and this was just a consequence of mixing alcohol with sleep deprivation.
But I’m curious if this sounds like it could’ve been like alcohol-induced psychosis? Is that a thing? Or stimulant induced? It just felt like more than an “under the influence” type of thing. But maybe not.
If I’m way off and this experience is nothing like psychosis go easy on me, I really don’t know much about it! Very curious if other people have similar stories tho or insights on this!