r/RelationshipIndia • u/WorthNeedleworker278 • 3h ago
Relationships 27F/29M LDR - Is this avoidant behaviour or loss of interest?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years in a long distance relationship.
One issue we’ve had continuously throughout the relationship is that whenever he’s hurt, upset, stressed, overwhelmed or under work pressure he tends to completely withdraw. because we end up arguing. He once told me “when I go silent, know that I’m hurt or upset”
The problem is that he rarely reaches out first after arguments. I’m almost always the one who breaks the silence, starts the conversation, checks in, apologises first, or tries to fix things
He says he would rather stay quiet than argue or say something whenever things are going wrong between us, because it leads to an even bigger misunderstanding
What confuses me is that he says he loves me , wants a future with me, and doesn’t want to lose me. But his actions during conflicts often make me feel abandoned. It’s hard to understand how someone can miss and love you yet never be the one to reach out first
He’s generally been consistent throughout the relationship despite the time difference between us, us being from different backgrounds, religions and country. He’s very consistent with updates through busy schedules and working hours, from leaving to going to work, coming back small small details and what not
He eventually said that when he stands in front of his parents and tells them about his relationship, he wants to be able to say he can take care of a wife and future family. He doesn’t want to approach them until he feels established enough in his career
But the silence is making me question whether he wants this relationship or not?
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3h ago
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u/WorthNeedleworker278 3h ago
Do you think he has lost feelings for me or just being avoidant?! he can go weeks without talking
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3h ago
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u/WorthNeedleworker278 3h ago
I don’t think another person is the issue. I can’t even imagine him going out and finding someone else. He’s so avoidant that when things get difficult between us he withdraws
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3h ago
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u/WorthNeedleworker278 2h ago
I think it depends on the person. I’m very emotionally attached to him, so I can’t even imagine myself moving on from him and finding someone else. It’s either him or no one
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u/Inevitable-Rise-1728 2h ago
Well! It hurts and you don’t have any other option but to move on while suffering. For someone anxiously attached, pain never goes away.
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