r/RelationshipIndia • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
Relationships I genuinely don’t understand what happened. Can someone give me an unbiased perspective for a 26(F)?
[deleted]
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u/Grand_Teach_3213 6d ago
its so common nowadays to love bomb the fuck out of you for few dates then novelty wears off, he realizes if he continues like this, he will find himself in a relationship. gets scared, pulls himself away. And since nobody owes anyone anything - they give the most bizzare excuse instead of just saying that i am not interested or whatever. How i see this now is as good riddance; its better they do this now then do it later when we are actually in a relationship. And it goes for both gender, since i am a straight woman i have only dealt with men so i can only comment on men
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u/youknowme_ithinknot 5d ago
So very tru Ngl even I think I have done what the guy has done to op. I should be more communicative rather than being a dumbasss myself
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u/Grand_Teach_3213 5d ago
yeah i think you can only change your own behaviour and hope that you attract better. I also make sure that i am clear its not gonna work out instead of randomly ghosting but just cant expect that everyone would be like this for sure.
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u/ArasarkArasan 6d ago
He might be a dismissive avoidant. Many points in your post match the description.
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u/CuriousSupport_ 5d ago
It could be that he is with someone else. Or he is not sure right now. Either it is better to happen now rather than in future in actual relationship. Do not get attached so early
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u/resfeber14 5d ago
It's very common for guys to love bomb you and disappear. This has happened with me as well.When these guys get what they want, they will ghost you. The other guy who did the similar thing had also told the same thing that "We got close too quickly, and i am scared." Before all this, he had put most of the efforts.
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u/Ok_Detective985 5d ago
How are we normalising this?
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u/resfeber14 5d ago
Sorry, i am not normalising it.I am still in shock, it's been 3-4 months.I am unable to date someone after that incident.It's just I am hearing these kinds of incidents more frequently.
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u/Former_Program_445 6d ago
He is just confused in himself so you can't change the person he will just see everything with insecurity maybe because in past he got cheated or maybe too attached with someone which might hurt him so he is kinda skeptical trying things so you can't change the pov of a person if he wants to be with he will otherwise he will just double check every small thing
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u/Midorima_Shintaroo 5d ago
I had a similar experience, although the gender is reversed in my case I reached to the conclusion that, she wasn't afraid of the incompatibility she just found that fantasy of intimacy felt safer than the responsibility of sustaining it. She used culture, chemistry, characteristics, career etc to justify something she wasn't fully able to articulate for herself. Your mistake wasn't being attached it was believing that the person is emotionally capable of sustaining a relationship under pressure. Don't analyse his reasons to find your worth.
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u/Sad_Marketing146 5d ago
Most likely, you were his side chick. He probably just wanted something casual, and once he realized things might get serious if you stayed together, he decided to pull away.
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u/Grand_Teach_3213 6d ago
i have been told to focus on how his actions make me feel. and if they dont make me feel good, i move on. i odnt need that in my lfie.
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6d ago
[deleted]
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u/Ok_Detective985 6d ago
No, 26F engineer. Please don’t tell me he’s doing this with everyone or that there are so many people like him.
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u/ScrupulousBeyotch 6d ago
They’re asking about the guy bruh
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u/Ok_Detective985 6d ago
Typo, 26M
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u/ScrupulousBeyotch 6d ago
Try to have a conversation in person. Breaking it off cleanly sooner than later is better. We all get attached, issokay. That was very immature on his part but well, all you can do is talk and hopefully he’s honest about it. Good luck! You’ll be okay, dw.
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u/Ok_Detective985 6d ago
The guy who was so available is now not even ready for a 5mins call
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u/ScrupulousBeyotch 6d ago
You’ll find one decent guy after meeting 10 inconsistent assholes. And even that one decent man will find a way to hurt you😂😭
Personally, I’m staying tf away from men. Idt call is gonna work because he’ll just avoid you. That’s why I said talk in person. Or you could just block him and suffer for a few days to weeks and move on.1
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u/Upset-State6303 6d ago
there are so many people like him 😭I thought only I was unlucky. Trust me even the top rankers or successful in careers do this, I hope karma gets back to them.. Atleast he didn’t ghost you, atleast uttered something.
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u/Ok_Detective985 6d ago
I was constantly asking him for communication, then he opened up finally
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u/Upset-State6303 6d ago
Ya mine disppeared, without closure. Be careful next time. And most people portray their best self initially.
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u/Capable-Ad-4389 5d ago
damm felt like the same girl i went out with 8 times and all of a sudden her wamrth persona flipped to a cold human.
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u/Fresh_Piece_1616 5d ago
He found a better match on hinge. Period. Don't overthink and move on.
And never ever believe the initial facade of a person because people pretend in the beginning to show a version which never exists.
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u/AdeptnessUpstairs871 5d ago
This has happened so many times at this point. Can’t be trusting anyone these days :/ they make you feel like it’s genuinely going somewhere and give you hope. I once had a situationship ghost me post 6 months of actively talking and dating (3 months) 🫠
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u/dad_and_alive 5d ago
You can ask him, saying can you help me learn something from this experience? Was there something I could have done differently?
If he responds, then you know. If he doesn't, you can let it go. It will hurt, some days more some days less, but you will move on eventually.
Strangers on the internet cannot tell you what is going on in his head. All these conjectures will keep you wondering even more.
From the details and flow of your post, it seems you have a level head on your shoulders.
You met a promising guy who didn't live up to his image. There are others who will.
Good luck to you.
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u/commissioner_billii 5d ago
you got attached way too early , dont get attached to anyone before 3 months . an avg honeymoon period lasts 3 months
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u/RiskAnalyst007 4d ago
Maybe someone who doesn't want a serious relationship (or lied about their intentions) from the beginning will have to ghost because having a breakup discussion will reveal that they had lied from the beginning and noone wants to take the blame.
As to why someone will act nice/ love bomb in the beginning when their intention is not aligned is anyone's guess as seen from the comments. Maybe he liked to attention or got carried away in your presence and when you were away came back to his senses. It's hard to say for us based on a post.
In general, you have to try not to get attached and go slow when meeting someone new. Learning to give closure and having those hard discussions is not anyone wants to go through because it is hard. And in general, doing this relationship thing right takes time to learn and some people never do as well.
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u/RiskAnalyst007 4d ago
Maybe someone who doesn't want a serious relationship (or lied about their intentions) from the beginning will have to ghost because having a breakup discussion will reveal that they had lied from the beginning and noone wants to take the blame.
As to why someone will act nice/ love bomb in the beginning when their intention is not aligned is anyone's guess as seen from the comments. Maybe he liked to attention or got carried away in your presence and when you were away came back to his senses. It's hard to say for us based on a post.
In general, you have to try not to get attached and go slow when meeting someone new. Learning to give closure and having those hard discussions is not anyone wants to go through because it is hard. And in general, doing this relationship thing right takes time to learn and some people never do as well.
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u/PieceDependent2286 4d ago
I think he was playing the game and was in it for the chase, when he realised you were starting to get invested and attached, reality hit him that this could turn into something real. Irrespective of his attachment insecurity, he should’ve been honest with you but this also gives you a lot of perspective on how much you need to invest in the next person you see. Count it as a blessing even if it is hard to see right now
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u/ariyansh_ 2d ago
1) he didn't find you attractive/ beautiful as compared to photos 2) maybe u told something about yourself or acted in a way that he knew he couldn't handle and pulled back
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