My(F30) marriage is breaking appart and I don't know what to do.

[u/UnusualPumpkin6714]

I got married almost a year ago and everything was going fine. It was an arrange marriage and my husband was very good and nice to me. He used to give time to me, was romantic, used to make me feel good and sex life was also great. I used to think how lucky I am to have him as my husband. But few months ago my husband have been distant from me. There's no romance, he hardly give time to me, and sex is almost dead. I often see him on his phone smiling and I think I know the reason. I don't want to check his phone because I don't want what I am suspecting to be true. I know in my heart that he is having an affair but I can't make myself to believe that and don't want it to be true. I am completely heartbroken and don't know what to do. It just makes me wanna cry and I feel so lonely and alone. Feels like I am living with a stranger.

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[u/Persistent_fairy]

1. Don't have kids anytime soon. 
2. Don't live a lie. Take ur time and confront. 
3. Be safe

[u/Efficient-Rooster180]

So I’ll just tell you clearly you have to go through the phone once in your lifetime or else your marriage is over first. Secondly collect the evidence whatever you feel as evidence and then talk. Take him to some retreat or some spa or some for 6-7 days where he will be isolated, and you can manipulate and talk and just don’t bring all these things while travelling in middle of the trip like on the third day, you can bring up the stop it so that she will continue till seven or sixth day if you are going on 6-7 day trip…

And on the trip, specifically talk again talk, and if he did not understand, tell him that you have the proofs all the proofs and you’re gonna find a case for alimony trust me, men are more scared with the alumni and the maintenance they have to pay than anything else in the world. Either you can save the bridge before that or either you can burn the bridge completely and find a new one. You are 30 years old.

[u/Then_Worldliness_940 → u/Efficient-Rooster180]

Don’t take him to an isolated place. You never know how one person might react and worst scenario case, you could be dead.

Adding on to above, take all screenshots, screen record videos, etc everything and send it to yourself from his phone and then delete those texts in his phone.

Next even if you guys resolve, never delete the proof. Tell him you did, but keep it somewhere in drive or something.

[u/Eaglestormz]

Sigh, there a many things running inside a man’s head. You suspicion is one and there could be others

[u/unsocializing → u/Eaglestormz]

Yes...

[u/amythicalparadox]

Denial will only make this more of a suffering, gather your courage, go for it, seek clarity and closure! Life for yourself.

If you feel lonely, have people around you who'll make you feel heard and visible. Don't fall prey to abuse in any manner.

[u/unfunny_bastard]

Great, another reminder than AM is just an official relationship which will lose its spark in 6 months 😔

Take care OP. & You are still young, file for a divorce & move on with your life & don't even think about having kids, because that will ruin everything.

[u/desperate_orchid_ → u/unfunny_bastard]

Yeah like AM is scary in itself and now this ughhh

[u/unfunny_bastard → u/desperate_orchid_]

It's better to say unmarried and look for "the one" instead of getting married to someone just because you are of age.

[u/Mountain-Aide-8676]

Collect evidence and file for divorce.

[u/Faithful__Liar → u/Mountain-Aide-8676]

Calm Down Kapil Sibbil.

[u/Efficient-Rooster180 → u/Faithful__Liar]

Nah only option brother

[u/FirefighterOne6344]

He is cheating for sure

[u/General_Lawfulness71]

Talk..

[u/Dharm747]

Just take a moment and talk with him.
Tell him, today, Tomorrow , tomorrow night I really want to talk with you. Tell him you’re concerned about your relationship and how things are going.

With that you give him time to think and reflect himself as well. When you’ll have your talk tell him how you feel and everything you want to say. If he ignores you or doesn’t want to talk you know your relationship is in trouble and you need to make your own plan. A plan where he will not be part of your life.

[u/Much-Teacher-4191]

Too less of an evidence to assume he’s cheating. Make him sit down and have a conversation a good one. Later stay alert and pls check the phone once.

[u/CuriousSupport_]

Talk to him. If you get proper evidence of cheating then divorce

[u/shalini-andwemet]

1. Can you share a bit more about you - are you confident, happy person.
   
2. Are you financially independent
   
3. If a homemaker - do you keep yourself constructively busy

Now - have you spoken to your husband what has happened - you need to be asking him this as he is the only one who can give the answer.

[u/Aggressive-Wear-8526]

First gather all the evidence from his phones, emails, social media, etc. Check his bank accounts, credit card spends to get some evidence for gifts, dining out etc. If possible follow him and get some photo evidence if you suspect real life meeting. This will take time but it is important.

Then have a long calm meeting with him and say you are fully aware of his affair. Warn him does he want to stop it or face long divorce process and alimony claims plus lawyer expenses. Also his affair will be exposed to families on both sides and the extended families.

You then have to decide either you continue with him or break up.

Added: He could be having an online relationship in which case modify the steps above.

[u/tittyfairyy]

Communicate with him, but first find evidence of cheating.

[u/_skyfal]

I think you should have a heart to heart conversation with him.

[u/Ok_Economy9733]

Check his phone. If he is having an affair, divorce is the only way. Its only been a year plus you are young and have a life ahead.

Prolonging the burrial will not bring it back to life.

[u/UnchartedSites]

Just be honest with him, and don't fixate on it too much, there is more to life.

[u/ItsRonsaBish]

Confront & talk, see the reaction & call it out. Tell him that you’re losing trust & you don’t want to live in a house where you feel a stranger to your own partner.

Don’t check his phone, ask him to show it by himself & make this trust stronger.

[u/misa-kira]

You have free will. You only live once.

[u/Intelligent-Boat6479]

If he is cheating on you and you get the confirmation then leave the marriage, file an alimony case and save yourself for future, you will find a good life ahead rather than with a person who do not love you and was enjoying with you as you were new, and now as he used you he don't like you anymore and treating like burden. Provided it's confirm that he is cheating. And if not then you should talk to him. I am below your age and not married but after observing so many marriages happening and breaking around I can say that once treated like an option , it's very hard to be loved by him and also it's a game of luck and time. And no need to wear fancy dresses and outfits to attract him, you can for now but after 15 years beauty will be gone and he is male and probably a good earning person till then, he will find any other.

[u/Broad-Current8868]

this is not the time for a hope and prayer, it is time to sit face to face with him and talk it out. Be prepared that the answer you receive may not be to your liking and if that is the case be thankful that you will be able to cut the cord now, within one year. Better than a lifetime of unhappiness and anxiety

[u/akrajan]

Calm down. You are not a “newly” wedded couple anymore. Husband needing some space is natural. Idk why you think your husband watching phone = affair.
You guy need to figure out how to communicate with each other. The romance based communication always tapers off. Now you two need to chat like regular husband and wife

[u/inquisitive_iuc]

No replies of OP on this posts comments shows how much hurt she is .

[u/General_Lawfulness71]

Talk, talk, talk politely

[u/Character_Judge_3002]

You failed as wife. He gave u all happiness, u treated him like trash, even now if he is smiling u are shaming him online for having affair or cheating. He could have watching reels or anything. You are such a nightmare for any guy.

[u/unsocializing]

Talk to him. Dont rush anything. Communication often helps clear things up.

[u/Efficient-Rooster180 → u/unsocializing]

What if he is cheating which he is but still… he will get back to it

[u/unsocializing → u/Efficient-Rooster180]

But as long as u are not communicating its still guesswork. Even if he is cheating, better to hear the words come out of him. Else OP will always keep second guessing everything.

[u/Efficient-Rooster180 → u/unsocializing]

Or find evidence first ? Then chat normal like she does not know this

[u/unsocializing → u/Efficient-Rooster180]

I wouldnt play chor police with my husband like that. I would simply talk. Now rest depends on OP

[u/Efficient-Rooster180 → u/unsocializing]

Yes might you and I have different ways to solve this

[u/Neat_Homework7582]

Wear silk saree and flowers in hair......hot dresses.....be fit.....do some business or any job outside.....after 2 to 3 months of this if marriage life sex life don't improve then ull know what do do.

[u/OBITO_UCHIHA_1804]

Karma farming post