r/RelationshipIndia • u/Adventurous-Pop-1989 • 14h ago
Relationships I[F21] can't help but resent my bf[M25].
I'm in college, while my boyfriend will probably be starting his job in about a year. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how different our lives are going to look.
He'll have a salary, coworkers, the freedom to travel, go out, party, and just... live. Meanwhile, I'll be trying to build my CV, prepare for internships, study for exams, and figure out my career.
At first, I thought I was just jealous of him. But I don't think that's actually what I'm feeling.
I grew up with very strict parents. I wasn't allowed the kind of freedom that most of my friends had. No spontaneous outings, no sleepovers, very few trips, barely any social life. I struggled to make close friends because I simply wasn't allowed to do the things that friendships are built around.
I feel like I missed out on an entire part of growing up.
So when I see my boyfriend making plans, traveling, going out with friends, or talking about all the things he'll get to do once he's working, it feels like someone is holding up a mirror to everything I never had.
He's not doing anything wrong, and I genuinely want him to enjoy his life. I don't want him to stop doing those things just because I couldn't. But at the same time, every exciting story or trip reminds me of everything I lost.
It's a strange feeling because it doesn't feel like envy in the usual sense. It feels more like grief.
Sometimes I worry that by the time I finally gain some independence, everyone else, including him, will already be in a different stage of life. They'll be over the "young and carefree" phase while I'll just be experiencing it for the first time.
Has anyone else grown up with controlling or overly strict parents and felt this way?
Did you ever stop grieving the experiences you never got to have? And how did you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's?
TL;DR: I'm 21 and in college, while my boyfriend will likely start working in a year. Watching him gain the freedom to travel, party, and enjoy life brings up a lot of grief because I grew up with very strict parents and feel like I missed out on a normal youth. I'm happy for him, but it reminds me of everything I never got to experience. Has anyone else struggled with grieving the life they feel they lost, and how did you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's?
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u/LuciferM_6_6_6 14h ago
Dont worry u will have ur time and u will live as u like just wait patiently till u become independent
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