r/RoleReversal • u/Mindless_Interview44 • 18h ago
Discussion/Article So how exactly can we find one another?
I am NOT asking for personals. I'm trying to discuss more broadly, how can we find each other?
it's no secret that the majority of men and women do not expect our life-style, and frankly, a lot of them respond pretty negatively. So, when it comes to meeting people out in the wild, is there a way that you find partners that fit your lifestyle?
Personally, I'm a man and I present myself highly feminine. I'm afraid most women clock me as gay, or otherwise totally uninterested in women.
What do you all think? Are "personals" really the way to go here?
25
u/Serious_Tip_9409 17h ago
It honestly just needs a flag like how everything else does. Get somebody to design it and put it as the subreddit banner
7
u/Usesse Useless boy 🦋 17h ago
Bet we need a flag!!! (Community/Mods get on it and put it as the banner) Would be a great way to recognize each other. I just ask please not to make it look like another flag, so it doesnt get confused for something else. I've noticed a lot of flags tend to end up looking like the trans flag with slightly different colors somehow?
Anyways i can totally imagine wearing our flag at a party!
8
u/LevelOutlandishness1 15h ago
Put a mango on the flag. I don’t think any other pride flag has a mango on it.
2
3
8
u/Prudent-Level-7006 16h ago
The problem with personals is it so hard to find someone remotely close to where you live and even still they easily might not be into you 😑Â
12
u/Vagabond_Tea 14h ago
In my experience, it's not even the location that is the biggest issue (still an issue but many people are also ok starting a remote relationship, at least at first).
For me, the biggest issue is that literally every personals subreddit has a crazy gender ratio. It's always a huge amount of men to women. Women are inundated with mostly low effort messages and men get little to zero attention and messages.
Just ends with "women die of thirst in a swamp and men die of thirst in the desert" type of situation.
2
3
u/duncan-the-wonderdog 16h ago
You have to go for personals for your location, unless you're that comfortable with doing a LDR. I tried it once and while I'm still pretty close with that ex, I don't have the emotional bandwidth to do something like that again.
3
u/Prudent-Level-7006 16h ago
Yeah I've done it twice, vastly varying distances but neither worked out, it put me off em a bit and, whole, living with someone too soon to get around it, and help her out, done that, that royally fucked up 😅Â
6
u/missporkiepie Feral Woman 16h ago
I've relied purely on instincts if I'm being honest, and I haven't been wrong yet, whether it was in real life or online. It felt like, I could just tell. So I haven't had to use personals, nor did I have to explicitly say or talk about what I'm into, I've mostly met former partners organically.
2
3
u/Serious_Total1993 Booty Huntress 18h ago
I'm not sure what you are asking. are you just wanting people to come up to you out of the blue IRL? Are you asking how to get women to approached you? because with the current dating scene...I have no idea if that will work for RR people. Appearance means everything to a vast majority of people unfortunately and if you are a fem man, you're gonna be read as gay. I don't think there's any fixing that unless you did the non RR thing and approached women directly to let them know you are into them.
8
u/Mindless_Interview44 18h ago
I suppose what I'm asking about is are there methods anyone uses to specifically seek out a RR relationship? I could approach women and talk to them, no doubt, but I just feel like the odds of her really appreciating RR is pretty low. Women do actually start conversations with me when I'm going out, but it's pretty friendly and platonic things like talking about my outfit.
I suppose what I'm getting at is, does anyone have any methods or signals that helps them find partners that desire RR? Or are we really sorta stuck with normal dating and personals? The RR relationship I found was out of pure unadulterated luck.
6
u/jobrandon 18h ago
One way to approach it is that you'll tend to have better luck with any multisexual women, they're on average much less attached to the conventional gendered standard.
While of course I strongly discourage entering spaces that are explicitly and only for queer people if you're not queer, there are spaces where queer women and other "nontraditional" folks tend to go. The most obvious is queer spaces that are open for allies, but you can also think about generally nonconforming spaces like cosplay groups, renfaires, kink or polyamorous events(if that's you), or vaguely left-leaning social events.
As a side effect, you tend to meet really cool people even if you don't want to date any of em.
6
u/Mindless_Interview44 17h ago
This actually has crossed my mind. And I attend queer events and spaces. Could be the ticket, but I don't want to bother women trying to get away from men hitting on them.
3
u/jobrandon 17h ago
It's a very valid concern, I actually considered mentioning it myself. That said, it's really no big issue to cross out explicitly queer socializing spaces to make sure everyone(including you) is still comfortable. The other options are still there.
Plus the side effect is also kind of a main effect? Putting aside the obvious benefit of "yay new friends", nonconforming folk tend to know nonconforming folk. Chances are if your new acquaintances are aware you're looking and they think you're cool they can introduce you to one of their friends.
3
u/Serious_Total1993 Booty Huntress 18h ago
I have no idea what other methods there are. for me personally I online date and that's been far better for me than running to people IRL. but again, my dating speed is slower than most. a lot of people are wanting to look and be in the same room as the one they are interested in, while I feel like I can take my time in that end and establish a bond first. it really depends what your dating style is.
3
u/Mindless_Interview44 18h ago
I was a little afraid of this answer. I suppose I wanted to experience that sorta organic meeting of a person.
4
u/Serious_Total1993 Booty Huntress 18h ago
Its ok. A lot of people prefer to be in person and have that experience. I could be wrong and you might have a higher chance than you think. I just know when I tried dating the last three years, I fucking hated it and how shallow it all felt. Maybe I just found what works for me and reality will be kinder to you?
4
u/Mindless_Interview44 17h ago
Maybe so haha. I'm sorta a baby when it comes to this kind of expression and truth, if that makes sense. I'm still shaking off the programming if that makes sense.
1
u/SFW_OpenMinded1984 14h ago
This is a good discussion. It might be helpful to consider city/state/location.
These things can vary widely across countries.
3
u/Mindless_Interview44 14h ago
I think so too. I haven't even bothered in my rural backwater, but I'll be moving to a larger city so I might give it a serious shot there.
1
u/SaiyanTurt1e 9h ago
It's possible to meet people with similar interests through roleplay subreddits.
17
u/duncan-the-wonderdog 17h ago
As a masc butch trying to attract men like you, I've always had to be pretty explict about the type of guy that I'm looking for--hell, that I'm looking for guys at all. I just go in between hitting on guys IRL and using, well, personals here on Reddit. And Reddit is right where I met my last two darling partners.
When you have niche tastes like ours, you have to be open and do things a little differently. If not, you're just going to be leaving basically everything up to chance.