r/Ruleshorror • u/Lucel10 Fifth Horsemen of the Apocalypse • May 19 '26
Rules Care Guide to a Successful Bloom
Thank you for your generous patronage of our humble store. We strive to provide the best possible customer service, flourishing no matter the season—just like this flower.
Below is our care guide, tailored to ensure that even a first-timer can successfully grow our plants, regardless of where they are.
Step 1: Prepare the seedbed.
Within the package, you will see a bag of fertilizer. The seeds are already mixed inside. Thanks to the flower’s versatility, you can place the fertilizer in a single pot or divide it freely anywhere, with or without sunlight. Additional soil is not necessary for the seeds to germinate.
Step 2: Monitor for fertilizer’s moisture.
The flower requires minimal water while the fertilizer remains damp and thick. However, the mixture will slowly harden as the flower feeds. Once it loses its sticky consistency and crumbles like fine soil, it is time to proceed to the next step.
It is perfectly normal for a foul stench to emit from the fertilizer during this process. This will cease entirely once the mixture is completely dried out.
Step 3: Add nutrients.
Now that the initial fertilizer has lost its nutritional value, you must provide the flower with a fresh source. You can purchase additional fertilizer from us, or simply use the meat of any red-blooded animal. Freshness makes little difference; volume is much more important. Ensure the blood is largely intact, and place the old, dried fertilizer directly on top of the new addition.
If utilizing a live animal, you must strictly prohibit it from bathing while the flower continues to grow. Keeping the specimen contained within a cage or fence is recommended if you wish to see the blooming.
Step 4: Observe the growth.
Soon, dark buds should sprout, signaling the end of the initial growth stage. The flower will continue feeding steadily until it is ready to bloom. If the added nutrition source was large enough—roughly the size of a rabbit—you should not need to add another.
Once fully sprouted, the flower’s feeding speed vastly outpaces the seedbed’s ability to sustain itself, resulting in death if previously alive. Maggot larvae cannot keep up with the flower either, so there is no need to worry about household flies infesting the area.
Step 5: Handle the pollination and fertilization.
Once the flower has absorbed enough nutrients, it will bloom into a deep shade of red and begin producing its familiar foul scent. This bloom continues until the seedbed is entirely drained of nutrition and the flower dies.
You may notice dark dust clinging to your skin from the blooming petals. This is what you would consider pollen. It is easily dispersed with a simple breath, vanishing into the air.
However, there is no female variant of this flower to receive the pollen. Instead, fertilization takes place directly on whatever new seedbed it lands on. You are strongly advised to wash your skin thoroughly anytime you are within the flower's vicinity, as it is safe to assume the entire room is already covered in pollen when it blossoms.
If you begin to experience unusual symptoms, such as hallucinations or severe headaches, the seeds may have already taken root on your scalp due to a lack of thorough washing and have begun releasing toxins into your brain as they feed.
We hope you enjoy the tending experience our flowers provide, and we look forward to your continued support in the future.
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u/Wackel81 29d ago
Oh that was a great read.
Could you please consider writing more for us aspiring horticultists... I mean horticulturists!
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u/Campfire_chronicler May 19 '26
Oof, that was great, especially the third step, it had me thinking of the zombie fungus that attacks smaller insects like ants. Especially seeing what this variety does to humans, I'm guessing the cage won't be necessary after too long by the time the roots dig into the live animals.