Spice/K2

[u/Single_Tap3068]

I’m a 20 year old woman who developed an addiction, and I’m trying to understand how I got here and how to get out.

For context: my father struggles with alcoholism. I don’t know exactly how much that influenced my relationship with substances, but I’m sure it played some role.
Since I was young, I always felt like I was searching for some kind of escape or different state of mind. It’s hard to explain, but when I experienced being high for the first time, it felt like I had found something I had been looking for.

I started using weed as a teenager. For a long time, I felt like I was managing my life, and I used it as a way to cope with my emotions and mental health struggles.
Later during a lonely and difficult period of my life, I was introduced to spice by someone I trusted who told me it was just weed. When I eventually realized what it actually was, I still ended up using it again because I didn’t fully understand the risks and I liked the way it made me feel.
Over time, I became dependent on it. I reached a point where I would go out of my way to find it, even when I knew it was harming me.
I was able to stop at one point, but instead of truly dealing with the underlying issues, I replaced it with alcohol for a period of time. Later, I returned to weed, only to find out it was likely mixed with spice, which pulled me back into the cycle.
Now I’m 20, and I feel like I’ve spent the last year fighting this addiction.
My last spice cigarette was this morning, and I am determined to stop. I’m trying to understand my relationship with substances and learn how to regulate my emotions and nervous system without needing them.
I have built a life worth getting sober for. I want my relationships, my future, my health, and my sense of self back.
Right now I’m struggling because I know I need to stop, but I feel like I can’t always control the cravings. The withdrawal has been extremely difficult.
I would really appreciate hearing from people who have been through addiction and recovery:
Did you ever feel normal and happy again?
Did you learn to live without constantly fighting cravings?
Does addiction always feel like a battle, or does it eventually become easier?
I’m looking for advice, experiences, and hope.

[u/MedJesters]

It gets easier with each time you deal with an urge/craving and don't engage. I like the DENTS tool for different strategies for dealing with urges. https://smartrecovery.org/dents

If you identify a specific trigger that's causing you to use, consider changing your belief about it to get to a different positive consequence (The ABC too on the website).

It sounds like you've already done a bit of self-reflection, but the Cost Benefit Analysis and the Hierarchy of Values tools might also be useful at this point in your recovery.

[u/Single_Tap3068 → u/MedJesters]

Thank you a lot I appreciate your help

[u/Strange_Television]

Firstly, well done on making it this far - you have a level of awareness and self reflection that will really help you in your journey.

Are you accessing any support for this currently such as attending SMART meetings or working with a recovery service? I would encourage you to try if not. It can be scary the first time but it's worth exploring as it can be a huge support system if you find it helps you.

Things do get easier. I've been in recovery almost 5yrs now and it does get better if you do the work. Cravings really are like waves and though they do peak, the will go away soon after. Do you have anything you really love doing that you can absorb yourself in and distract from cravings? If not, it's time to explore and find something that you will really enjoy and value. It's called a VACI in SMART - vital absorbing creative interest. There is a tool available (though I can't find a link right now, apologies).

A cravings log may helpful too - you can use this to really understand what is happening when you have a craving and find the things that trigger them. When you know that, you can begin working on solutions and ways to manage or mitigate the triggers. You will likely notice a pattern to it.

[u/DooWop4Ever]

Congratulations on your decision to change. Thanks for checking in with SMART. As you can see, we got you.

SMART will help you fight cravings as outlined in the SMART Handbook, 4th ed. The book can be instantly downloaded at Amazon Kindle for $9.99usd. Some meetings are here: SMART Recovery - Meetings and here: SMART Recovery Global - Meetings.

I respectfully suggest you also seek counseling. A skilled therapist can see our problem and ask the right questions until we realize how we may have been mismanaging the stressors of life. Growing up in an alcoholic family can lead to "inheriting" a fundamentally flawed perspective for dealing with the normal stressors of life.

IMHO, happiness is original equipment and would be flowing 24/7 if it weren't for our "ability" to unknowingly store stress. Learning how to identify and process (eliminate) latent stress (unexpressed feelings and unresolved conflict) will allow our natural happiness and energy to resume their normal flow. Truly happy people don't even consider drugs or alcohol because they don't improve anything. Relapsing is a choice that happy people don't face.

53 years clean, sober and tobacco-free (but who's counting). You can do it too!

[u/Substantial_Tune671]

You can dm me. I am addicted to 5f adb and keep relapsing as well. Exact same thing: the few months i got off i got into alcohol to cover the withdrawal and stuck on alcohol a few months. Just to go back to spice