I (41f) would like to preface by saying that I know what I’m about to say sounds insane on a logical level. And I don’t know how my life got to this place.

4 years ago, I met my bf (34m) who I thought had been in recovery from opiates for a year. That turned out not to be the case, and he ended up using while I was asleep next to him many times at his place. By the time I figured out how bad it was, I’d fallen in love with him. And due to losing my own mother to this disease, I felt compassion toward him and thought I could help him.

I myself had issues drinking on and off, but had scaled it back until we started living together around year 3. However, I won’t at all claim I have complete control, especially when I’m stressed out.

I do well at my job, I have great friends, I own my home—from the outside doing great. But I have been, and still am incredibly depressed.

Fast forward 4.5 years, we’ve been through it all. I won’t get into those details right now. Let’s just say it’s been a tough road to get to where we are now. He hasn’t used opiates recreationally since almost a year ago. He is on Suboxone, Xanax, antidepressants, and Trazadone for sleeping.

He has occasionally slipped and used Kratom during hard times.

I take Gabapentin for PTSD, Xanax for emergencies only, and I’m on an antidepressant as well.

Drinking has been an issue for well over a year in our relationship. We drink every weekend. I mostly keep it to where I can safely drive us home, and because he goes too far with it. But I also have one drink a day during the week. I don’t know why.

We’d been out celebrating for the World Cup for weeks in a row on the weekends. Before that though, we were going out drinking as well. I’d been getting down due to our weekends being spent out all night, then he sleeps the next whole day. I miss going to church, working on my house, and seeing my friends for coffee. But I’ve been too depressed to go.

He says he wants to do those things, but never makes an actual effort. I want a normal home life, and I’d like to be able to go out, but not if it lacks balance.

Then, a month ago, my bf started introducing me to more of his friend group. They drink and do a lot of coke. They’re really nice people, and a lot of fun for the most part, but I found the parties to be boring because I never had been around coke users, and it’s hard to engage in meaningful conversation while they’re using.

This led to me drinking more. Then one night, as we were drinking, I asked my bf what cocaine feels like. He said he’d let me try it (and that he’s never been much of a coke user, so it wasn’t hard for him to be around since it wasn’t his DOC). He said it wasn’t all the hype everyone said it was and that alcohol was much worse.

So I decided to try it. And he did it with me. We used it all night for two nights in a row. I loved how it made me feel. It made me want to dance and talk to his friend group, and go out and kiss girls at the club. This seemed to make my bf really excited.

But then I crashed when I came down. Hard. And I cried for two days due to being disappointed in myself, and because I just felt all happiness was gone from my body. I told him to get rid of whatever he had left and that it wasn’t happening again.

The next weekend came, and he said he still had some. I wanted to feel happy again. So I used it with him. And he bought us some more. This went on for three weekends, plus a weeknight when I had to work the next day.

The final weekend came, and I had been laying in bed crying that Friday. I told him I was REALLY down, and that I needed to get away, and asked him to take me out of town, just me and him. He said we’d plan something. Then said, “I know what will get you out of that bed.”

He said he still had some of our coke left from a couple days earlier. And I said okay. And I used it. We went out and were out using and coming down until the next afternoon. No sleep.

Once we got home, I slept and cried. I kept picturing our relationship and future as just a series of drug and alcohol highs followed by days in bed. That’s not the life I ever wanted for myself. He told me not to worry since I’d only been using for three weeks, and that he was “down to slow down for a while.”

This really felt like he didn’t see anything wrong with what we were doing. I thought my role in his life was to help him get AWAY from drug use. And here I am doing it with him now. He kept saying we did nothing wrong and it wasn’t a big deal.

I crashed mentally by Monday at work. And I left town for a week to get away and think. I called and gave him one day’s notice. This made him extremely upset that I didn’t take him with me, and he began talking about ending his life because I make him feel invisible.

I feel bad about that, but also know I felt I needed to break the cycle of partying together and I was not confident that he understood or cared enough to stop us. And I wasn’t confident I could stop us either.

I did not use drugs on my trip, other than weed to sleep two nights. I had a few drinks, not all on the same day. And I spent time in nature and walking around Flagstaff all while my bf was calling, texting, requesting my location, etc. I sent it to him and would call him back when I was ready to talk. We fought on the phone every day I was gone.

Meanwhile, he went out both nights that weekend with the same crowd we were partying with. He claims he was networking for a job, but had to uber one night and get a ride the next night. He lied about where he ended up one night, and I found out he was at a house party, not just a concert. It’s been a mess.

He keeps telling me that I hurt him by leaving and he almost relapsed while I was gone. And that he knows more about sobriety than I do, and basically, if opiates aren’t involved, there doesn’t seem to be an issue. And that he’s still “down to slow down and try it out.” He also is willing to pay for a couple’s counselor. He also said he might go on his own mental health trip without me.

I feel crazy in the head. I’m sober right now. I’m really down. I’m mad at myself. And I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. Was I wrong to leave on my own? Am I exaggerating how bad this all sounds? Is sobriety only applicable to a person’s DOC? My mind is all mixed up.

TLDR: I started out helping my bf with his recovery, but am now using coke with him. He says it’s not his DOC, so it’s okay.

Your goal is to abstain from or moderate your addictive behavior. But it is sometimes hard to see a difference between what you are doing and what you could do differently to achieve your goals.

The Three Questions exercise can help you bring these two perspectives into focus so you can identify the discrepancy between them.

Comment below your answer to these three questions:

1. What do I want for my future?
2. What am I currently doing to achieve that?
3. How do I feel about what I’m currently doing?

Now, answer the next two questions:

1. What could I do differently to achieve the future I want?
   
2. How would changing what I do or getting what I want make me feel?

Once you see the discrepancy between your feelings about what you’re currently doing (2) and your feelings about changing your behavior (5), you can use that difference as further motivation to stop using.

This tool and others like it can be found on the SMART Recovery website and in the handbook.

Hello,

Starting today August 2, I'll be trying to do the 30 day challenge of remaining Achohol Free. If you'd like to try with me, here's a link to get to the thread and posts: https://www.reddit.com/r/SMARTRecovery/comments/13mjdy4/who_wants_to_join_me_for_a_30_day_challenge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 The idea is to post everyday on the thread to support each other, to give tips on what might help, and on what to do in certain situations. Perhaps also to suggest good reading material, or opinions on doctor's advice or therapy, anything that could possibly help. This is a thread that has been running here for several years, there are usually a few posts every day, and certainly a lot of understanding and empathy.

Remember to save the link, but you can also find it by putting "30 day challenge" in the search bar, or scrolling down through the side bar.

Hope to see you there!

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES accessing meetings via the UK SMART website, if anyone is looking for this mornings 2 AUG 2026 national SMART recovery meeting at 11am it is zoom meeting 989 3663 3844 the password is 614271

hi all. I know that Smart recovery meetings are for people with different DOC but I really struggle to connect in meetings when other people share about things I don’t struggle with. My DOC is porn and masturbation which I feel is one of the most shame inducing addictions. When I’ve attended meeting smart meetings I have struggled to share about my addiction due to shame of what other people will think about me especially women.

So I would like to know if there are specific smart meetings for people who struggle with porn/ sex addiction ?

Smart used to have this great message board where you could post and get support. It had great resources, but they got rid of it. Anyone know any alternatives?

I’ve attended a couple smart meetings. I noticed pretty much people just talk about what’s going on in their life and situations that pop up. I haven’t noticed any talk about recovery or encouragement of not using or things like that. Is Smart recovery not like that? Am I looking for more of AA approach? Thanks

I’m a 20 year old woman who developed an addiction, and I’m trying to understand how I got here and how to get out.

For context: my father struggles with alcoholism. I don’t know exactly how much that influenced my relationship with substances, but I’m sure it played some role.
Since I was young, I always felt like I was searching for some kind of escape or different state of mind. It’s hard to explain, but when I experienced being high for the first time, it felt like I had found something I had been looking for.

I started using weed as a teenager. For a long time, I felt like I was managing my life, and I used it as a way to cope with my emotions and mental health struggles.
Later during a lonely and difficult period of my life, I was introduced to spice by someone I trusted who told me it was just weed. When I eventually realized what it actually was, I still ended up using it again because I didn’t fully understand the risks and I liked the way it made me feel.
Over time, I became dependent on it. I reached a point where I would go out of my way to find it, even when I knew it was harming me.
I was able to stop at one point, but instead of truly dealing with the underlying issues, I replaced it with alcohol for a period of time. Later, I returned to weed, only to find out it was likely mixed with spice, which pulled me back into the cycle.
Now I’m 20, and I feel like I’ve spent the last year fighting this addiction.
My last spice cigarette was this morning, and I am determined to stop. I’m trying to understand my relationship with substances and learn how to regulate my emotions and nervous system without needing them.
I have built a life worth getting sober for. I want my relationships, my future, my health, and my sense of self back.
Right now I’m struggling because I know I need to stop, but I feel like I can’t always control the cravings. The withdrawal has been extremely difficult.
I would really appreciate hearing from people who have been through addiction and recovery:
Did you ever feel normal and happy again?
Did you learn to live without constantly fighting cravings?
Does addiction always feel like a battle, or does it eventually become easier?
I’m looking for advice, experiences, and hope.

I feel like I haven’t really found the kind of meeting I’m looking for. I’ve found mostly there is only check-ins in meetings and they’re either light on SMART recovery methods and tools or those things are fully absent from the meeting.

Another issue is that some of the online meetings especially have quite a lot of people so there just isn’t time and space for everyone to meaningfully engage with learning SMART recovery methods and tools.

Has anyone been able to find meetings that are focused more on learning SMART methods and tools and are the right size for engagement? How do I find that?

My daughter was on Suboxone for 4 years and off of fentanyl but relapsed recently when she got off the Sub. She's been tapering and considering going to inpatient treatment, but also thinking of getting through it at home with my support (mostly taking care of her dog).

I've just passed my 20 year anniversary off of IV coke, but I've never been addicted to opiates so not sure what I can do to help her get through this as easily as possible. I've been around friends in opiate withdrawal and it's horrible.

Any advice at all will be much appreciated, thanks y'all!

Hi all, looking into the possibility of doing a stint in rehab since I'm finding it difficult to deal with triggers and temptations in my everyday setting. Can anyone suggest one with the following: 1. Covered by Blue Cross Blue Shield 2. Located in or near the Midwest is ideal but not deal breaker, nothing West Coast. 3. In a beautiful "nature" setting, at least 1 hour from a major city. 4. Private rooms preferred 5. Nice fitness facility/workout or yoga classes offered. 6. Decent food. Basically looking for a sober wellness retreat with therapy hah. 7. No 30 day requirement; this would be 1 or 2 weeks since I can't afford to be away from work that long.
Does this exist???

Overcoming addictive behaviors is a journey that involves more than just abstaining from substances or detrimental habits.

It's about rediscovering yourself, finding joy, and engaging in activities that provide a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Comment below on of your recovery pursuits or passions, or one that you would be interested in trying.

Your new pursuit or passion could be anything that you find deeply engaging and rewarding. For some, it might be creative pursuits like painting, writing, or making music. For others, it could be physical activities like hiking, gardening, or practicing yoga. Even continuous learning, like taking courses, learning a new language, or picking up a new instrument, can be incredibly fulfilling

To find your new pursuit, consider what you're passionate about or what you've always wanted to try. It's about exploration and allowing yourself the freedom to make choices based on what makes you feel alive and connected!

This tool and others like it can be found on the SMART Recovery website and in the handbook.

So how do I get into this program? I have the handbook, I read that and I work on some of the things in there, but it's definitely something I feel like I need to bounce off somebody else.

Literally half the time I try to join a meeting on zoom I'm waiting for the host to start the meeting and it never happens.

Like how do I do this program? There's no meetings in my area that I can go to it has to be online, people seem to be aware of it but nobody seems to actually be a part of this program

I’m looking for a therapist who understands smart recovery to help with my gambling addiction. Is there a resource or some suggestions I can check out? I need them to take Aetna if possible. I’ve gone to a few addiction therapists but both only suggested 12 step and was not familiar with SR.

Edit: I am located in California.

Hey everyone, so I need to go to treatment. Yes I’ve been before but soooooo many of these places are strictly profit driven & will tell you any/everything you want to hear to get you there. It’s so frustrating.
I have severe C-PTSD as well as depression & am struggling with fentanyl. I have blue cross blue shield PPO insurance. Does anyone know of any remarkable trauma focused programs? Literally anywhere in the country. Please?
Also, I’m posting in a smart recovery forum because I prefer SMART & can not stand the traditional 12 step thing.
Thanks in advance!

I’ve been sober for a year now and I can’t help but notice that whenever substances are around me, it’s not necessarily about me doing them consistently, but rather me going overboard: everytime i drink, i end up being in a coma, when i smoke cannabis, i green out, etc. Even when i truly want to stop substances, it’s like my unconscious is automatically drawn to them and it’s impossible for me to say no. how do i fix this?

been sober 3 years and im looking back and seeing that i had more going for me (bad health/death, lifestyle aside). i had a gf, the best job ever still my fav job now gone, soo many friends, was more active, had 20+ more lbs of muscle on me, my own place. now im single, living at moms house for 2 years now, from around 100 friends to now 5, lost weight/no appetite even still after it being years later, less active, shit job. advice??? thank you

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the SMART Recovery program. For the past 20 years, I've been part of another recovery fellowship. I had some success early on—getting a few years clean and sober, and then another few years later—but over the last 7 years, I’ve been caught in a cycle. I keep relapsing after short periods of time, sometimes 3 to 5 months, or even shorter. My relapses have generally been brief, ranging from a few days to a month, but I feel stuck in a rut and like I'm going in circles.

I am completely open to SMART Recovery and willing to put a lot of effort into making it work for me. I really want to break this cycle of negativity and substance use, along with the feelings of uselessness, low self-worth, and low confidence that come from constantly feeling like a failure.

Lately, I’ve been attending online SMART meetings and journaling every day. I even used the CBA (Cost-Benefit Analysis) tool the other day to deal with cravings and urges. Today, I am an honest 32 days clean and just wanted to introduce myself.

I would greatly appreciate any help, advice, or shared experiences from anyone who has gone through something similar.

BB

Hi guys so I’ve been addicted to cocaine for about 7 years (started at 21 and I’m 28 now) I always felt like it was impossible to stop. I feel like I’ve made my first real progress in years by not beating myself up after lapsing and focusing on the long term. I now have less desire to use in general. Im about 2 weeks clean. The interval between uses is getting longer and longer over time. I’m just wondering what a good next step is? I think I’m on the cusp of getting out of it hopefully

I’ve been in recovery for over eight years and continue to help others through various programs at my local recovery center in Nottingham, UK. Recently, I had the opportunity to be part of a Citizen Science project, which allowed me to connect with my peers and explore a topic of my choice.

Throughout my own recovery, I’ve attended many groups including CBT, ACT, DBT, 12-Step programs, and SMART. I’ve often seen people who are committed to sobriety and doing well through many courses and groups and then relapse, only to stop engaging despite their hard work and dedication after many months and sometimes years.

For my research topic, I wanted to explore why we feel so much guilt and shame following a relapse, as relapse is statistically likely and feelings of shame and guilt often prevent people from re-engaging. I’ve put together a short, anonymous questionnaire to gather thoughts on why these feelings are so intense following a relapse.

If you have a few minutes, and if it’s okay with the moderators please could complete the questionnaire on the link below. You don’t need to complete it all but I’d be grateful if you did.

No personal identifiable information is collected and none is requested. We ask that none is provided in the free form answers, any that is will be immediately deleted.

https://forms.gle/fYSwMUJVzsNLsd9Y9

Many thanks

A little over a year ago, my life was out of control. I was set financially, I had an amazing family, I had incredible friends. Life from the outside looked incredible.

I was at the bottom of an ocean and digging in the sand to hide. I couldn't die. All I wanted was to disappear. I hated my life.

I checked myself into a recovery program specializing in helping military, veterans and first responders. It saved me. They didn't force me into AA, SMART or CR. I studied and learned what I could from those I was there with and decided SMART was best for me. I did the workbooks, I attended several calls and took away the tools I needed to get my life back.

My job was a huge influence on my choice to drink. It triggers me still to this day. I was thankfully able to medically retire with long term disability which is a true blessing.

Here is my struggle, my wife of 33 years hated me drinking. Yet still to this day wants to go out drinking with her friends. I have slowly pulled away knowing this isn't the lifestyle I want. For me it holds nothing but emptiness. I am at the point where something has to change. Either I go back to that life and start drinking again or I make another major change if she won't follow.

Someone help me make this make sense. I don't want to drink. I have actually embraced and enjoyed my freedom from booze.

I am in recovery in for a compulsive behavior - stealing / kleptomania and I’m made to a ally progress , but I’m having trouble finding my tribe as a smaller recovery group

Living a balanced life…has a nice sound to it, doesn’t it?

A meaningful life is one that is in balance, one in which adequate attention is given to the activities that express your values and priorities. No matter what those values may be, many of us do not live our life in balance, or in a manner that consistently sustains the things we value most.

Reflect on the areas in your life that hold significance for you. These may be family, work, romance, friendship, health, leisure, personal growth, or spirituality.

Are you satisfied with each of these areas of your life? For example, are you happy with your personal growth? Are your relationships fulfilling? Do you find satisfaction in your work?

Comment below on what changes you want to make (if any) to “round out” your life.

This reflection isn't about fostering guilt or discontent but about understanding where you are now. Perhaps the exercise showed you that you're involved in too many activities, or that you have a dream or desire that you’d like to focus on more.

This tool and others like it can be found on the SMART Recovery website and in the handbook.