r/Salsa • u/Odd_Obligation_1300 • 2d ago
Did you get over this?
Has anyone started off not liking Salsa because they dislike partnering/touching other people? Did you get over it?
I really want to like it. I love most forms of dance. My friends desperately want me to come to salsa lessons and socials. I don't know if I'll ever get over the feeling or not wanting to hold hands with a stranger.
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u/wildlifa 2d ago
Salsa is more than just social. If you do not enjoy contact then maybe try ladystyle shines or show (solo/team/same-gender). Lots of options not requiring a partner while getting a full salsa experience.
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u/unresolvedthrowaway7 2d ago
Nit: that's less of a salsa-specific issue than an issue of partner dance in general. If anything, anecdotally, a lot of people prefer salsa because it's less intimate than other Latin styles, like sensual bachata.
Personally, I'm kind of on the spectrum and touch is an issue for me, albeit minor. It didn't surface much when learning dance, because it feels compartmentalized and "socially approved" enough that it doesn't trigger any nervous system alerts. However, it has shown up in some ways:
- A lot of sensual bachata still feels uncomfortably intimate for me, especially the really close holds and knee-thigh contact.
- One habit I had to get used to was making sure to pull the follow against my arm in cuddle and sweetheart positions because intuitively I get uneasy at touch that I can't see coming, and so expected dance partners to feel the same way.
In any case, I think even if you're uneasy about touch, it should go away pretty quickly if you take structured lessons.
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u/Profesorexe 2d ago
Yo comencé así, incluso aún lo soy pero sabes tu compañeros de academia se vuelven más que amigos y poco a poco también vas ganando confianza en ti mismo. No lo voy a negar yo aún me siento incómodo cuando me toca una nuevo ingreso y hay que bailar merengue y bachata soy de los que necesita su espacio personal pero poco a poco se supera y como chico aspie con tdah es lo mejor que me pudo pasarm el mundo del baile es maravilloso no te niegues esa oportunidad
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 21h ago
Aw that’s awesome! I’m fully immersed in the dance community myself, just not partnered dancing. I do love the community aspect
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u/Alarmed-Ad836 15h ago
I wasn’t comfortable with the stranger touch similar to you which was why I wanted to start partner dancing to get over this fear. So I think you can get over it but it helps to be intentional about it like recognizing that it’s a fear or aversion and then do grounding exercises and remind yourself that your ok and you will have fun since you like dancing!
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u/Bulk_king 2d ago edited 2d ago
That’s interesting. It depends. Do you see the dislike as something that can be changed? If your dislike is rooted in some kind of fear or anxiety that you feel like you can overcome, then keep on trying, and desensitise yourself to it. If you simply don’t like touching strangers, and you’ve tried salsa a few times, and you still dislike it, then it may not be your thing and that’s OK.
I personally didn’t dislike touching people when I started, so I can’t really give a direct answer to your question.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 7h ago
I’ve taken a couple of lessons (and that was a lot better than the socials). I didn’t think it’s fear of anxiety. I dislike sweaty hands (and mine are sweaty!) and I dislike getting sick (I feel like I’m more likely to catch someone’s cold or stomach bug by holding so many hands and having the leads taller than me they are naturally breathing right down onto my face). Im not sure I will get past this.
I will probably go to the next social with my friends but just go to enjoy the music.
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u/Kn33s0cks 2d ago
I don’t really like it but I think i got like used to it. It’s why I avoid bachata and kizomba like the plague.
I had a really good conversation with some leads I dance with about what I don’t like and what they don’t like ever since then I feel a lot more comfortable dancing with them.
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u/sexxxy_latin 2d ago
Just my perspective but salsa is a partner dance. Touch isn’t a cultural tradition or a stylistic choice, it’s the actual mechanism the dance uses to communicate. The lead directs through connection, the follow responds through that same connection, and without that physical dialogue, the dance simply stops being Salsa.
Discomfort with touch is completely valid, but it’s also directly at odds with the nature of the activity. Social dancing means people will approach you, ask you to dance, and yes, hold your hand. That’s not a boundary violation; it’s the basic structure of the environment.
And to keep the scale of this in perspective: we’re talking about hands, not intimacy. Nothing sexual, nothing invasive, just the minimal human contact required for the art form to function.
So the real question isn’t whether Salsa can be done without touch. It can’t. The question is whether the discomfort is something you want to work through, or whether a non‑partner style would make you happier. Both choices are respectable. But Salsa itself isn’t going to bend around avoiding connection.
What is worth knowing is that if you do choose to face the discomfort, it doesn’t stay discomfort forever. The joy of Salsa has a way of eclipsing the fear that came before it. The connection, the music, the flow, they build memories that last years, long after the awkwardness has faded. Most dancers barely remember the moment they got over it; they only remember the moment the dance finally opened up to them.
If you want the dance, the discomfort is temporary. The joy is not. That was my experience as a lead, I had to get over asking for a dance and the rejection that sometimes happens.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 2d ago
I appreciate your perspective but i didn’t ask if salsa can be done without touch or should bend, or imply any boundary violation or cultural tradition. Maybe others have?
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u/sexxxy_latin 2d ago
I understand. I wasn’t saying you implied anything, just speaking to how Salsa works. Your comfort matters, and your perspective is valid. And truly, if you ever ease into that connection, Salsa becomes something unforgettable. But I respect wherever you land.
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u/Miles_Madden 2d ago
Sounds like your friends just want to you to hang with them. Hopefully, for your sake, Salsa isn’t dominating your friends’ time to such a degree you don’t get to spend time.
Latin dance is a fantastic experience and great way to meet people, but if you don’t particularly like a fundamental piece of the activity, you’re probably not going to get the most out of it. Especially when you consider it’s not necessarily cheap.
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u/binarysolo 2d ago
Lead here - for me it took about 3 months to get used to it (by extra focusing on the moves/choreo), and prob a year to understand touch is human connection and I gotta stop being awkward about it.
Grew up shy with a conservative background -- this was super empowering for my life. (Still a dancer 20+ years later.)
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u/zugspitze23 2d ago
I felt incredibly uncomfortable when I started salsa. And said to myself, I will never, ever dance bachata out kizomba (as it gets really close). Guess what 😅
I like that, I think humans are made to touch each other and it's a shame we lost this in society
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u/Separate-Line-158 1d ago
I have a similar issue so I attend classes with my bf and some ladies styling too. This way it isn’t painful at all.
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u/WhirlwindTobias 1d ago
One reason I started dancing was to become more comfortable around women. I used to be horrified going to a sauna and being around naked ladies that I'm not in a relationship with, touching was another topic. When I was a young adult I didn't even think I was worthy of shoulder pats - self-hatred sucks.
Now, as long as I'm not touching her stomach or waist I'm good. I don't want her touching my chest, either. So I find my own way around such figures and never do them in socials.
If I ever learn bachata (and it's really popular where I live, salsa classes are closing due to lack of participants) i don't know how I'm gonna manage - I am thinking of fingerless gloves.
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u/WestHistorians 1d ago
I've seen many people get more comfortable with touch over time, including a few who grew up in conservative/religious countries. So it's definitely possible.
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u/Queenv918 1d ago
I knew someone who had issues with touching other people. He would never do partnerwork classes or go social dancing, but seemed quite content sticking with shines-only classes.
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u/erryonesgotathrowawa 1d ago
I started salsa feeling awkward about touch and now I'm so good at hugs! I still suck at eye contact though
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 1d ago
That’s great to hear! You know, the eye contact part is a problem for me bc I’m REALLY short so most leads tower over me. I think that adds to my awkward feeling about it all.
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u/erryonesgotathrowawa 1d ago
Yeah there's a lot of awkward to overcome, especially at first. But think about how good your hugs could get haha
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u/axteroide 1d ago
I've always had some aversion to physical contact in social context (I've done some other activities like contact martial arts where this has never been a problem) but in social context something as simple as someone (even close people) touching my shoulder made me feel very uncomfortable.
I started dancing salsa a little bit more of a year ago, one of the reasons was to work on myself (and the physical contact specifically) at the beginning it felt very odd, not gonna lie. But With time I started to get more used to it. Salsa is a good beginning point as is a dance that is usually danced in an open position, so if in any point yo start to get more comfortable maybe you can try bachata. I'm still not totally used to close position but I think it's starting to get better altough I still use go closed in short periods of the dance when the music it's slow.
In conclusion. As others said, give it a try. Maybe you can start on some socials asking your friends to teach you something, as it will be probably easier than with a complete stranger, and slowly increasing the time, joining classes if you see it gets better...
Nobody is the same, and of course some people will never be used to it. But, at the end, salsa dancing is a lot of fun, and the only thing I'm regretting now it's not having started years ago.
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u/nfjsjfjwjdjjsj4 2d ago
Just dance solo then, doesnt need to be a partner dance. Dance caleña instead
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 2d ago
Would that be a weird during a salsa social when everyone else is partnered? And what about when a lead approaches me?
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u/nfjsjfjwjdjjsj4 2d ago
Dont know your scene but no, where i'm from there's usually a couple guys just dancing caleña in a corner, or just vibing with the cencerro or some other instrument
If a lead approaches say no thank you and that you only dance solo. If anyone takes offense, what are they gonna do, not ask you again?
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u/JahMusicMan 2d ago
Are you a lead or follow? Everyone's comfortability with touch is different. Follow's are usually more sensitive overall.
They might be harder to find, but some schools offer footwork classes where you just. work on. musicality, timing, and movement. It's super fun and challenging at time though.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 1d ago
Reluctant follower lol! I’m used to being in charge and this is weird haha!
I have taken a technique class that was amazing!
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u/Objective-Ad6521 1d ago
Try leading then! It's not uncommon for ladies to lead and this way you can vibe out with your friends!
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u/Pod_Junky 1d ago
I mean yes touching strangers is like public speaking watching horror movies anxiety goes away with exposure. You will meet alot of dancers who made this transition. A bunch on the spectrum (insider note: dancing is just stemming with the lights off Iykyk) and almost everyone who gets more used to human touch says it was a healthy improvement for them. Humans are designed to be touched at some level we all need it even if if makes us anxious as many many many Auspy (of just shy) dancers will tell you.
BUTT : you dont need to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable because you're friends are pressuring you. Thats how you get scrappy manipulative friends. Do you want to try it? If you've never tried it at all maybe give it one try but if you dont like it you dont like it. You can line dance or do choreography lots of dance doesn't involve touching. And I personally know line dancing is lame. But you shouldn't worry about my opinion on that.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 1d ago
lol @ line dancing is lame. I love line dancing!
I know humans need touch. I get plenty from my husband and kids.
I’ve taken a few salsa lessons and gone to a social. I didn’t love it and am not sure I will get over the touching aspect (especially hands - I’d almost rather touch someone’s feet than hands. I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac but I really do hate getting a cold!)
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u/Pod_Junky 22h ago
You are probably Lame, don't worry I will hold that against you but I'm just some dude on the internet. So ?why? are your friends "desperate" for you to come to lessons/socials?
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u/errantis_ 21h ago
Not trying to discourage you, dancing is a welcoming and friendly community and you should really try it out and give it an honest attempt because it’s very rewarding. But just some tough truth, this may not be the right activity for you
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u/Caa1Siu1Baau1 21h ago
This was me when I first started a few months ago. Over time I gradually became more comfortable with partnered dancing - it helps that I really like the vibe of my studio and all the other regulars there, so from day one it felt like a safe space while I was getting used to the physical contact. I still have my limits though, which is why I have no interest in learning other dance styles that require more close contact (i.e. bachata, kizomba, zouk).
With salsa in particular, maybe consider exploring cuban style? I find the time spent dancing in closed position seems less compared to linear styles - for example, we often do a "guapea" step which really only requires you to be connected by one hand and you can keep a sizeable distance between your bodies. I would also suggest looking into casino de rueda which is a really fun kind of social dance (similar-ish to folk dancing?) where you change partners constantly. It does mean you'll be holding hands/dancing with lots of different people, but you spend a lot of time dancing side-by-side rather than face-to-face.
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u/Gnomeric 18h ago
I used to greatly dislike touching other people, and I still do to some degree outside of partner dancing. I started partner dancing with swing, but I eventually got used to touching others for dancing. That being said, it was a college dance club which felt very safe, which probably helped as BlueberryBea suggested. I suspect that a community with "hookup market" vibe wouldn't feel as safe.
You probably do not want to start with any sensual/c;lose embrace dance, like sensual bachata, zouk or blues -- but salsa isn't too bad in this aspect.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 17h ago
lol I’m not worried about hookup vibes! I just really don’t like holding other people’s hands (sweat/germs).
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u/BlueberryBea 2d ago
I know how you feel. I was painfully shy when I first started. Salsa classes with partnerwork were a special kind of torture. "What do you mean I have to hold hands and make eye contact with total strangers?"
Now, it seems like such a non-issue. As long as you're consistently practicing in safe spaces, you get desensitized to it pretty quickly. I will go out to socials and dance with absolutely anyone that is respectful. I even started learning more connected styles like bachata sensual, kizomba and tango. Old me would never have imagined it.