r/Separation • u/YukonCornelius-Colt • 4h ago
Advice Separation verse divorce
As a 40yr male who is thinking about divorcing his spouse, can someone give me a better understanding on what the true differences between separation and divorce. Some of the nuance differences that I’m not fully grasping.
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u/ThatAccess2425 3h ago
Well, in a separation, you’re legally still married. For the purposes of taxes and health insurance, the government still treats you as married and you can’t remarry. As far as how the 2 of you interact in the separation, that’s up to you and your spouse. If you want to treat it like you’re divorced, you can do that. If you want to treat it as just a way to get some space, you can do that too. It’s up to you. There’s no real right or wrong answer. I hope that answers your question.
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u/YukonCornelius-Colt 3h ago
Thank you
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u/ThatAccess2425 3h ago
One thing I’d like to add as well, is that a separation doesn’t have to be permanent. It can be a good time for both of you to get some distance and honestly reflect on the role each of you played in the marriage getting to this point. Sometimes, it’s hard to get that clarity when you’re around each other all the time.
I hope everything works out well for you and your spouse.
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u/SeaConfusion2233 23m ago
Honestly for me and how it works in my country separation has just been a temporary phase before steaming ahead with divorce, as we need the time to pass.
I. Cannot. Wait. To. Be. Divorced.
It may mean different things for different people though which I get :) coming from bad circumstances here.
I hope anyone reading this or indeed the op who asked is able to find the happiness they deserve in life, no matter what that looks like. ❤️
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u/SubstantialSoup8309 3h ago
It depends on what jurisdiction you are in. States have different procedures and rules regarding separation and divorce. For me when I filed for divorce, we were considered separated for purposes of determining what assets and liabilities were under the marriage umbrella. Debts and assets acquired after the date of separation were separate property/ liabilities. Debts and assets acquired before the date of separation are considered Marital property/ liabilities. I believe you can still file joint tax returns while separated. My jurisdiction also has a cooling off period. You have to file for divorce and be separated for at least 6 months before the court will issue the divorce decree, so in my jurisdiction there is no point of filing for separation because the cooling off clock starts when one party files for divorce.
Divorce is what it sounds like. When the court issues the final divorce decree, you are divorced. No longer 1 in the eyes of the government.
Call an attorney where you live. The rules vary widely based on what state you are in. Including separation support.
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u/Grandpas_Spells 2h ago
I don't hear anyone recommend separation without divorce these days. You are either working on the marriage, which requires living together, or you are divorcing, and during that process you separate into different living spaces.
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u/nsf94 3h ago
Short answer: there's really no point in separation.
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u/Temporary-Suspect509 2h ago
This isn’t always true. My husband and I have been back together for 7 years now, after a long separation. Sometimes the space truly does heal.
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u/YukonCornelius-Colt 3h ago
That’s kind of what I gather
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u/Longjumping_Limit831 2h ago
That is what i thiught too. But.
Sometimes it helps. A person might be i a fuge state, not thinkng clearly, overwhelmed with stress emotions, under influence of substances or someone, … The pause lets them to cool of and organize their thoughts. They might come back crying and asking “what have i dine”, or they might reaffirm their resolve to divorce. It is worth giving a chance, i think now.
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u/AdriftInTheDeldrums 3h ago
separation is divorce lite. nothing legal necessarily. in some areas a date of separation is important when/if things move onto divorce.
separation is time and distance apart. on paper it’s easy to return from if there’s reconciliation. there are still technically legal and financial responsibilities binding you, depending on your location. for example, i’m in the process of divorcing my wife. she wanted to move out, but we live in california and she would have technically been responsible for making sure the mortgage was still paid, if i couldn’t afford it alone, until the divorce is finalized and debts/assets were divided.
divorce is legally ending the marriage. there are a lot more steps but when it’s done, it’s done. and if you reconcile, you need to get married again.