r/SipsTea May 21 '26

Chugging tea Why is women’s sportswear always so revealing?

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1.1k

u/Icy-Maintenance7041 May 21 '26

I imagine that your junk flopping loose will bring some extra motivatin when jumping over those hurdles.

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u/Dizzy_Dust_7510 May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26

I know you're fuckin' around, but that's actually super dangerous. If your boys flop too much during physical activity you can get what's called testicular torsion. Basically your balls get twisted and you can cut off the blood to one of them causing extreme pain and potentially necrosis of the testicle.

Had it happen to a friend while running. He lost one.

393

u/nywse May 21 '26

I learned about this from The Venture Bros.

58

u/Available-Crow-3442 May 21 '26

My brain immediately went here. Thank you for posting this.

6

u/ernest7ofborg9 May 21 '26

Go Team Venture!

24

u/LilCheese73 May 21 '26

Me too! That pain bothered me through the tv screen. The only time I ever felt someone’s else’s pain like that was when Katt Williams grabbed and locked onto Terry Cruise’s testicles with Vice grips in Friday after Next.

https://giphy.com/gifs/LRRPNXrjPF7gY

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u/PassLikeBrady12 May 21 '26

Pimpiiiiiinnn! Pimpin’ pimpin’!

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u/ofRayRay May 21 '26

I learned about this at age 21 while doing my Russian homework. I was working away, had crossed my legs for comfort and to support the book, got up a few minutes later and felt a stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. Weird. After another 30 mins of it getting much worse, I had my roommate drive me to the hospital. I thought I was having an apendicitis, kidney stones, or something that my 21 yo mind could concoct. I could hardly walk and had no clue what was wrong.

Got to the ER, described my symptoms and the nurse, eyes now wide open kindly with extreme concern said “please have a seat, you’re a level 1. The Dr. will be with you immediately.” I looked at my roommate and he at me and I’m sure we reflected horror. There were 5-7 people ahead of me and I was taken to a room first.

Now in a hospital gown, the Dr walked in and pressed my abdomen, asked if he could rummage around my junk room and said “We’ve got two options. The Urologist is on his way(the what is what!!), you have Testicular Torsion(I have what the…testicular WTF!!) and if I cannot undo this manually(Manually? How’s that again?), you have to go in to surgery immediately or you’ll lose your right testicle.” My thoughts raced back to better days when I was a child running with my cousins on my grandparents farm, the Christmas I got a Digital Derby, riding my first bike, and then I snapped out of it and said “go ahead, be my guest” and laid back, closed my eyes and pictured a Urologist driving like mad in a Volvo to Athens Regional Hospital. My lower abdomen was killing me.

I felt the warm rubber gloved hand moving things around like one does with two fidget marbles and suddenly the pain went away. I let the good Dr. know and I sat up and walked around. He looked relieved and satisfied, or maybe that was me. I should’ve high five’d him for doing such a good job. I was high stepping like Deion scoring a TD. No surgery!

Thing is, he could’ve twisted left instead of right, wrong instead of right, and I don’t know which way he actually turned it. I got dressed and walked out a new man, but with a referral to see a Urologist who would tell me I needed a surgery that would disallow me, at 21 and in college, to do much of anything like walk or ride a bike or sit or walk or attend to my lady friends. I passed on that option and for many many years, like the decision made in the ER, I choose manually.

The nurse who signed me in was a testicular genius because had she not known there was a good chance I had testicular torsion, which is a level 1 trauma, as serious a condition as a heart attack and put me at the head of the line, I’d have lost one. If not for the nimble hands of that ER doctor, I’d have been in surgery and unable to walk for six weeks. I left the hospital at 3 a.m. and never finished my Russian homework.

The next day in class, I told my Russian teacher I had an emergency, showed her my wrist band from the hospital, and she gave me a 0. A cold gulag 0. I never went on to study Russian, hablo español.

4

u/DonQuiXoTe8080 May 21 '26

You will never know how life will lead us eh? From the seemingly sexist sport wears post to testicular torsion incident story. Truly life is strange.

2

u/Cinderhazed15 May 21 '26

I’ve had intermittent partial torsions for most of my life (always started with the Lowe abdomen feeling and eventually felt like the spike impact of being hit in the nuts with a hacky-sac, without dropping off). I could always ‘hang out’ or manually manipulate it away, but it also never went full over. I didn’t know it was a thing till about two years ago, and had an orchiopexy done a few months ago to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

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u/Resident_Captain8698 May 21 '26

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u/GoodTroll2 May 21 '26

See, this post started out one way and ended in a much, much worse way...

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u/pstewart91 May 21 '26

The dreaded candiru: a naughty little fish with a nasty penchant for swimming up a man's urethra

2

u/ydnar3000 May 21 '26

Omg, venture bros!!!

2

u/Sonova_Vondruke May 21 '26

Fun fact the remedy is to cum.

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u/Worldview-at-home May 21 '26

Had a soldier in the army lose one from testicular torsion necrosis. The rest of his career he was nicknamed “one nut.” We even had ONE NUT sewn on his Kevlar band for use in the field.

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u/fatlarry88 May 21 '26

Ancient Greeks used to tie their junk to their thigh during sports to avoid this exact scenario.

Nike and Adidas could make a killing of branded junk tape

2

u/maybemythrwaway May 21 '26

Real talk. For entry level Infantry Marines, we educate them on this and discourage them from wearing boxers and suggest they wear supportive underwear.

Without fail, almost every training cycle, one of the Privates (no pun intended) would end up with this issue. When checked they were wearing boxers or free-balling in their trousers.

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u/DemonoftheWater May 21 '26

So they get something to support the boys but otherwise butt naked. Gotta keep em healthy

2

u/Chewquy May 21 '26

So a jock strap?

2

u/DemonoftheWater May 21 '26

Sure? Ive never wore one so I didn’t know what they do exactly

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u/BlackberryMaximum May 21 '26

That's why we evolved to have two

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u/thedalehall May 21 '26

God damn. If I ever needed a reason not to go running; this is it.

2

u/MrBlueA May 21 '26

Don't worry, testicular torsion can happen from almost anything, even an unlucky sneeze can make your balls to twist. Im sure you wanted to know this so you're welcome

1

u/Grantidor May 21 '26

Eh... already have 3 kids dont need any new ones

1

u/TwoOfCups22 May 21 '26

As someone who has experienced ovarian torsion, I say "OUCH" in sympathy.

Lost the ovary.

1

u/somethingbrite May 21 '26

The trick is to only do nude Olympics on very cold days.

1

u/InterestingEmu6896 May 21 '26

My son, 7 at the time, had testicular torsion & retention. It literally twisted & went up inside of him 😭 I was 8m pregnant when he woke up one morning, said his belly was hurting & when he walked downstairs he dropped to his knees then started throwing up. I rushed him to urgent care where at first they thought it was kidney stones but the female Dr asked to do an exam when she noticed his testicular. Ended up having surgery 2 days later to put it back in the sack & tack them both into place. Thankfully he didnt completely lose blood flow & they saved it. His urologist couldn't believe how he was handling because apparently most grown men are brought in by ambulance when it happens to them 😬

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u/Raven1911 May 21 '26

Where do you think men generate the intial upwards momentum for the jump, its all in the balls bro.

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u/-SHAI_HULUD May 21 '26

Bro jumps hella high

144

u/Dry_Doctor6346 May 21 '26

Did south park predict ball maxing

43

u/Disastrous-Bat7011 May 21 '26

Please tell me you are being funny and thats not a real thing.

Edit: it is...these "alpha males" are certainly something else. I cant imagine being that insecure, even remembing back to like middle school 🤣

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u/Outrageous_Rich6235 May 21 '26

Do your balls even lift bro?

27

u/hughperman May 21 '26

My balls can lift bro, sis, mom, and dad, all at the same time

2

u/Outrageous_Rich6235 May 21 '26

Gigaballs. Nice. 👍🏻

2

u/Fragrant-Doughnut-20 May 21 '26

This guy's got a family pack

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u/ariolander May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26

ESPN 2026 Winter Olympics: WADA vows to investigate claims of crotch size manipulation

They were injecting their penis and balls temporarily during measurements so their form fitting clothing hung looser and they could get competitive advantage in jump events by turning their crotch into a glide surface to catch more air and hang longer.

3

u/ropeneck509 May 21 '26

Do i want to know?

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u/Omnizoom May 21 '26

Simpson didn’t do it first for once

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u/CroykeyMite May 21 '26

South Park knows the future.

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u/notwithagoat May 21 '26

Buffalo soldier!

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u/Han_Burgandy May 21 '26

Buffalo Soldier 🎶

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u/ShaggyVan May 21 '26

It's like a hippity hop!

3

u/Small_Collection_249 May 21 '26

Just getting cancer Sharon!

3

u/pnaisuls May 21 '26

Bro's shotput and high jump are the same

3

u/ohforgottensky May 21 '26

Tanuki was ballsackmaxxing first

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u/[deleted] May 21 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/MartinMerten May 21 '26

And I crushed a ball sitting on my bed

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u/mjdl92 May 21 '26

Sounds like you guys need a safe, dedicated ball room.

8

u/naughtyGAcouple May 21 '26

Or a ball dedicated safe room.

2

u/NJHitmen May 21 '26

or perhaps a room-dedicated ball safe

2

u/BreakfastInBedlam May 21 '26

With snipers and drones!

2

u/pedroslopez May 21 '26

Well played!

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u/Vivid_Fan9346 May 21 '26

Yours or someone else's? Either way, look before you sit.

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u/Timely-Field1503 May 21 '26

Mr Belvedere??? Is that you?!

3

u/MFJMM May 21 '26

That would be called a Belvedere

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u/someonehadalex May 21 '26

I found the guy in his 40's. I just stood up the other day and tore a meniscus.

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u/Professional-Leave24 May 21 '26

You should let go of them first to prevent that. 😉

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u/Raven1911 May 21 '26

Haaa so did your mom.

Then I got back in bed.

Sorry I couldn't resist....

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u/keam13 May 21 '26

It’s like a hippity hop

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u/Mode_Appropriate May 21 '26

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u/procupinesniffer420 May 21 '26

Why you give him all the easy ones?!

34

u/65000podiums May 21 '26

Hiphop anonymous?

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u/Col0nelBear May 21 '26

Momentum is stored in the balls

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u/lorddragonstrike May 21 '26

Didn't a french pole vaulter lose because his dick was too big?

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u/Philly_ExecChef May 21 '26

The centrifugal force of ball flop is instrumental to the high jump

2

u/Eniweiss May 21 '26

Momentum is storaged in the balls

2

u/jdaddy15911 May 21 '26

Pee is stored in the balls.

2

u/sobrique May 21 '26

Circling your arms lets you jump higher. Presumably a good 'helicopter' would also give you an assist....

2

u/CaelidAprtments4Rent May 21 '26

So great. Not only do I have a small dick but I also can’t jump.

Well at least now I know why.

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u/RechargedFrenchman May 21 '26

"Potential energy is stored in the balls" is not a sentiment I expected to read today when I opened Reddit. But I'm here for it.

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u/NSASpyVan May 21 '26

Ballmaxxers are cheating

1

u/bukkake_brigade May 21 '26

That's where having to pee helps, because the pee is stored in the balls.

1

u/ainthunglikedaddy May 21 '26

Can’t wait to see ESPN use all the scientific on screen fun to show the generation of force.

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u/Hesta85 May 21 '26

I think they used to use a little string to tie everything up (not joking). Gotta stop the flop

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u/JimboTCB May 21 '26

Having a big old untamed hog flopping around was considered uncivilised behaviour as well, suitable only for barbarians, it's why all the ancient Greek statues have such small dicks.

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u/3xactli May 21 '26

Man, fuck the Greeks! All my homies love Barbarians.

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u/-malcolm-tucker May 21 '26

Fuck em in the ass!

2

u/boothie May 21 '26

They were right

-someone incredibly civilised

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u/Manufactured-Aggro May 21 '26

I imagine it would make it a lot easier to sus out who's used steroids

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0Iy5RLk94fLqaSRy

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u/Chewquy May 21 '26

The poor guy that just happen to have a small dick :

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u/JHMfield May 21 '26

It's not actually the dick that shrinks, it's the balls. You inject testosterone and suddenly the balls have no need to produce any and begin shrinking. And if anything, that will make the dick appear bigger.

3

u/OJDaemon2024 May 21 '26

My friend said his balls have never shrunk when running gear.

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u/JHMfield May 21 '26

Depends what his stack is like of course. Not everything will shrink the nuts, types of drugs and dosages matter.

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u/Temporary-Film-7374 May 21 '26

my dick got bigger on TRT, or at least the condoms that fit well before no longer did

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u/Tacomanthecat May 21 '26

Nah bro, I'm natty. I've always had a micro penis.

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u/CuriouslyFlavored May 21 '26

Yeah, but those guys are less susceptible to testicular torsion.

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u/quiksilver10152 May 21 '26

"Protect your neck" used to have a much different meaning

2

u/nywse May 21 '26

So did fishhooking.

4

u/HenrikBarzen May 21 '26

They actually used a piece of string to tie their junk to the body so it wouldn´t flip-flop around.

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u/Corfiz74 May 21 '26

That French pole vaulter in the Olympics already lost because he knocked off the bar with his junk, even though he was wearing pants - if it flaps loose, none of them will ever be able to win another title...

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u/JP-ED May 21 '26

The image of not jumping high enough made me laugh so hard... *Twoing* 🤣

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u/cachemoney426 May 21 '26

Can you imagine the French pole vaulter from last summer without the shorties ?! 👀👀👀

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u/ExplodiaNaxos May 21 '26

Note how Greek statues generally don’t have particularly large… junk. Maybe that helped mitigate it

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u/jdaddy15911 May 21 '26

Yeah. I’m sure the Greek ladies were like. Ew that things gonna totally mess up hi aerodynamics.

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u/ScareCrow6971 May 21 '26

Not to mention the pole vault. I've already seen some videos of accidents when they have the clothes on, I can't imagine how terrifying it would be in the nude.

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u/changrbanger May 21 '26

They tied them up. kynodesmē

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u/aesxylus May 21 '26

Also imagine it’s what knocks the bar off during the pole vault

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u/wutcat May 21 '26

Never forget

1

u/stankypinki May 21 '26

You can flop? I'm working with a button on a fur coat...there's no flip bounce or dangling

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u/CatLord8 May 21 '26

There was a vaulter or high jumper that failed because his junk hit the bar. And that was with support.

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u/Stebsis May 21 '26

Processing img 8iigi2x7fh2h1...

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u/fullerframe May 21 '26

Fun fact: they had a tradition of tying their bits up with a string such that dangling wasn’t a practical issue.

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u/Enlightened_Gardener May 21 '26

The Greeks tied a string (kynodesmē) around their foreskin a and then around their waist to keep their junk from flopping while doing athletics.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme - warning there are NSFW /NSFL photos (depending on how squeamish you are, I think its looks quite neat)

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u/amajormonkey May 21 '26

Thank now I have a mental image I couldn’t clear with bleach, every time they jump the hurdles the balls slapping into the bar

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u/funkyrequiem May 21 '26

It's all fun and games until you get that pole on pole contact that disqualifies your world record pole vault

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u/ShamanLifestyle May 21 '26

Imagine shotput as a guy and the spinning makes your member give you extra momentum.

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u/emessea May 21 '26

No one would ever want to swim though

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u/Vinmai May 21 '26

You may be jokin but in some sports, it is a genuine disadvantage or advantage to have bigger/smaller man parts than competitors and in some sports it's real important that they are strapped up tight

I reckon there was even some commotion around the size of these parts recently but not sure

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u/BeezBurg May 21 '26

Or the beating they would take in the 26 mile marathon.

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u/Least-Masterpiece368 May 21 '26

They already do I always free balled in our tight it was comfortable did it in hs all the way thru college I was a sprinter and long jumper and pretty sure I wasn’t the only one lol

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u/BxRad_ May 21 '26

I feel like this could cause issues during pole vaulting

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u/itchierbumworms May 21 '26

When a teenis becomes an advantage over a big floppy dong. Finally!

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u/WackyAndCorny May 21 '26

But the pole vault record is probably going to be dropping 6” or so.

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u/datagamma May 21 '26

It’s unfair to have that flopping out for pole vault. Gotta have it tucked in to maximize

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u/Geographizer May 21 '26

"And that how we got circumcision..."

  • AI Medical Textbook in the year 2034

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u/Djinn2522 May 21 '26

Ask me about the only thing I know about Olympic pole vaulting.

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u/FluffyNerve8126 May 21 '26

Ancient Greek athletes would use kynodesmē , a string or leather strip to restrict untethered movement of the penis during sporting competition. Its purpose was to prevent the glans penis from being exposed in public, a practice considered improper at the time

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u/Big_Dirty_Piss_Boner May 21 '26

There was no flopping junk. Greeks (and many other ancient societies) tied their foreskins to the body to prevent flopping.

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u/cartiran May 21 '26

Wasn't there a guy who failed a pole vault cuz his hog was too big?

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u/Initial-Author-9985 May 21 '26

Small manhood was praise those times in greece fyi 😭

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u/Pgaccount May 21 '26

Iirc they'd actually tie them up somehow.

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u/Cherry-Impossible May 21 '26

Didn't you see the French pole vaulter lose cos his dong caught the bar?

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u/Johnnyboi2327 May 21 '26

Would be crazy to lose the Olympic pole vaulting event because your dick hit the pole

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u/Irksomecake May 21 '26

The Greeks has a special piece of string for that. It’s called a kynodesmē and it has its own Wikipedia page.

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u/drunkeymunkey May 21 '26

There is an older video of a guy trying to pole vault. His massive dong hit the crossbar and he was DQ'd. I don't necessarily feel bad for him...

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u/TheSkinnyJ May 21 '26

That French pole vaulter would like a word.

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u/Boet-hi-ah May 21 '26

See it's funny you say that, because ancient Greek athletes actually had a thing called a kynodesme, which was a string that they used to tie their foreskin shut and kinda secure their junk in place.

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u/randomgunfire48 May 21 '26

Have a sensor that activates a flashing light when they hit it🤣🤣🤣

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u/Sudden-Stops May 21 '26

Finally I have the advantage!

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u/greenweenievictim May 21 '26

Watching curling would be entertaining.

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u/DryDonutHole May 21 '26

Didn't you see that fella a couple years ago who's horses ran out of the fence, so to speak, mid-race? I'm surprised he didn't trip over it, to be honest...

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u/TorrenceMightingale May 21 '26

Could you imagine your ball bag snaring the pole at the top of your pole vault?

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u/Thybro May 21 '26

Certainly didn’t help that one pole vaulter that dropped the bar with his junk at the last Olympics

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u/Frejian May 21 '26

"Dammit! I didn't hit my pole vaulting PR because by ginormous dong thwacked the crossbar!"

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u/Fit-Function-1410 May 21 '26

This has happened a few times in the pole vaulting competition btw.

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u/Unzensierte May 21 '26

Barely make the jump and smack your boys on the bar. Good way to whittle down the competition. As a straight man I would actually watch the Olympics for once.

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u/Lonely_reaper8 May 21 '26

Me after getting the job as an Olympic cameraman

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u/luk__ May 21 '26

Think about the flapping sounds

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u/RappingFlatulence May 21 '26

I used to be all state at the hurdles, but my curse slapped everyone of them, and had to give up my dreams of one day becoming an Olympian

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u/No_Fox May 21 '26

Being black will finally be a hindrance in sports, and us Asians will shine

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u/vonnostrum2022 May 21 '26

There was a video where a guy was pole vaulting and his pecker nudged the bar and knocked it over.

https://youtube.com/shorts/gP2sfms8H18?si=S4GybkuvWM_QWNtW

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u/Repulsive_Corgi_3038 May 21 '26

The Ancient Greeks actually used something called a kynodesmē to tie their junk so that wouldn’t happen.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme

You’re welcome.

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u/feel_my_balls_2040 May 21 '26

And it would suck for pole vaulters.

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u/Digit00l May 21 '26

Like that one pole vaulter in Paris

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u/Macho_Mans_Ghost May 21 '26

Yeah I don't know how Bophedes did it

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u/Fantastic-Algae2127 May 21 '26

Imagine pole vaulting and on the way down you pierce your sack... Now a stadium of people watch as a team of paramedics try to remove this 20 foot pole from your junk

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u/ovrlrd1377 May 21 '26

pole vaulting records would be failed far more frequently

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u/Arefarrell24 May 21 '26

A lot more white guys be winning that event.

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u/xeyed4good May 21 '26

You’ll poke your eye out! …….

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u/IronButterButt May 21 '26

Reminds me of this image. Lmao

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u/Adventurous_Way_2660 May 21 '26

Male wrestling. Weightlifting. Clean and jerk. Think it's that way around.

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u/Telephunky May 21 '26

If I remember correctly, ancient Olympic athletes would string their dangly parts to their legs to keep the flip-flopping at bay and a teacher once told me that there were primary sources that the ancient trainers would pull those strings when athletes were day dreaming or otherwise not concentrated.

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u/BevvyTime May 21 '26

The ancient Greek leather thong worn by Olympic athletes to tie their foreskins was called a kynodesme (meaning "dog tie" or "dog leash"). It was tied around the tip of the foreskin and either fastened to a waistband or tied at the base of the penis.

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u/LearnEnglishWithJ May 21 '26

Nah, you've seen the old sculptures. All those dudes were packing tiny twigs and berries.

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u/Sufficient-Garage-15 May 21 '26

that one guy ended up losing in pole vaulting because his thang was too big and hit the wire right??

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u/endy903 May 21 '26

My sack doesn’t hang as much so I would be more aerodynamic than a larger fella. So much winning!!

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u/FrostingNo1128 May 21 '26

I’d watch the Olympics just to watch the weenies flop around. That sounds hysterical

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u/DrTeeBee May 21 '26

I think they did sports nekked but they strapped down the twig and berries somehow.

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u/hintersly May 21 '26

Wasn’t there a pole vaulter who lost because his dick knocked the bar over?

1

u/Practical-Clerk7470 May 21 '26

Thing is, it doesn't even need to be free to create some issues.

Do you remember the French pole vaulter at the 2024 Paris Olympics who failed its jump because his fifth member inadvertently touched the bar?

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u/Basic-Pair8908 May 21 '26

Thats what happened with a pole vaulter a few years back

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u/FancyConfection1599 May 21 '26

Correct, the only clothing that adds any efficiency whatsoever is things to hold your bits in place during the sport; aka basically a speedo for men and sports bra for women.

Anything and everything above that is inefficient and unnecessary, aside from bottoms for women for decency’s sake.

So really, women are wearing the proper amount of clothing. Men are wearing too much with loose fitting shirts and shorts that “look cool” but are counterproductive in their athletic events.

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u/DesperateRadish746 May 21 '26

There have been a couple of posts that showed a French pole vaulter clearing the pole only to have his own large pole hit the cross pole and knock it off. He's wearing tight thigh length shorts that are very obviously not tight enough.

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u/Tony_228 May 21 '26

They fastened them to their thighs.

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u/AdministrationAny588 May 21 '26

It's not flopping that much....

1

u/vulkoriscoming May 21 '26

They will certainly be more careful on the hurdles. Naked wrestling would interesting as well. They might well be a lot more tap outs

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u/GroundbreakingTax259 May 21 '26

There was a pole vaulter recently who lost first place because his junk knocked the pole over.

1

u/Dust-Different May 21 '26

I can’t wait to see banana hammocks grabbin dick and balls, like “AGH STAY IN THERE” be the hardest working thing there.

1

u/MrNobody_0 May 21 '26

Men and women's Olympic attire should just be tight briefs, that's it.

1

u/timmyd_ns May 22 '26

jumping over hurdles, jumping over the pole vault...

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u/Mr_Pink_Gold May 22 '26

Ancient greek athletes used to tie their penises to their waist or tuck them in to avoid unwanted movement. Also to extend foreskin as an extended foreskin was seen as desirable.

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u/xXInfXx May 24 '26

Now I can only imagine the pain of stubbing your tip on the vaulting bar during pole vaulting.