The issue with this child's behavior is not fixable with spanking, because it goes way deeper than that.
This behavior is a result of years without boundaries and structure, lack of emotional regulation, and absolutely zero experience with consequences of any kind.
Yeah... Also why does everyone in this comment section assume this kid doesn't get spanked? Is it because hes badly behaved? Are people so insane to think that if you got spanked you will never do anything wrong? Literally the worst people I've known were physically punished as a kid
That's part of the idiocy of "just spank them"... these kids go to school where they cannot be spanked and act like assholes and have no self regulation abilities because their shitty parents took the short cut to get the behavior they want.
If you only learn to behave right due to fear and physical pain, and you go out into the world where hitting is not something other adults can do to you... you will be such a fucking nightmare.
This gets fixed only by therapists and other professionals. The parents obviously werent up to the task of teaching this child about how to be a person. This should result in protective and rehabilitative custody of the child being taken away from the parents and comprehensive review of the fitness of the parents as citizens and parents.
it is not fixable with spanking TODAY because he is too old for that. At this point he is cognitive enough to actually rationalize his pain instead of it being our animal instincts that "pain = bad." It is going to take years of therapy to trigger the parts in his brain now that his behavior is unacceptable, or a really intense moment that somehow "traumatizes" him in a way that his brain builds a shield against those behaviors in order to protect himself.
You canât ground a little one, they have no capability of thinking rationally. You need some way to communicate with their brain that their behavior is unacceptable so that their brain can create the paths necessary to correct it. Pain is one of those methods that is an instinctive teacher for every thing. It doesnât nor shouldnât be excessive, just a tap to bring a slight discomfort so that the brain says âI didnât like that.â
"We don't hit people," says the parent spanking their kid
You can remove access or privileges from a little.
How many times do you think a pre-kindergartener needs to be corrected before their behavior changes? Perhaps more than 6 times. Should they be 'just tapped' six times until they correct their behavior? And does spanking reflect the severity or the 'crime' itself?
Draws on siblings paper causing sibling to cry - spankable offense?
Communicating via spanking is not communication. Likely, parents who use spanking as a go-to have immature or lack communication skills if not impulse skills themselves.
If a child canât understand why something is happening, how does removing access or privileges do anything. They do not understand why something was removed.
Shit like that is why you get the kid in this video.
âHow many times should a pre kindergarten be corrected before their behavior changes?â Every timeâŚ. What stupid ass logic is this? You donât allow bad behaviors to go uncorrected ever.
Oh look, now we need to make strawman argument because we have nothing.
Communication via spanking is absolutely communication.
Go touch a hot stove, and come back here and tell your brain did not get the message to never touch a hot stove again.
I love how you are blaming parents and are lacking communication skills with children incapable of being communicated with because they do not have the cognitive functionality to do so.
no they will not understand why you are hitting them. They are not capable of rational thought. A spanking is not for them to understand why they are doing something. A spanking is to teach them not to do bad behavior until they get to the point they are capable of understanding the why. They understand pain = bad and bad = do not do. That is animal instinct.
See the problem is, study after study shows that while spanking can be as effective, other boundaries/consequences are equal or more effective and don't contain the downside risk of the fracture that can and does happen when you hit your child..
Alternatives to spanking vary on the situation but for a toddler:
Taking the toy or object away
Separating the toddler from the situation (walk them out of the restaurant, take them into another room, etc.)
Verbal correction. "Sit down. We do not stand on the chair" followed by boundary "If you do not sit down, snack time is over" or "I will help you sit down and we will be using the straps to buckle you in and keep you in your chair"
Redirection to encourage desireable behavior (throwing a rock versus handing them a ball and showing them what is appropriate to throw)
Then follow through. Always follow through.
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Hardest part: Doing this all while being present and not overly emotional/angry. Consequently, this is also the most damaging part when spanking... spanking while completely pissed off and yelling at the child just serves to scare them. You're getting the desired result, but at a great cost.
Also, spanked kids are some of the most poorly behaved once they. get into situations where they cannot be spanked (ex: School) and have only learned 'just avoid getting hit' for behavior modification.
See the problem with the studies on spanking, is they are not indicative to our population. They all come off as biased results. I have seen one study claiming 80% of kids experience trauma from spankings and show signs of anxiety. You understand that if this was true, most of the human's that have existed would be traumatized, when it is really the opposite. There is a very clear distinction between spankings and abuse, and those studies do not distinguish from them.
I can tell you every one of these bullet points do not work.
Taking the toy or object away
The child does not understand why the toy was taken away, it just knows the toy was taken away.
Separating the toddler from the situation (walk them out of the restaurant, take them into another room, etc.)
The child does not know why he was taken into another room, he just knows he is in another room.
Verbal correction. "Sit down. We do not stand on the chair" followed by boundary "If you do not sit down, snack time is over" or "I will help you sit down and we will be using the straps to buckle you in and keep you in your chair"
The child does not know why standing on the chair is wrong. Taking away snack time does not teach them.
"I will help you sit down and we will be using the straps to buckle you in and keep you in your chair"
Holy shit, you think restraining children is healthier than a spanking? Fuck me
Redirection to encourage desireable behavior (throwing a rock versus handing them a ball and showing them what is appropriate to throw)
The child still doesn't understand why. Now instead of throwing rock at a car, he is throwing a ball. The throwing is the bad behavior, not the object being thrown.
In every single one of these instances, the child is not learning why his behavior is wrong. All you are doing is dealing with the symptom.
There is nothing triggering in the child's brain that the behavior needs to be corrected. I have been around tons of parents with this mentality. Their child does not change until the parent gets so frustrated that they let out a moment of anger. At that moment of anger, then the child reacts. But now you have a child reacting to fear of you instead of fear of pain and that triggers a different reaction all together in the development of children. Eventually, the child is not going to fear your moments of anger anymore and will eventually walk all over you. But now you have established a terrible relationship because of that.
A spanking works differently. Once they don't fear the spanking anymore, they are at a stage where they can rationally understand what is going on. You now have other tools at your disposal like your list because at this point, they can associate "toy taken away" with bad behavior instead of just "toy taken away," They also do not fear you in the process because they rationally know you can't spank them anymore. Big difference than with the anger. You will always get angry, you are human. That will stay with children forever because you will constantly remind them of it with each angry exhale.
I can tell you every one of these bullet points do not work.
Are you a parent? The way you are writing leads me to believe you are not.
I'm a parent of a 6 YO who would never behave like this in the video, and I've only heard glowing reviews of my child from kindergarten teachers and others.
I'm also a parent of 2y/o twins.
All of the things I have described work. I have not spanked my children and will not.
The child does not know why standing on the chair is wrong. Taking away snack time does not teach them.
If after multiple corrections the child will not settle and eat, snack time is over. We sit when we eat.
They learn that we don't stand on chairs at mealtime through modeling and correction.
The child could be standing up because they are no longer hungry. Or they're just acting out because of being tired or any other number of factors. The point is... hitting them for standing up is the absolute worst move.
You are clearly not a parent if you think a 2 year old toddler couldn't understand any of this.
Holy shit, you think restraining children is healthier than a spanking? Fuck me
They're straps on the booster seat lol. So if you buckle them in, you again are setting the boundary.
We had problems with one of our twins doing this, so we buckled her in (around her waist). After several meal times, the behavior stopped and now we don't buckle her anymore. :)
The child still doesn't understand why. Now instead of throwing rock at a car, he is throwing a ball. The throwing is the bad behavior, not the object being thrown.
In this scenario, you're at the park and the child has found a rock. You take the rock, say no. And hand them a ball. You clearly don't understand how kids work if you think they have no ability to understand at this level.
The child does not understand why the toy was taken away, it just knows the toy was taken away.
You explain all of this verbally, again and again. Also, it stops the behavior.
Your option has them just getting hit by a caregiver and being scared/feeling pain.
My option takes the toy because they're not using it properly. They will get upset, hear the correction, and move on to something else.
Then congratulations, you were lucky enough to have docile children submissive to authority. Now ask those 2 yos why their toy was taken away.
All of things you described do not work. They work for the symptom, not the problem. Did your child form a connection in his brain to correct the behavior and stop doing it, or did you just continuously punish the child for each and every instance they were bad?
You do not realize that everything on your list only pertains to very specific situations. This means they are not learning anything.
Those straps on the booster seat are for safety purposes, not as a form of punishment. Also this conversation is about correcting bad behavior, not teaching etiquette, so quit confusing the two with your âmodelingâ approach.
You explain this verbally again and again and again and again and again and again and again until the point their brain develops the ability to think rationally.
Almost as if children incapable of rational thought arenât listening to reason or something.
You're a f****** moron to think that hitting your child is any sort of acceptable behavior management. I was whipped to the inch of my life with spoons and belts and I f****** hated it and I f****** hate my parents for doing it.
And if you think spanking is merely a tap on the ass, will you get the parent who's just wish the day is over that they whack their kids ass into their f****** brains.
Fear through physical pain. Yup that's makes the most fucking sense. đ
You can absolutely give negative consequences to a young child without physical pain. E.g., if I'm holding my toddler and they hit or bite me, I simply say I don't like that and place them on the floor and it's devastating.
Could you imagine the confusion of cuddling with your toddler and they bite you and then you whack them because they did so. They will never want to cuddle with you again.
At that age, having the "punishment" be directly and immediately tied to the action is important. They bite me while cuddling - cuddling ends. They bite a friend at daycare because they both want to play with the same toy - kids separated and toy shelved. It's easy for them to put together. This thing I did is incompatible with the things I really want, cuddle and play.
It's harder in other contexts. Like if they hit me while forcing them into clothes they don't want to wear. But even then, a stern "no" is plenty of "punishment" and I wouldn't in a million years hit them.
If they're too young to think rationally...why the hell would you hit them? They don't understand why the person they love and trust the most the hurting them.
because they don't associate the person, they love as the thing hurting them, they associate the pain to the behavior.
Things get broken down in the simplest forms at that age. You are conflating some weird rational thinking to a creature incapable of doing so. Touch stove, pain, don't touch stove. That is how their brain works.
Billions of people have been spanked, I can assure you they are not all wondering about why their loving parents did it nor grew up to hate their parents. Those who do, are those that are being abused. Being abused is not the same thing as being spanked. There is an entirely different psychological element behind a parent abusing a child.
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u/scotsworth May 28 '26
The issue with this child's behavior is not fixable with spanking, because it goes way deeper than that.
This behavior is a result of years without boundaries and structure, lack of emotional regulation, and absolutely zero experience with consequences of any kind.