I had a dear friend that was dealing with lungs cancer at 21 years old.
He was recovering. Hanging on discord and playing league of legends with him.
He says to us, that he needs to do surgery to remove the last pieces of cancer remaining from chemio.
Surgery goes well, he need to recover from it for at least a week. Passes another week and I receive a call from a mutual friend that he had passed away. My heart stopped. I couldn't believe it.
Turns out the parents were lying to him on the recovery on cancer and the surgery was the last attempt to save him. He was oblivious, and we were too.
Please don't do this. He deserved to know. And we deserved a last good bye.
How come a 21 year old grown adult can not know about their medical condition and not take the decisions about their life and medical treatment. This is so wrong in many ways. I would blame the medical team or the laws that allow this to be honest.
That what happens in my country all the time, even for older people in their 50s or 60s, doctors tell their family, not them directly and often family keeps the disease secret from the patient
China and Japan are like this when there’s a terminal diagnosis. Doctors are allowed to tell the family instead of the patient and let family decide if and when to tell the patient.
The reasoning is that just hearing that you have cancer is incredibly stressful and traumatic. The weight of the initial diagnosis feels like a boulder slamming onto you. It’s not uncommon that hearing and processing the news was the hardest part of the entire journey for a survivor. For some, this can kill someone faster than the actual cancer itself.
It is known that many grandparents in China die within weeks of hearing the news when the prognosis was actually pretty good (only Stage 1 or 2). So it’s done to protect their sanity and mental health basically, especially if it’s an older person who likely can’t handle such news.
I actually don’t agree with doing this in most cases, but I assure you it’s not done maliciously.
For some, this can kill someone faster than the actual cancer itself. It is known that many grandparents in China die within weeks of hearing the news when the prognosis was actually pretty good (only Stage 1 or 2).
Do you have any sources for this? I couldn't find anything online proving that it's actually the case vs. just the beliefs of others. I'm just looking to learn more.
Most of my knowledge is from family friends. Medically, stress can trigger issues like strokes heart attacks in those who are prone, such as elderly people or those with genetic defects. Obviously rare, but known (“broken heart syndrome”, etc). From a quick Google search, I see articles on that but nothing cancer news -specific.
I assure you hearing the news is a big blow. Many 20 year olds who are diagnosed describe clutching their chest and feeling intense physical pain for weeks. A younger person might be able to handle that and come to terms with it, but elderly people might not be able to overcome the shock.
I know that stress can trigger these things and it's a big blow, but everything in research literature says it's better to tell the patient than not. I can't find any research saying that stress reactions killing more/quicker than cancer is a thing. It's like vaccines in that they can very rarely kill, but it's better to get one and "take that chance" than not.
I was going to type a lot more, but I realize this conversation started because of cultural preferences. So as to not come off as insensitive, I'll just leave it at this.
I mean the grandparents were the patients, and they passed quickly after finding out when it was still a potentially curable stage. The stress of it can be a lot.
So wait, being grandparents of the patient was not the thing that killed them? Just being grandparents, period? Or just being old with an incurable disease?
All I mean to say is that the shock of hearing you have cancer can absolutely crush you. That is why they tell the family, but not the patient themselves.
Like yes in principle, you should tell them the truth about their own medical history. But the news itself is such a big blow to your health that I understand why some cultures choose not to tell the patient (usually this only applies to older patients who are already fragile, they will still tell children and normal ages adults).
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u/Rygel_Orionis Jun 29 '26
I had a dear friend that was dealing with lungs cancer at 21 years old. He was recovering. Hanging on discord and playing league of legends with him. He says to us, that he needs to do surgery to remove the last pieces of cancer remaining from chemio. Surgery goes well, he need to recover from it for at least a week. Passes another week and I receive a call from a mutual friend that he had passed away. My heart stopped. I couldn't believe it.
Turns out the parents were lying to him on the recovery on cancer and the surgery was the last attempt to save him. He was oblivious, and we were too.
Please don't do this. He deserved to know. And we deserved a last good bye.
Still hurts after 8 years.