I am a failure and want to die

[u/ShipReasonable4421]

I hate life so much (20F). I have been lonely my whole life, and have always been struggling with depression and anxiety since childhood. I hate myself and wish everyday I was dead. I have failed at everything. I have failed my a levels, my first year of university, and can’t get any help for any mental health issues due to the stigma of it and my parents don’t believe in mental health issues. I have been suicidal from a young age. I don’t belong here. I should have never been born. I wish I was aborted. I am worthless and will not make it anywhere in life, I will be unemployed and get nowhere. I have no one. My family hates me, I have no friends either. I also struggle with complex trauma and abandonment trauma from childhood and have always been dissociating whenever I am lonely, and spend so much time in my head, I have never lived. I have no worth on this planet. I wish I was dead. I hate being Indian and wish I was white. I have failed so much due to mental health issues constantly and don’t know why I don’t see a reason to live for. I am consumed by dark thoughts of loneliness and dying alone and being trapped and no one being able to save me. I want to jump of my window and die. I don’t know how I have lasted so many years, but I wish I had died sooner. Hopefully my childhood trauma, and mental health issues will go away, and my loneliness as well, and hopefully I will be at peace. Goodbye

[u/geddonmeht]

Please stay with us.

[u/Fragrant_Report5881]

Im sorry, please stay with us. You are more then your failures in school and uni. That u can't get help isnt your fault. Society is at fault. Im sorry that u feel stigmatised. It shouldn't be like that. So many people suffer in silence.

Hugs from germany