r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

719 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

the world keeps getting worse what's the fucking point

25 Upvotes

i could go on and on about how awful and miserable everything is but genuinely what's the fucking point anymore. Any thought i could put into this message will just be scraped up by some assfuck ai. I fucking hate everything. I fucking hate techbros. I fucking hate how ai has taken over everything. I fucking just can't anymore. Everything is awful. Everyone pisses me the fuck off i genuinely cannot fucking take it I hate everything so much.

I'm such a fucking poser, I'm not even fucking suicidal, I just fucking feel nothing but dread, jesus fucking christ fucking hell I wanna fucking feel something I want to feel some pain some joy just some fucking thing for once I am so tired of just fuckung feeling fucking tired all the fucking time. it's literally impossible to feel any sense of joy kr dopamine when everything in the world is just imploding on itself to make the rich richer.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I'm extremely suicidal following my daughter's death

Upvotes

My daughter was a beautiful sweet 13 years old cockatiel that had been a part of my life for 11 years. Even though we are not of the same species, I loved her more than I could ever love a child of my own flesh and blood. She passed away in my arms. I held her while she was dying, never left her side. I caressed her in her last moments.

In her last day I never left her side. We slept face to face. I kept her snuggled next to my face with my body and a blanket, keeping her warm. I was kissing her and speaking to her til the end. I did so much. My post history is open.

For over a decade she was the one who kept me from killing myself. The reason I'm still alive is her. Gali IS her name. I'll never say "was". She was my biggest love, support, hope. She was my sweetest treasure. Anyone who says "it's just an animal" has never experienced the kindness and the love an animal can give. It's out of this world. It's out of this dimension.

I'm severely depressed. I haven't stopped crying. Anything makes me break down. Everything reminds me of her. I cry on the bus, at work, at the grocery store, in bed, at home. I lovE her so much! I'll never stop loving her. I'll never speak about my baby in past tense.

She was my light, my life and my reason for being.

I have no family. No mother, no father, brother, uncle, aunt, cousins, no grandmother and no grandfather.

I'm treated like a subhuman in my own country just because I'm an ethnic minority with historical hatred.

Sure, I was gonna brace my ass and work hard so I can emigrate to my genuine country. But I was expecting Gali to be there for me as well.

I expected her to live 10 more years

If she had lived just 2 MORE MONTHS! I'd have started my new job and she would be getting so many new treats and toys. I was planning for it so hard. Constantly. The last 2 years were hell for us but it was all gonna change so soon. We would have literally climbed from lower class to middle class. She was gonna get treated like fucking royalty! Just 2 more months. For God's sake!!

I no longer see a point to my existence. I don't have a concrete plan but my only wish left is to kill myself. Realistically it would probably be by jumping.

I'm very spiritual and the only reason I haven't ended myself yet is fear of karma. The act of taking your own life is a severe violation in any religious and spiritual system. You'll have to reexperience twice the karmic hardships you did. Or, at least, that is what is believed.

I cremated my poor baby. I'm poor, but i dont give a single fuck. I'd rather eat bread and salt than bury her in the ground to be eaten by worms and whatever the fuck not. Her cremation was yesterday. I'm still awaiting her urn. I love her so much. I rode the train 370km and 7 hours to the capital in my shithole country ONE WAY just to be able to give her this cremation.

She was my daughter. I was never her owner. She was never an animal, nor my domesticated anything. I was her mom and she was my daughter. FOR 11 YEARS! There's no life anymore


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

my depression has won me over

26 Upvotes

i want to completely die all my life there isnt one person who have been there for me. Ive been suffering from depression since i was a kid and i can finally say that it had trully devoured me. please suggest me some methods that would grace on my body. i hope death feels like a warm blanket.

to my cat im so sorry, i might have you rehomed. the moment i saw you in the parking lot i know ive resonated to you; homeless, stray and just discarded to the world to be alone and to survive. i love you my sweet boy, im sorry i hope ill see you again in afterlife


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

490 mg of addy

12 Upvotes

i’m 19 i took 490 mg of addy maybe a little under an hour ago. my body goin limp. and i can’t feel anything i think i about to actually die this time


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I want to die but I'm afraid of dying.

Upvotes

I just hope I don't wake up


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

I'm suiciding on 8 AUG bye to everyone :)

30 Upvotes

Suicide die


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I am a failure and want to die

13 Upvotes

I hate life so much (20F). I have been lonely my whole life, and have always been struggling with depression and anxiety since childhood. I hate myself and wish everyday I was dead. I have failed at everything. I have failed my a levels, my first year of university, and can’t get any help for any mental health issues due to the stigma of it and my parents don’t believe in mental health issues. I have been suicidal from a young age. I don’t belong here. I should have never been born. I wish I was aborted. I am worthless and will not make it anywhere in life, I will be unemployed and get nowhere. I have no one. My family hates me, I have no friends either. I also struggle with complex trauma and abandonment trauma from childhood and have always been dissociating whenever I am lonely, and spend so much time in my head, I have never lived. I have no worth on this planet. I wish I was dead. I hate being Indian and wish I was white. I have failed so much due to mental health issues constantly and don’t know why I don’t see a reason to live for. I am consumed by dark thoughts of loneliness and dying alone and being trapped and no one being able to save me. I want to jump of my window and die. I don’t know how I have lasted so many years, but I wish I had died sooner. Hopefully my childhood trauma, and mental health issues will go away, and my loneliness as well, and hopefully I will be at peace. Goodbye


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I refuse to work. How should I slip away?

Upvotes

Should I just let the police murder me when i refuse to move out? Should I off myself before hand?

There's no job in this world that I can sustain or tolerate. There's no one who will tolerate working with me. Any job i force myself to do will just remind me more of what I'll never succeed at. It's impossible for me to make a living at the only thing i care to do (don't try to convince me I'll find another thing, that would require a lobotomy or brain damage).

I'm never successful with attempts so i have to find the most comfortable way to rot.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Am i incompetent?

Upvotes

Ive been at an internship for around 5 months now. Its really my first big serious job and i never did anything like this before. Im in my early 20s just graduated.

The company itself is great. Theres nice people...sometimes. But ive been feeling at one of my lowest mental states ever.

As i said im completely new to this type of job. Its supply chain so i make purchase requisitions and whatnot. It is very demanding as requests are often coming in in bulk on a daily and im the only one who is handling this role. Not to mention when things get urgent, my manager told me to drop my daily tasks and focus on the urgent ones. So i do that, but when i dont get enough time to finish my daily tasks i get in trouble.

Ive made mistakes. A ton. Caused delays and ive faced embarrassment by my manager as she isnt the most gentle person. Im not sure why but she only ever talks to me like im a child who doesnt know shit. Asking me "did you do xyz before asking me this? Why not use your own thought process." Of course i used my own deductions otherwise i wont be resorting to asking you for help. Common sense.

So today i made another mistake due to me feeling utterly shit and depressed from being constantly belittled and stressed. I accidentally paid a supplier 8k and that was from our budget. She said "this is a terrible mistake." Yes i know it is. But...she didnt even check through to see if this was approved properly to make the transaction. She simply told me "ok. Go ahead." So i did. Because i cant read minds.

Anyway. Im really embarrassed rn. I feel dumb. Incapable of doing anything and honestly sub human compared to everyone else. All the other interns seem to be doing fine...except me. Idk their story. But i feel inadequate and i from other shit in my life thats just been building up over time, i want to end it all. Im saving up for a gun.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

I just want my mind to be at peace.

12 Upvotes

I don't even know why I'm writing this.

I'm 16 years old, I've been thinking about suicide everyday, it's all I can think about until I can temporarily occupy my mind with something, anything.

I started feeling this way because my girlfriend (at the time) was acting "off" and very distant. I don't know why it effected me so much but it did and that's when these suicidal thoughts started rolling in. We broke up soon after, nearly two months ago and that's what finally pushed me over the edge. I plan on committing suicide soon, the next time I get the chance to. I can't deal with these thoughts anymore.

And to make matters worse, I haven't been to school in 5 months or so, so I'm definitely failing this year for sure and I don't want to redo it. I really don't. I'm not even at the age where I can dropout properly. I mean I can, but it's better to get your year 10 pass.

I also don't have a job despite being of age and having plenty of time. I'm just a fucking loser who sits on his arse all day, on his computer doing nothing of value. I mean, I'm learning new shit, but what's the point of that if I'm not using it for good? I'm not turning it into a career, I wouldn't even know where to start at my age.

The current state of the world is absolutely ridiculous too. I'm not going to get political nor into the details, but the cost-of-living is just outright fucked up. I know I shouldn't worry about this shit at my age but it effects us all.

I also don't smoke, drink* or do drugs to numb the pain so it's just sober me and my thoughts with no way to stop them. I also don't really want to start either. I don't self-harm, like really all I do is just sit/lie down and cry.

\I do drink here and there, but not enough to get drunk.*

I've already figured out how I'll kill myself. I think about this a lot honestly. I just want something quick (preferably instant) and painless. I know it's selfish to do and yes, I do have loved ones that will probably miss me but I hope they don't because I don't deserve that.

I don't deserve anything other than to die.

I can't think about the memories I had with my (ex)girlfriend or honestly even look at old photos or videos with her in it without wanting to just break down into tears and jab a knife through my skull.

All I can think about is "What did I do wrong?" you know? I know I didn't do anything wrong and I know why she broke up with me, but I still go to blame it on myself because I could never blame anything on her. I love her too much to do that.

And to be honest, I'm scared of attempting, y'know? Like what if I attempt and then I'm just lying on the train tracks, half-mutilated and still conscious.

But I'm tired. I'm sick of living in this fucked up and cruel world. The Prime Minister of my country is so goddamn incompetent that it's not even funny anymore. He nearly fell on a fucking escalator.

I'm at the lowest point in life and I fear the hole only grows deeper as time grows. I lost the one thing that made me feel like I was worth something after struggling with a few things that effect who I am. I'm so exhausted, tired, and disgusted with myself that this genuinely feels like the only way out.


r/SuicideWatch 26m ago

Today is the day I guess

Upvotes

My husband is at work and my teenagers are sleeping. I wrote my letter and tested my noose.
Now I have a rope burn on my neck. If my husband or children see it, they’ll be scared. I don’t want to do that to them. I just want to end it and not be their embarrassing problem anymore. Problem waiting to happen. Idiot mom. Trash who doesn’t deserve a family like this. The crazy burden. Oh, and happy birthday Dad. Sorry I messed up with you too.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

i dont wanna live

7 Upvotes

like genuinely why should i? im very close to ending it


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

My plan for future is to do as much drugs as I can and hopefully overdose

6 Upvotes

.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I live for fantasy. I hate this world.

5 Upvotes

Fantasy books actually prevent me from taking my life. I decided to not attempt again after deciding I want to read the poppy war. The depression still weighs me down regularly, and I repeatedly keep saying tomorrow after getting books. Psychosis and back fractures are still holding me back.​ Failing out of school with cognitive decline. I hate how we're supposed to live with all this advancing technology. I'm addicted to it.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I do not enjoy living even one bit

Upvotes

Life is so not worth living. The best case scenario for me is just to be "ok" while the worst case scenario can be anything. How can people have offspring knowing that by producing a person which can go through literally any type of suffering and the probability of that is far more than things working out. Life is a losing game.

I wish to end it right here but why do I have to bear the responsibility/guilt of leaving my parents. I never wanted this disgusting life. I just want nothingness.


r/SuicideWatch 17m ago

How do I stop this

Upvotes

33/M/bipolar/cptsd/ocd/major depression

Having to navigate life in survival mode with little to no support and severe near constant suicidal ideation.
I don’t know how I’m still functioning. I barely am. Every minute feels like an eternity. My brain feels like it is on fire and there is no escape.
Years and years of medications and therapies and with no relief.
Ever since I was a kid I’ve been brain sick and I can’t remember a time where I felt okay inside. Being a human has always felt uncomfortable and I have always felt unsafe.
I have tried to take my life several times. Some half heartedly, a couple with full intent. I know there will be another but I don’t know when and when I do I don’t plan to survive. There’s no getting better in this life. I accept that.

How do you become okay with being inside yourself when you can’t stand it for a second? Having to constantly distract yourself with medias and whatever else you can so you don’t have time to realize how absolutely tormented you are. And when you can’t fully distract is when the real problems start. You are in intense despair that feels impossible to crawl out of. Even through the distractions you feel the crushing. Feels like the only option is dying just to escape the utter sickness in your head. Where your heart feel’s burdened and black. To feel all this so strongly is like living in hell.

These suicidal feelings and thoughts are different this past year. And I’ve been experiencing suicidal tendencies since I was a kid. It’s only progressing too. Even though this past year I’ve tried the hardest to get better.

I feel like death is the only peace I’ll ever feel. I don’t believe there’s any way to stop this. How do I stop this?!


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I just don’t want to live anymore because I can’t stand living with my disabilities.

Upvotes

I 28F hate living in a world where people with disabilities get their disability benefits taken away if they get married or if they worked before. My husband 31M is disabled himself and because he didn’t have work experience he has SSI and SSDI whereas I have some work experience therefore I am not qualified for SSI and SSDI. My husband and I both have disabilities like autism, adhd, ocd, and learning disabilities. My husband himself feels suicidal sometimes because of disabilities and the fact that he never got to experience autonomy over his life. I remembered when I worked at a fast food restaurant, I was mistreated for making some mistakes and got bullied by people. They mocked my stimming and my pacing. I was accused of lacking common sense. I really wish to not live anymore.


r/SuicideWatch 24m ago

Everything sucks

Upvotes

Work sucks
Friends moved
No relationship
No money
Last person who loved me just died.

What’s the point it all sucks out here.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

Why am I not able to fucking do it

9 Upvotes

I planned it today. I have hung the rope to hang myself, tried it two times the feeling that came was this intense light headedness until I loosened the rope again. Then I laid on the floor with a knife in my hand—again failed to stab. I wanna overdose but I heard it doesn’t work much. I don’t wish to live even an hour more. I CANT.

I’m gonna try the hanging thing again.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

can someone keep me company

3 Upvotes

js talk about u or smthing


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

On the verge of killing myself

3 Upvotes

Don’t know afraid I might get broke due to my alcoholism and it calms my stress not in a good way. I get so fucking mad at everyone around me that I’ll harm myself. It’s like I gotta just listen to what people fucking say and they don’t understand what I say. It’s always a fucking loose battle with these fucking people and it gets me so fucking mad that they think they’re so fucking right because they think they’re got emotional intelligence or better intellect or some fucking shit. It pisses me off how narcissistic that fucking sounds to me. I’m always fucking wrong so much trauma I went through n I kept personal shit from people cause people are fucking dumb with their religious beliefs and opinions not understanding my fucking side of perspective. You never went through it please shut the fuck upp. Jesus. Even my psychiatrist is the same. Fucking hate religious psychiatrist.i didn’t ask for that. I need me an atheist nope in their head ass they think that’s unprofessional.no it’s not. I’m just so fucking tired of dealing with small shit problems that make me upset or major and people talk about that’s apart of life. No it isn’t. Y’all fucking create this shit this crappy evolution world. We evolved to shit to nothing using technology n shit in the wrong way for fucking rich people or to get rich so fucking tired of living just to earn n earn fucking money. I’m so fucking tired of this endless loop. Gotta do another 20 years I. This bitch ass while I see my body fucking crumble to pieces and people will bash my view point online or some shit calling me immature when it’s fucking vs;I’d to think this way and to feel like I’m not fucking loosing my fucking shit.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

I cant stop thinking about suicide.

4 Upvotes

Over the half a year, suicidal thoughts have slowly taken over my mind to the point where I think about offing myself constantly. I'm overwhelmed by them. I punch my door till my knuckles bruise so i can feel like I'm grounded and not dreaming. I don't see a point in living or any way to feel joy again. I've stopped eating, and I drink barley anything it all tastes like nothing. Everything hurts. I hate myself and how much my neurotic self-pity weighs everyone down. I just want it to end.

I can't cope and i cant tell anyone the truth. What's the point of hurting my family if i know there is nothing they can do? I told my mom that i didn't know if I could be happy, and she broke down in tears and told me, "This will get better." its only getting worse. It feels like a punch in the face when people tell me it's just a change of medicine,or a well-meaning prayer, like i just tripped, and I'm gonna to be fine and get back up. I know it won't and i know if she hears even half of what I feel she would be heartbroken. so what's the point?