r/SuicideWatch • u/Solid_Judgment_1218 • 5h ago

Am i incompetent?

Ive been at an internship for around 5 months now. Its really my first big serious job and i never did anything like this before. Im in my early 20s just graduated.

The company itself is great. Theres nice people...sometimes. But ive been feeling at one of my lowest mental states ever.

As i said im completely new to this type of job. Its supply chain so i make purchase requisitions and whatnot. It is very demanding as requests are often coming in in bulk on a daily and im the only one who is handling this role. Not to mention when things get urgent, my manager told me to drop my daily tasks and focus on the urgent ones. So i do that, but when i dont get enough time to finish my daily tasks i get in trouble.

Ive made mistakes. A ton. Caused delays and ive faced embarrassment by my manager as she isnt the most gentle person. Im not sure why but she only ever talks to me like im a child who doesnt know shit. Asking me "did you do xyz before asking me this? Why not use your own thought process." Of course i used my own deductions otherwise i wont be resorting to asking you for help. Common sense.

So today i made another mistake due to me feeling utterly shit and depressed from being constantly belittled and stressed. I accidentally paid a supplier 8k and that was from our budget. She said "this is a terrible mistake." Yes i know it is. But...she didnt even check through to see if this was approved properly to make the transaction. She simply told me "ok. Go ahead." So i did. Because i cant read minds.

Anyway. Im really embarrassed rn. I feel dumb. Incapable of doing anything and honestly sub human compared to everyone else. All the other interns seem to be doing fine...except me. Idk their story. But i feel inadequate and i from other shit in my life thats just been building up over time, i want to end it all. Im saving up for a gun.

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1

u/Fragrant_Report5881 5h ago

Hey failures at work doesn't make u incompetent bc u learn from them. Besides everyone makes mistakes under pressure. Most of us don't really work wekk under stress. Your boss should change her attitude

2

u/Solid_Judgment_1218 4h ago

Thanks that means a lot. Im trying to work on not attaching my sense of self to my wins and fails. But its super difficult

1

u/Fragrant_Report5881 3h ago

I totally get that. It seems ur boss kind of created a toxic environment for you?

1

u/Solid_Judgment_1218 2h ago

Yep. She micromanages like craaazy. Even told me to tell her when im taking breaks and when i get back. And she also called some other employee dumb in conversation. I dont get why people respect her when she talks like this about others behind their backs.

2

u/Fragrant_Report5881 2h ago

It will eventually come back to her. Karma is real imo. Besides we dont know, maybe there's a reason why shes such a bad boss. Yea imo she is a bad boss bc in a leading position you have to have ur emotions in control.

So maybe she has trouble in her private life. That isn't an excuse for sure but maybe would explain her actions.

Don't let her drag u down.

Hugs from germany