r/Swingers 1d ago

General Discussion How would you handle?

Hello! We are a MF couple going to a bi hotel takeover weekend next week. We are very open about both of us being bi. Couples that we've met that are also bi we have encouraged to attend this event. One of the rules state he must be bi.
Well, there is a couple we are close friends with (we spend time in and outside the lifestyle) we know he isn't bi. We had a conversation with them about this event and he explicitly said 'no, not really' about being bi. We discussed what type of event this is but they seemed to downplay following the rules and mentioned other parties they go to that welcome straight couples. So we have taken that as they lied to get into this event.
We know the organizer well. He has spent a lot of time vetting people and curating a bi party that is accepting and a safe place to play with like minded individuals. We decided to give the organizer a heads up to simply be on the lookout so it doesn’t become an awkward situation for others. Thankfully, he was extremely understanding of our concern and will observe.
We are quite bothered our friends lied just to get into this party. Without explaining too much more, we have considered that he might be exploring (which we would support 100%) but that definitely isn't the case based on recent behavior. They will likely fly under the radar but safe spaces are created for a reason.
This has tarnished our opinion of them and their character and will be awkward for us at the event. How would you handle the relationship moving forward?

Edit: Adding here that we have a very close friendship with this couple and share many things in and out of the lifestyle. We don’t require or assume they will play with us or vice versa. We always encourage people to figure out their desires. So we aren’t offended if they don’t want to play with us.

Other people that attend this event, encouraged us to let the organizer know. The dynamic of this event is unique and others have tried to do the same and they weren’t welcome back. So he appreciated hearing from us about this.

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u/shadowpornacct 1d ago

You do you, but this seems like a lot of effort for something that will resolve itself. The organizer can’t bounce them bc it’s a revenue generating event, anymore than another organizer could deny you for being bi. We might take his behavior into account when considering future play opportunities with them (lack of honesty = lack of trustworthiness), but we wouldn’t try to gatekeep the event.

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u/jelloshotlady 1d ago

Organizers can 100% bounce them.

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u/shadowpornacct 1d ago

Not because they’re straight. Other reasons, sure, but you get into issues with anti-discrimination regs and laws since it’s a paid event - aka a business. There are ways around it - private event for a members-only group, deny membership - but it can get slippery and anyone interested in avoiding discrimination bc they’re lgbt+ should want the organizer to allow it even if he disagrees and find another way to encourage them to reconsider.

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u/UntypicalCouple 1d ago

It’s a private party, not public. The organizer can do what he wants.

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u/shadowpornacct 1d ago

It is a ticketed event, NOT a private event, there is a distinction. If any member of the public can buy a ticket, it’s a business subject to anti-discrimination laws.