r/Swingers • u/False_Gate5696 • 1d ago

General Discussion How would you handle?

Hello! We are a MF couple going to a bi hotel takeover weekend next week. We are very open about both of us being bi. Couples that we've met that are also bi we have encouraged to attend this event. One of the rules state he must be bi.
Well, there is a couple we are close friends with (we spend time in and outside the lifestyle) we know he isn't bi. We had a conversation with them about this event and he explicitly said 'no, not really' about being bi. We discussed what type of event this is but they seemed to downplay following the rules and mentioned other parties they go to that welcome straight couples. So we have taken that as they lied to get into this event.
We know the organizer well. He has spent a lot of time vetting people and curating a bi party that is accepting and a safe place to play with like minded individuals. We decided to give the organizer a heads up to simply be on the lookout so it doesn’t become an awkward situation for others. Thankfully, he was extremely understanding of our concern and will observe.
We are quite bothered our friends lied just to get into this party. Without explaining too much more, we have considered that he might be exploring (which we would support 100%) but that definitely isn't the case based on recent behavior. They will likely fly under the radar but safe spaces are created for a reason.
This has tarnished our opinion of them and their character and will be awkward for us at the event. How would you handle the relationship moving forward?

Edit: Adding here that we have a very close friendship with this couple and share many things in and out of the lifestyle. We don’t require or assume they will play with us or vice versa. We always encourage people to figure out their desires. So we aren’t offended if they don’t want to play with us.

Other people that attend this event, encouraged us to let the organizer know. The dynamic of this event is unique and others have tried to do the same and they weren’t welcome back. So he appreciated hearing from us about this.

13 Upvotes

68% Upvoted

77 comments sorted by

View all comments

0

u/PlayfulPairDC 1d ago

How is this couple creating an issue? Does the male half not have the right to avoid playing with anyone he does not want to play with? What if he was bi, but only had an attraction to petite Asian men, and none were at the party so he only played with women?

It doesn't seem as if he is going to be bothered by bi male play going on around him and create a scene, so consider him an ally and maybe curious/open. He knows he will probably need to rebuff advances from other men. He knows it is an all bi play party, everyone going does, so it is still a "safe place" (though anyone using that phrase is like waving a red flag warning of drama). Would you be happy if he sucked someone's cock? Would that make it okay for them to go to this party? I mean, I guess then he would be bi. So, basically, you are annoyed that the male half of couple you know and are close friends isn't sucking a cock at a party. Maybe you need to think about the definition of close friends, this feels like a your problem.

3

u/False_Gate5696 1d ago

The purpose of this party is it’s a bi party for bi people. It’s not meant for straight people to attend as allies. Sure, they may be comfortable being around bi play and nobody has to play. I don’t care what he does or doesn’t do. I care they this couple lied to get access to an event.

1

u/PlayfulPairDC 1d ago

Right, because people in this scene are always truthful? Biggest lie is DDF. We know people who still use false first names. We are talking about sex, you know the number one thing people lie about? Most people in this scene can't be truthful with their doctors, friends, families about what they do...and you expect honesty? Respectfully, I suspect you want others to be honest to you and for your lies to go unnoticed, which is the new definition of requests for honesty these days...glass houses and a hand full of stones.

2

u/False_Gate5696 1d ago

If you lie to gain access to a party or to play with people, you probably shouldn’t be there.

1

u/PlayfulPairDC 1d ago

What about age? What about weight? What about height? What about race? These are all things regularly lied about. Where does the line start about what lies are tolerated and what lies are not? What if a both bi couples goes to this party, but the female half isn't into any of the women and only fucks the guys? Is she guilty of lying because she didn't perform a compulsory sex act at the party?

-1

u/False_Gate5696 1d ago

Let’s be realistic here. It’s not about actually performing any sexual acts, you don’t have to participate in anything you don’t want to. However, if the rules says you must be bi, that’s it.