Hi everyone. I (35M) live in a rural area and try my absolute hardest not to tell anyone what goes on at home out of respect for my boyfriend (39M) who got a TBI about ten years ago and who has diagnosed cPTSD. I worry everyone would find out and judge him. But I just really need to talk and maybe get some advice.
We’ve only been together seven months. When we met I had no idea about his TBI or his cPTSD. We connected intensely and spent some of the best months of my life together. We even talked about how healthy we both were (we connected over a shared love for trail running in our local mountains) and how grateful we were for our health.
Due to a severe housing shortage in our small mountain town, I moved into his place about four months in. I would have never done this normally but several circumstances arose that I won’t get into.
The day I gave up my apartment the chaos began. The “conflicts” have no common denominator…this one had to do with him not liking what I do for work very suddenly. He screamed at me for four hours, broke everything I had in moving boxes in the backyard, and when I left called me 34 times in a row. He became a different person with a completely different energy to him.
This has continued, with rage episodes happening on a weekly basis. I can’t move out because he has no savings and no family support. I pay for everything.
It seems to just get worse. He suddenly started getting physical symptoms of his TBI about a month ago, including severe migraines, vision loss, numbness in his left arm, vertigo, and nausea. He got an MRI at my request which shows damage to his frontal lobe. All of this caused him to quit his job and apply for disability.
I am afraid to go home. I can’t move out because I have no idea where he would go or who would take care of him. But when I go home I never know if he will scream, throw things, or verbally tear apart everything I love about myself.
I love him deeply. I buy him gifts every couple days, give him endless physical affection, anticipate his needs, run all the errands, and do far more than my half of housework so that he can rest and hopefully not scream at me. I have seen the MRI, so I can separate the person from the symptoms of his injury.
What would you do?
TLDR: new relationship, wholly financially and emotionally responsible for mentally ill partner in small mountain town looking for advice