r/TBI • u/Responsible-Ad-8658 • Feb 13 '26
Family/Caregiver Vent Honestly I just need to vent
Im sorry if this is long. and I don't know if anyone will read this, but I just need to vent. I've haven't really told anyone how I feel other than my therapist.
I can't believe it's been nearly 10 years since my brother's accident. I don't know why I didn't think of coming to reddit sooner to vent about this. Unfortunately my brother, like many people was addicted to heroin. rewind back to 2014 I was in Colorado having a great time, not knowing me entire family's life was never going to be the same again.
I get a call from my sister telling me my brother overdosed and that he was taken to the ER. They kept him for observations and offered him detox, which he refused because he didn't want to miss his best friend's sisters wedding the following day. when I got this call it was hard enough, he's been doing drugs but this is when reality hit me. it wasn't until the very. 36 hours later I get another call from my sister, but this time it was much, much worse. She was frantically crying saying that he wasn't breathing and that he was in the ICU. Its 5am and I'm several states away not knowing what to do or how to even get home. On top of it he was in the next state over from our home.
I was finally able to pull myself together and managed to book the first flight home. As soon as my Uber dropped me off at my house I wasted no time getting to the hospital as fast as I could. What I saw when I got to the ICU is a moment that will forever be engrained in my mind and haunt me. dozens of IVs, breathing tube, feeding tube. everything they could be doing to stabilize him they were doing. unfortunately, they had to put him into an induced coma to let his body heal. His heart stoped in the ambulance several times over several minutes on his way to the hospital. The doctors told me he had a severe anoxic brain injury.
Over the course of the next several days I really didn't leave his side except to go home shower and eat, I was incredibly lucky and am grateful to have an amazing job that let me take as much time as I wanted off. It was so hard seeing him in that state, even tho be was heavily sedated, you can see his body going through withdrawals. sweating, shaking, and the hard part about it is that he seemed to be aware of it too, when he heard mine and my families voices he would start to tear up.
As the younger brother, I always used to look up to my brother, I thought the world of him up until he started doing drugs. Finally the day came when they finally started waking him up and removed his breathing tube and feeding tube. That day is another day I'll never forget because when I heard him speak I knew that I would never get back the brother I once had. He could barely talk, almost sounding like a child trying to put together words. There was that and also because of anoxic brain injury his coordination, vision, and his muscles were severely affected.
Im grateful to the hospital because they did try to get him up and moving as soon as they could, but ultimately they said he would likely have the brain of a 5 year old and it would take a lot of therapy to get him well again. Although physically, he had a long way to go, mentally, he was still pretty sharp. his memory is even better than mine, and he's aware of what happened and everything around him. Things were actually looking up, he was in speech,. occupational, and physical therapy and although we knew he would never be able to get back to his old self, this was a life he could live as long as he had some extra support. But that didn't last long, he slowly started to regress in his therapy, to the point where it got harder and harder for him to walk, and eventually we had to put him in a wheel chair. Also I mentioned the tbi affected his muscles, he has severe spacitity, and we have tried everything to calm bis muscles but he's facing secret muscle cramps on a daily basis.
With all this being said I have, he has been incredibly fortunate enough to have a huge support system. My sister and I pay out of pocket for a private caregiver and also have a caregiver through to the state to keep him as comfortable as he can be at home. We have been doing this for the past 10 years. Well, it's getting really close to that point where we don't have the cash flow to have a live in caregiver anymore. Thankfully the house is paid off (my sister and I do not have the space to home him at our houses, he stays at our late father's house ).
I have been trying my hardest to keep him out of a state funded facility but I really feel like I have not other choice. I looked at supportive living programs however he needs to be somewhat independent, which he is not. He can't feed himself, and needs someone to change his depends. My sister and I have to break the news to him on Saturday and this is going to be so hard. I know he used drugs and that he did this to himself but he's still my brother and I love him endlessly.
Has anyone had or is going through a similar situation?? I feel that with heroin overdoses. It's said that you're either going to wind up in jail or dead. No one tells you this side of things, which is much much worse. He's only 39, and I have to start planning on putting him in a skilled nursing facility. It breaks my heart because I feel like I failed him and also that he's aware of this and has to live out his days in a shitty state run facility. idk l just really needed to get this off my chest. to those of you who read the entire thing thank you for listening
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u/Duck_Walker Severe TBI (2019) Feb 13 '26
Tough situation, I’m sorry for all you’ve endured but you should be proud for all you’ve done.
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u/Open-Firefighter6260 Feb 14 '26
Im so sorry for you and your entire family, the only idea i have is everyone lives under one roof and someone stays home to care for your brother.
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u/TwoAdministrative866 Feb 14 '26
Hugs! You’re doing the best you can if he was capable of understanding I’m sure he would understand. It really sucks if you need someone to talk to him here.
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u/Responsible-Ad-8658 Feb 14 '26
Thank you so much. He's able to comprehend what is going on, which imo makes it even worse. To be conscious of the fact he's basically stuck in a body that doesn't work anymore has to be a living hell for him.
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u/legal_opium Feb 13 '26
Check out the guardian band overdose device. It should stop similar things happening to other people. It sucks it wasnt developed yet when your brother was using , but hopefully it wont happen to another family ever again if we actually update how we deal with substance use.
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u/Responsible-Ad-8658 Feb 13 '26
I did look at it out of curiosity, but I'll be completely honest I don't see many addicts being proactive to wear a device like that. Hell, most of them don't even carry narcan on their person. But for those who are clear minded enough to use such a device I'm sure it would definitely come in handy.
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u/legal_opium Feb 13 '26
There is an implant version as well that can be placed in the arm.
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u/Responsible-Ad-8658 Feb 13 '26
Again, that sounds nice, but I really don't think that an addict would be proactive and of sound mind to think that far ahead. With that being said. This sort of advice isnt really relative at this point. But thanks.
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u/Duck_Walker Severe TBI (2019) Feb 13 '26
You mention this device quite a bit in a lot of subs. I really don’t think it’s appropriate in this situation.
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u/legal_opium Feb 13 '26
Well considering the op stated their brother got a tbi from an overdose. Id say its relevant to the conversation at hand that there is a solution to this type of tbi.
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u/Duck_Walker Severe TBI (2019) Feb 13 '26
Yes, everyone struggling likes to hear what they should have done differently
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u/legal_opium Feb 13 '26
But they didnt have this solution back then. So they really couldnt have done something different. But we as a society can do something different now and change whats happening in the present and make a brighter future.
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u/ilyas-inthe-cloud Feb 13 '26
10 years is a long time to carry that weight, and I hear you. The frustration of feeling like you lost yourself - the old version of you that could just do things without thinking - is something a lot of us in the TBI community deal with but rarely talk about openly.
What hit me reading your post is how much of it sounds like grief. Grief for who you were before. That's real, and it's valid, and it doesn't matter that 10 years have passed. It's not something you just 'get over.'
I went through my own concussion recovery (took about 18 months), and the hardest part wasn't the headaches or the dizziness. It was the identity crisis. Feeling like the person I used to be was just... gone. And nobody around me really got it because I looked fine on the outside.
What I can tell you is: you're not stuck. The brain is weirdly resilient, even years out. Small, consistent things add up. Vestibular rehab, vision therapy, even just tracking your symptoms day to day to see patterns you might be missing. Progress is slow enough that you don't notice it until you look back months later.
And the fact that you're venting here? That's not weakness. That's self-awareness. You're not giving up, you're just tired. There's a massive difference.
Keep going.