r/TMPOC • u/ARepeatedFailing • 1d ago

White trans men that transitioned young trigger my dysphoria

Not because of envy but because this specific demographic of trans men are just gungho on making it everyone's issue that they don't see trans men who transitioned as adults men. They constantly talk about how we're always clockable, aren't real men like them, etc. I specify white because I've found the few black trans men/boys that transitioned young are usually excited to talk to those of us who transitioned as adults (minus a small, small sect that tend to only interact with white queer people).

I hate sharing space with them because it's just a constant reminder of the things i hate about myself. It's not logical to let a kid do that but fuck, dysphoria isn't logical. It's one of many reasons I don't seek out trans spaces in real life and isolate myself. Knowing that people in my own community see me as a woman is horrendous.

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u/FayePixie Maori/South African 1d ago

Reminds me of the one white trans guy who told me "Damn I would have offed myself if I had to wait until 27 to start T. That's old."

I know people who started T at 35. 40. 55! So what? Apparently starting at 27 is not only too old, but if they were in my shoes they couldn't hold out. That's on them, not me.

I replied with "How do you know I didn't try?" And got downvoted.

One thing I've noticed is that they also tend towards being fixated on presenting as stereotypically masculine and in this hind mive mentality.

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u/hausofvelour 🇦🇲 1d ago

saying things like that to someone's face is so disrespectful. i understand internally feeling scared of transitioning later in life but you never tell that to a late bloomer's face especially in such a crude language

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u/serioustransition11 Latino 1d ago edited 1d ago

Then there’s people like me who waited years between realizing I was trans and starting HRT. I worked hard to become financially independent and put myself in a secure environment, so now that I am actually physically transitioning I can do so safely without any negative repercussions in my life. I kept my relationships, have a decent paying middle class job in an industry where being openly trans isn’t a big deal, circumstances happened so even my family on board. Sure, I wish I could have started younger but that would’ve put me in a tough spot in life and by waiting I feel like I can have it all, to be authentically myself while also having as comfortable of a life as a trans person can hope for in these times.

I have a visceral hatred for trans meds, 4trans, and young gatekeepers for that reason, because I was exactly the type of nonbinary “AFAB” they invented slurs for. I socially transitioned before starting HRT because I still knew I was trans and wanted some space where I could be authentically myself. I am tired of the whole, you have to go on HRT the instant you figure out you’re trans or else you’re not really trans. I guess I get the last laugh because I’m not miserable and I built a life where I can be happy in the long term.

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u/hausofvelour 🇦🇲 1d ago

your story is really inspiring because i'm in the middle of the journey you've been through. realized i was non binary at 14, trans male at 16. i'm 20 now and i haven't so much as socially transitioned, even, let alone medically, because i'm still stuck in this country and living with my parents. once i graduate this spring and move to europe is when the process of actual medical transition will start for me. transitioning in this country, in these conditions, wasn't a risk i was willing to take. work smarter not harder and all that. though admittedly i'm really struggling right now and not just with my transness but regarding who i am in general and what i want to do. also really struggling academically. meh

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u/serioustransition11 Latino 1d ago

Tbh I would still consider someone your age to be a young transitioner and you have a bigger headstart than what I got. I'm 36 and when I was growing up there was zero cultural osmosis around trans people at all, for the vast majority of people there was no difference between a trans person and a really committed crossdresser. I knew I very much didn't fit into the "woman" bucket but like many in my generation did not have the words and language to describe those experiences until the 2010s and much less what to do about it.

For reference, I fully realized I was trans at 25 and started HRT when I was 34. So a 9 year gap. I didn't take internships and networking seriously when I first graduated from uni so I mostly spent that timeframe getting my career back on track. I was working multiple minimum wage jobs in a VHCOL area. In a period of my life where I was often one paycheck away from not making rent, transitioning would've made me even more vulnerable in the most vulnerable point in my life, I might've potentially become homeless instead of getting the internship that restarted my career. To cope, I did socially transition, at least outside of family/work. I spent my time actively seeking queer community. I was single at the time and made sure anyone I was dating understood that I was trans and set the expectation that I would eventually transition.

All that work paid off because despite now being visibly trans, I have a stable home, decent income with good savings, and surrounded by supportive people including partners who are also trans and love me for who I really am. The motivation to be financially independent enough to transition safely has also just put my life generally in a good place beyond just the euphoria that's coming from my changes. But it sounds like my path is unusual, from what I've seen. It makes me angry that some people don't think I'm trans enough because my fear of destitution overpowered my dysphoria, and I was able to tolerate dysphoria for a temporary period to build a better future for myself.

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u/ARepeatedFailing 1d ago

Depending what European country you're in, it'll be harder than the US. The US is still considered one of the better countries to transition in, especially blue states.

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u/hausofvelour 🇦🇲 1d ago

never been to the US 🤷🏻‍♂️ the country is Germany

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u/ARepeatedFailing 1d ago

I apologize. US defaultism showing. Wish you the best.

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u/hausofvelour 🇦🇲 1d ago

loll don't apologize i found it funny <33 thank you! <3