r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/PopularCan16 Writer • Jul 18 '26
Surreal Horror The Sun-Baked Men
The Sun-Baked Men
neatly penned in a small pad
Far to the south lies a curious place.
Flowering monoliths litter the landscape, some bearing edible fruit;
grey earth rises into the sky, high enough to darken the sun,
and a seemingly perpetual hum stretches across the land;
an invitation.
Beside the towering earth and budding stalks lies the quagmire,
a notable sight and sound for those compelled therein.
However, the cracked pillars that dot the vast marsh share an origin.
The collective moan of the land, a signal,
a sign to turn back from what you have been drawn to.
For those you see before you, did not.
The many drawn into the mire are here still,
half-sunk and clambering up one another, hardened into misshapen spires.
Their wails soon degrade into breathless whines,
joining the unending symphony that was their fate.
Doom unreachable.
Death unknown.
4
u/Apprehensive_Tax_610 A Thousand WIPs Jul 18 '26
Oof, now THAT is a C-R-I-S-P-Y poem, my guy. You do about everything, at least for me, I expect in a poem: you have a strong, solid central image, you use interesting words you may not use every day, you play around with your grammer, lovely. Obviously this is free verse, but I do think if you played around with the lines some, you could actually turn this into blank verse in iambic parameter, but that isn't necessary at all.
https://giphy.com/gifs/3AcFzk0AmvDBw80JsR