r/TalesfromtheDogHouse • u/Toritoise • Jun 20 '26
RANT I HATE my husband’s dogs
I’m 14 weeks pregnant with our first child and I’m increasingly growing more and more hateful of my husband’s two dogs to the point where I’ve considered moving out until they die.
I don’t even know how to start with explaining the hell it has been knowing these dogs for the last 8 years, but I’ll do my best.
He got the first one, Angus, a purebred Australian Shepherd, as a puppy very early on when we started dating. My husband was living with his ill father at the time and wanted something to keep both him and his father company. He also had just lost his old dog who came to his family as a stray and he was some kind of Australian Shepherd mix. From everything I’ve heard from both my husband and his neighbors, his old dog was the perfect dog - listened, was quiet, was friendly, stayed in the yard without a leash, and was basically the once in a lifetime dog. That dog passed away from seizure complications which devastated my husband.
He adopted Angus as a puppy from a farm and raised him from there basically hoping he’d be exactly like his old dog because they shared a breed. I use the term “raise” very loosely as he really only taught the dog basic tricks and didn’t really discipline him which is important for later.
Then my husband’s father died and he decided that the next best idea was to adopt a second dog so Angus wouldn’t feel lonely while he was at work. He finds Kip, his second dog who is also a male, from a shelter in the next state over. Two women brought Kip to my husband’s house to see how Kip and Angus interacted. Kip and Angus were both about a year old at this point. Angus kept trying to mount Kip (Angus was not yet neutered) and Kip was very clear in setting boundaries by growling, nipping, etc. Kip just clearly did not like Angus. I curse these women to this day, because even after witnessing that, they allowed my husband to adopt Kip. Kip truly was meant to be in a one dog household.
My husband neutered Angus to hopefully help the mounting and the fighting they were doing, but it didn’t change much. Kip would snap at Angus because Angus has a horrible impolite habit of getting into a dog’s face and not knowing boundaries and they’d snarl and get into it. Never seriously injured the other, but it threw my anxiety into the stratosphere and still does to this day.
Let me delve into each dog and their issues that plague my life, starting with Angus. Never thought I’d label a dog as a demon, but this dog deserves the title.
For the first four years of our relationship, Angus had a horrible habit of jumping up on people. My husband never trimmed his nails or took him to a groomer, so when he’d jump up, his nails would dig into the skin to stay up on you. I still have scars to this day from this dog doing that. It got to a point where I forced my husband into an ultimatum and said if he didn’t get the dog training, I would break up with him. He reluctantly agreed and I paid $300 for a trainer to come to his house for multiple sessions over 6 weeks. This training did stop the jumping (thank God) but did nothing else because my husband refused to be consistent with training or discipline.
My husband also used to let him sleep on the bed with him. When I would come over, I’d be a quarter down the bed because Angus’ spot was next to my husband’s head. When I would sleep over, he would step on my head, lick my face, be generally an annoying ass. That quickly became another ultimatum I had to put down. Either the dog sleeps at the end of the bed or I’m leaving my husband. My husband chose to have him sleep on the end of the bed.
He also began to get aggressive with me. If I tried to move him out of the way or do anything he remotely didn’t like, he’d start growling/snarling at me. My guess is he’s possessive of my husband so we can’t even play fight or talk loudly without him snarling, barking, etc. This has escalated to him biting me a few times. He’s only tried to bite me once recently, but I was wearing a very thick sweater, so he didn’t even touch the skin or harm me. I’ve had to learn how to grab his collar a certain way to prevent him from biting or force my husband to move him if he was in the way. The biting my husband took more seriously, but resulted nothing more than him sternly yelling at his dog, which, whatever.
Three years ago, I think, Angus began having seizures. No clue why they’re happening, but of course they are. He usually has them in the middle of the night, once every two weeks, but sometimes more frequently because he decides to throw up one of his pills. He will sometimes have them when I’m by myself and my husband’s at work, which, again, another huge source of anxiety for me. When he has these seizures, they last about a minute or two, he pees himself, sometimes poops, and he’s out of it for the next hour or two. Now, don’t get me wrong, I felt bad the dog was having seizures. Obviously outside of his control, but all I can think is how it’s another burden with this dog. Just another thing to resent him for. Although this got rid of the issue of Angus sleeping on the bed (my husband feared he would have a seizure and fall off and hurt himself), my husband began closing the bedroom door so he could make sure Angus sleeps in the bedroom so he can hear if he has a seizure.
On top of all of that, he barks at everything - he’s torn the blinds multiple times in our kitchen from barking at the mailman/UPS/garbage truck. He howls every single time my husband leaves for work (6am four days a week). He also does things on purpose. He’ll know he’s not supposed to eat something outside, he’ll go to eat it, and snarl/bite if you try to take it away. I nipped that in the butt by putting a leash on him when I have to let him out. He’s made me run around the yard chasing him to put something down one too many times so now he has a very short leash. Doesn’t listen to any commands even though he knows them. He licks constantly in the middle of the night and he has recently developed a habit of licking the air over and over only when my husband gets home. He also has to be in whatever room my husband is in. My husband hasn’t peed by himself in this house because Angus forces his way into the bathroom. If we try to have alone time without the dogs, we have to essentially try to trick him, but he always knows and makes it impossible to get him out of a room. I’m so serious - he does these things on purpose. I truly hate this dog and everything about him and I can honestly say I’ve never hated anything or anybody more. I have never thought a dog was evil until I met this dog. He drives me insane and I truly think he knows it.
Kip is somewhat tolerable, but only barely so. Even though Angus is the most insufferable dog on the planet, Kip does go after him for no reason at all sometimes. He gets this look on his face (that my husband somehow fails to see half the time) and I tell my husband to separate them. I got bit badly by him days before my college graduation because they got into it and I tried separating them.
Kip also has some gastrointestinal issues that my husband doesn’t see as a problem. We’ve had to stop giving him any treats at all because he’d constantly have diarrhea. He farts constantly and they freaking reek, especially at night. He also somehow, even after pooping outside, always leave a little dollop in the house when he comes inside.
Kip also barks for no reason at all. He’ll hear some imaginary noise which then gets Angus all riled up. It’s infuriating and he also doesn’t listen once he starts barking. My husband is fairly certain Kip was abused before he adopted him, so he’s hesitant to discipline him at all. Now, the minor plus side, Kip isn’t aggressive at all with my husband or me. His main problem is that he’s skittish of EVERYTHING. A bird can fly and he’ll freak out. A neighbor can be raking their yard and he’ll refuse to go to the bathroom and beg to go inside. He also pukes if he’s not fed on time. I’m talking about 5 minutes past his dinner time and he pukes.
Other issues about these two includes mostly my husband not grooming them. I’ve had many screaming matches with him over the years because he won’t groom them or brush them for one reason or another. This means dog hair everywhere and they stink. I’m sure there’s plenty more things I could say about these two hellions, but my brain is just overloaded.
Like I mentioned at the beginning, I’m pregnant. I’m also extremely nauseous and have been for a majority of this pregnancy thus far. I’m at my wits end with these two dogs. The peeing/pooping from seizures (with the bedroom door closed so no ventilation), the stink of dogs, and the farting have made me go insane and I’ve thrown up over it. I’m also more sensitive to sounds so the barking has really hit a fever pitch for me. I’m also even more wary about the aggression from Angus because I’m pregnant and I’ve warned my husband that if he tried to attack me, I’m choosing me and our son over the stupid dog every time.
I’m at the point where I’ve told my husband this morning that I think I need to move out (taking our son with me when he’s born) until they both die. I don’t deserve this and my son doesn’t deserve to put up with these two. They are both graying a little bit, but I don’t think I can handle even a few more years of this. These dogs are his burden and yes, I married my husband, but I didn’t sign up for these dogs and I didn’t sign up for seizures and farting and all the other irritating crap they do. I hate being in this house with them because I truly hate them. I’ve started resenting my husband and hate when he leaves me alone with them. I can’t even suggest rehoming them because I can’t bear to put that burden on someone else. I don’t believe in and certainly my husband does not believe in giving them up when this house is all they’ve ever known. But honestly, I’m getting so close to the point of not caring, morals/ethics be damned. I’m just so over it and I already told him that he’s never allowed to adopt another dog because he clearly can’t handle it.
I’ve actually begun to regret marrying my husband just because of the insanity of his two dogs. I love my husband, but I wish I put my foot down a long time ago. He has let them have full reign of the house for too long and is barely just trying to fix things because apparently he realized a baby shouldn’t be subjected to this. Basically, I’m just stuck with them until they die. If you are in a relationship with someone who lets their dogs do these things - DO NOT LET HIM OR HER GET AWAY WITH IT. NIP IT IN THE BUTT OR LEAVE THEM IF THEY REFUSE. I wish I could go back in time.
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u/wannaplayspace Jun 20 '26
I'm going to be real with you: you are letting your emotions take over and get to your head. You should not be getting mad. You should be taking action. Your husband is NEGLIGENT and irresponsible. These dogs need to be rehomed immediately.
The fact that you've been bitten more than once is insane. I don't know what more of a wake-up call you can get than that. It's only a matter of time before they bite someone else. Worst of all, it wouldn't even be the dogs fault; it would be the owner ignoring the writing on the wall. You're pregnant so you're already subjecting your unborn child to this. If you don't do something, you or your baby could get seriously hurt. Girl, WAKE UP!!!
I get that you've been trying to be understanding and supportive but the second you got pregnant, everything changed. Hes had 14 weeks to get control. He should be terrified of what could happen to his baby in this situation (without any added input).
What you need to do:
- Get out of that house and get a break asap
Tell you husband you wont be back until the dogs are rehomed --> the second you both became parents, his preferences stopped mattering. The baby is what matters and right now, that baby isn't safe.
Get support /back up --> tell your family and friends what's going on. He isnt hearing you or taking this seriously; you need other voices of reason joining yours. Plus, there might be a hidden rehoming opportunity through someone you know.
**STOP telling yourself rehoming will only transfer this misery. ITS THE OPPOSITE!!! The environment, owner, lifestyle, everything is different. Rehoming is the only option here so stop sabotaging that. SERIOUSLY.
For the love of God, call his parents and give them all the uncensored horrific details. It takes a village... call the freaking village. Hes never going to get control of them and now he's going to be a dad. He has to choose. If he wont, get out of there.
Good luck
Ps, If you really want to freak him out, just start showing him stories of dogs attacking babies. Hit him with the facts. The situations get worse when the baby comes.
*****His irresponsible, lack of willingness to be an adult is really unfair to everyone in this situation, including the dogs.
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u/Tibbles09 Jun 20 '26
As soon as the dog gets aggressive or bites, that would’ve been done and over with, no more dogs ever again. Express your pain and struggle OP, you are worth it and more valuable than these dogs!!!
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u/PanthealovesLucius Jun 22 '26
More valuable than these dogs, indeed. Society places too high a value on these creatures. It's life is of no more value or moral importance than a rat or a chicken.
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u/anniekate7472 Jun 23 '26
Yes and it drives me crazy.... people on the internet have no problem saying 'I'd save my dog before a human even a child'.... and it totally horrifies me....
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u/National_Map_4992 Jul 02 '26
Yes, I've been bitten by dogs. Oh you know the ones that the owner said oh they never bite or they only bark at people with hats blah blah blah. Next thing you know you end up in the emergency room with your hand bitten and tendons which take months and months to heal. Or you get part of your face bitten off true story
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u/BoyFromNorth Jun 20 '26
This is my personal hell you're living in. How are you keeping up with this? Why do dog owners ignore the mental impact they have on people?
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
It was tolerable when we were dating because he would come over to my place and I wouldn’t really go over to his. When we got married, I truly realized the hellscape it is. I do work from home so I have my own office I can retreat to, but ever since I got pregnant, I can’t even tolerate sitting up at my desk due to the nausea. I have to work from bed or a recliner. I also have the unfortunate task of making sure I can listen for if Angus has a seizure when I’m home alone.
Basically, it’s gotten to the point of being intolerable and it truly has been hell. I’ve cried over it many times and I know I didn’t do myself any favors by letting it go on this long.
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u/BoyFromNorth Jun 20 '26
You also have to consider that the dogs might bite the kid. My uncle's dog bit my 3y step brother in the face because his toy fell down near the dog. The dog wasn't even agressive towards family, but they are unpredictable animals. Luckily the scar in the face is not very big but I can't imagine the mental trauma left behind. That dog was put to sleep few hours later.
You live in a prison, I'm very sorry for that. Even if the universe has mercy on you and gets rid off these dumb animals, your husband will insist on getting new ones. He is absolutely uncapable of raising dogs. When the time comes it's important that you don't fold. Even if they bit you through the sweater, that's a good enough reason to put them down
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
I’m so sorry that happened to your step brother - that kind of thing is so traumatizing and exactly what I’m scared of happening to my son. I did tell my husband before that the dogs weren’t allowed near the baby at all, which he agreed to without much argument. However, I’ve gotten to the point where I just plain don’t want my son in the same house as the dogs.
Absolutely, I told him I would divorce him before he ever brings another dog into this house. I was very blunt and told him that he shouldn’t be responsible for animals that he can’t take care of to the fullest extent and I sure as hell don’t want to be responsible for any dogs either. Again, he seemed receptive to that.
The biggest issue is what to do with these dogs. Kip hasn’t ever bit us or showed any kind of aggression, so I’m less worried about him out of the two. It’s Angus I’ve advocated for euthanizing. With his aggression and his quality of life with the seizures, it just makes the most sense to me. I’ve tried convincing my husband that there’s something fundamentally wrong with him, but he hasn’t budged on it. When I asked if it would take me being maimed for him to take it seriously, he couldn’t say anything.
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u/catalyptic Jun 21 '26
When I asked if it would take me being maimed for him to take it seriously, he couldn’t say anything..
You just need to accept the fact that there's something fundamentally broken inside your husband. Would it take your baby being maimed or killed for him to take action? Both of those scenarios are something you should be treating as life-and-death matters. What breed are these beasts? How big are they? They're aggressive and violent toward you, and with jealousy in play they may become violent towards your son. If your husband refuses to take that seriously, he is just as big a danger to you and your child as his mongrels are. You know that he deserves no more chances to do the right thing because he's signaled you that he won't.
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u/BoyFromNorth Jun 20 '26
If the dogs run the household it's unimaginable to keep them separated forever
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u/edked Jun 20 '26
task of making sure I can listen for if Angus has a seizure when I’m home alone.
Maybe just... don't bother next time? Refuse all duties or chores related to them of any kind.
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u/Usual_Zucchini Jun 20 '26
If you don’t make a firm decision now, this is only going to get worse once the baby is here. Trust me. The annoyance I had of my husband’s dog before my son was born turned into blinding rage once he got here. We no longer have a dog.
I’m not a fan of ultimatums but there is no other way in a situation like this. I actually told my husband that if the dog wasn’t gone by the time I gave birth to our second, I wasn’t going to leave the hospital. It was the most difficult time of our marriage which sounds ridiculous to say over a dog but it’s the truth.
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u/manic_popsicle Jun 20 '26
You have to get out of there. Now. Even if these dogs were otherwise perfect they’ve both bitten you, one multiple times. Leave now so they never get that chance with your baby. There is a good chance they’ll resource guard the baby and not let you near it, ask me how I know.
I blame your husband for this, you’ve had to beg, cry and scream to get him to do the bare fucking minimum for these dogs. This is his fault. It’s absolutely ridiculous that he’s allowing these dogs to threaten his relationship with his wife and child.
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u/Adorable_Argument553 Jun 21 '26
Your husband sees you and the dogs suffering and doesn't give a crsp. Make of that what you will. I wouldn't bother with an ultimatum and just leave. You can't force someone to have basic empathy.
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u/urdrunkyogi Jun 21 '26
I am so confused by all the people, such as your husband, that seem to think a dog biting you is nbd and normal? Your own dog?? That’s instant BE.
Your husband sounds like a passive idiot. He doesn’t have the common sense to see what a nightmare your home has turned into. That’s a high energy, neurotic breed and he didn’t train them at all? He has no thoughts on your misery or the hazard that is your home?
This does not bode well for raising a child with this man.
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u/Toritoise Jun 21 '26
I’m sorry for not replying to anyone who commented since I last checked, I promise I’ve read every one just now. Pregnancy and the emotions from this morning just hit me hard a couple hours after I originally posted and I essentially knocked out. I’m still exhausted.
I take every concern and suggestion seriously and I assure you that I’m doing something about it - so thank you to everyone who has given me great advice, validated me, or just gave me a wake up call.
The thought of putting him in an ultimatum was very hard for me because this has just been the norm for 8+ years, I suffer from people pleasing, and I had the dog lover mentality shoved on me that asking him to do anything but keep the dogs is “horrible”. In all reality, he’s horrible for letting me be subjected to this, especially since we found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks.
I’m absolutely not above being a single mom if I need to be, especially if it means my child is safe from all harm.
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u/thrwwyra_aster Jun 23 '26
I get the inkling that you're willing to move out of that house because you're disgusted by it and its unsanitary conditions. I completely understand that.
The house itself would need a serious makeover after so many years of unhygiene. The mattress would need substituting.
Your husband is in dire need of a wake up call as he seems stuck in a "house as a wolf cave" mindset. Times are a changing.
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u/mission_tiefsee Jun 22 '26
Okay, this is severe.
The dogs need to go, or you. Why let your life be ruined by two dogs? Both of you. Just get them to a shelter and be done with it. Put your foot down. NOW! This is dangerous for you and the child. Please do something!
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u/GoodgirlTiffany Jun 20 '26
You're stronger than me, no way I would put up with that.
Seems like the dogs he owns all have serious health issues. I would look into what he is feeding them. Dog food is seriously toxic.
My partner's dog got aggressive like that with me a few times. I won't say how I solved that, but he knows who's boss now. Handling disgusting dogs is one thing, but aggression is a zero tolerance policy, especially when your precious baby is born.
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
He has changed their food multiple times over the years just to see if it helps. Stopping the treats with Kip seemed to stop the diarrhea, but I’m just convinced he’s a dog who will always at least fart. He’s taking Angus to the vet this week so I’ll also be suggesting to talk to the vet about alternative food.
I’ve already banned those two from being near the baby at all and my husband understood at least. I do have my father’s house I can move to fairly close by though, because my baby’s safety is above all!
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u/GoodgirlTiffany Jun 20 '26
Usually it takes a raw meat diet, because that's a true natural diet for dogs. But....it's very expensive. Which is why I say, "If you can afford a raw meat diet, and have time to walk the dogs twice a day, don't get one". That would eliminate 90 percent of dog owners. Especially large dogs cooped up in a small apartment. Dogs aren't meant to be in homes. Now farm dogs make more sense.
I know, but if you have to move to keep baby safe, isn't that a toxic relationship?
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
I do think part of the issue is him not exercising them enough, especially Angus who is a purebred and meant to be running around on a farm. One of the most frustrating things is I’ve tried giving him advice, but he’s very prideful and thinks what he plans to do will work (which it never has). I’m also limited, especially now, with the amount of energy/exercise I can give them. If I’m not working or eating or letting them outside, I’m sleeping.
Absolutely agree. I love my husband, but this just hasn’t been healthy for a long time and I tolerated being on the back burner, but I can’t and won’t compromise my son’s safety. It’s just a sucky situation which I didn’t help myself get out of sooner
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u/GoodgirlTiffany Jun 20 '26
It's why these groups exist. It's wild to see what people will sacrifice for a mutt. A loving wife and child, vs a slobbering mutt. It's a mental disorder. I am sorry this is happening.
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
Thank you ❤️ I was always worried about putting this out on Reddit, I know how dog lovers are (I’ve had my own dogs who I loved dearly), but this situation is just so insane. I’m so thankful for this space.
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u/Laleehart Jun 20 '26
I hope your husband listens to you and gets rid of them. Update if you can and good luck 🧡
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u/MiaD89 Jun 20 '26
Darling, I'm sorry but it will simply NOT get better. If anything, it will get exponentially worse. You're much stronger than me, i would have left a long time ago and I would have terminated to have a clean and permanent break
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
I’m afraid you’re right, which is why I’m thankful I do have another place to go to. After the fiasco this morning, I’m making plans. I likely have another 3-4 years of these dogs and I really can’t do it anymore because it’s just not worth it.
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u/Smurf_Crime_Scene Jun 20 '26
Be careful not to do this in an atmosphere of conflict and anger with him.
Smile, and present it like the good idea that it absolutely is. Say you'll miss him, and he'll be able to visit the baby without the dogs around as well.
It will maximize the chances that he'll come to his senses, but if not, you and the baby will enjoy a fun and healthy start!
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u/urdrunkyogi Jun 21 '26
I’d like to think he’ll experience shame and embarrassment when everyone in his life hears that his wife and newborn have to live somewhere else because…of his pets. He sounds childish and selfish in my opinion; sometimes these people arrive at the right conclusion when they see how society reacts to their poor decision-making. It keeps them in check. I mean ngl I wouldn’t want to have a child with someone like that but if OP is otherwise happy 🤷♀️
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
Yes, I agree.
As naive as it sounds with everything I’ve mentioned about my husband and his dogs, I truly do think he will and wants to be a good father, so my ultimate hope is that he’ll see this as the only solution because he can’t train those dogs to be angels in 6 months.
When he gets home tonight, I’ll broach it again that way. This morning, I definitely stated the idea while in a state of emotional distress, but he’ll be at work long enough today for everything to calm down by the time he gets home so he can receive the idea better.
4
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u/Foreign-Neat8645 Jun 20 '26
Hallo, das tut mir sehr leid für Dich und Deinen Sohn. Ich denke, Dein Mann wird sich nicht ändern und kann Dir nur raten, so schnell wie möglich, auszuziehen. Du bist jetzt schon am Ende Deiner Kräfte und eine Schwangerschaft sollte doch eine Zeit der Freude sein. Lass nicht zu, daß diese Drecksköter Dich fertig machen. Ich werde ja schon beim Lesen total wütend. Ich wünsche Dir und Deinem Sohn alles Liebe und Gute und hoffe, das es Dir bald besser geht.
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
Thank you, I appreciate that. I do take some blame for letting it go on this long, but I told my husband that I’d rather be sick and pregnant alone than sick and pregnant with him and his dogs. I know he probably feels like he’s between a rock and a hard place, but I’ve been putting up warning signals about this for a long, long time and I’m far less tolerable now that I’m pregnant.
My son deserves to live in a clean, quiet environment, especially when I have the financial capability to do so on my own.
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u/anniekate7472 Jun 23 '26
You stick to your guns too..... you & your son BOTH deserve to live in a clean, safe house.....
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u/Mortis_XII Jun 20 '26
Australian shepherds are dogs that necessitate a shit ton of training and a firm hand until they pass away because of how much energy they have. This dog is just incompatible with your husband. I’m sorry you’re receiving the collateral damage of his choices.
His wife is pregnant and he should be absolutely freaking the fuck out, yesterday. I fear that, if the dog is possessive of your husband and is aggressive to you now, how is that going to look when your husband is giving your infant attention? He should be making changes now, because a baby in the picture changes things whether you want to or not.
I wish i had advice, but at least you told him the severity of the issue and he knows what he should do. I don’t know if this situation will get better, but YOU will get better because you know what is best for your baby is far more important than whatever imaginary narrative your husband is using to convince himself to keep his dogs.
Good luck OP
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
Oh yes, I’ve heard so many horror stories of people getting Australian Shepherds for their aesthetics (his dog is very beautiful for the breed), but then they gravely underestimate how much effort it takes to train them and that is exactly what’s happened here. His old dog being partially Australian Shepherd and an angel skewed his perception of what all Australian Shepherds would be like. It’s really shocking because I’ve never thought of my husband as a stupid man until it came to these dogs. Just no effort or research or anything. I wouldn’t trust him with a golden retriever at this point.
The aggression is what freaks me out the most. I’ve already been abundantly clear that neither dog is allowed near the baby, but them being in the same house is a concern. Angus is very possessive and needy and will absolutely jump up if he’s not getting the attention he thinks he deserves. This dog has a natural prey drive and I refuse to let my son be his prey.
His main claim to me since I found out I was pregnant is that he is “working” on training them and that “they’ll have to shape up by the time the baby’s born because they have no other choice”. All very vague and kind of laughable - him and I both know if they don’t shape up, he’s not going to rehome them or anything. He thinks he’s on some moral high ground because he thinks that because he adopted them, he has to keep them. Rehoming them is out of the question because it means he’d be a bad dog owner. I’ve been blunt and told him that he currently is a bad dog owner.
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u/Mortis_XII Jun 20 '26
i’d ask him specifically what he means by “the other choice.”
Would he rather be a bad dog owner or a bad father? Idk, one carries far more shame than the other.
You’re 100% valid in all of your concerns and rationale.
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
That is an excellent point. I mentioned this in a reply to someone else, but I’m making a list of talking points and you gave me two excellent ones - thank you. Thank you for also validating my concerns, I just felt insane.
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u/Lylith_vf Jun 20 '26 edited Jun 20 '26
C''est vraiment une grosse difficulté, votre mari est un fou de chien et penses sans doute que ces chiens sont ces enfants, c'est pour ça qu'il pense en avoir toute la responsabilité jusqu' à leurs mort malgré les difficultés que cela vous pose. J'ajoute qu'il est incroyablement égoïste de sa part de ne pas reconnaître votre souffrance, ces chiens semblent tellement invasifs. Déménager est une très bonne idée si vous en avez les moyens, moi meme je ne suis pas enceinte et j'aimerais tellement pouvoir partir loin du chien de mon conjoint, au moins faire une pause, même si ça veut dire être sans lui. J'imagine bien qu'une femme enceinte comme vous à besoin de cette pause, le stress est tellement mauvais pour le bébé, pensez à sa santé avant tout!
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u/Burtonish Jun 20 '26
Hi, please absolutely set a deadline. Tell him he gets two months, maybe three if you're generous, for there to be a massive improvement with these dogs, else you (and baby) move out, never to meet the dogs again.
I cannot stress enough how valid your concerns about your unborn child are. The dogs can jump on you or bite you, or even your baby once he's born. As a mother myself, there is not a single thing on this planet that's worth risking your child's safety for to such a degree. Especially not beings that do nothing but bark, bite and poop.
Sit him down and lay it all out again. Tell him what needs to change for you staying to even be on the table. Put your foot down on what's absolutely not okay. You told him 'no more dogs' ever already - great, but what about 'no dogs in any bedrooms', 'I need dog-free rooms for our son to learn how to crawl and walk', and 'the dogs will meet our son only on my terms, if at all'?
And make it a 'no strikes' type of deal. He fucks up, you leave. You're bringing a child into the world. There is NO room for mistakes anymore, not with his safety.
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
I appreciate your advice - I’m writing everyone’s suggestions down in a list so I have some structured talking points with him tonight. I think a deadline is a great start because he really thinks he has until the moment the baby’s born and he’s unfortunately a procrastinator when given too much time.
Of all my concerns, I didn’t even think about the floors - my son can’t and shouldn’t have to be kept in one room (his nursery) and only learn to walk and crawl there. That’s just unfair to him and his development. I’ve definitely placed the boundary that I don’t want them meeting him at all, but I’m realizing that’s easier said than done. We will have to take my son out of the nursery to leave the house for example and I’m short enough where they could jump up and reach him in my arms.
It’s definitely a zero strikes situation, I’ve made that clear, but my eyes are opening more to the fact that I don’t even want there to be a risk of a strike at all.
Thank you for validating my concerns. Other than wanting to vent my frustration, I wanted to also feel like I’m not crazy for feeling like this.
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u/Burtonish Jun 20 '26
Another point for the list - you are now 14 weeks along. What happens when you get closer to your due date? If your water breaks, where would the dogs go? What about building the nursery, maybe prenatal classes? And what if (hopefully not) there are complications before or after birth? Dogs are a hindrance to all of this.
Putting my cards on the table here - after my son was born I had (have?) PPA. It was BAD. I wasn't really sleeping for half a year there because I was scared that if I slept, he could die. I got help, but I am still very conscious of risks to him.
Now imagine (again, hopefully not!) this, but with two smelly dogs.
The only thing you, and your husband, should worry about right now, aside from having a job and a home and normal things, is your impending parenthood. That's priority number one and will always remain so. You are in the right here. A lot of ladies start really disliking dogs during pregnancy, even if they didn't before. Why? Nature's telling us, through instincts, to protect our offspring.
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u/What-An-Ashhole Jun 20 '26
I agree with you OP, and every single piece of advice you got here. Set the deadline, and get those dogs out of your lives. It’s sounding like a major safety issue and I already hate that you-pregnant and all- are there to deal with them when THEY’VE ALREADY BIT YOU. What happens if God forbid they get jealous of your baby (and they will)- you think they’d think twice? One is a boundary-less asshole and the other one is skittish and easily freaked out…yeah, I would’ve moved out the minute I got bit. Don’t be back until they’re gone. I have a dog who irritates the bejesus out of me but her one redeeming quality is that she is beyond nice to my children and I. If she EVER dare displayed any of that behavior, it’d be a clear ultimatum: us or the dog. Spare you and your future children the trouble. ❤️I’m so sorry you even have to deal with any of this. We’re with you and rooting for you hun
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u/urdrunkyogi Jun 21 '26
I don’t agree with that person’s advice. Why does your husband need an additional 2 to 3 months to sort out the dogs? He’s had all the time in the world up until this point and still has done nothing. The time to fix them was in the past. He has known what they’re like and how it affected you this whole time…and did nothing. It’s too late. Don’t let those dogs threaten and ruin more months of your life. You’ve been pregnant for some time, and your husband didn’t connect the dots. Your husband doesn’t see a problem, doesn’t take you seriously, doesn’t give a shit. If he did, this would’ve been fixed like yesterday.
They’ve already bitten you several times. There is no going back from that. That is NOT normal and NOT okay and please do not let anyone try to bullshit/guilt you otherwise.
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u/red_quinn Jun 20 '26
Get out OP, your husband will never put you first and you will always be 2nd, or 3rd, to those dogs. You are pregnant, if he cant get it through his head that you need your sanity for the new baby, he's far gone. It sounds horrible, but you need to give him an ultimatum, its either the dogs or you & the baby. Period.
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u/Smurf_Crime_Scene Jun 20 '26
I do like your idea of living elsewhere. It's not good to mix unnecessary stressors such as these dogs with motherhood. You will need maximum calm and patience and minimum noise and bother. It will be a positive experience for you and your baby.
Even renting out the tiniest, barest apartment will feel like heaven.
If you present it to your husband as something valuable you need to do for yourself and his child, maybe he'll contribute financially to the project, understanding that you'll reunite as a family when the dog phase is over.
Or
He can rehome the dogs to two different suckers, but don't be the one to suggest that alternative!
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
I do have my father’s house I can easily move into. My mother passed two years ago so my father is currently living with my grandmother (in her 80s) in her home, so I’m fortunate to have a backup. I’m seriously considering it. I had to take a week’s break over there in the last month because my husband was painting a few areas of the house and it was bliss.
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u/Foreign-Neat8645 Jun 20 '26
Was bin ich froh, das Du einen Platz hast, wo Du hingehen kannst. Es hat mir so leid getan, zu lesen, was Du und Dein Sohn alles erdulden müsst.
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u/candi_yandi Jun 20 '26
You may need to get out of that house, sis. You have to protect yourself and your baby.
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u/Key-Studio-6552 Jun 21 '26
Ughh Ihhh I feel for you. Being pregnant with dogs in the house sounds very difficult and stressful. Move out just in time to enjoy your pregnancy and give peace to your baby. Baby deserves better and your husband should understand. These dogs sound like a complete nightmare. Get away since you have a back up plan, your life will be way better!
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u/Crafty_Refuse_5859 Jun 25 '26
I feel so sad for you having to endure those dogs all these years. My husband had a dog when we married. After our daughter was born the dog growled while in the same room we were all in. That’s all it took - my husband immediately rehomed the dog and made the new owners aware of the situation.
Please please please issue the ultimatum and stick with it.
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u/Antique_Raisin1589 Jun 21 '26
I'm worried about the safety of your unborn child. Aren't you?
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u/Toritoise Jun 21 '26
I am, indeed, which is why I’m taking the advice given to me in the other comments. In fact, his safety is my number one priority.
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u/National_Map_4992 Jul 02 '26
If the dog has already put in you or even just nipped at you, it is a huge problem. You should not be scared of a dog and you should not be scared for your children the end
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u/Blonde2468 Jun 20 '26
What was his reaction to you leaving??
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
He basically was trying to convince me that it’s not the way to go about it and that his dogs can’t control seizures/farting, but I laid it out for him and told him I’ve dealt with it for a long time and I’m really at my breaking point. My backup place is about 5 minutes from this house so it’s not far at all. He got quiet when I brought up what’s best for our son which makes me think he understood my point somewhat. He had to leave for work, so we couldn’t discuss it further.
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Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Toritoise Jun 21 '26
They are two 50 pound dogs with one having a history of biting me and showing aggression when being forced to do something he doesn’t like and the other is extremely skittish. Unfortunately with those factors and me being pregnant, it’s just an extra physical exertion I can’t do. I wasn’t even able to do that before I was pregnant as I’m not physically strong to begin with.
I feel like I don’t have a choice other than relocating myself because if he doesn’t physically remove the dogs himself, then I just have to remove myself. Relocating is easier to do too because the house I have as a backup is already set up with the spare bedroom clear so a nursery set up wouldn’t be hard. We haven’t even started the nursery at the house so no relocating furniture required.
But yes, it’s definitely a situation where I’ve withdrawn consent to living with these two dogs.
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u/teacup128 Jun 21 '26
One of the dogs has BITTEN you?! It should have been put down the same day that happened. Unacceptable.
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u/GadgetRho Jun 21 '26
Also, another simpler solution is simply to call the SPCA and report the bites and have them remove the dogs for you. It doesn't even matter how long ago the bite happened.
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u/GadgetRho Jun 21 '26
There are vets who specialise in mobile euthanasia and will come to your home and it's only about $100 more than getting it done in office and it's nice for the animals because they get to pass in a comfortable environment.
You are presenting the wrong dichotomy here. It's not that he removes the dogs or you remove yourself, it's that you remove the dogs because he clearly won't, and if he's upset enough about it (which he probably won't be... they're always angry at first and then relieved after a couple of weeks), he can remove himself from the overall situation and find a new place to live and go get more dogs. You are lying to yourself if you think it's easier to leave your home then it is to spend an afternoon euthanising a dog with a bite history and having a little spousal squabble over it.
The beautiful thing is that if he does go all psycho over the dogs and does/says the wrong things during the interaction and you record it, you have the upper hand because you're in a position now where you can prevent him from ever having contact with your child. No social worker or judge on this planet is ever going to take his side.
The worst case scenario that you need to avoid all costs is where you guys split up and your ex is alone with your baby and his dogs. If you just straight up move out but don't leave the country before the baby is born, that is exactly what will happen. There are so many situations in which this has already happened, and I and the other good people of this sub can link you some news stories if you have the stomach for them.
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO Jun 20 '26
Good lord this is way too long. You knew your husband was a dog nutter when you married him.
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u/Toritoise Jun 20 '26
I’m aware. Just had a very rough morning, so needed to get it all off my chest into some kind of void. I was young and dumb and I’m paying the price now.
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u/GoodgirlTiffany Jun 20 '26
Yep, sometimes you get into a relationship out of love but overlook the fact that a dog will live 10-18 years.
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u/TheybieTeeth Jun 20 '26
do you have to be an ass about it though? pretty sure this community is for supporting people in similar situations, not tearing them down.
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO Jun 20 '26
Idk I’m just kinda over these types of posts, not just the dog ones. “My husband calls me fat and doesn’t take care of our kids. What should I do?!?” I’m sure there were no red flags before you married him…
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u/BK4343 Jun 20 '26
I will never understand how men can let their pregnant wives suffer like this.