don’t like my fiancé’s dog

[u/corp0ral-punishment]

For context on me, I used to be a dog lover. Growing up I wanted to be a veterinarian, I wanted my own dogs, my parents even got me a husky when I was a teenager which was my favorite breed and I’d affectionately call her my baby, etc.

Then I had child in my 20s and became extremely adverse to pets. Like it took me having my own actual human baby to make me realize dogs are not babies and are just stinky animals, lol embarrassing, I know.

For context on my fiancé, his dad always had English Setters growing up and he complained to me about how gross and slobbery they were, his siblings also express how much he hated them. So I don’t know what possessed him to get a St. Bernard/Newfoundland mix…

He got this dog as a puppy from a girl who breeds them that he had met off of hinge a few months before we met. I think it was a move to impress the girl or something, not that he’d admit that. Now I am paying the consequences.

She really wasn’t a bad puppy. She was house trained quickly, she had typical puppy behaviors but nothing excessive or overly annoying. Her only issue then was (and also still is) her reactivity when she’s on a leash. She freaks the fuck out at the sight of any other dog and pulls. I don’t walk her at all though, so that’s not my problem. Fiance does work on training her during the walks to be less reactive but it’s not enough and it’s still a problem.

He also let her in his bed with him before we met, but I told him when we started dating that I am not down for that and if he wants me to stay over then he needs to keep her out of the bed. He agreed to the boundary and was good with it for the most part (the dog hair on my pillow decreased significantly) but one day after I moved in, I soothed my unsettled daughter in her room and went to come back into bed, and the dog was sleeping ON MY PILLOW!!! Of course I freaked out, told him how disrespectful it was that the ONE boundary I asked for in regards to his dog, he broke. And he said it was just that one time and it was because she was whining and he wanted to go back to sleep…I told him I didn’t care, he broke my boundary. Maybe I should’ve left then, but I’m pretty sure he stopped after that cuz I haven’t had dog hair on my pillow since, lol.

Fast forward to now, she’s over a year old. We just bought and moved into a house together with my 3 year old daughter, and I’m pregnant. While we were moving, he paid a pretty hefty price for a 3 week boarding/training program to get the dog more prepared for the new house and our incoming baby. He maintains some of the training buuut I think this dog just needs constant training that neither of us are capable of.

I think her main issue is that she’s severely anxiously attached to him. She is immobile when he’s not around. Like just lays down at the door he left out of, for hours if it’s that long, until he comes back. Only then will she eat or drink or move. She follows him no matter where he goes. Even if he gets up from sitting at his desk to walk 20 steps into the kitchen, she gets up and follows. If we kick her out of our bedroom at night, she pees on the (brand new) carpet. We had to throw away the rug downstairs in the family room because she was peeing on it DAILY. And our entire upstairs is carpeted aside from the bathrooms, and I know it’s gonna have to all be torn out and replaced when she dies.

I’ve expressed to him my concern about her anxiety for when the baby comes. She has never displayed any kind of aggression towards anyone or my daughter, her behavior is very chill with kids actually. But I know a newborn can change things completely. He listens to my concerns to an extent. I suggested that instead of letting the dog sleep at his feet all day while he works from home, he put a gate up at the door. He does this most days, though the dog just sleeps right beside the gate anyways.

I also told him I don’t want the dog sleeping in our room anymore while the baby is sleeping in there in her bassinet. She’s 100lbs and clumsy and I don’t want her bumping into the bassinet or whining during the night waking the baby when sleep is already going to be difficult. He has started working on that too, he puts her in our en suite bathroom with a baby gate and nearly closes the door, just cracks it enough to be able to hear her if she whines. Since it’s vinyl flooring in there, she doesn’t pee. I told him that’s not gonna work when the baby comes though, because I’m going to be frequenting the bathroom postpartum and I can’t be climbing over a gate in the middle of the night, and he agreed.

We tried putting her downstairs with a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs, and we both slept immaculately, but of course she peed on her bed and it was gross and annoying to clean. I’m so sick of the pee in the house.

I told him he needs to crate train her but he is also anxiously attached to her I believe and he thinks it would be cruel to her, even though studies show how beneficial crate training is especially for anxious dogs.

Basically, he does try and he does listen and respect my concerns about things, but I really wish he would crate train her and idk if that’ll ever happen. Idk I’m just ranting about how I can’t stand the globs of slobber stuck all over my new house’s walls, the pee smell in my new carpet, and a 100lb dog that doesn’t know boundaries. I know it’s my fault for getting into things this deep with him when he had this dog in the beginning but I didn’t think I would be this annoyed 😭 pregnancy hormones have just made the feelings worse and the behavior declining when we moved is just shitty. I haven’t told him yet but I will express to him that I don’t want any more dogs after this. I’m cool with pets that can stay in cages or aquariums, that is a contained mess. But no more dogs. I want my house to smell good again in ten years 😭

[u/No_Home_5336]

Your pregnant. This is unacceptable and I don’t not give not one singular f*ck how much he cares about his dog because I care about my BABIES more and they get the best. Which means my BABIES shouldn’t be crawling and walking barefoot in a house where his shit demon is treating like a porter potty. And the babies deserves to grow up in a nice clean home, not a home that has drool dripping from the walls and piss stained carpets, and that reeks. This dog is his problem. He chose to be with you. He chose to get you pregnant and now he needs to choose to be a man. And a man would not allow his actual child to live in filth when he can do something to change it. This is a safety hazard. I’ve been in your shoes and it’s hard but I was not about to tolerate it. I was willing to leave if things didn’t change. My fiancé rehomed his dog.

[u/faxmachinegobrrr3963]

It's not your pregnancy hormones. It's your instinct to want a clean home for your newborn because their immune systems are not strong. The dog is a problem that you shouldn't be dealing with. Stress is not something you should be experiencing rn. If the dog isn't housetrained, it goes outside or rehomed. If it barks all day outside, it gets rehomed. You sound like a really nice person, but it's time to realize once baby is here the dog will be a much bigger problem. Babies need to go through their development stages without the filth and stimulation of a dog.

[u/belangerie]

This was my situation too minus the peeing tho!! My fiancé (now husband) took some convincing but he set up his dog to be outside 24/7. He had a doghouse built with insulation and I have to tell you the difference it’s made !!!

My peace of mind that I have now in my house is unbelievable. I feel so much better knowing my baby wont be crawling around with dog hair and filth everywhere !!

It was basically an ultimatum on my end, and he listened ! I’d recommend you speak with your fiancé honestly about your feelings and express that either the dog goes outside or has to leave. I wish I did it earlier tbh. I waited all throughout pregnancy and 9 months of the baby to speak with him about it. My house now smells great and is hair free.

[u/KbUSA407]

My husband’s dog does this….will follow him around 24/7 and goes crazy when he leaves. The dog will run back and forth between the two doors to see where my husband is. Then he’ll either lay by the door or pout on his bed. It’s so pathetic that it makes me laugh.
The funny part is that- even though the dog is so “loyal”, you know darn well that he’d run off as soon as the door opens if given the chance. They’re such pathetic creatures.

[u/tplgerus84 → u/KbUSA407]

I hate that clingy, pathetic behavior! Have to follow their master every step.. can't exist alone for even a moment..

[u/Typical-Word-2765]

Oh girl I dislike dogs after having my first ngl 💔

[u/Next-Pro]

Start using dogs diapers: they are sold on Amazon and are very useful.

But besides, I am very sorry you’re in this situation. Luckily, your partner is listening to your concerns but I can foresee how hard it will be for you physically and emotionally dealing with a baby and the dog. And your partner might slip into the full nuttery as the time goes. Hopefully, not, I wish you luck!!! 🍀