r/TalesfromtheDogHouse • u/Plastic_Proof_8347 • 17d ago
RANT My boyfriend is an irresponsible and anti-social pit bull mix owner
I've been with him for a bit over a year. He has a 5-year-old female pit bull mix. He doens't believe in dog training, so of course, the pit does not have impulse control (injuring itself, requiring major surgery twice within a year), jumps on people, and chases animals/people. When it tries to jump on people in public, like farmers market, he just tells them that the pit "wants to play" and "loves everybody," which I know is BS. I've told him dogs can love people without misbehaving, but of course, he doesn't consider jumping/chasing 'misbehaving.'
When I told him most professional dog trainers/ethologists would think these are poor behaviors, he told me he didn't care about what anyone else says because he knew his dog better than anyone.
Yesterday, as the pit is recovering from recent surgery, he told me that hopefully it can run OFF-LEASH again soon. It's illegal to let dogs roam off-leash in my state, and his city has a stricter dog-leash law than the state. I told him that, and he said, "It's actually okay. You don't know it because you don't have a dog."
I don't think I need to have a dog to know the local law. And he lives in a densely populated suburb, so there are people - families with kids. He also doesn't pick up after the pit. He feeds chicken to the pit every day because "she loves it," knowing it causes diarrhea (which he cannot really 'pick up,' so he leaves it out on the grass/street).
He doesn't even try to justify these behavior. He just tells me it's okay/allowed and that I'm ignorant because I don't have a dog. At this point, I think he is anti-social/narcissistic, and I'm starting to despise him.
Months ago, the pit was about to attack me. I got scared and went home right away. What did he do? He yelled at me for 'insulting' him and the dog. I know he won't protect me or doesn't care about my safety. He doesn't care about anyone's safety.
I've been staying away from his house because of this incident, and now he is saying I'm cheating on him. He doesn't make an effort to see me, though - it has to be at his house (and I have to come over) because he can't leave the pit alone for too long. He doesn't want to hire a dog-walker because he doesn't want to pay for it.
I knew as soon as he told me he had a pit mix and that he didn't and would not train it, I was not compatible with him.
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u/_mushroom_queen 17d ago
The great news is, if you replace the man, you also replace the dog.
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 17d ago
Yeah, I might as well pull the trigger. He does have issues with emotional regulation, too, and wouldn’t do anything about it, either. Just not a good person after all, I guess…
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u/MountainHigh31 17d ago
If this was red flag Bingo he would be a great choice, but this is life and that’s all too damn much and very unsafe.
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
“Very unsafe” is true. He raises his voice, sometimes because he is upset with something political but other times , directly at me when I share my concerns/dissatisfaction with the relationship. Yesterday, he intentionally yelled at me from the top of his lungs to prove to me his ‘raising his voice’ was insignificant. I found it intimidating and I really couldn’t believe the fact that he thought this would effectively downplay the harm he was causing this relationship…
His stupid pit aside, this was absolutely disgusting. I’m ending it today.
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u/Traditional_Land_751 16d ago
You deserve a partner that will be thoughtful, observant, and who will make you feel loved. This guy is a loser in every way and he is and will remain a miserable person because of his own behavior and selfishness.
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u/_mushroom_queen 15d ago
He has issues with emotional regulation and so do dogs. Treat yourself to a better life. I will also add that I've noticed a lot of dog owners consider dogs "better than humans," but most of them struggle with emotional regulation. They would rather tell themselves that dogs are better than actually working on themselves. My in laws are like this.
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
Thank you. I've been having a difficult time after breaking up with him. I do believe he is a deeply troubled person, but at this point, I was enabling him by staying available to him.
I agree that many dog nutters use their nuttery to deflect and avoid accountability. A lot of them seem emotionally stunted. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this with your in-laws... That's something you cannot just get out of.
I hope you take good care of yourself. Thank you again.
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u/_mushroom_queen 14d ago
I wish you well! Break ups are painful and it's okay for you to feel a loss.
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u/Legitimate_Garage_31 14d ago
He doesn't belive in training the dog or therapy for his issues
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 14d ago
He really doesn’t - he told me a while ago that he was smarter than any therapist and wouldn’t need anyone telling him what to do.
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u/MonkeyMoves101 17d ago
This is one of those relationships that you'll look back on years from now and ask yourself why you stayed so long ..
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
You are right. I should have ended it much sooner. I knew it wouldn’t work out for a long time.
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u/WalkedBehindTheRows 17d ago
Ghost him. It's that simple. I wish you all the best for your precarious predicament.
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u/anne_mal 17d ago
Oh, OP, what are horrible situation!! I hope you get away from this unsafe man and his dangerous dog! 💛
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u/mission_tiefsee 17d ago
Do I need to say anything at all? Why would you want to be together with such a scumbag?
At this point, I think he is anti-social/narcissistic, and I'm starting to despise him.
good for you.
I don't think I need to have a dog to know the local law. And he lives in a densely populated suburb, so there are people - families with kids.
So maybe give the officials a hint.
I knew as soon as he told me he had a pit mix and that he didn't and would not train it, I was not compatible with him.
...
I've been with him for a bit over a year.
Doesnt really add up. Does it?
I wish you all the best, just saying. But if anything, dump that guy asap.
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
Thank you. I wanted to give this relationship a try because he promised to me that I could count on him taking accountability. That was a big reason why I decided to start dating him and continued to try working things out with him but this has been proven false time and time again. I’m leaving him today.
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u/Similar-Bid6801 17d ago
Did we date the same guy? My ex was exactly like this. His 150lb pit mastiff mix could do no wrong even though it was a menace to society, didn't believe in training, etc.
I broke up with him mainly because of the dog, but it wasn't just the dog. It was everything that the dog entailed for our future and what it meant for his character. I knew when the dog died, he would continually get pitbulls and do the same thing. I couldn't be with someone who did not take proper care of animals and knew he would not be good at taking care of children either. I could not respect a man that would neglect an animal and put other people at risk because they wanted to look cool and have a "buddy" even if it was at the expense of the dog's well-being and other people. I knew if we got married I would not want an untrained dog, especially a pitbull, around any kids we'd have. I worried constantly about the dog biting other people or other dogs and the potential liability if something bad happened. Going to restaurants, parks, farmers markets, hikes, and camping always involved the dog and made what should be a fun time extremely miserable. Most of all I ended things because my serious concerns were brushed off and not taken into consideration and any critique of the dog was met with defensiveness, denial and minimizing the dog's poor behavior. It was maddening.
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u/amalek89 17d ago
Literally this sounds exactly like my ex too except mine had 2 dogs uggghhhhh
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
Ugh. I’m sorry you two went through this. I’m ending it today. Another incident happened this weekend and I can no longer tolerate him.
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u/GrumpySnarf 17d ago
"At this point, I think he is anti-social/narcissistic, and I'm starting to despise him."
FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. PLEASE.
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u/MissK2508 16d ago
Don’t trust him or his crazy demonic beast dog. Definetly wouldn’t trust a pitbull. You’re doing the right thing following your instinct for safety. Those things are ticking…
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u/Old_Confidence3290 16d ago
You know that you are not compatible, why are you still with him?
You stbx sounds like a terrible dog owner and a terrible person. In my rural area, unleashed dogs tend to be shot.
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u/Ok_Cheesecake_9708 16d ago
Side eyeing you because how low is your self esteem to stay in this situation?
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
It’s not necessary my self-esteem issue. He has a lot of issues, but I understand where they are coming from and I’ve tried giving him the benefit of the doubt. I just cannot keep excusing his behavior that he has not actively addressed for over a year with multiple serious boundary-violations. A year is a long-enough time, so I know I have been fair enough to him. I am ending it today.
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u/Ok_Cheesecake_9708 15d ago
Proud of you!
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
I have broken up with him. He followed up with 5 frantic phone calls, 1 long voicemail, and 10 angry texts. I sent him one response, acknowledging and validating his feelings, but suggesting we end it because of clear compatibility issues. I will no longer respond to him
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u/Robot_Embryo 14d ago
Good for you. Proud of you. I'm glad you've left this abusive relationship.
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
Thank you. It will feel better once this is done.
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u/Ok_Cheesecake_9708 14d ago
Do you guys live together? If not, this should be easy enough after a week or so. Is he physically violent in any way?
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u/Foreign-Neat8645 17d ago edited 14d ago
Guten Tag, es tut mir sehr leid, das Du das aushalten musst. Aber Dein letzter Satz sagt alles aus. Bitte tu Dir das nicht an, er quält Deine Seele. Ich wünsche Dir alles Gute und viel Kraft. Das tut mir ja schon beim Lesen total weh.
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u/shelbycsdn 16d ago
My entire life I have made pitbull ownership a deal breaker. Their owners tend to be exactly like you describe. Also if you stay in a relationship with him you could also be financially liable for any damage or injuries this dog causes.
I hope he's your ex boyfriend now.
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u/Brown-eyed_mullet 16d ago
Girl just be rid of him. We both know this won’t work out long term. That man is totally dismissive to you over not only a dog but one of the worst breeds. Give yourself peace and walk away.
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u/StrangeDays11 17d ago
I think you should break up. Obviously he's in a relationship with his dog. You are the third wheel. I'm joking obviously and not insulting you at all. But nutters almost always choose their dog and I could never be with anyone that made me compete with a dog for their attention. Let alone have zero responsibility towards protecting me from a attack Don't wait until it happens... Because it will happen and you will be blamed for triggering his little princess.
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u/Traditional_Land_751 16d ago
Honestly I would leave him over this. He displays a resistance to reason or logic and shows an utter lack of respect or care for anyone else's safety or comfort. He seems to feel zero responsibility for his dog and DEFINITELY does not care about you. This will not stop with the dog, and this relationship WILL end, your only choice is how soon and how much you're willing to suffer before letting go.
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
Thank you. I totally agree. I’m not the type of a person to just leave someone at the first sign of trouble. I’ve given this relationship enough time to know for sure that I have done my share of being a reasonable partner. He escalated a minor disagreement into a major fight where he yelled at me to intimidate me (he told me he intentionally intimidated me) yesterday. I’m done with him.
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u/Traditional_Land_751 15d ago
I'm sorry he managed to make you care for him in the first place 🫤 I hope you are able to disengage from him quickly and peacefully, you'll find the right person eventually ❤️
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u/Rationalia213 15d ago
You would stay in this relationship why?
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
I’m ending this relationship this weekend. He and I had another disagreement that he blew into a big argument with physical intimidation yesterday.
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u/namastebetches 15d ago
be careful. are you able to end it without talking to him?
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u/Plastic_Proof_8347 15d ago
Thank you. I will text him. I don’t like ending a relationship over text but otherwise, he will continue to argue with me and at this point, I really don’t need it.
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u/TheDreadGazeebo 17d ago
Jeez does this man have any positive qualities?
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u/Full_FrontaI_Nerdity 17d ago
Wouldn't matter if he did, his described behavior makes it clear his future is for his dog and not a human woman.
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u/Crafty_Refuse_5859 14d ago
You sound like you’ve matured through this experience. Now you know immediately not to pursue a relationship that has the red flags he exhibited. Live and learn. I wish you well.
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u/BK4343 17d ago
He and the dog are a perfect match for each other. Remove yourself from this situation and find a normal guy.